lady_E Posted January 18, 2021 Posted January 18, 2021 Have you ever wondered if you should let a good thing in the moment go because your future with someone looks a like you maybe wasted your time? I've been with my man now for 3 years and everything is going good. Yes we have our problems like any normal couple but we are happy. I thought the goal was to build a life together and become one. But that's not what he has in mind. He has informed me that he believes that we should both have our own and I get it us females do damage men and they bring that hurt and pain into their next relationship but I'm not his ex. Just because his ex put him out and she showed him a nasty side of living with someone doesn't mean that I should pay for it. I deserve to have a family, live under the same house and build together. Not build separate but be together. I don't wanna look back 5 years from now and notice that I've wasted my time. That being in love with this person and trying to live in the moment got me nowhere.
FMW Posted January 18, 2021 Posted January 18, 2021 After three years he knows what he wants and he's not going to change. If you want to share a home and family, he's not the guy that will give that to you. Living in the moment only works if you have no expectations or outcome goals.
dramafreezone Posted January 18, 2021 Posted January 18, 2021 Is marriage a non-negotiable? If so, then why stick around? Do you think you won't find anything better than this guy that doesn't want to get married? I suspect you know all of this already though. 1
d0nnivain Posted January 18, 2021 Posted January 18, 2021 If he's over 30 & saying no to what you want, take him at his word. then you have to decide whether you want the half a loaf he's offering you or if you want to walk fully away.
Ami1uwant Posted January 18, 2021 Posted January 18, 2021 This isn’t living in the moment. living in the moment is early dating with someone you are having fun but you feel based on early info this isn’t going to be marriage because of some fundamental differences ( religion, wanting kids, wanting to get married, different long term goals ) after 3 yrs he doesn’t want to marry you..why when the milking is free.
ShyViolet Posted January 18, 2021 Posted January 18, 2021 If you and him don't want the same things long-term, then you are going to have to break up with him and find someone else. If you feel like being with him is "wasting your time" then just end it.
smackie9 Posted January 20, 2021 Posted January 20, 2021 Then you dump him and move on. He has his mind made up, you feel you don't deserve to take the brunt of what happened in his past...you get rid of him and find someone who is willing to fully share his life with you. May as well scrap it now, and not waste another minute.
amygirl908 Posted January 22, 2021 Posted January 22, 2021 On 1/18/2021 at 2:47 PM, lady_E said: Just because his ex put him out and she showed him a nasty side of living with someone doesn't mean that I should pay for it. You should 100% not have to take responsibility for someone else's behavior. This was something I used to do a lot and I'm still working on it. I projected all the hurt and anger from my previous relationships and that is simply not fair to the new person. They're not responsible for cleaning up someone's mess. If he's not willing to see that after three years you're not his ex I think you might just need to move on. He's got something he needs to work through and he's got to be ready to do that. 1
peach302 Posted January 22, 2021 Posted January 22, 2021 On 1/18/2021 at 7:47 PM, lady_E said: Have you ever wondered if you should let a good thing in the moment go because your future with someone looks a like you maybe wasted your time? I've been with my man now for 3 years and everything is going good. Yes we have our problems like any normal couple but we are happy. I thought the goal was to build a life together and become one. But that's not what he has in mind. He has informed me that he believes that we should both have our own and I get it us females do damage men and they bring that hurt and pain into their next relationship but I'm not his ex. Just because his ex put him out and she showed him a nasty side of living with someone doesn't mean that I should pay for it. I deserve to have a family, live under the same house and build together. Not build separate but be together. I don't wanna look back 5 years from now and notice that I've wasted my time. That being in love with this person and trying to live in the moment got me nowhere. Move on. He doesn't want the same things as you. .. for whatever reason. Otherwise you will end up resenting him and regretting the time you wasted on this situationship. 1
Pumaza Posted January 22, 2021 Posted January 22, 2021 First thing first,are you married?? If not he sure shouldnt trust and relay on you.Specially also after such situation.Dont know.his story,and a story have two sides. And you cant blame all women.Its his situation anf his ex! If you guys are not married its best you sure focus on having your own stuff. If you guys marry then both can have same right and no one van put no one out also. Anf if you feel this is not the one or he clearly dont want what you want atall,ever, maybe its time to move on.
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