Author Scorpi Posted January 26, 2021 Author Posted January 26, 2021 (edited) 4 minutes ago, Fox Sake said: I have to say I agree. He isn’t here to defend himself and both people need to be responsible for their actions. I think she undermined him the moment she decided to see for herself what it was and plugging it in, instead of taking his word. It could easily have been the catalyst. This is not to say he’s without fault, by any means! @Scorpi it can always he hard moving in blindly with people. Best to stay a few days at a time and slowly extend it so you can feel each other out. Keep your chin up! Just wanted to see what it was for myself. Also it was used before and didn't cause any problems Edited January 26, 2021 by Scorpi
Gaeta Posted January 26, 2021 Posted January 26, 2021 5 minutes ago, basil67 said: I'd have words if someone was plugging a random USB into my computer to see what it was. Her boyfriend knew exactly what it was 'a battery' and it was harmless to the pc. He was pissed because she decided to plug it anyway. His computer was never in jeopardy. 3
Fox Sake Posted January 26, 2021 Posted January 26, 2021 3 minutes ago, Scorpi said: Just wanted to see what it was for myself. Also it was used before and didn't cause any problems I know that’s what you wanted to do! I think you missed my point tho about how he may have felt? That it was undermining behaviour... I could be wrong , but it helps to put yourself in others shoes to try and gain perspective 2
Author Scorpi Posted January 26, 2021 Author Posted January 26, 2021 4 minutes ago, Gaeta said: @Scorpi who moved in with who? I moved in with him which wasn't good on my part
Author Scorpi Posted January 26, 2021 Author Posted January 26, 2021 22 minutes ago, Fox Sake said: I know that’s what you wanted to do! I think you missed my point tho about how he may have felt? That it was undermining behaviour... I could be wrong , but it helps to put yourself in others shoes to try and gain perspective With me, I wouldn't care if someone confirmed what I told them was correct since I could be wrong. 1
trident_2020 Posted January 26, 2021 Posted January 26, 2021 23 minutes ago, Scorpi said: I moved in with him which wasn't good on my part Ok so if you're not ready to completely break it off then move back out. Tell him you feel you made a mistake moving in so quickly and you're not breaking up but you're not going to be living with him anymore. But you gotta mean it.
Author Scorpi Posted January 26, 2021 Author Posted January 26, 2021 53 minutes ago, trident_2020 said: I disagree with the posters who say he's done with the relationship. This guy sounds like the type who has learned that his girlfriend will put up with any BS he dumps on her and provides a convenient channel for him to unload all his anger and stress. Since she's so accepting of it he keeps right on doing it and goes from bad to worse. He probably isn't even completely aware of how crappy he's treating her because it's evolved into the "new normal". Until she finally reaches her limit and dumps her and then he'll be practically begging her for another chance promising he'll treat her like a princess. That did crossed my mind since he did say it was ok if we have a relationship right now but maybe not in the future. I did read that was a power technique for manipulators to use against their victims to have control over them. 1
basil67 Posted January 26, 2021 Posted January 26, 2021 24 minutes ago, Scorpi said: With me, I wouldn't care if someone confirmed what I told them was correct since I could be wrong. That's because you're putting yourself in your own shoes. Putting yourself in the shoes of others means that you have to consider that they may feel differently to you. You may not agree with how they feel, but it doesn't mean that they don't feel differently to you. 1
trident_2020 Posted January 26, 2021 Posted January 26, 2021 You definitely need to wrestle some control back in this relationship if you choose to continue and one good way to do that is to move out. It's not the only way but it sends a strong message and it gets you out of harm's way and at a safe distance to decide your next steps.
Lotsgoingon Posted January 26, 2021 Posted January 26, 2021 You don't need to know "why" he wants to end the relationship. Sometimes we never know. Sometimes the person doesn't know. I broke up with an ex and could not have articulated why I broke up with her for a decade. Just wasn't happy in the relationship. You act on how a person is treating you. If they treat you badly, that's a bad sign. If they treat you well, that's a good sign. This guy is treating you badly AND saying directly that he wants to break up. Can't be any clearer than that. He's going to dump you. As someone else said, the only reason he's gonna stay is so he can treat you badly and use you. Please come out of denial on this. You're about get emotionally burned here. 4
sushiandtacos Posted January 26, 2021 Posted January 26, 2021 4 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said: You act on how a person is treating you. If they treat you badly, that's a bad sign. If they treat you well, that's a good sign. This guy is treating you badly AND saying directly that he wants to break up. Can't be any clearer than that. He's going to dump you. As someone else said, the only reason he's gonna stay is so he can treat you badly and use you. Please come out of denial on this. You're about get emotionally burned here. I second this OP. Sounds like he is using you as an emotional punching bag and staying longer in the relationship will only prolong the inevitable. 2
Pumaza Posted January 26, 2021 Posted January 26, 2021 How old are you guys? You checking if he is lying about such small thing sounds annoying. Sounds like you guys dont know eachother well. And he kinda give you hints that he is over you. The small stuff yall argue about sounds like stressful relationship. Better to call it of.And focus on getting to know eachother,instead of moving in next time. 2
Author Scorpi Posted January 26, 2021 Author Posted January 26, 2021 21 minutes ago, Pumaza said: How old are you guys? You checking if he is lying about such small thing sounds annoying. Sounds like you guys dont know eachother well. And he kinda give you hints that he is over you. The small stuff yall argue about sounds like stressful relationship. Better to call it of.And focus on getting to know eachother,instead of moving in next time. We are in our 30's. I probably moved in with him too soon. I should have found out who he really is before that. Also it seems like he is picking fights with me over small things which is stressful since I don't like when people are upset and try to make everything better.
trident_2020 Posted January 27, 2021 Posted January 27, 2021 So going back to the first post. You asked him what the unknown item was, he said a battery pack. You didn't take him at his word and plugged it in to see for yourself. He got offended. I would have too. Why didn't you believe him and an even better question is why did you even bother asking him if you weren't going to believe him? 2
Author Scorpi Posted January 27, 2021 Author Posted January 27, 2021 (edited) 44 minutes ago, trident_2020 said: So going back to the first post. You asked him what the unknown item was, he said a battery pack. You didn't take him at his word and plugged it in to see for yourself. He got offended. I would have too. Why didn't you believe him and an even better question is why did you even bother asking him if you weren't going to believe him? I was just verifying that he was correct. I was in disbelief since I really thought it was an external hard drive. At first, I didn't know where that battery pack came from but then I found out that I accidentally grabbed my dad's battery pack when I was moving to my bf's place. Edited January 27, 2021 by Scorpi
dramafreezone Posted January 27, 2021 Posted January 27, 2021 What's so good about this guy? Let me guess, tall, athletic, traditionally good looks? That sould be the only way a woman would put up with a guy being jerk and emotionally distant.
introverted1 Posted January 27, 2021 Posted January 27, 2021 5 hours ago, Gaeta said: I don't understand the big deal about her plugging a battery on his laptop. If you find a device that has a USB or HDMI that fits your pc I am pretty sure it's meant to be plugged there and it won't explode on contact. It won't explode but it's a great way to infect the laptop with a virus. If she wants to take that risk, she should do it with her own equipment, not his.
Author Scorpi Posted January 27, 2021 Author Posted January 27, 2021 18 minutes ago, introverted1 said: It won't explode but it's a great way to infect the laptop with a virus. If she wants to take that risk, she should do it with her own equipment, not his. I figured it would been safe since it came from my parents. My parents buy everything new so the risk of a virus being on that battery pack should be none.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 27, 2021 Posted January 27, 2021 19 hours ago, Scorpi said: A couple of weeks ago, my boyfriend asked what I was doing in the afternoon. I'm like working. He was like he thought my one friend was coming over. I was like oh yea, that is right. I forgot about that since I had too many things on my mind. He thought I was lying though. I ended up apologizing to him though. During this time, he started to mock me and told me to f*** me We're all hyper-focused on the battery pack issue, but the above? OP, this goes so much further than a freakin' battery pack. This dude is an ass. Get rid. 2
Fletch Lives Posted January 27, 2021 Posted January 27, 2021 (edited) Unfortunately some people have bad attitudes or mental issues which preclude them from being good relationship material. But him quiting smoking could be the temporary cause of it. Or not. Unknown. No affection is going to be a deal breaker for most relationships Edited January 27, 2021 by Fletch Lives
Author Scorpi Posted January 27, 2021 Author Posted January 27, 2021 2 hours ago, Fletch Lives said: Unfortunately some people have bad attitudes or mental issues which preclude them from being good relationship material. But him quiting smoking could be the temporary cause of it. Or not. Unknown. No affection is going to be a deal breaker for most relationships Yea, I can see that. In cases like that, I believe they need professional help. I think it can be a combination of things. It being temporary would be nice but that might not be the case. He could just be like that unfortunately. This no affection is hard on me since I am very affectionate. I love being romantic.
Author Scorpi Posted January 27, 2021 Author Posted January 27, 2021 (edited) 3 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: We're all hyper-focused on the battery pack issue, but the above? OP, this goes so much further than a freakin' battery pack. This dude is an ass. Get rid. Yea, exactly. There is other worse situations that I have been in with this guy that I have listed besides the battery pack incident. They show that this guy is disrespecting me which I don't deserve. Edited January 27, 2021 by Scorpi 2
Author Scorpi Posted January 27, 2021 Author Posted January 27, 2021 16 minutes ago, Scorpi said: Yea, I can see that. In cases like that, I believe they need professional help. I think it can be a combination of things. It being temporary would be nice but that might not be the case. He could just be like that unfortunately. This no affection is hard on me since I am very affectionate. I love being romantic. Let me add something to this comment. The bottom line is I shouldn't be putting up with him while waiting to see if this is temporary or not since it is not good for my mental health. 1
peach302 Posted January 27, 2021 Posted January 27, 2021 23 hours ago, Scorpi said: So I moved in with my boyfriend awhile ago since I thought he was this great guy. It seems like he is very moody and overreacts to things though. Here are some examples: - I was looking for my external hard drive. I ended up finding a battery pack instead. I asked my boyfriend what it was. He told me that it was a battery pack. So I plugged it in his computer. Then he got upset at me. He was like he was offended that I didn't believe him. I'm like I was just making sure that it was a battery pack in fact. So he changed his password to his computer so I couldn't used it which wasn't good since I use his computer for work. - A couple of weeks ago, my boyfriend asked what I was doing in the afternoon. I'm like working. He was like he thought my one friend was coming over. I was like oh yea, that is right. I forgot about that since I had too many things on my mind. He thought I was lying though. I ended up apologizing to him though. During this time, he started to mock me and told me to f*** me which I thought was disrespectful. - A couple of days ago, he said that our relationship mightn't be long term since it seems like we have different values which I didn't agree with. So he might just break up with me soon. Also he mentioned about that lying incident. So it seems like he is still holding a grudge which isn't right. I thought he should be over that by now since it was a small thing and happened a couple of weeks ago. It also happened once. I also asked if there were things about me that bothered him. He said no, there wasn't which didn't make sense to me. If there wasn't anything that bothered him, then why he mentioned about this relationship being short termed? Awhile ago, he did apologized for being moody. He thinks it is because he is trying to quit smoking. I like if that was the case, he would be moody to everyone and not just me. Also I think he has some intimacy issues. He is also not affectionate and romantic at all. The only time he is like that is when he is horny. There was this time when I tried hugging him but he got upset about that. He told me that I was distracting him. So I am thinking of giving him time to see if he improves. If not, then I would have to talk to him about things. I don't think you should have to tell someone to treat you with respect..and wait until they do so. He's insulted you more than enough times already. Not to mention he doesn't see this being long term. Its time to forget this relationship and move on to greener pastures. 1
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