What to do with my boyfriend?

January 26, 2021

So I moved in with my boyfriend awhile ago since I thought he was this great guy. It seems like he is very moody and overreacts to things though. Here are some examples:

- I was looking for my external hard drive. I ended up finding a battery pack instead. I asked my boyfriend what it was. He told me that it was a battery pack. So I plugged it in his computer. Then he got upset at me. He was like he was offended that I didn't believe him. I'm like I was just making sure that it was a battery pack in fact. So he changed his password to his computer so I couldn't used it which wasn't good since I use his computer for work.

- A couple of weeks ago, my boyfriend asked what I was doing in the afternoon. I'm like working. He was like he thought my one friend was coming over. I was like oh yea, that is right. I forgot about that since I had too many things on my mind. He thought I was lying though. I ended up apologizing to him though. During this time, he started to mock me and told me to f*** me which I thought was disrespectful.

- A couple of days ago, he said that our relationship mightn't be long term since it seems like we have different values which I didn't agree with. So he might just break up with me soon. Also he mentioned about that lying incident. So it seems like he is still holding a grudge which isn't right. I thought he should be over that by now since it was a small thing and happened a couple of weeks ago. It also happened once. I also asked if there were things about me that bothered him. He said no, there wasn't which didn't make sense to me. If there wasn't anything that bothered him, then why he mentioned about this relationship being short termed?

Awhile ago, he did apologized for being moody. He thinks it is because he is trying to quit smoking. I like if that was the case, he would be moody to everyone and not just me.

Also I think he has some intimacy issues. He is also not affectionate and romantic at all. The only time he is like that is when he is horny. There was this time when I tried hugging him but he got upset about that. He told me that I was distracting him. So I am thinking of giving him time to see if he improves. If not, then I would have to talk to him about things.

January 26, 2021

10 minutes ago, Scorpi said:

So I moved in with my boyfriend awhile ago since I thought he was this great guy. It seems like he is very moody and overreacts to things though. Here are some examples:

- I was looking for my external hard drive. I ended up finding a battery pack instead. I asked my boyfriend what it was. He told me that it was a battery pack. So I plugged it in his computer. Then he got upset at me. He was like he was offended that I didn't believe him. I'm like I was just making sure that it was a battery pack in fact. So he changed his password to his computer so I couldn't used it which wasn't good since I use his computer for work.

- A couple of weeks ago, my boyfriend asked what I was doing in the afternoon. I'm like working. He was like he thought my one friend was coming over. I was like oh yea, that is right. I forgot about that since I had too many things on my mind. He thought I was lying though. I ended up apologizing to him though. During this time, he started to mock me and told me to f*** me which I thought was disrespectful.

- A couple of days ago, he said that our relationship mightn't be long term since it seems like we have different values which I didn't agree with. So he might just break up with me soon. Also he mentioned about that lying incident. So it seems like he is still holding a grudge which isn't right. I thought he should be over that by now since it was a small thing and happened a couple of weeks ago. It also happened once. I also asked if there were things about me that bothered him. He said no, there wasn't which didn't make sense to me. If there wasn't anything that bothered him, then why he mentioned about this relationship being short termed?

Awhile ago, he did apologized for being moody. He thinks it is because he is trying to quit smoking. I like if that was the case, he would be moody to everyone and not just me.

Also I think he has some intimacy issues. He is also not affectionate and romantic at all. The only time he is like that is when he is horny. There was this time when I tried hugging him but he got upset about that. He told me that I was distracting him. So I am thinking of giving him time to see if he improves. If not, then I would have to talk to him about things.

It sounds like he used the "lying" thing about your friend as an excuse of why you guys should break up and that he was planning on breaking up for a while now. Maybe he is going through something and hence the overreacting to the little things and taking it out on you. How long have you guys been dating before deciding to move in together?

January 26, 2021

You two clearly have some communication problems & he has real trust concerns.

You should not be using his computer for work. If it's work, your employer should be supplying the system you use or you should have your own system. The security breaches involved with you using a non-employee's device for their business are problematic.

Your BF does not trust you. If you can't work that out quickly, you better have a back up plan in place when he unceremoniously throws you out so you have a place to live. I would not stick around with that sword of Damocles hanging over my head (him threatening to break up with you.) If you moved in with him & are not on the lease you have no rights. Be very careful

January 26, 2021

I think he has emotionally checked himself out of this relationship. Right or wrong but I don't think he wants to continue living with you anymore. Maybe he has something to hide or maybe he feels overwhelmed living with someone, or maybe he thinks the two of you are incompatible. Could be anything. He doesn't want to continue with this relationship anymore. You better find another place to live because this is going to be over soon. Honestly,

48 minutes ago, Scorpi said:

A couple of days ago, he said that our relationship mightn't be long term since it seems like we have different values which I didn't agree with. So he might just break up with me soon.

This is your que to exit. I believe he told you that in hopes that you "get it" and just leave so that he doesn't have to look like a bad guy and end things himself. Things are going to get from bad to worse from this point on. It's only a matter of time. Seriously, you are just gasping at the last straw here. It is sad and unfortunate and you probably didn't do anything wrong but it is what it is.

January 26, 2021

Yes he's getting ready to break up with you and has given you warning. Are you going to stick around until he officially dumps you? I agree that you shouldn't be using his computer to do your work. Is your company aware?

January 26, 2021

1 hour ago, Scorpi said:

I was looking for my external hard drive. I ended up finding a battery pack instead. I asked my boyfriend what it was. He told me that it was a battery pack. So I plugged it in his computer. Then he got upset at me. He was like he was offended that I didn't believe him. I'm like I was just making sure that it was a battery pack in fact. So he changed his password to his computer so I couldn't used it which wasn't good since I use his computer for work.

I agree with others that you should not be using his computer for for your work. But he is probably hiding something from you too on that computer.

Edited January 26, 2021 by Alvi
more stuff to write

January 26, 2021

1 hour ago, Scorpi said:

It seems like he is very moody and overreacts to things though.

So he changed his password to his computer so I couldn't used it which wasn't good since I use his computer for work.

He thought I was lying though. I ended up apologizing to him though. During this time, he started to mock me and told me to f*** me which I thought was disrespectful.

- A couple of days ago, he said that our relationship mightn't be long term

He is also not affectionate and romantic at all. The only time he is like that is when he is horny. There was this time when I tried hugging him but he got upset about that.

Do yourself a favor, break up and move out asap.

This guy is manipuative, controlling, passive-aggressive and he will not change. You are seeing the true him. People don't change, this is who he is, no matter the amount of talk.

January 26, 2021

You sound like you might be a bit spacy. But there's no crime in being a bit spacy (forgetting that a friend is coming over and so on). So what people who want to break up often do is pick on our weak qualities, just nag at them, stinging us.

The mistake people make is to react to the substance of the complaint instead of paying attention to what's driving the sudden deluge of complaints.

Look, any time someone says they MIGHT break up with you, you should translate to "I'm going to break up with you. I just want to test how you will react."

Him locking his computer ... that's a tricky one. My first reaction was that he's seeing someone else in secret, and that's why he went all ballistic about you plugging the battery pack into the computer. Nothing to do with you not accepting his judgment. He's flirting with someone else.

This is over.

Start making plans for moving out and for taking care of yourself--emotionally as well as financially and the rest.

This guy simply doesn't have the integrity and confidence to tell you what's really going on. So he's doing all kinds of passive-aggressive stuff.

Get out!

January 26, 2021

1 hour ago, Scorpi said:

So I am thinking of giving him time to see if he improves. If not, then I would have to talk to him about things.

Why would you expect any improvement over time and why would you wait before talking to him about things?

Your plan is to just suffer in silence and keep apologizing for your perceived transgressions until he decides to start being nice to you?

January 26, 2021

1 hour ago, sushiandtacos said:

It sounds like he used the "lying" thing about your friend as an excuse of why you guys should break up and that he was planning on breaking up for a while now. Maybe he is going through something and hence the overreacting to the little things and taking it out on you. How long have you guys been dating before deciding to move in together?

Yea, that is what I am thinking too. It is a stupid reason too. I do think he is stressed out about some things too. That shouldn't give him the right to take out his anger on me though. That is just stressing me out which I don't need. We were only dating for a couple of months when I moved in with him which is probably too soon.

January 26, 2021

15 minutes ago, trident_2020 said:

Why would you expect any improvement over time and why would you wait before talking to him about things?

Your plan is to just suffer in silence and keep apologizing for your perceived transgressions until he decides to start being nice to you?

I was thinking of giving him time to be in a better mood since it seems like he is stressed out about things. Then I am going to talk about him treating me with more respect. If he doesn't, then I am leaving him.

January 26, 2021

You said he's only nasty towards YOU, isn't that right?

If so it's not about mood at all.

January 26, 2021

4 minutes ago, Scorpi said:

We were only dating for a couple of months when I moved in with him which is probably too soon.

YES Now you know to not do that again. You don't know this guy, he's practically a stranger. Find yourself a place and leave. No one told you it was crazy to move in with a guy after 2 months?

January 26, 2021

1 hour ago, d0nnivain said:

You two clearly have some communication problems & he has real trust concerns.

You should not be using his computer for work. If it's work, your employer should be supplying the system you use or you should have your own system. The security breaches involved with you using a non-employee's device for their business are problematic.

Your BF does not trust you. If you can't work that out quickly, you better have a back up plan in place when he unceremoniously throws you out so you have a place to live. I would not stick around with that sword of Damocles hanging over my head (him threatening to break up with you.) If you moved in with him & are not on the lease you have no rights. Be very careful

Yea, I agree with the trust concerns. I have been honest with him and totally up front with him though. So he shouldn't have any reason not to trust me but I don't think this is all because of me.

And I agree. I should have my work supply me with a laptop of my own so I don't have to use his computer. My work is ok with me using his computer though.

January 26, 2021

3 minutes ago, trident_2020 said:

You said he's only nasty towards YOU, isn't that right?

If so it's not about mood at all.

Yes, it is. I think it is because I'm his girlfriend.

January 26, 2021

48 minutes ago, Alvi said:

I agree with others that you should not be using his computer for for your work. But he is probably hiding something from you too on that computer.

Yea, my work is ok with it though. I should have them give me a laptop to use instead

January 26, 2021

2 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

YES Now you know to not do that again. You don't know this guy, he's practically a stranger. Find yourself a place and leave. No one told you it was crazy to move in with a guy after 2 months?

Well, I have known him for a year though and we just started dating 6 months ago. So he wasn't just a stranger. He did seemed to be nice but he just got worse after I moved in.

January 26, 2021

34 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Do yourself a favor, break up and move out asap.

This guy is manipuative, controlling, passive-aggressive and he will not change. You are seeing the true him. People don't change, this is who he is, no matter the amount of talk.

Yea, I think he has some serious issues.

Edited January 26, 2021 by Scorpi

January 26, 2021

57 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Yes he's getting ready to break up with you and has given you warning. Are you going to stick around until he officially dumps you? I agree that you shouldn't be using his computer to do your work. Is your company aware?

At least he gave me a warning but still. And yes, my computer does know. I should have them give me a laptop.

Edited January 26, 2021 by Scorpi

January 26, 2021

12 minutes ago, Scorpi said:

Yea, that is what I am thinking too. It is a stupid reason too. I do think he is stressed out about some things too. That shouldn't give him the right to take out his anger on me though. That is just stressing me out which I don't need. We were only dating for a couple of months when I moved in with him which is probably too soon.

Yes, a few months is very soon IMO. And he definitely should not be taking things out on you but instead, lean on you for support.

6 minutes ago, Scorpi said:

Yes, it is. I think it is because I'm his girlfriend.

He should be treating you better than others if you are his girlfriend.

January 26, 2021

16 minutes ago, Scorpi said:

Yes, it is. I think it is because I'm his girlfriend.

Ok so my point was that if he's only nasty towards you- his girlfriend, then it's not being moody- because if so he'd be that way with everyone.

He's treating you like a doormat and you're walking on eggshells trying not to piss him off and overthinking what you should say to him and when you should say it.

This is a classic cycle of abuse that is repeated way too often here on this forum and in relationships all around the world.

It doesn't have to be this way but only you can break out of the trap that you're currently in.

January 26, 2021

3 minutes ago, trident_2020 said:

Ok so my point was that if he's only nasty towards you- his girlfriend, then it's not being moody- because if so he'd be that way with everyone.

He's treating you like a doormat and you're walking on eggshells trying not to piss him off and overthinking what you should say to him and when you should say it.

This is a classic cycle of abuse that is repeated way too often here on this forum and in relationships all around the world.

It doesn't have to be this way but only you can break out of the trap that you're currently in.

Ah. That is a good point. And you are right. I am trying to please him. It doesn't help that I am a people pleasurer and I don't like when people are upset with me. If something is wrong, I would want to fix it and make everything better. So I think he is using that for his advantage.

January 26, 2021

Threatening to maybe break up with you is not a good sign.

Only being affectionate and romantic when he's horny means he's selfish. He doesn't care about making you happy, only about getting what he wants from you. I wouldn't have any interest in having sex with a guy like that and would naturally and quickly lose attraction.

January 26, 2021

2 minutes ago, Scorpi said:

I am a people pleasurer

I am a people pleaser too but I would not stay with a man that is not affectionate, kind, patient, helpful to me. Do not give your love to men that are not kind to you.

January 26, 2021

Hes' not "moody". He has been treating you badly and he straight out told you a couple days ago that he wants to break up. The only thing you should be concerning yourself with now is making a plan to move out. This relationship is not going to work out, and I don't understand why you would even be trying to save it, considering how he has been treating you. Have some self-respect and get out of this bad situation.

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