fred123 Posted January 28, 2021 Posted January 28, 2021 How do you guys deal with this situation? you are talking to a girl non stop on facebook or watsapp and she continues conversation and says sweet things and she responds positively to your compliments. She even messages twice in a row when you dont reply asking if you are busy today or if you dont talk to her today. she seems like high interest. Then after a few weeks the texting subsides and the tables turn and all of a sudden my sweet messages are responded in a colder way. she seems more busy etc. what do people make of situations like this and why do you turn from high interest to cold/lukewarm?
trident_2020 Posted January 28, 2021 Posted January 28, 2021 Because exchanging messages with a person you never met gets boring, tedious and monotonous. 2
MeadowFlower Posted January 28, 2021 Posted January 28, 2021 She is probably young and just enjoys the fun of messaging a new guy.
Mrin Posted January 28, 2021 Posted January 28, 2021 My guess is because there is no prospect of meeting in person on the table right now. So interest wanes. 1
dramafreezone Posted January 28, 2021 Posted January 28, 2021 (edited) 27 minutes ago, fred123 said: How do you guys deal with this situation? you are talking to a girl non stop on facebook or watsapp and she continues conversation and says sweet things and she responds positively to your compliments. She even messages twice in a row when you dont reply asking if you are busy today or if you dont talk to her today. she seems like high interest. Then after a few weeks the texting subsides and the tables turn and all of a sudden my sweet messages are responded in a colder way. she seems more busy etc. what do people make of situations like this and why do you turn from high interest to cold/lukewarm? Have you met in person? If not, you're taking far too much time to see each other in person. You want to limit your time texting and spend more time in person. Now that you've texted for weeks, what is there left to know about you? Edited January 28, 2021 by dramafreezone
MeadowFlower Posted January 28, 2021 Posted January 28, 2021 Oh and I agree with the other posters, in that you definitely should ask her out if you are interested in her. Don't let her be wondering where she stands.
Ami1uwant Posted January 28, 2021 Posted January 28, 2021 The guy doesn’t ask me ona date. This other guy did so I’ll focus on him 1
Menara Posted January 28, 2021 Posted January 28, 2021 I agree with the comments above. I've dealt with this quite a bit: the texter. I like someone that likes texting a lot, but if after a week of texting I'm not asked out on a date, I loose interest and start looking for someone else. If I go on a date, and the date was good, texting continues but there is no mention of another date, I again loose interest and will start looking for someone else. Bottom line: if you are interested, don't text more than 4-5 days before asking her out. And if you meet and you like her, make sure to plan the next date as soon as possible (and this should happen at least once a week if you want to make sure she doesn't loose interest). 1
Author fred123 Posted January 28, 2021 Author Posted January 28, 2021 what if you cant meet because of pandemic or distance? I understand women lose interest if a guy doesnt ask them out but what if dates are not possible due to covid or distance? What would then be a reason why a girl comes on strong and all flirty and then turns lukewarm? what else are the reasons you women changed your behaviour?
Fox Sake Posted January 28, 2021 Posted January 28, 2021 23 minutes ago, fred123 said: what if you cant meet because of pandemic or distance? I understand women lose interest if a guy doesnt ask them out but what if dates are not possible due to covid or distance? What would then be a reason why a girl comes on strong and all flirty and then turns lukewarm? what else are the reasons you women changed your behaviour? Have a phone call, have a video chat / date , have an e-drink together. Just don’t be a texter all the time or you’ll build a false sense of intimacy which has the possibility to shatter when you actually do speak. It also makes you look like you can’t take initiative. Take some control! Call some shots! I nail the phone and video chat down as soon as I possibly can, within the first 48 hours. Catch them off guard after a good texting conversation for a call. If someone loses interest it’s either down to them and their issues and/or desires, or it’s something you did or said. Try not to get too hung up on someone you haven’t met yet there’s plenty great people out there you haven’t even spoken to yet . They seem to come in waves ...
Author fred123 Posted January 28, 2021 Author Posted January 28, 2021 Just now, Fox Sake said: Have a phone call, have a video chat / date , have an e-drink together. Just don’t be a texter all the time or you’ll build a false sense of intimacy which has the possibility to shatter when you actually do speak. It also makes you look like you can’t take initiative. Take some control! Call some shots! I nail the phone and video chat down as soon as I possibly can, within the first 48 hours. Catch them off guard after a good texting conversation for a call. If someone loses interest it’s either down to them and their issues and/or desires, or it’s something you did or said. Try not to get too hung up on someone you haven’t met yet there’s plenty great people out there you haven’t even spoken to yet . They seem to come in waves ... cool. the funny thing is what if the girl is the one that is initiating texting all the time?
Fox Sake Posted January 28, 2021 Posted January 28, 2021 Just now, fred123 said: cool. the funny thing is what if the girl is the one that is initiating texting all the time? Then take initiative, saddle up and ask if you can call her ...
Fox Sake Posted January 28, 2021 Posted January 28, 2021 (edited) Either that or you could whittle yourself a magic wand and wish for it bottom line Fred - if you want something , go for it. Take the lead and don’t wait for others to do it. What’s to say she’s wondering why YOU haven’t called her yet? Edited January 28, 2021 by Fox Sake Grammar
dramafreezone Posted January 28, 2021 Posted January 28, 2021 38 minutes ago, fred123 said: what if you cant meet because of pandemic or distance? I understand women lose interest if a guy doesnt ask them out but what if dates are not possible due to covid or distance? What would then be a reason why a girl comes on strong and all flirty and then turns lukewarm? what else are the reasons you women changed your behaviour? You don't have to go out to a bar, you can go for a walk or something. If it's distance then there's really not much that can be done to keep the interest going IMO, unless the chemistry is really exceptional. 2
MRSR31 Posted January 28, 2021 Posted January 28, 2021 I wouldn't change my intensity unless reality kicked in i.e. something changed. Not easy to engage though so I tend to be tenacious if there is substantive reciprocity.
Be Cool Posted January 28, 2021 Posted January 28, 2021 10 hours ago, fred123 said: How do you guys deal with this situation? you are talking to a girl non stop on facebook or watsapp and she continues conversation and says sweet things and she responds positively to your compliments. She even messages twice in a row when you dont reply asking if you are busy today or if you dont talk to her today. she seems like high interest. Then after a few weeks the texting subsides and the tables turn and all of a sudden my sweet messages are responded in a colder way. she seems more busy etc. what do people make of situations like this and why do you turn from high interest to cold/lukewarm? That's why you never prolong the communication through texting. If you like someone, you "close" the deal right then and there by asking them out. Emotions tend to come and go, and they are mostly untrustworthy, that's why a person could act all happy and excited with you today and then lukewarm and cold the next day. Accept it as a human nature.
littleblackheart Posted January 28, 2021 Posted January 28, 2021 (edited) Agree with @Fox Sake. Fred, what do you have to lose by offering to call her? ETA Are you the one losing interest? If so let her know gently . Edited January 28, 2021 by littleblackheart
littleblackheart Posted January 28, 2021 Posted January 28, 2021 8 hours ago, fred123 said: what else are the reasons you women changed your behaviour? Just checking here. Is this a current situation or the girl from Germany from a few years back adapted to modern times? If current, advice is to keep it going as much as you can. From personal experience, it's not an attitude change. Still high levels of interest, but missing more meaningful interactions (emails, long messages, eventually phone calls then video chats to gradually build up a genuine bond). If it's the girl from Germany, the advice is probably the same but a few years too late!
Wiseman2 Posted January 28, 2021 Posted January 28, 2021 (edited) 11 hours ago, fred123 said: you are talking to a girl non stop on facebook or watsapp .Then after a few weeks the texting subsides Unfortunately this first part is the problem. Nobody wants to babysit a phone You're overdoing it and being overwhelming. People could start to get creeped out that you have no life or that you are addicted to your phone. In general it's called the "sizzle and fizzle". You need to pace yourself. However in this case you need to get off the phone, off the social media and off the messaging apps. It's simply way too much. Edited January 28, 2021 by Wiseman2
peach302 Posted January 28, 2021 Posted January 28, 2021 (edited) 16 hours ago, fred123 said: How do you guys deal with this situation? you are talking to a girl non stop on facebook or watsapp and she continues conversation and says sweet things and she responds positively to your compliments. She even messages twice in a row when you dont reply asking if you are busy today or if you dont talk to her today. she seems like high interest. Then after a few weeks the texting subsides and the tables turn and all of a sudden my sweet messages are responded in a colder way. she seems more busy etc. what do people make of situations like this and why do you turn from high interest to cold/lukewarm? If you texted her quite a lot, i agree it can be boring and repetitive. Better to call her. I also agree that no matter how much someone likes you, if you text 24/7..attraction will decrease naturally since she will wonder why that's the case and whether you have nothing else better to do with your life. That is basically what i start wondering when a guy messages me a lot. Or i would label them as quite needy which has happened before with someone i was chatting to. Its also possible she prefers the methods of another person. Or she wants to see if you initiate..since you say she initiated a lot. Plenty of possiblities. Just call her though if you really want to know Edited January 28, 2021 by peach302
Miss Spider Posted January 28, 2021 Posted January 28, 2021 They lost interest. Dunno where the mystery is 1
elaine567 Posted January 28, 2021 Posted January 28, 2021 14 hours ago, fred123 said: ...the funny thing is what if the girl is the one that is initiating texting all the time? She likely got bored of initiating all the time... What's the point if there is little reciprocation? Dating needs to be a two way process, if one feels they are putting in all the work, then they quickly lose interest. 16 hours ago, fred123 said: She even messages twice in a row when you dont reply asking if you are busy today or if you dont talk to her today. Sounds like you took her for granted. Relationships also need to progress, if she can see no progress then she will get bored, fade, and disappear.
dramafreezone Posted January 28, 2021 Posted January 28, 2021 6 hours ago, elaine567 said: She likely got bored of initiating all the time... What's the point if there is little reciprocation? Dating needs to be a two way process, if one feels they are putting in all the work, then they quickly lose interest. Sounds like you took her for granted. Relationships also need to progress, if she can see no progress then she will get bored, fade, and disappear. Well, there is no dating. That's the main problem. He took too long to establish a connection in person.
Author fred123 Posted January 29, 2021 Author Posted January 29, 2021 On 28/01/2021 at 2:57 AM, Fox Sake said: Have a phone call, have a video chat / date , have an e-drink together. Just don’t be a texter all the time or you’ll build a false sense of intimacy which has the possibility to shatter when you actually do speak. It also makes you look like you can’t take initiative. Take some control! Call some shots! I nail the phone and video chat down as soon as I possibly can, within the first 48 hours. Catch them off guard after a good texting conversation for a call. If someone loses interest it’s either down to them and their issues and/or desires, or it’s something you did or said. Try not to get too hung up on someone you haven’t met yet there’s plenty great people out there you haven’t even spoken to yet . They seem to come in waves 10 hours ago, elaine567 said: She likely got bored of initiating all the time... What's the point if there is little reciprocation? Dating needs to be a two way process, if one feels they are putting in all the work, then they quickly lose interest. Sounds like you took her for granted. Relationships also need to progress, if she can see no progress then she will get bored, fade, and 16 hours ago, littleblackheart said: Just checking here. Is this a current situation or the girl from Germany from a few years back adapted to modern times? If current, advice is to keep it going as much as you can. From personal experience, it's not an attitude change. Still high levels of interest, but missing more meaningful interactions (emails, long messages, eventually phone calls then video chats to gradually build up a genuine bond). If it's the girl from Germany, the advice is probably the same but a few years too late! yh its aa generic question but does cover the german girl situation. iv seen this happen a few times over the years. what if i did show interest and did try to move things to phone? what changed that made a girl go lukewarm after high interest? any other ideas? also im assuming i read these girls interest as high interest right?
Author fred123 Posted January 29, 2021 Author Posted January 29, 2021 10 hours ago, peach302 said: If you texted her quite a lot, i agree it can be boring and repetitive. Better to call her. I also agree that no matter how much someone likes you, if you text 24/7..attraction will decrease naturally since she will wonder why that's the case and whether you have nothing else better to do with your life. That is basically what i start wondering when a guy messages me a lot. Or i would label them as quite needy which has happened before with someone i was chatting to. Its also possible she prefers the methods of another person. Or she wants to see if you initiate..since you say she initiated a lot. Plenty of possiblities. Just call her though if you really want to know yes but she was the one also messaging me a lot so didnt she come off as needy? why is it needy if i do tje same?
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