Fletch Lives Posted January 25, 2021 Posted January 25, 2021 He probably felt rejected when you said you did not want to have sex that night. However, often people don't want to have sex when they are not feeling good. He should have been more understanding and not reacted to it. Perhaps you'll have to find someone nicer and more mature. 1
peach302 Posted January 25, 2021 Posted January 25, 2021 2 hours ago, notyouraveragebabe said: I was worried the clingy part turned him off. We just had a good thing going. If he was really into me he should get over it and contact me. If he doesn’t, maybe he wasn’t that into me. I agree with the posters who say its a red flag. Hes acting very immature over a small comment. He didnt get what he wanted so he's acting up. Its kind of manipulative in a way. If i was you i wouldnt continue to contact him. If you really like him and want it to go somewhere i would let him come to you. However these are not good signs...they dont point to a longlasting happy and healthy connection. 1
peach302 Posted January 25, 2021 Posted January 25, 2021 (edited) 2 hours ago, notyouraveragebabe said: I was worried the clingy part turned him off. We just had a good thing going. If he was really into me he should get over it and contact me. If he doesn’t, maybe he wasn’t that into me. Actually. Speaking from my own experiences which were very similar.. This was a blessing in disguise. Let him go! Dont take this any further unless you want to be miserable. Hes not the one for you (or anyone in fact). Hes got issues. Edited January 25, 2021 by peach302
Acacia98 Posted January 25, 2021 Posted January 25, 2021 I'm kind of reluctant to comment about what his silence means because not much time has elapsed since your last communication. But I do have to tell you that when I started reading the original post, the situation sounded too good to be true. I felt like maybe you guys were spending way too much time together too soon and something would have to give. I also want to say that I don't see anything wrong with what you said about not being in the mood because you were on your period. If you'd said it in an angry tone while pushing him away, that would have been a different story. But that doesn't seem to be what happened. So please don't overthink this. You didn't commit some sin. Just allow some time to elapse. If you don't hear from him, it wasn't meant to be. If you hear from him and decide you want to continue dating, be more cautious in your interactions with him and take things slow. 1
Author notyouraveragebabe Posted January 25, 2021 Author Posted January 25, 2021 3 hours ago, Acacia98 said: I'm kind of reluctant to comment about what his silence means because not much time has elapsed since your last communication. But I do have to tell you that when I started reading the original post, the situation sounded too good to be true. I felt like maybe you guys were spending way too much time together too soon and something would have to give. I also want to say that I don't see anything wrong with what you said about not being in the mood because you were on your period. If you'd said it in an angry tone while pushing him away, that would have been a different story. But that doesn't seem to be what happened. So please don't overthink this. You didn't commit some sin. Just allow some time to elapse. If you don't hear from him, it wasn't meant to be. If you hear from him and decide you want to continue dating, be more cautious in your interactions with him and take things slow. How long do men take to let the dust settle? It’s been 2 days.
poppyfields Posted January 25, 2021 Posted January 25, 2021 (edited) It sounds like he's stonewalling you. It's a controlling mechanism. I am experiencing it now myself. I used to be like you, apologize, make nice. Ugh. When I think back to my behavior I am utterly appalled at myself. I feel for you because it's obvious you love him very much and still feel quite emotionally connected to him. It's only when you're able to emotionally detach when you will recognize this behavior for what it is - controlling. Some even believe stonewalling is a type of emotional abuse, but the word "abuse" gets thrown around a lot here, so I won't go that far. Even though it may be. He's punishing you. Why, who the hell knows. Probably because you didn't wish to have sex with him, and he felt rejected. Your reason didn't matter. All he heard was NO SEX TONIGHT, and he took is as rejection. I could be wrong, I am not him, but that would be my best guess. It's no excuse and my rational self would advise you to dump this turkey now, although I know you're not ready or even want to do that, which I actually understand. So I wish you luck. Edited January 25, 2021 by poppyfields 2
Lotsgoingon Posted January 26, 2021 Posted January 26, 2021 3 hours ago, notyouraveragebabe said: How long do men take to let the dust settle? It’s been 2 days. Wow, you're not getting this. This is over. It never was anything. Probably fun talk. He's not interested. Guys will climb Everest when they're interested. They will stop mid-mountain--in the subzero cold, walking across a big Crevasse that drops a thousand feet--and text someone they're into. You're setting yourself up to be emotionally neglected and abused. 3
trident_2020 Posted January 26, 2021 Posted January 26, 2021 56 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said: Wow, you're not getting this. This is over. Its over because the guy hasn't contacted her in 2 days? That's rather presumptive.
peach302 Posted January 26, 2021 Posted January 26, 2021 (edited) 2 hours ago, trident_2020 said: Its over because the guy hasn't contacted her in 2 days? That's rather presumptive. It may not be over but it probably should be. Hes throwing a strop over her saying no...for a perfectly legitimate reason. That is not someone who is good relationship material. His behaviour is a red flag. And instead of seeing it for what it is..shes hoping he contacts her again. Edited January 26, 2021 by peach302
Lotsgoingon Posted January 26, 2021 Posted January 26, 2021 Oh, let's be clear. Yes, two days not contacting her ... he'll return as long as she offers sex and acts insecure so that he thinks he can have fun without any obligation of staying in contact. As long as you want a distant FWB (not even a respectful FWB), keep going, OP. If you are interested in anything the SLIGHTEST bit serious, no, he's not interested. Yes, two days indicates no interest--given how he treated her the last time. 2
peach302 Posted January 26, 2021 Posted January 26, 2021 (edited) 8 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said: Oh, let's be clear. Yes, two days not contacting her ... he'll return as long as she offers sex and acts insecure so that he thinks he can have fun without any obligation of staying in contact. As long as you want a distant FWB (not even a respectful FWB), keep going, OP. If you are interested in anything the SLIGHTEST bit serious, no, he's not interested. Yes, two days indicates no interest--given how he treated her the last time. He'll think he can do whatever he wants to do and she will pander to his needs and wants.. if she allows him to come back. Edited January 26, 2021 by peach302 1
Farthest Posted January 26, 2021 Posted January 26, 2021 (edited) Did he get back to you in the end? It's a red flag that he is not in touch after you did not play as he expected you to. For biological reasons... I know it's hard, but I would be direct and ask him, "is there a reason for your not being in touch? I sense that you are distant". Then wait and see what comes. Be ready to return to your dating apps though, because usually if a man changes directions like this, he has moved on. Sucks.... Edited January 26, 2021 by Farthest Typo
Author notyouraveragebabe Posted January 26, 2021 Author Posted January 26, 2021 (edited) 49 minutes ago, Farthest said: Did he get back to you in the end? It's a red flag that he is not in touch after you did not play as he expected you to. For biological reasons... I know it's hard, but I would be direct and ask him, "is there a reason for your not being in touch? I sense that you are distant". Then wait and see what comes. Be ready to return to your dating apps though, because usually if a man changes directions like this, he has moved on. Sucks.... No, I haven’t heard from him. I will move on & not wait. It was a great 4 weeks. I felt like we fell for each other fast. It was him that made all the moves. Someone once told me, if you can easily fall in love, then you can easily fall out of love. He fell quickly and we opened up to each other so quickly, & that should have been a red flag there. He probably dates and does this all the time. I’m probably not the first or last girl he “ghosted” Edited January 26, 2021 by notyouraveragebabe 3
Wiseman2 Posted January 26, 2021 Posted January 26, 2021 5 hours ago, notyouraveragebabe said: . I will move on & not wait. It was a great 4 weeks. Excellent. Don't contact him. You'll do better with someone else. Just pace yourself, that's all. 1
Author notyouraveragebabe Posted January 26, 2021 Author Posted January 26, 2021 2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Excellent. Don't contact him. You'll do better with someone else. Just pace yourself, that's all. I saw his dating profile back on, well I’m sure he saw me too. So that’s a clear answer that he rather find someone else than make it work with me. 1 1
stillafool Posted January 26, 2021 Posted January 26, 2021 I'll bet anything if you had told him you were on your period before you went over there he would have found a way to cancel. 3
Farthest Posted January 26, 2021 Posted January 26, 2021 1 hour ago, notyouraveragebabe said: I saw his dating profile back on, well I’m sure he saw me too. So that’s a clear answer that he rather find someone else than make it work with me. Awww s***. That's so low of him. I had that happen to me as well and it hurts a lot to find out this way, especially since you had the talk... As I said in my previous post, get back on the dating apps because he is looking for new prey. What an immature person.
Farthest Posted January 26, 2021 Posted January 26, 2021 Just now, Farthest said: Awww s***. That's so low of him. I had that happen to me as well and it hurts a lot to find out this way, especially since you had the talk... As I said in my previous post, get back on the dating apps because he is looking for new prey. What an immature person. I wish people would talk about issues but this is part of the dating culture ---- there's thousands of girls, so rather try another one and throw a potential gem away. Don't take it personally, as hard as it is. 1
peach302 Posted January 26, 2021 Posted January 26, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, notyouraveragebabe said: I saw his dating profile back on, well I’m sure he saw me too. So that’s a clear answer that he rather find someone else than make it work with me. Shows you how little he cares about you. That was a whole month wasted over nothing. Next time try not to get swept up in a fantasy. Especially over men who are fake and putting on an act. Edited January 26, 2021 by peach302 2
peach302 Posted January 26, 2021 Posted January 26, 2021 12 minutes ago, Farthest said: I wish people would talk about issues but this is part of the dating culture ---- there's thousands of girls, so rather try another one and throw a potential gem away. Don't take it personally, as hard as it is. He just wants some thing purely physical clearly. And he's going to find another girl to provide that for him. 3 1
winny Posted January 26, 2021 Posted January 26, 2021 Oh wow! First of all I am really really sorry OP. This sucks. I have been in similar situations so I know how it feels. Good thing is that it is over in 4 weeks and didn't drag on for months. Nothing you did was wrong. If he truly liked you, he would have hugged you a little tighter and said... babe don't worry about the sex.. you can relax... do you need me to make you some hot cocoa so you feel a little better...? or at least after you apologized (assuming he was actually hurt.. although i dont understand why he would be hurt considering it was you on the period and tolerating the cramps and yet going to his house) he should have let it go. He was love bombing you. And then the silent treatment is a sign of manipulation and control. Major turn offs. If possible, avoid meeting guys so many times per week in the beginning. 1 date per week is enough. Because it gives you time to evaluate their behaviors. Else you get so engulfed by them that you cannot see any red flags. He probably was looking for a way out since he slept with you... and used this situation. There is nothing you could have done differently to change this outcome. So please try to not overthink... Once again, I am sorry... **hugs** take care. 2
Author notyouraveragebabe Posted January 26, 2021 Author Posted January 26, 2021 1 hour ago, winny said: Oh wow! First of all I am really really sorry OP. This sucks. I have been in similar situations so I know how it feels. Good thing is that it is over in 4 weeks and didn't drag on for months. Nothing you did was wrong. If he truly liked you, he would have hugged you a little tighter and said... babe don't worry about the sex.. you can relax... do you need me to make you some hot cocoa so you feel a little better...? or at least after you apologized (assuming he was actually hurt.. although i dont understand why he would be hurt considering it was you on the period and tolerating the cramps and yet going to his house) he should have let it go. He was love bombing you. And then the silent treatment is a sign of manipulation and control. Major turn offs. If possible, avoid meeting guys so many times per week in the beginning. 1 date per week is enough. Because it gives you time to evaluate their behaviors. Else you get so engulfed by them that you cannot see any red flags. He probably was looking for a way out since he slept with you... and used this situation. There is nothing you could have done differently to change this outcome. So please try to not overthink... Once again, I am sorry... **hugs** take care. Thank you! I keep thinking it was me being rude like he said I was. I did nothing wrong. A real man, who truly cared for me would have laughed it off and comforted me. That's the man I am looking for. Well better 4 weeks than years with this loser. If he truly cared for me, his reaction wouldn't have triggered any of this disconnect. I apologized and he acted like things were ok. He wasn't even mature enough to tell me he lost interest. Well he wasn't even mature enough to deal with a menstrual cycle. What a loser. He will continue to do this to the next girl. 1
Author notyouraveragebabe Posted January 26, 2021 Author Posted January 26, 2021 2 hours ago, peach302 said: He just wants some thing purely physical clearly. And he's going to find another girl to provide that for him. It's so hard to find a sincere man, really hurts as he lead me to believe it was more than that.
Author notyouraveragebabe Posted January 26, 2021 Author Posted January 26, 2021 2 hours ago, Farthest said: Awww s***. That's so low of him. I had that happen to me as well and it hurts a lot to find out this way, especially since you had the talk... As I said in my previous post, get back on the dating apps because he is looking for new prey. What an immature person. Took your advice and he was the first 10 profiles I swiped through, so he's back online dating.
Author notyouraveragebabe Posted January 26, 2021 Author Posted January 26, 2021 2 hours ago, stillafool said: I'll bet anything if you had told him you were on your period before you went over there he would have found a way to cancel. exactly!
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