trident_2020 Posted January 17, 2021 Posted January 17, 2021 I don't see anything strange at all. She met you and didn't feel the spark. Happens on first dates all the time. Unfortunately in this case a lot of time and effort was wasted. That's why long distance relationships aren't "real" until the two parties meet. 1
ShyViolet Posted January 17, 2021 Posted January 17, 2021 My only question is, why are you having some stranger who you just met online, who lives far away, take a plane ride to come see you at all? This is a massive waste of time. Stop seeking out long-distance relationships. It makes no sense. You should be dating locally. I think a lot of people seek out these ridiculous long-distance relationships because they are just avoiding the intimacy of real dating.
trident_2020 Posted January 17, 2021 Posted January 17, 2021 My dad is now 91. He was online dating from his 60's right up to around age 80. He's currently single and has hung up his dating profile for good. But when he was online dating he'd fly all around the country to meet women after chatting with them for a period of time. He said there were no good local options. For whatever that's worth. As far as "why is she having some stranger take a ride to come see you because it's a waste of time" Its not a waste of time for HIM. Why should HE care if the girl is good with it. Clearly she was ok with taking the chance.
Author fred123 Posted January 17, 2021 Author Posted January 17, 2021 1 hour ago, trident_2020 said: I don't see anything strange at all. She met you and didn't feel the spark. Happens on first dates all the time. Unfortunately in this case a lot of time and effort was wasted. That's why long distance relationships aren't "real" until the two parties meet. yes i understand that after we met that can happen and did. But my post was about the lead up to meeting
Author fred123 Posted January 17, 2021 Author Posted January 17, 2021 2 hours ago, Alvi said: Yes, that is strange indeed. A person whom you've never met in person has some strong feelings for you. A definite red flag. Sounds like a scammer or a catfish to be honest here. Or maybe she is married woman living up a fantasy but never intended to take it any further, aka meeting you for real. Like other posters have mentioned already, why are you interested in long distance women? Better to date ONLY local women. there are numerous stories about people doing this. In this instance i didnt seek this out with this girl. This is more a question of boundaries and gauging interest. This could be the same for dating a local girl which i have before. generic question: why and what is the reason women seem very interested saying sweet things then turn cold and blame it on being busy?! are some actually were interested or women who act like this were never interested from the beginning
BaileyB Posted January 17, 2021 Posted January 17, 2021 (edited) 2 hours ago, fred123 said: are some actually were interested or women who act like this were never interested from the beginning Fred, there are just too many variables to know. The simple truth is, you are investing a lot in women that you have not met, some of whom will have ulterior motives to travel and meet you. You must be prepared for things not to work out - this is not usually how normal, healthy relationships develop. Edited January 17, 2021 by BaileyB 1
Author fred123 Posted January 17, 2021 Author Posted January 17, 2021 7 minutes ago, BaileyB said: Fred, there are just too many variables to know. The simple truth is, you are investing a lot in women that you have not met, some of whom will have ulterior motives to travel and meet you. You must be prepared for things not to work out - this is not usually how normal, healthy relationships develop. yes of course. so many sucxessful stories though
trident_2020 Posted January 17, 2021 Posted January 17, 2021 3 hours ago, fred123 said: yes i understand that after we met that can happen and did. But my post was about the lead up to meeting Actually your post was mostly about what happened after you met, which is why me and others responded as we did. It is rather odd that you never spoke on the phone beforehand.
BaileyB Posted January 17, 2021 Posted January 17, 2021 9 minutes ago, fred123 said: yes of course. so many sucxessful stories though Not that many...
chillii Posted January 17, 2021 Posted January 17, 2021 (edited) You see how ridiculous forums can be , l think it was in another thread of yours just bc you drove two hrs to see someone they're basically calling you desperate, but eh , here's a lady actually getting on a plane to come and see you , so what would that make her then ? - l'd call it reality . Anyway look this is a really big thing for her to do and to organize, and she;ll be bervous as hell too. You might remember we've been living this way nearly 3yrs. We always drop way off in the wk before she's coming home, she has so much to do so we don't add the extra of messaging and too much bs into her time , we'll be seeing each other soon anyway so. Another thing is she gets really nervous about the trip too so she's not quite herself in the wk or so before , really hates doing the trip , add all the stresses, so it's just easier all round when we back off which just happens naturally anyway. lt could just be as simple as that with your situation . l know you'll be thinking it's fizzling now before she's even left , but maybe not , it could just be nerves and so busy . Edited January 17, 2021 by chillii
Maldives Posted January 17, 2021 Posted January 17, 2021 She's not coming mate really simple. She most likely probably never was by the sounds of it. 1
trident_2020 Posted January 17, 2021 Posted January 17, 2021 2 minutes ago, Goodguy05 said: She's not coming mate really simple. She most likely probably never was by the sounds of it. I didn't realize she never made the trip. I thought she met him and then ghosted. Now that I re-read the thread in this new context I realize that yes, she was just messing with him there never was a flight booked, she never intended to make the trip. Nothing more than a game to her. 1
Author fred123 Posted January 17, 2021 Author Posted January 17, 2021 13 minutes ago, trident_2020 said: I didn't realize she never made the trip. I thought she met him and then ghosted. Now that I re-read the thread in this new context I realize that yes, she was just messing with him there never was a flight booked, she never intended to make the trip. Nothing more than a game to her. no guys just to clear it up she did fly in to london but she came with her best friend. they stayed together in a hotel. trip ended badly she wasnt interested and ignored me the first night. but the signs beforehand now makes sense
trident_2020 Posted January 17, 2021 Posted January 17, 2021 Ok it wasn't a game she just didn't feel it. Or whatever happened to make the trip end badly sealed your fate. What caused the trip to end badly?
elaine567 Posted January 17, 2021 Posted January 17, 2021 5 minutes ago, trident_2020 said: What caused the trip to end badly? The trip ended badly for Fred, she and her best friend no doubt enjoyed their trip to London. 3
BaileyB Posted January 18, 2021 Posted January 18, 2021 I can’t imagine travelling with a friend to meet a man. Just not something I would ever do. Clearly, they had other plans in London...
trident_2020 Posted January 18, 2021 Posted January 18, 2021 In this crazy world of nutjobs and serial killers and sociopaths, planning a distant trip to meet someone who is essentially a stranger.. bringing a friend and making it a combination sightseeing trip doesn't seem like the worst decision.
Author fred123 Posted January 18, 2021 Author Posted January 18, 2021 2 hours ago, trident_2020 said: Actually your post was mostly about what happened after you met, which is why me and others responded as we did. It is rather odd that you never spoke on the phone beforehand. yes i agree. thats the weird thing. a girl literally telling me how much she likes me and is flying all the way just to see me yet hasnt made time to speak with me. I mean dont her friends think that is strange too?!
BaileyB Posted January 18, 2021 Posted January 18, 2021 (edited) If I was her friend and we travelled to London together, I’d be less than happy if my friend left me to go and spend time with a man she had never met. So no, I wouldn’t find that strange at all. Edited January 18, 2021 by BaileyB
trident_2020 Posted January 18, 2021 Posted January 18, 2021 1 hour ago, fred123 said: yes i agree. thats the weird thing. a girl literally telling me how much she likes me and is flying all the way just to see me yet hasnt made time to speak with me. I mean dont her friends think that is strange too?! I don't think what happened after the date is weird at all. It happens all the time, there's no click for at least one of the two people and it ends there. In this case there was some build up beforehand because you couldn't meet right away. The weird thing is that you never even spoke on the phone before she flew out there. I don't think her friends think it's weird that she didn't feel the spark, almost anyone who dates regularly has this experience. 2
trident_2020 Posted January 18, 2021 Posted January 18, 2021 40 minutes ago, BaileyB said: If I was her friend and we travelled to London together, I’d be less than happy if my friend left me to go and spend time with a man she had never met. So no, I wouldn’t find that strange at all. Well sure but it was probably agreed upon ahead of time that they'd spend most of the vacation together but she'd take a few hours to meet the guy she's been corresponding with. Maybe they planned to spend more time with all three of them checking out London maybe with him acting as a tour guide if they hit it off but of course I'm just speculating here.
Author fred123 Posted January 18, 2021 Author Posted January 18, 2021 53 minutes ago, trident_2020 said: I don't think what happened after the date is weird at all. It happens all the time, there's no click for at least one of the two people and it ends there. In this case there was some build up beforehand because you couldn't meet right away. The weird thing is that you never even spoke on the phone before she flew out there. I don't think her friends think it's weird that she didn't feel the spark, almost anyone who dates regularly has this experience. I understand after the date is weird at all and i agree with you about that. sparks just sometimes dont fly. You misunderstood what i said about her friends. I said that dont you think her friends find it strange that she is flying to another country to see a guy she really likes and has feelings for but yet has not spoken or video called him. If you really like a guy enough to fly out to see him it is incongruent that she doesnt feel the need to every speak or face time no? that was my point i was making 1
Author fred123 Posted January 18, 2021 Author Posted January 18, 2021 54 minutes ago, trident_2020 said: Well sure but it was probably agreed upon ahead of time that they'd spend most of the vacation together but she'd take a few hours to meet the guy she's been corresponding with. Maybe they planned to spend more time with all three of them checking out London maybe with him acting as a tour guide if they hit it off but of course I'm just speculating here. will send u the conversation with regards to that but yes maybe she came to see London mainly. I was not living in London but in another city, why didnt she come to my city? hmm
Author fred123 Posted January 18, 2021 Author Posted January 18, 2021 2 hours ago, BaileyB said: I can’t imagine travelling with a friend to meet a man. Just not something I would ever do. Clearly, they had other plans in London... exactly. Funny enough originally I was going to fly to her city or berlin even, so i was happy taking the risk. Then she Uturned me by coming to london with her friend. will post this particular convo
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