Amazing first date, lousy texter

[Pinkpoet]

I am a single late 20s woman who was not looking to date at this time. However, an attractive guy my same age stopped me in the street recently to talk to me. We hit it off and next thing I knew he was asking me to grab drinks that night. 

I typically would NEVER have said yes to his invitation, but something was telling me to “come out of my shell” and go for it! 

I went into the date with no expectations or even much enthusiasm. But once we met up, I quickly realized I was chatting with the male version of myself. We were so relaxed around each other, as if we had been lifelong friends. We had so much in common, from music to movies, favorite cities, similar upbringings, the list goes on... 

I found it peculiar that he told me what his love language was. He even told me “this is the best first date I’ve ever been on. We’re so comfortable around each other.” And then he asked me “what are you looking for?” I jokingly replied that I wasn’t looking for anything that day, that I was simply trying to go for a walk but now I met him and I don’t know... He said he felt the same way and that he’s “taking it a day at a time.”

Fast forward: we headed back to my place after drinks and we continued nonstop talking for another few hours. After this, we mutually finally made a move and kissed. Next thing I knew, we slept together. It was great! 

He stayed the next day until like 2 p.m. Kissed me on the lips that morning multiple times. He even kissed me goodbye. He texted me within an hour of leaving my house to say what a great time he had and how nice it was to meet me.

As far as I’m concerned, we had an amazing connection and a fun night. We have texted here and there but nothing consistent. Typically, I’ve started the conversations. Something as simple as me sending him a link to a restaurant we talked about in-person and him replying with “we should go some time!” 

It’s been a little more than a week now since our encounter. He always replies to our conversations but it will literally be hours later or even the next day. I have super mixed signals since he says things that indicate future plans, but then he also doesn’t seem to have the interest to text me back in a time appropriate manner. 
 

Let me know what you guys think is going on please. How should I proceed? 

[FMW]

Stop initiating texts and see what he does.  

[d0nnivain]

You can't run a relationship off texts.  So stop trying.  If you have fun when you are together, let that be your guide.  

If you back off see what he does next.  That will tell you everything you need to know. 

[Wiseman2]

Is he living with someone?

[Pinkpoet]

24 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Is he living with someone?

Not that I know of! But that’s a great question... As far as I know, he’s single. 

[dramafreezone]

I don't get it.  You said you had such an amazing time on the date, so why not just focus on making another one of those?

Everyone doesn't want to communicate on texts.  To me texts are just for confirming details of the date or just saying hi, not for holding conversations.  Also, it's possible that he's dating other women (actually very possible based on how he approached you), so it's not always realistic to expect him to be hyperfocused on you.

If you really like him, say "when are we going out again" let him set the date, and just enjoy the experience.  Otherwise, you can play the cat and mouse game that's perpetuated so much in our culture and risk losing someone you really like.  If he won't set a date then I'd just move on, maybe he's just a player.

Edited January 19, 2021 by dramafreezone

[ShyViolet]

Stop over-analyzing his texting style and just go on a second date with him (if he is actually interested in that) and see how it goes.  People are really starting to live through their phones so much these days, that they forget to live in person.

[basil67]

I'm guessing that it's not so much the texting per se, but that you'd like him to show some enthusiasm - whether it be texting, calling, or setting a new date in the not too distant future.  Sadly, he doesn't sound very enthusiastic.  

I know his words and behaviour said otherwise on the date, but could this have been a one night stand for him with a whole lot of fakery?   Given his smoothness when asking you out, I wouldn't rule it out.

[smackie9]

I think he got what he wanted. The pickup game, mirroring, mixed with confidence.

An interested man asks for another date right away (my experience) so that no one else scoops you up. This guy is giving you breadcrumbs now.

Edited January 19, 2021 by smackie9

[Perdu]

Probaly you read into the date more than he did and now you have expectations. Texting him too often won't get anywhere. If he is interested in anything further, he'll definitely let you know, since he is not shy to express his interest. If he doesn't, let him go, bag this up as just what it was (a pleasant date/experience) and move forward.

 

 

 

[Interstellar]

3 hours ago, dramafreezone said:

If you really like him, say "when are we going out again" let him set the date, and just enjoy the experience.  

OP, this is really, really complicated stuff.

[dramafreezone]

29 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

I think he got what he wanted. The pickup game, mirroring, mixed with confidence.

An interested man asks for another date right away (my experience) so that no one else scoops you up. This guy is giving you breadcrumbs now.

 

Well, there's a difference between being intersted and having a scarcity mindset.

Based on the way this guy approached her, I would say that he doesn't have much of an issue getting women.  So he may be incapable of having that sense of urgency you speak of.  I wouldn't say he's not interested, just that he's not hungry for companionship.

[poppyfields]

43 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

An interested man asks for another date right away (my experience) so that no one else scoops you up. 

Bolded - I have often wondered if men truly feel that way.  That if/when they need some space to let the date marinate, or decide what they want to happen, or where they want a particular dating experience to go, do they worry about the woman being "scooped up" by another man?

I have brothers, and they never felt this way.  Not that they shared with me and I am very close to two.    I was also in a meet up support group years ago and the men never felt that way.  If they were ambivalent or undecided (not uncommon) they rarely worried about her being scooped up by another man.

That is not what motivated them, which I think is healthy.   I know for me, if a man were uncertain about me or where he wanted the relationship to go, for whatever his own reasons, I would not want him moving forward with me out of FEAR that I might be scooped up by another man.  That's wreaks of fear, anxiety and insecurity to me.

I would want him moving forward with me because he had the desire to from his heart, not due to his fear or insecurity of losing me to another man.

Edited January 19, 2021 by poppyfields

[Allupinnit]

If he's attractive, fun, and you enjoyed yourself on the first date enough to sleep with him, you can bet he's great with other strange women, too.  His random pick-up was way too smooth.

I'm sorry - I think you got played.  Interested men act interested.

[Mrin]

Mmmmmm for me it isn't like that but the result is the same. If I fancy a woman I make sure she knows it and usually have the next date scheduled before the current one is over. It isn't so much as cockblocking the other guys but rather eliminating any doubt from her mind as to my interest and let her decide how she feels about me. 

Put another way, three things can happen if you let a woman wonder about your interest level and none of them are good (in the long term).

1. She will pull back the reins on how she feels about you and may talk herself out of being interested. You also run the risk of being "committeed" by her friends. 

2. She will get insecure and do the pick me dance. Which could be fun to be on the receiving end but instilling that sort of insecurity in the woman you're interested in is not exactly a good foundation for a relationship.

3. She will find another dude. 

[poppyfields]

8 minutes ago, Mrin said:

If I fancy a woman I make sure she knows it and usually have the next date scheduled before the current one is over. It isn't so much as cockblocking the other guys but rather eliminating any doubt from her mind as to my interest and let her decide how she feels about me. 

That's healthy! 

Edited January 19, 2021 by poppyfields

[fred123]

5 hours ago, Pinkpoet said:

I am a single late 20s woman who was not looking to date at this time. However, an attractive guy my same age stopped me in the street recently to talk to me. We hit it off and next thing I knew he was asking me to grab drinks that night. 

I typically would NEVER have said yes to his invitation, but something was telling me to “come out of my shell” and go for it! 

I went into the date with no expectations or even much enthusiasm. But once we met up, I quickly realized I was chatting with the male version of myself. We were so relaxed around each other, as if we had been lifelong friends. We had so much in common, from music to movies, favorite cities, similar upbringings, the list goes on... 

I found it peculiar that he told me what his love language was. He even told me “this is the best first date I’ve ever been on. We’re so comfortable around each other.” And then he asked me “what are you looking for?” I jokingly replied that I wasn’t looking for anything that day, that I was simply trying to go for a walk but now I met him and I don’t know... He said he felt the same way and that he’s “taking it a day at a time.”

Fast forward: we headed back to my place after drinks and we continued nonstop talking for another few hours. After this, we mutually finally made a move and kissed. Next thing I knew, we slept together. It was great! 

He stayed the next day until like 2 p.m. Kissed me on the lips that morning multiple times. He even kissed me goodbye. He texted me within an hour of leaving my house to say what a great time he had and how nice it was to meet me.

As far as I’m concerned, we had an amazing connection and a fun night. We have texted here and there but nothing consistent. Typically, I’ve started the conversations. Something as simple as me sending him a link to a restaurant we talked about in-person and him replying with “we should go some time!” 

It’s been a little more than a week now since our encounter. He always replies to our conversations but it will literally be hours later or even the next day. I have super mixed signals since he says things that indicate future plans, but then he also doesn’t seem to have the interest to text me back in a time appropriate manner. 
 

Let me know what you guys think is going on please. How should I proceed? 

do you normally sleep with a guy on first meet? he clearly is PUA and good looking and does this regularly.

Looks is what gets men laid easily:)

[Lotsgoingon]

He's not interested. And sometimes guys retreat like this because they like you but don't want a relationship. He doesn't know how to tell you that. Delayed texting--no such thing. It's a statement. Not initiating contact--that's a statement.

I know: horrible conclusion but he's not interested in further contact.

[Be Cool]

He's got the sex right on the 1st try, so now you're the chaser, not him. 

You know what you really NEED to do in this kind of situation? You stop initiating to force him to initiate contact with you, which he most likely will because hey easy sex.

 

[dramafreezone]

3 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said:

He's not interested. And sometimes guys retreat like this because they like you but don't want a relationship. He doesn't know how to tell you that. Delayed texting--no such thing. It's a statement. Not initiating contact--that's a statement.

I know: horrible conclusion but he's not interested in further contact.

I don't know about that.  He's probably just not interested in a relationship if she was giving off relationship vibes after the first date.  It sounds like he gets around so he probably knows the signs of someone getting attacted super quickly.

[elaine567]

9 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Bolded - I have often wondered if men truly feel that way.  That if/when they need some space to let the date marinate, or decide what they want to happen, or where they want a particular dating experience to go, do they worry about the woman being "scooped up" by another man?

I have brothers, and they never felt this way.  Not that they shared with me and I am very close to two.    I was also in a meet up support group years ago and the men never felt that way.  If they were ambivalent or undecided (not uncommon) they rarely worried about her being scooped up by another man.

When anyone finds  a person they are really interested in, it is human nature to want to lock that person down, so that they do not go off with someone else. So whether they admit it or not, of course they are worried about that.
Of course they do not want to lose out to another man.
They do not want to miss out on a good thing, so they are proactive.
Playing it cool, when there is so much at stake, is likely a losing strategy.
Men play it cool when they know they have her hooked anyway, or they know she is desperate or they are not that into her.

No-one is really worrying about anyone they are undecided or ambivalent about. Easy come, easy go.

[GeorgiaPeach1]

My guess is that after the initial rush wore off, he's wondering how often you do this. 

[peach302]

22 hours ago, Pinkpoet said:

I am a single late 20s woman who was not looking to date at this time. However, an attractive guy my same age stopped me in the street recently to talk to me. We hit it off and next thing I knew he was asking me to grab drinks that night. 

I typically would NEVER have said yes to his invitation, but something was telling me to “come out of my shell” and go for it! 

I went into the date with no expectations or even much enthusiasm. But once we met up, I quickly realized I was chatting with the male version of myself. We were so relaxed around each other, as if we had been lifelong friends. We had so much in common, from music to movies, favorite cities, similar upbringings, the list goes on... 

I found it peculiar that he told me what his love language was. He even told me “this is the best first date I’ve ever been on. We’re so comfortable around each other.” And then he asked me “what are you looking for?” I jokingly replied that I wasn’t looking for anything that day, that I was simply trying to go for a walk but now I met him and I don’t know... He said he felt the same way and that he’s “taking it a day at a time.”

Fast forward: we headed back to my place after drinks and we continued nonstop talking for another few hours. After this, we mutually finally made a move and kissed. Next thing I knew, we slept together. It was great! 

He stayed the next day until like 2 p.m. Kissed me on the lips that morning multiple times. He even kissed me goodbye. He texted me within an hour of leaving my house to say what a great time he had and how nice it was to meet me.

As far as I’m concerned, we had an amazing connection and a fun night. We have texted here and there but nothing consistent. Typically, I’ve started the conversations. Something as simple as me sending him a link to a restaurant we talked about in-person and him replying with “we should go some time!” 

It’s been a little more than a week now since our encounter. He always replies to our conversations but it will literally be hours later or even the next day. I have super mixed signals since he says things that indicate future plans, but then he also doesn’t seem to have the interest to text me back in a time appropriate manner. 
 

Let me know what you guys think is going on please. How should I proceed? 

Sleeping with a guy the first time you meet them..is never  a good idea.

You will always run the risk of them ghosting you. And more often than not it happens. 

I think let him come to you now because at the moment it looks like you've lost all your power..and you're  trying to lock him down. Which isn't attractive. Its a turn off. 

[smackie9]

18 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Bolded - I have often wondered if men truly feel that way.  That if/when they need some space to let the date marinate, or decide what they want to happen, or where they want a particular dating experience to go, do they worry about the woman being "scooped up" by another man?

I have brothers, and they never felt this way.  Not that they shared with me and I am very close to two.    I was also in a meet up support group years ago and the men never felt that way.  If they were ambivalent or undecided (not uncommon) they rarely worried about her being scooped up by another man.

That is not what motivated them, which I think is healthy.   I know for me, if a man were uncertain about me or where he wanted the relationship to go, for whatever his own reasons, I would not want him moving forward with me out of FEAR that I might be scooped up by another man.  That's wreaks of fear, anxiety and insecurity to me.

I would want him moving forward with me because he had the desire to from his heart, not due to his fear or insecurity of losing me to another man.

Men won't admit to it, because you are right, it's a sign of weakness/unhealthy...no different them not wanting admit they have a small penis.

[stillafool]

I'm just glad you are okay OP because you put yourself in danger going off with a stranger on the street for drinks and then bringing him back home for sex.  You don't even know where he lives or if he has diseases.   Very dangerous.