brightflower Posted October 15, 2005 Posted October 15, 2005 My romantic life sucks. I was engaged when I was quite young for almost five years. I broke the relationship off back in 2000. Since then I have been alone for the most part, and celibate. The problem is this, I have met some jerks, but I have also met some wonderful men as well. I meet guys and they are interested in me, and are all into me, until they realize that I am not going to sleep with them right way, and that I have been celibate for five years. It's like they panic and run away. Everything starts off great! Great conversation, we can laugh together, we enjoy each others company and so forth. But I am very upfront, I tell guys early on that I have been celibate for quite some time, and that I want to wait for a serious commited relationship before having sex. They usually rave how great that is, until they make a move on me and realize that I am serious. Then they run away and act like jack asses in the process. Is there something wrong with me? I mean it just seems like I am diseased and have the plague because I admit having been celibate for so long. I don't want to not tell someone the truth about my sexual habits, but it's like telling a man you haven't been active in five years, is worse then a death sentence, or saying you have been with 100 men. What is the problem? Do men not want women who chose to wait for love? I don't know I am to the point where I think I am going to become a nun and just say the hell with love and accept being alone forever. I chose to be celibate because I want true love, not frivolous bull crap, and I know I want to get married and have a solid healthy relationship. Is there anything wrong with that? Please Help, I am starting to wonder if I am some kind of freak of nature! I am 29 years old, I don't want to be single forever, but it is starting to look like my fate.
Art_Critic Posted October 15, 2005 Posted October 15, 2005 You are not a freak of nature.. Some of your problem may be in the presentation of what you call celibacy. If a person is celibate they are abstaining from sexual intercourse, especially by reason of religious vows. If religion is the reason you are celibate then are are properly explaining it to them. If religion is not the reason that you are celibate then your are not celibate and by saying your are you are freaking out the guys you are dating. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to have sex with just anyone. Tell me more about your choice to not have sex..
Author brightflower Posted October 15, 2005 Author Posted October 15, 2005 Hello Art Critic, I am not celibate for religious reasons. I have always been very particular about who I sleep with. I chose to be celibate because I am not a casual sex person. I know it is not possible for me to have sex with someone with no attachments. I just can't do it. Sometimes I wish I could, sure would have saved me many an unfulfilling night alone. But basically I chose to not have sex because I am seeking a commited relationship and not a casual affair, and I believe it takes time to get to know a person, and I want to get to know someone, and develop a relationship before I have sex. So basically in a nut shell I am just not a casual sex girl. I don't judge anyone who is, I just don't have a desire to do it, and I know I would be lying to myself if I tried to act like I could and it was no big deal afterward. I am religious and I do believe in God and attend church, but religion alone is not my primary reason for remaining celibate.
Bluewind Posted October 15, 2005 Posted October 15, 2005 I think communication is always the key. Talk about your fears and ideals, and make people understand you better.
d.s. Posted October 15, 2005 Posted October 15, 2005 Hi Brightflower, There is nothing wrong with you. I am a male, and made the same choice as you. I don't really believe in casual sex; I think that I would have to be in love with the person before that could happen. I would also be deeply attached to them on an emotional level and picture myself with them for the rest of my life. If men run away just because they are unable to sleep with you, then it is their loss. When this happens you know what they really wanted from you. If they really wanted you for you, then they would be patient and wait for when you are ready. Don't be scared, eventually the right man will come in your life. When that time comes, both of you will know when the other is ready. HTH d.s.
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