Should I contact him?

[winny]

4 minutes ago, notyouraveragebabe said:

Thank you! I keep thinking it was me being rude like he said I was. I did nothing wrong. A real man, who truly cared for me would have laughed it off and comforted me. That's the man I am looking for. Well better 4 weeks than years with this loser.  If he truly cared for me, his reaction wouldn't have triggered any of this disconnect. I apologized and he acted like things were ok. He wasn't even mature enough to tell me he lost interest. Well he wasn't even mature enough to deal with a menstrual cycle. What a loser. He will continue to do this to the next girl.

Whats rude about telling the man you are dating that you cannot have sex as you are menstruating... its not rude at all. he is a jerk for making you feel like you were rude. imagine telling to a friend that you are sick so you cannot participate in some planned activity...  do you think that friend will say you are rude and stop talking to you? no! they will ask you next day if you are feeling better or not. they will put your well being above some activity that can be done later as well. because they care about you. this guy doesn't care about you. never did. 

Sadly a lot of men and women out there are like this.. playing with emotions. Manipulating. Never blame yourself for them. As someone said above, if a person truly likes you they will put up with a lot of crap. Not run away like this. Block him everywhere including the dating app. Unmatch him LOL. 

[peach302]

1 hour ago, notyouraveragebabe said:

It's so hard to find a sincere man, really hurts as he lead me to believe it was more than that.

A lot of the time connections which start really quick end just as quickly.

You're better off with a slow burn. Sincere  men also take their time as they too are guarding themselves. 

The way you are feeling now with regards to him is exactly what he wanted btw. If you hadn't checked into this forum its possible you would have been trying to win him back.

Edited January 26, 2021 by peach302

[Pumaza]

What ever the story, you jumped to fast into it.

Even if the time you spent is 4 weeks deep convos etc it still a cery short time.

By already having sex and stay with him,giving up all the milk you make it easy for him to be done. 

Because you ddnt get to know eachother long enough to start caring at certain level. Or tolerate eachother on little stuff even. And sure not to open up on a d3eper level.

For stuff like that you need time to bound and see if you even wanna go further.

Move on,learn from it. Eitherway he may not be into you enough to miss gym...

[CollinW]

2 hours ago, notyouraveragebabe said:

A real man, who truly cared for me would have laughed it off and comforted me.

He just met you, so it's obvious he doesn't care for you. But yes a woman who's that blunt in the early stages about not being in the "mood" regarding sex would turn me off from her also. There is a way to do things like that and you did it the wrong way. 

Look at it this way. If you called a man who was busy and he said "I'm not in the mood to talk to you", how would you take it? 

Would you be a "real woman" and comfort him as you said? Or would you question his character due to the lack of tact in how he communicates? 

[notyouraveragebabe]

1 hour ago, CollinW said:

He just met you, so it's obvious he doesn't care for you. But yes a woman who's that blunt in the early stages about not being in the "mood" regarding sex would turn me off from her also. There is a way to do things like that and you did it the wrong way. 

Look at it this way. If you called a man who was busy and he said "I'm not in the mood to talk to you", how would you take it? 

Would you be a "real woman" and comfort him as you said? Or would you question his character due to the lack of tact in how he communicates? 

If he said He was sick and not feeling good and not in the mood to talk, then I would have understood. And then later he apologized. I think would forgive him for not feeling well and snapping.  People are irritable when they are in pain or sick. I did tell him I was having menstrual cramps.  I’m a nurse, I have compassion for people who are in pain. 
 

This is why I like to hear others feedback. There’s always 2 sides to the story. He may just have been turned off by how I said it. He mentioned it was rude. It’s early on, so he may have found it a turn off for him. 

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, notyouraveragebabe said:

 I did tell him I was having menstrual cramps.  I’m a nurse

Agree. Seems like an immature response for someone you're dating a while and having sex with.

[peach302]

2 hours ago, CollinW said:

He just met you, so it's obvious he doesn't care for you. But yes a woman who's that blunt in the early stages about not being in the "mood" regarding sex would turn me off from her also. There is a way to do things like that and you did it the wrong way. 

Look at it this way. If you called a man who was busy and he said "I'm not in the mood to talk to you", how would you take it? 

Would you be a "real woman" and comfort him as you said? Or would you question his character due to the lack of tact in how he communicates? 

That shouldn't be enough for him to start going back on a dating app after spending 24/7 (in one month)with the OP.

And lets say it turned him off..he should at least have communicated how he feels and what he wants to do going forward. Instead of ghosting. 

Shows he's  weak imo. 

Edited January 26, 2021 by peach302

[CollinW]

On 1/26/2021 at 1:49 PM, notyouraveragebabe said:

If he said He was sick and not feeling good and not in the mood to talk, then I would have understood. And then later he apologized. I think would forgive him for not feeling well and snapping.  People are irritable when they are in pain or sick. I did tell him I was having menstrual cramps.  I’m a nurse, I have compassion for people who are in pain. 
 

This is why I like to hear others feedback. There’s always 2 sides to the story. He may just have been turned off by how I said it. He mentioned it was rude. It’s early on, so he may have found it a turn off for him. 

So in that sense, you're admitting you snapped at him? That's surely not appropriate at this point in the relationship. 

I'm not saying either one of you are "less than a (wo)man" due to your reactions. But just like someone said earlier, early stages of dating people at least attempt to accommodate people's feelings and put up facades. It's not about sex, from a man's perspective if you're that brash to flat out tell him you don't want to be bothered with him after 4 weeks, how will you act when you really are tired of his ass? 

[redacted]

Edited January 29, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Off topic group berating

[peach302]

On 1/26/2021 at 3:05 PM, CollinW said:

So in that sense, you're admitting you snapped at him? That's surely not appropriate at this point in the relationship. 

I'm not saying either one of you are "less than a (wo)man" due to your reactions. But just like someone said earlier, early stages of dating people at least attempt to accommodate people's feelings and put up facades. It's not about sex, from a man's perspective if you're that brash to flat out tell him you don't want to be bothered with him after 4 weeks, how will you act when you really are tired of his ass? 

[redacted]

She apologised straight away though. 

His behaviour was immature thereafter. 

Edited January 29, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Quoted post

[notyouraveragebabe]

1 hour ago, CollinW said:

So in that sense, you're admitting you snapped at him? That's surely not appropriate at this point in the relationship. 

I'm not saying either one of you are "less than a (wo)man" due to your reactions. But just like someone said earlier, early stages of dating people at least attempt to accommodate people's feelings and put up facades. It's not about sex, from a man's perspective if you're that brash to flat out tell him you don't want to be bothered with him after 4 weeks, how will you act when you really are tired of his ass? 

I just find it funny how on boards like this women usually tell other women to not put up with any abrasive behavior from men. But act like men shouldn't put their foot down when the tables are turned. 

No, i definitely did not snap at him. I think it was how I said it that turned him off. Yes, it’s too early to show that side & now I feel terrible I ruined something good by my delivery. I apologized later that day.  IlWe both are very calm people. He is definitely a calm person, so we both responded on that same level. 
 

I still think he should have told me what caused this complete disconnect and ended things before signing back online. He pretty much ghosted me. We were very emotionally attached and bonded so well that I think I was at least owed an explanation or a “break up”. 

Edited January 27, 2021 by notyouraveragebabe

[Farthest]

5 hours ago, peach302 said:

A lot of the time connections which start really quick end just as quickly.

You're better off with a slow burn. Sincere  men also take their time as they too are guarding themselves. 

The way you are feeling now with regards to him is exactly what he wanted btw. If you hadn't checked into this forum its possible you would have been trying to win him back.

I'm always a bit confused when people mention things going "slow" or "fast", does it refer to how many dates you go on, how long these dates are, how long it takes until you get physical, stay over, etc? I hear it all the time but it seems arbitrary. 

 

I definitely agree with you in that when you meet a guy the first few times and become quite attached to each other (i.e. spending over 24hrs together, planning to meet friends etc), it hurts more when it ends, and some guys can be intimidated by the depth, and maybe flee into apps again cos they're scared to not have found the best possible person. 

[Farthest]

6 hours ago, notyouraveragebabe said:

Took your advice and he was the first 10 profiles I swiped through, so he's back online dating.

Thought as much... His flight instinct took hold. No grit, no committment, a few things happen and that's enough to throw something away like a single use plastic cup.

Hope you're taking in the matches!!

[Maldives]

On 25/01/2021 at 9:34 AM, notyouraveragebabe said:

Hi,

I turn to your feedback and it truly helps me reading everyone's input.

I met someone online 4 weeks ago, (I know very short time). But within 4 weeks we spent a lot of time together. Spoke on the phone for 1-2 hours everyday since we met. Our communication was just great, we spent a lot of time getting to know each other's background. He was a breathe of fresh air, just very good with communication and making plans. Good morning texts when I woke up and talking to me until we fell asleep every night for the past 4 weeks. On his days off he made plans with me. We saw each other 3 times a week even with our busy work schedules. Our work schedules are very different I work 8-5p M-F. He works 1-9:30pm Wed- Mon.  After 4 dates, we decided to date exclusively and delete our dating profiles and focus on each other. He told me he wanted to get to know me and see where it will go.

The disconnect happened when we made plans to hang out Saturday am before he goes into work. He then says just come over Friday night and sleep over. So i got there at 10pm cus he gets off work at 9:30pm and he will leave for work at 12 pm the next day. So when I got there we started a movie and it was late. He cuddled me and "I said hey  I am on my menstrual cycle, I am not in the mood for sex tonight" He then said "wow you didn't have to say it like that" We then just watched the movie and fell asleep. I was kinda hurt he didn't cuddle  that night. Then I woke up at 6am and said "let's finish the movie before you go into work". He said he was going to the gym at 8am. So I was a little annoyed, so I said since you are going to the gym, I will just head home now and it was 6am. So I went home at 6am.

 

I called him later that day and told him I was a little hurt that he didn't want to spend the morning with me before work. He said" I wanted to go to the gym, we didn't make plans to hang out in the am" So I said ok.  I understood and apologized to him for leaving so early. I thought things were fine between us. We got off the phone and said he will talk to me later. The day comes no text from him, no phone call after work. I woke up no good morning text. I haven't heard from him for 24 hours. Which isn't normal for us to not talk. He ALWAYS calls after work and when he wakes up.

 

So should I reach out? We spoke everyday for a month and had the exclusive talk, so now he hasn't reached out since our last phone conversation.

What made him go from talking to me daily to no communication?

I see what's happened here. He's pulled away after your comment about not being in the mood for sex hence why he was not cuddling you at night then that feeling for him has carried on to the next day. Then you've been hurt cause he went to the gym instead of spending time with you which I'm guessing he did because of what you said unless that is his routine which he should have told you about in advance. Ok so my advice would be it shouldn't matter who reached out first just reach out if your feeling it and communicate and resolve the issue by saying sorry in return hopefully he does the same if he's mature enough to then problem solved hurts healed 

[Menara]

I think the point here is not whether you were rude or not. When we are in a relationship with someone, they will sometimes see us when we're not at our best, and we will sometimes say things that we should have kept to ourselves, or in a tone that wasn't very nice. There will also be disagreement and fights. That's what relationships are about! You are not always at your best. And when that happens, we do need to take responsibility for our actions if we want the relationship to thrive, and you did that, you apologized. Frankly, what he said about you not making plans for Saturday morning was rude as well.

One cannot be in a relationship with someone that makes us walk on eggshells. And you also cannot be in a relationship with someone who, at the smallest disagreement, packs his bags and moves out. I have been in several relationships like that, and it is toxic! 

I think everyone is different in their approach and you have to go with that you are comfortable with. Personally, I like talking things out. I would ask him to meet me and then sit down and calmly ask him to tell you what's wrong. And also make sure to explain to him how his reaction has made you feel (sad, abandoned etc). You can tell him that you realize that you are sometimes a bit sharp with words, and that you are willing to work on that, and then ask him what he's willing to work on for you. 

If we really cares about you and wants this relationship to thrive, he will be receptive and make an effort. If he's defensive and accusatory in his reaction, walk away. You dodged a bullet. 

[peach302]

1 hour ago, Menara said:

I think the point here is not whether you were rude or not. When we are in a relationship with someone, they will sometimes see us when we're not at our best, and we will sometimes say things that we should have kept to ourselves, or in a tone that wasn't very nice. There will also be disagreement and fights. That's what relationships are about! You are not always at your best. And when that happens, we do need to take responsibility for our actions if we want the relationship to thrive, and you did that, you apologized. Frankly, what he said about you not making plans for Saturday morning was rude as well.

One cannot be in a relationship with someone that makes us walk on eggshells. And you also cannot be in a relationship with someone who, at the smallest disagreement, packs his bags and moves out. I have been in several relationships like that, and it is toxic! 

I think everyone is different in their approach and you have to go with that you are comfortable with. Personally, I like talking things out. I would ask him to meet me and then sit down and calmly ask him to tell you what's wrong. And also make sure to explain to him how his reaction has made you feel (sad, abandoned etc). You can tell him that you realize that you are sometimes a bit sharp with words, and that you are willing to work on that, and then ask him what he's willing to work on for you. 

If we really cares about you and wants this relationship to thrive, he will be receptive and make an effort. If he's defensive and accusatory in his reaction, walk away. You dodged a bullet. 

Hate to break this to you but the man is already back on the dating app they met.

Its a bit late for a sit down talk. I mean unless she is willing to throw all her self respect out the window.

[notyouraveragebabe]

9 hours ago, Goodguy05 said:

I see what's happened here. He's pulled away after your comment about not being in the mood for sex hence why he was not cuddling you at night then that feeling for him has carried on to the next day. Then you've been hurt cause he went to the gym instead of spending time with you which I'm guessing he did because of what you said unless that is his routine which he should have told you about in advance. Ok so my advice would be it shouldn't matter who reached out first just reach out if your feeling it and communicate and resolve the issue by saying sorry in return hopefully he does the same if he's mature enough to then problem solved hurts healed 

I have reached out to say sorry. He said it was ok, then ghosted me. 

[notyouraveragebabe]

8 hours ago, peach302 said:

Hate to break this to you but the man is already back on the dating app they met.

Its a bit late for a sit down talk. I mean unless she is willing to throw all her self respect out the window.

Nope!! As much as I want some closure, I can’t do that to myself. Also, as the days gone by, I don’t see him as anyone I would date anymore. If he can hurt me like this and just ghost me, then he’s not someone I want in my life. 

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, notyouraveragebabe said:

I have reached out to say sorry. He said it was ok, then ghosted me. 

Your instincts were correct. He's a jerk. Now you have closure and can move forward.

A normal guy who wants a normal relationship is going to deal with that time of the month like a grown man.

The only suggestion is to pace yourself a bit more and avoid the too much too soon trap.

Edited January 28, 2021 by Wiseman2

[notyouraveragebabe]

10 hours ago, Menara said:

I think the point here is not whether you were rude or not. When we are in a relationship with someone, they will sometimes see us when we're not at our best, and we will sometimes say things that we should have kept to ourselves, or in a tone that wasn't very nice. There will also be disagreement and fights. That's what relationships are about! You are not always at your best. And when that happens, we do need to take responsibility for our actions if we want the relationship to thrive, and you did that, you apologized. Frankly, what he said about you not making plans for Saturday morning was rude as well.

One cannot be in a relationship with someone that makes us walk on eggshells. And you also cannot be in a relationship with someone who, at the smallest disagreement, packs his bags and moves out. I have been in several relationships like that, and it is toxic! 

I think everyone is different in their approach and you have to go with that you are comfortable with. Personally, I like talking things out. I would ask him to meet me and then sit down and calmly ask him to tell you what's wrong. And also make sure to explain to him how his reaction has made you feel (sad, abandoned etc). You can tell him that you realize that you are sometimes a bit sharp with words, and that you are willing to work on that, and then ask him what he's willing to work on for you. 

If we really cares about you and wants this relationship to thrive, he will be receptive and make an effort. If he's defensive and accusatory in his reaction, walk away. You dodged a bullet. 

I agree. I love to communicate, but I tried. I apologized and then I never heard from him again. I gave him the space he needed, thought he would reach out, but I saw him back online. So, at this point, I’ve done everything and he’s not a good person for treating me like that. We go from seeing each other daily and talking on the phone for hours everyday to a complete stranger over that night. No explanation at all as why he left. That’s why it hurts. 

[Lucyharper398]

According to me it's over now. So don't contact him. He doesn't loves you anymore.

[Maldives]

1 hour ago, notyouraveragebabe said:

I have reached out to say sorry. He said it was ok, then ghosted me. 

Well your better for it and now know where you stand and the truth how he felt. Your better for it and without him in light of what transpired. 

[Alpacalia]

That's unfortunate to hear. I was hoping for a different outcome for you. 

[peach302]

3 hours ago, notyouraveragebabe said:

Nope!! As much as I want some closure, I can’t do that to myself. Also, as the days gone by, I don’t see him as anyone I would date anymore. If he can hurt me like this and just ghost me, then he’s not someone I want in my life. 

Exactly! The best way to look at the situation.

 

 

[Miss Spider]

I’m into communication and apologizing when I’m wrong too. But you didn’t do anything wrong and you shouldn’t have apologized 

[MihiranCG]

Relationship, Dating  mean not True Love always. It's need deeper feeling,taking to thinking about the partner than "Myself"..

If he left mean? Any sense about Yep!!, He loves you so much..?, Or he used at the end.