Could the area you grew up in explain why someone has never been in a relationship?

[DrasticMeasurements]

I lived near the border (Brownsville) most of my life and didn’t speak Spanish. It’s been very difficult to find someone who is compatible since I don’t share the language and culture as the vast majority of people there.

I’ve mentioned Asperger’s before and how it hinders socializing, but I’d like to empathize that it’s ESPECIALLY hard in a culture that is “puro machismo” and you beat up the guy who flirts with your girlfriend to be a “real man”, because that’s what it’s like down here. The Rio Grande has one of the highest teen pregnancy rates in Texas in part to that.

I’m moving to Dallas for a new job and I’m 26. Would it be best to answer on a date that I haven’t met the right person, in case she wonders why I’ve never had a girlfriend?

[DrasticMeasurements]

Any thoughts?

[d0nnivain]

1 hour ago, DrasticMeasurements said:

I’m moving to Dallas for a new job and I’m 26. Would it be best to answer on a date that I haven’t met the right person, in case she wonders why I’ve never had a girlfriend?

Congrats on the new job & the big move.  

The answer you propose is perfect! 

[Ami1uwant]

Congrats on the job.

 

in terms of the relationship stuff...

 

why do you feel that is the problem if you are dating someone around the same age?

 

I have a genetic form of mild aspergers  .

 

my ex gf was Hispanic born in South American, came to the USA as a teenager.  I’m not macho stuff. Her family liked me.  She broke up with me during a mid-life crisis thing she had and I heard or family told her she was stupid fir doing that.

 

for me, my father was first generation born in the USA with his family coming from Italy. I remember as a child the older relatives speaking in italian.  My father was American and married out of the family.  My mo side, she was 2nd generation here born from european thru Canada a few generations.

if you grew up in the area I don’t see why you feel you wouldn’t fit in. If you were born there, why didn’t you take Spanish in school.?

[josedelamuerte]

I had my first girlfriend when I was 20. Grew up in a small village. My friends were all starting to have girlfriends, and when they asked me what's my hold-up I'd tell them "I don't have to go out of my way, the girl for me is going to walk right through that door" (pointing to the door of the local pub). And sure enough, eventually she did. She was a German girl. English is not my maiden tongue, but we managed to communicate just fine. We were together for a year. So I say, from my experience, no, living in a remote place or not speaking the same language are not obstacles that cannot be overcome. Just gotta have faith, and patience.

[Wiseman2]

13 hours ago, DrasticMeasurements said:

Im moving to Dallas for a new job and I’m 26. Would it be best to answer on a date that I haven’t met the right person, in case she wonders why I’ve never had a girlfriend?

You don't need to explain anything to anyone. Once you get to Dallas, just start dating.

It's already apparent that you have not settled down or found the one by the mere fact that you are out dating.

If anyone asks skip the whole border town diatribe and negative characterization of people.

[SumGuy]

On 1/25/2021 at 5:07 PM, DrasticMeasurements said:

...

I’m moving to Dallas for a new job and I’m 26. Would it be best to answer on a date that I haven’t met the right person, in case she wonders why I’ve never had a girlfriend?

Yes, if it comes up, as it is true.  You are not the only person from a small town who couldn't find someone in the little pond, who moved to the big city.

Think you will find plenty of people who also never cared for the machismo culture.

[Miss Spider]

More people means more dating prospects 

[Menara]

I think your situation is not that abnormal. It's hard to meet the right people wherever you are. I met my ex husband at 23, but didn't really have a serious relationship before that, just flings (although I really wanted to be with someone on more serious terms). 

I'm in my 40s now, and when I meet people my age that never committed to someone for more than a year at a time, I do find that to be a red flag. But when you are still young, that can happen. Some people take more time than others. I have a very good friend of mine who was single until her late 20s, then met her now husband and they've been together 15 years. 

I would go with the "I haven't met the right person yet" because that's the truth actually!

[snowboy91]

If you're moving to a large city then not having been in a relationship by 26 is less uncommon than you think. I don't think anyone will bat an eyelid at that reason, since that's your truth and your experience. Besides, we are all on our own journey, so any reason is valid if it's true and how you feel.

Had I stayed where I grew up, it's highly likely I would have struggled to date as well. I'm not one of those big macho guys, but by moving to a city it was much less of a big deal.

Edited January 28, 2021 by snowboy91