Gaeta Posted January 25, 2021 Posted January 25, 2021 On 1/21/2021 at 12:26 AM, Alora24 said: He has been under a ton of stress which he told me and on new yrs I just kept feeling something was off and told him I was taking a step back and he could reach out when he wanted to. He text me later that night and he was drinking and went off on me. He said hurtful things how I knew he was hurting and wouldn't listen, and even said he didn't want to talk to me and leave him alone. He tried to say things to make me feel guilty and like I didn't listen to how he felt. I don't believe he meant it emotions were running high and probably felt bad but I deserve an apology and haven't gotten one and may not. I feel like being where you can't see each other in person makes this much harder and easier to let go. But now it's been 20 days no contact. I refuse to reach out and he obviously does too when he should be apologizing. He is very stubborn, do I let it go and just keep no contact? It's killing me I miss him and I'm miserable. But I can't let him think talking hateful to me like he did is ok. 1. Men will pull away when they're under stress. You give them space and keep busy with something else, you DO NOT tell them you're taking a step back! Those words mean something completely different. 2. His reaction was one of emotional immaturity. Do you want to be in a relationship with a man that runs to alcohol each time you have a misunderstanding? Say hurtful things and then can't apologize? Too many women use the excuse their guy is 'stubborn' to excuse bad even abusive behavior. 3. Move on, you can do MUCH better.
FMW Posted January 25, 2021 Posted January 25, 2021 I don't disagree that he didn't react well to the situation, and maybe it is best for her to move on. But it's good for OP to acknowledge (which she has) her own reaction to the New Years situation wasn't emotionally mature either. Understanding and sensitivity goes both ways. 1
Author Alora24 Posted January 25, 2021 Author Posted January 25, 2021 5 hours ago, Gaeta said: 1. Men will pull away when they're under stress. You give them space and keep busy with something else, you DO NOT tell them you're taking a step back! Those words mean something completely different. 2. His reaction was one of emotional immaturity. Do you want to be in a relationship with a man that runs to alcohol each time you have a misunderstanding? Say hurtful things and then can't apologize? Too many women use the excuse their guy is 'stubborn' to excuse bad even abusive behavior. 3. Move on, you can do MUCH better. You are right. I don't think he drank the alcohol because of me it was new yrs and we were both drinking but it definitely made him react differently than he would have otherwise. But at the same time it did me too. I also should have backed off some without saying I was going to. There is no excuse for things he said though.
Author Alora24 Posted January 25, 2021 Author Posted January 25, 2021 3 hours ago, FMW said: I don't disagree that he didn't react well to the situation, and maybe it is best for her to move on. But it's good for OP to acknowledge (which she has) her own reaction to the New Years situation wasn't emotionally mature either. Understanding and sensitivity goes both ways. It was immature of me too I agree. Emotions were running high with me I lashed out too in a different way. It does not excuse what all he said to me. It does make me sad but I will live either way. I do hope he is ok and finds a way to deal with situations differently and to be happier. I just felt he needed a break from me also with the other stresses he is dealing with obviously I was right.
FMW Posted January 25, 2021 Posted January 25, 2021 If the only way you could possibly move forward with him is if he apologizes for his outburst, then it seems to me the answer is you don't contact him, you leave him alone. If he wants to apologize he will reach out to you, he doesn't need you to smooth the way by reaching out first. Or if he does, then the apology might not count for much even if he gives one. If he's genuinely sorry for what he said, he'll do something about it without any prompting from you. You haven't mentioned anything that would reasonably keep him from being the one to contact you if he truly wanted to move past it and continue seeing each other. My guess is he also feels thing can't move forward without an apology from you. The fact that you didn't make it together 15 years ago, along with this current situation is a good indication you aren't compatible. Still having feelings or even loving each other doesn't change that. Keep your distance and see if he chooses to do anything. But if this isn't resolved fairly quickly it's probably best to let your relationships with him go for good this time.
Author Alora24 Posted January 26, 2021 Author Posted January 26, 2021 1 hour ago, FMW said: If the only way you could possibly move forward with him is if he apologizes for his outburst, then it seems to me the answer is you don't contact him, you leave him alone. If he wants to apologize he will reach out to you, he doesn't need you to smooth the way by reaching out first. Or if he does, then the apology might not count for much even if he gives one. If he's genuinely sorry for what he said, he'll do something about it without any prompting from you. You haven't mentioned anything that would reasonably keep him from being the one to contact you if he truly wanted to move past it and continue seeing each other. My guess is he also feels thing can't move forward without an apology from you. The fact that you didn't make it together 15 years ago, along with this current situation is a good indication you aren't compatible. Still having feelings or even loving each other doesn't change that. Keep your distance and see if he chooses to do anything. But if this isn't resolved fairly quickly it's probably best to let your relationships with him go for good this time. I guess I don't pay much attention to us not going far when we were young. We were in our early 20's and it was just a different time for both of us. There was always feelings but was also fun. I do think he probably thinks I would have text him by now. He could possibly still reach out but I'm not sure it will be yet. I'm not sure what I feel about it anyway. I care for him and hope he finds a way to get past what he is going through.
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