Author Menara Posted January 29, 2021 Author Posted January 29, 2021 34 minutes ago, Calmandfocused said: Have you told these 2 men about each other Op? That you’re sleeping with both of them? Reading between the lines there’s a lot of emotional unavailability and deception taking place with everyone involved here, including yourself Op. I sense this will all come to a head, fireworks will ensue and then you’ll be left wondering what on Earth you were thinking. I have told both of them, yes. The guy I have been sleeping with for the past 6 months knows my entire dating history. He was getting all the details live. I also know all of his history. He knows about J. And he has definitely seemed to be emotionally unavailable ,reason why I never considered the whatever we had as possibly leading into anything more serious. As for J, he had asked me about my dating history before we met, and I told him that I had been involved with a few people in the past months and that I have been seeing a friend on a casual basis for the past 6 months. We haven't discussed it since though.
Miss Spider Posted January 29, 2021 Posted January 29, 2021 (edited) Why would you tell them that. I don’t think many guys that would consider a girl for a serious relationship and is fine with her sleeping with others(And vice versa).. Just stick to casual with these people and there’s no problem. Anything more and it sounds like a mess,,, because one is still involved with ex for one thing. Edited January 29, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes
Miss Spider Posted January 29, 2021 Posted January 29, 2021 2 hours ago, smackie9 said: I would just meet up for casual dating/fun and not worry about his situation or talk about it anymore. You enjoyed your date, he's great to talk to so just have that and carry on as friends. ‘Zactly
Author Menara Posted January 29, 2021 Author Posted January 29, 2021 15 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: Why would you tell them that. I don’t think many guys that would consider a girl for a serious relationship and is fine with her sleeping with others(And vice versa).. Just stick to casual with these people and there’s no problem. Anything more and it sounds like a mess,,, because one is still involved with ex for one thing. Well, a few things there. I realize everyone is different and deals with these things differently. I strongly believe that it's responsible to tell people you sleep with about your recent sexual history. I always ask! And I want to know if they used protection etc. Also now with Covid and all, everyone has different comfort levels and I feel that it's responsible to share that information. As for the casual thing. Well, I will admit to the fact that I have had a few sexual partners in the past 6 months (since I broke up with someone I had been seeing for a year post separation with my ex husband). Besides the guy I mentioned with whom I have been having an officially casual relationships, all the others were in the sense of trying to see if it could lead to something more because I have been looking for something more serious and long term, and this is something that I have also been voicing early on the dating process with every guy I started getting involved with. 1
Miss Spider Posted January 29, 2021 Posted January 29, 2021 I understand. I guess I am just of the belief that honesty is not always the best policy but I respect others opinions on it
Wiseman2 Posted January 29, 2021 Posted January 29, 2021 On 1/28/2021 at 9:22 AM, Menara said: See if he has a plan with his ex? And if so, what's the timeline: when is he expecting her to move out, what steps has he taken to make that happen. Sometimes all you got to do is ask. If he gives a confused answer then perhaps what you are all saying that this situation is suspicious might be true. He can not "make her move out" if they co-own it. His plan is "casual". His plan is to tell you she's the problem, it's out of his hands, she "won't leave". His plan is to come over for a couple of hrs when he can get away, have sex then go back to his wife. 2
Yosemite Posted January 29, 2021 Posted January 29, 2021 7 hours ago, Menara said: So, he gave me the whole story. They were actually never married (I realize that I had asked him if they were still married and he said no so I assumed divorce but in fact he meant to say they were never married). So, he's already lying to you...lying by omission is still lying. This guy is pretty slick. 5 hours ago, Menara said: He seems genuinely wanting to make this work and wants to appease my worries. He actually already planned two dates for next week after I casually mentioned that scheduling with him was a bit difficult. Are these dates during the day (meeting for lunch etc) or at night? Meeting during the day is suspicious because it's what a married man would do, if he is lying to you, then it leaves his evenings free for his wife and kids. Probably the best way to find out the truth is to meet/double date with his friends. If he's willing to bring you around his friends who know his ex, then it's probably likely that his story is true. Or you could ask for a tour of the farm at a time when his SO will be home, but his daughter will be in school. On 1/27/2021 at 11:00 AM, Menara said: So they're kind of roommates since 3 years. He finds it unbearable and is determined to get her to leave (he saved up enough money to buy her out plus 20k for lawyer fees). On 1/27/2021 at 12:18 PM, Menara said: He either had the choice of agreeing to sell the farm and split the assets or letting her stay until he had enough money to buy her out. 3 years later he saved up the money that she asked. But in the meantime, she wants more money because the value has been going up. His story is pretty hard to believe. He couldn't afford the farm on his own, so she put in a substantial amount of money so that they could buy it. And now, despite the fact that small, family farms are notorious for not turning a profit and the fact that he couldn't afford the farm on his own, he not only has enough money to buy her out, but he can do it after only 3 years. That's pretty amazing considering that he's only working the farm part time. You should really head over to the Other woman/other man section of this site. Read some of the stories and you'll see just how much everything he's told is straight out of the cheater's script. 1
Watercolors Posted January 29, 2021 Posted January 29, 2021 Menara sounds like you're burning the candle at both ends with these two guys. Neither of them is emotionally available to you, but both are willing to have casual sex with you. Since you are comfortable being polyamorous, you should make sure both men wear condoms when you have sex with them. Who knows what farmer guy's truth is. And who knows what your long-time guy friend's truth is. Since you aren't looking for anything serious, I don't understand what your concern actually is.
elaine567 Posted January 29, 2021 Posted January 29, 2021 6 minutes ago, Watercolors said: Since you aren't looking for anything serious, I don't understand what your concern actually is. But she IS looking for something more serious. 4 hours ago, Menara said: all the others were in the sense of trying to see if it could lead to something more because I have been looking for something more serious and long term Hanging around with casual guys and agreeing to casual, will not get you anything more serious. Men tend to put women in boxes, and once he puts you in the casual box, you will stay there. If he then decides he wants serious, then he will go and look elsewhere.
Watercolors Posted January 29, 2021 Posted January 29, 2021 Just now, elaine567 said: But she IS looking for something more serious. Hanging around with casual guys and agreeing to casual, will not get you anything more serious. Men tend to put women in boxes, and once he puts you in the casual box, you will stay there. If he then decides he wants serious, then he will go and look elsewhere. She is? She doesn't act like it, dating two guys who only want casual sex with her. Plus, she admitted that she has had multiple sexual partners at the same time in the past six months. I just assumed that OP is a polyamorous relationship type of woman, who prefers to have open relationships with men. At least that's how she comes across to me. I agree with you elaine, that as long as she takes casual sex from both of these men, they will never offer her a serious relationship since men DO put women in boxes and never change after that. If the OP truly wants a serious monogamous relationship then my advice to her is to break up with both of these men, and wait until she meets just one guy to have a serious relationship with. 1
Recommended Posts