I think I'm done dating. I just don't think God has one out there for me.

[basil67]

@poppyfields there is no rule.  Like Ellener, my attraction starts with them being good company and fun to be around.   If they tick that box, physical attraction will follow.

[Versacehottie]

14 minutes ago, trident_2020 said:

She started a thread about it. 

ohhhhh found it....well yeah.  two points from finding that thread:

1. If it was the first date, in a way, I think the guy is already somewhat showing you what he thinks of you as gf material if you ended up in bed (generalization).  And AGAIN, if you want to play the odds/the game, you probably shouldn't have ended up there.  for lots of reasons but I will go with most common: you want to not convey the desperate & pressured vibe then keep a boundary until you know what he's about more & the act of sleeping together won't be unnecessary pressure to the relationship.  Also with what happened, you are two people who didn't know each other well, if you had perhaps you would have been able to navigate this situation because there would be a genuine emotional connection behind your dating.  That usually develops over a bit of time.  Not a ton, but some.

2. As I said, in one of my posts above, socialization could use some work.  Granted your being in that situation was pretty high pressure--difficult to choose your words carefully, etc.  But I do think what is said to someone, shows what is in your mind as far as your concern for them and it wasn't helping you as far as sustaining an interpersonal relationship with this guy.  It was from the perspective of you (entitled/selfish) not US.  Like the majority of the responses on this thread, there has to be an element of what a person will "get" from you and it has to be "good" for them in order for them to keep wanting you in their life.  

Obviously sometimes you can do lots of things right and still not be getting what you want.  That should be the goal though.  Get yourself in the position where you are doing the majority of what you do "right" so YOU have the power of choice and things are likely to go your way.  I don't think you've been doing enough of 'getting things right' and enough reps (pure dates) to actually have created the environment that would give birth to a relationship.  Some of that is within your power to change.

Edited January 18, 2021 by Versacehottie

[crappedmypantsthrice]

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone. You've given me a lot to think about. 

 

I have a girls' trip planned for next weekend, so hopefully the fun and sun will cleanse my soul. Sometimes we all need a little re-set. 

 

I am just not in a good head space right now, mostly to do with the way things have been with my "friend" lately. This last week, when I had a date to look forward to, my mood was much better, light and free. 

 

I just need to do some soul-searching and praying. And probably a few good cries. 

 

[trident_2020]

Don't stress eat. 

 

[crappedmypantsthrice]

Just now, trident_2020 said:

Don't stress eat. 

 

 

Haha, you know me so well. 

[Versacehottie]

Yeah with the "friend" (if I'm remembering the right thread) you just need to cut that off. Unrequited love is going to put you in a bad headspace.  That is the first step into showing YOURSELF that you are worth something more than you've been getting and are deserving, ie not hang onto someone who won't give you what you want and/or is toying with you.

Glad you have a girls trip planned. Have fun!

[poppyfields]

31 minutes ago, basil67 said:

@poppyfields there is no rule.  Like Ellener, my attraction starts with them being good company and fun to be around.   If they tick that box, physical attraction will follow.

Fair enough basil, too late for me to edit, but should have added "for many people." Or "some people." 

[Ellener]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

Unless you meet someone organically and get to know their nature and personality over time, looks, physical attraction is where it begins.  

Yes, looks are subjective but nevertheless, it is still where it begins. 

Physical attraction has always been just sex for me...nothing to do with a relationship ( unfortunately, sometimes! )

[crappedmypantsthrice]

Well cry number one has commenced. I can only hope it gets easier from here. 

[Wiseman2]

I don't believe in leagues. Too subjective.

Look around you. The couples you typically see in everyday life aren't Hollywood star material. Just people.

Raise your confidence level. Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps. Just start talking to and meeting men who interest you.

It's that simple. Forget about calculating "chances". That's the coward's way. Just step out there. Take a chance and learn to brush things off and keep moving forward.

[chillii]

On 1/17/2021 at 1:01 PM, crappedmypantsthrice said:

 

To answer....the date (at least the first part), not the guy, WAS really, really lovely. It was nice chatting and getting to know someone over coffee. It was nice to laugh. That said, he doesn't really have his life together. I'll put it this way.....he wore pajama pants to our date. 

 

I think the primary thing I can think of would be my weight. Which, in and of itself, may not be the problem. But...it definitely reduces the quantity and quality of guys that I am able to attract and interest. 

Yes this is something and I can and am working on, but...I really don't know that it is ultimately the solution. After all, there are overweight women with great love lives/partners. There are thin women who struggle to date. I believe in the Lord/destiny/kismet, whatever you want to call it. I guess I feel like....if my destiny is to be single, it's not going to matter what I look like. And, by equal measure, if my destiny is to be partnered, it's not going to matter what I look like. I don't think God is up there, coming up with a divine plan and attaching a "But only if you are a size 6" clause to the deal. 

So then I come back to the idea that.....maybe I am just....burdened to be single all my life. Some people are. Why not me? 

 

As to the friend, he is male. Yes, we've had a couple of dates and some romantic notions, I'll say. No sex. We had a falling out, so it's difficult to immediately establish what we once had, but we agreed to be friends and see where/how things go. 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh I have no doubt that I am attracting the wrong types of guys. Or, to be more precise....I am not attracting the right types of guys. But...that is what it is. I can't force people to be attracted to me. So, I take what I can get....what else can I do? 

Also...this particular date *was* just about having a good time, getting to know someone, not a relationship. 

 

 

 

 

Yes, it's the same guy. And yes, I am in the friend zone. So, why is it so crazy for me to actually expect the guy to....oh, I dunno.....be a friend? Haha. Crazy concept, I know. Everything I expect of him is the same thing I would expect of any other friend, man or woman. 

And, no I'm not chasing him. Since my last post, I decided that I was going to chase him no longer. But....the fact is HE reached out to ME, and we made plans to see each other. And the reason I didn't freak out when the plans didn't work out is precisely because I'm not chasing him. 

 

 

Well , weight's not a problem if your upfront and use honest pictures , date site whatever, no surprises . Lot of guys love a little extra . In general though yeah it would make a lot of difference but eh , not to everyone like l say. And yeah there's plenty of heavy women in relationships doesn't mean guys were beating the door down though , only takes one.

But nah , you don't expect the same thing from a guy supposed friend that you would real friends that's crazy dreamin.  Friends in this situation usually just means there's not much there , it's politeness , take it with a grain of salt you'll usually both just move on eventually.

 

 

 

[girlnextdoor2020]

On 1/17/2021 at 12:52 AM, crappedmypantsthrice said:

I had a date today that started out really, really lovely. But, I said something that was intended to be a compliment, but he took it as an insult, and his mood completely changed, and ultimately, the date ended up being a disaster. It makes me want to give up on dating altogether. I didn't have a ton invested in this particular guy...and truthfully, while I enjoyed talking with him, getting to know him, I didn't see him as a long-term thing. So.....I don't know why it's hitting me so hard. I just feel like...I'm not getting a lot of offers, I'm going to have to settle, and it just....sucks. And I hate feeling this way. 

The friend I had mentioned in a previous post....so we had plans this week, weather permitting, and unfortunately...weather didn't permit. Which is no one's fault...we can't predict the weather....even if we guess, which we did, it can be wrong, which it was. He said the next day should be better, weather wise, and it was...it was perfect, actually. And I never heard from him. I found out the next day that he had worked the previous day till like 2 am. I can't begrudge him for that. Work is and should be his priority. But, what I did find out was that that day, the day after, he had gone and did the activity we had planned with someone else. Male or female, I don't know. I guess it doesn't matter. And, he very well may have had those plans already in place. So again...giving benefit of the doubt. I decide not to make a big deal about it. Rather than assume the worst, I just think it was a set of unfortunate circumstances. 

So circling back to my date....I was going to be in my friend's town for said date. So, I told my friend (casually, no drama, no pressure) that I was going to be in town so if he wanted to grab some lunch, that would be great. Or, I could pop by his house for a bit on my way out of town. His response? "Maybe...if I'm awake. Lol" How frustrating. And just plain rude. And that kind of deflecting would make me upset whether the person was male or female, friend or romantic partner. It's just not right. And more than I would expect from him.

Anyway....my date happened and it went horribly as I stated earlier. In the immediacy after the date, I was really raw and humiliated and I wasn't sure I'd be able to make the drive home. So, I texted him in a panic...telling him I really needed a friend right then (which was true). I didn't hear from him until 9 hours later. 

So...going back to the title, going back to the original paragraph...I just don't think guys are going to work for me. I can't find one to date, I can't find one for a relationship, I can't find one for friendship. So....clearly, there's something wrong with me. I firmly believe that there are some people in this world who just......aren't relationship material, who will be single all their life. Not everyone gets married. Not everyone has a long-time love. Maybe my destiny is to be alone. 

 

 

What I come to realise is that people who won't settle and have higher standards will spend more time on their own and have more dates that lead to nothing until they find the right match. Because they just don't settle.

What I also come to realise is that many coupled people have settled. They didn't find the right match, they just settled for the one available because of co-dependency issues, low self-esteem, loneliness, etc. 

People who do not have those issues do not settle and are happy alone until they find the true match. So I guess what you are seeing in a negative way is actually positive. Or would you rather be unhappy with someone?

I also have been in many bad experiences in dating (check my threads). To me I just feel most guys are very superficial, shallow, only looking for sex, depressed, playing the field and not giving a shyt to anyone, and the list goes on.

Because I do not want any of that and I want a healthy and deep relationship, I have been single for a long time now. I worked a lot on myself and have met guys with whom I knew were wrong but in the past I would get involved with because of loneliness and validation seeking. Not anymore. Now I am happy alone until I find the right one.

I just feel I am not made for OLD (not sure if that's your case), because most of those guys I meet there. I continued on OLD because I knew two girls who met their husbands there, but later I realised that the time they both met them on OLD they were also looking for casual sex and fun only, and they met and got along well. 

But the thing is, I cannot do the casual sex fun thing and go that route so I thinking that is not for me. Also when I talk honestly and openly and go deeper than the basic stuff with those guys, they back off and don't like it.

So, I continue on my own believing I'll meet the right man at the right time. I think you need to stop taking things personally and work on your self-esteem. Be grateful that guy didn't work out, because it's less time spent with the wrong one and one step closer to the right one.

Yes some people stay single forever, but most of them it's because they do not want to be in a couple, so they are closed off to that. If you have that desire to be in a relationship, it will happen.

Positive thinking.

Edited January 18, 2021 by girlnextdoor2020

[Eternal Sunshine]

To be honest, men (especially on the dating sites) only care about 2 things: are you young and are you skinny. Being young and overweight will get you more interest than being old and skinny.

You will hear all about positivity and being happy alone but all of that is BS. People only care about what they see on the surface and are too preoccupied with their own lives to dig deeper. So if you plaster on a fake smile, they will think that you are happy. People that have known me superficially for many years describe me as always cheerful. I am actually the exact opposite of that but I pretend because it makes other people more comfortable.

Secondly, don't give up to work on yourself, or to lose weight or to be happy alone. Time is of great importance for women and regardless of your current age it has to be on your mind. You can work on losing weight in parallel. Also, giving up will only mean that you will go years without a date. The only scenario that I can think where your age doesn't matter is if there was a guy in high school that had a big crush on you and then you meet again etc. I am talking about your age regardless of if you want children or not.

Thirdly, if you look around, most couples have a much better looking female. The only time you will see the opposite is if a guy is very shy and insecure. So keeping that in mind, you have to aim much lower than what you believe your looks currently are. This was another mistake I made. This is probably due to women being less visual or wanting a long term relationship/marriage more than men do.

When all was said and done, I decided that I am happier alone than with what I can realistically attract and removed all my dating profiles 2 years ago. I still went on living my life but I met 0 single men during that time. So if being in a relationship is very important to you, don't do what I did, you will certainly not meet someone when you least expect it. This is sort of the same concept as fate and destiny which doesn't exist either. You will really have to consciously keep looking, especially if you are over 30-35 when everyone is coupled up.

[Weezy1973]

Lots of good ideas out there OP and here’s a few thoughts.

 

1. Losing weight isn’t some magic bullet that will suddenly deliver you a great catch. In fact if you enjoy your current lifestyle which happens to make you overweight, you’d be better off staying the same and matching with someone who likes you just the way you are. Just bear in mind that chances are he’ll be overweight too.

2. Giving up and waiting for fate / God to deliver a man to you won’t work. You actually have to work to get something. 

3. If you want a relationship, stick to relationship oriented dating apps / sites. But also, once COVID is gone, focus on meeting people in real life, in situations where you see the same people over and over. Classes, activity groups, hobbies etc. That can often over time reduce the amount of focus spend on superficial things as you get to know people on a deeper level. 

[winny]

Well, reality of the matter is that some people will die alone.. and some of them will die alone while having husbands and wives and kids. Life is pretty f*cked up like that. 

First of all stop being a victim and start taking control. Continue working on improving yourself and continue looking and trying for what u want in life. Brush off failure and keep moving forward. Thats the only way. 

[josedelamuerte]

On 1/17/2021 at 7:34 PM, trident_2020 said:

Of course you can control your future. Not ALL of it but you can certainly stack the odds in your favor. An overweight sedentary smoker is much more likely to die an early death than the person who is working out at the gym 5 days a week and living a healthy active lifestyle. '

Sure either one can get hit by a truck when crossing the street, but control the stuff you can and let fate do the rest.

As far as your weight goes- overweight women are limited to a much smaller fraction of the dating pool and it's unlikely they'll attract a quality guy. Sorry but that's just how it works.

Stack the odds in your favor- lose the weight and lose the "I can't control destiny" frame of mind and watch your situation get better.

 

This

You're right, you can't force anyone to be attracted to you, but you can certainly do your part to make it easier for them.

Imagine your odd date showed up wearing jeans or dress pants instead of pajamas, had a decent job, a muscular build and impeccable hygiene (or whatever it would take for you to label him as "having his life together"). I'm guessing you'd consider him for something more long term than that one date.

You can't expect the guys to get their act together so you'll approve of them, and then assume that fate will give you a free pass to change nothing about yourself by handing you "the one".

We all gotta do what we can.

[Phallacy]

Dating PTSD. Take a break.

I know I get very dismissive of dates over perceived sleights I hear. 

I mentioned being a veteran to a date and she responded , “so that’s how you did it.”

I was like huh? I think she was trying to figure out how I was a homeowner.

instead of asking her to clarify, I politely ended the date and left.

[amygirl908]

Ok so I realize I'm late to the game and I didn't read all of the posts cause it's too close to 5pm and I want to leave work on time LOL. However, this post really resonated with me because OP... you sound like me 3/4 months ago so here's my two cents. I don't have it all figured out but I feel a lot better than I did 3/4 months ago.

On 1/16/2021 at 7:52 PM, crappedmypantsthrice said:

So....clearly, there's something wrong with me.

This is 100% false. Just remember even serial killers have convinced someone to marry them, dating is just hard especially when you're not willing to settle for something that isn't right to you. I just turned 31 and I'm single. If I ONLY wanted to be married and have kids I could have had that already, but I think there are other factors that play into a successful relationship.

On 1/16/2021 at 8:16 PM, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

Jw if this “friend” is the weird guy you were sort of dating, said let’s just be friends, then asked when your period was. If so, he wasn’t a true friend.

This guy is no friend to you. First he is misunderstanding friendly vs. friends. He wants you to be friendly with him but he's not actually trying to have a friendship with you and if he's asking those types of questions his motivations are certainly questionable. I had a "friend" low key threaten me about legal action against any person who ended up pregnant by him.

On 1/17/2021 at 1:00 PM, primer said:

I have the same dating problem as you and I am not overweight.

Back to how this is 100% not you. Dating has become SO HARD... Now let's sprinkle a little Covid on top and you have one messed up sundae and ain't no one trying to eat it anymore. Where you're at right now... you're sick of eating the sundae and rightfully so! Right now it's gross and nauseating.

I'll tell you what I did and boy has it changed my mindset and how I feel... I stopped dating and started feeling better about myself and then I made a huge mistake - I let someone convince me to date them. When you start feeling good about yourself you put that energy back out into the world and it will attract people to you. Now you shouldn't be totally closed off to the possibility of meeting someone but good energy still attracts frogs... so just make sure they're a good one otherwise it will only set you back further.

After I got dumped by the frog I decided to only date me and focus on myself. I know it sounds dumb, but OP when did you last go on a date with yourself? When did you take yourself out and only do what you wanted to do? Only care about your feelings and needs? For me it had been a long time (years) I had never even considered that I was chasing a relationship to fill a void, but I was. What void was I trying to fill?

Your answer might be different than mine but I realized that I lacked close intimate relationships and self esteem. I realized that because of all the hardships I'd experienced that I had a hard time getting close to people and letting people get close to me. I started reaching out to my friends and family - people I had been keeping at arms length for a long time. I spent time with them and the relationships started to flourish and I started feeling more confident. Now I have so many friends and the relationships aren't just surface level. I built up my life around making myself feel better and I refused to let anything hold me back.

I feel better about myself and just am generally happier than I have ever been. I can't remember being this happy. I don't know when I'm going to start dating again and I do not care, but I know that when I do the guy I pick will be one lucky guy.

Please read this and know that the dating burnout you feel will not last and you are not alone. You have all of the tools within yourself to make it happen. Just get back in touch with the real you and look inside yourself - everything you need to feel better is there. Right now you're burnout from dating, but the amazing woman you are is still there. Push all the BS aside and let her shine! You got this girl! Do not let the dating struggle get you down.

[LivingWaterPlease]

On 1/17/2021 at 10:57 AM, crappedmypantsthrice said:

 

 And once we are together, that he makes me happy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I haven't read your whole thread but it seems to me this may be your issue. Either you are unhappy and it keeps guys you'd like to date away from  you or you are perceived by guys as being unhappy.

Almost all people enjoy being around happy people.  Finding happiness whether you have a bf or not could be the key to your issues. If you want a bf so much that you're going to be unhappy until you find one, you may never find one.

Seems to me that once you find you're happy without a bf you'll end up finding one. Sorry it works that way.

Here are some things you can practice that may seem too simplistic to make a difference in your life. They'll be a good start to a better life.

1. Practice smiling whenever  you see anyone. Practice smiling when no one is around. Smiling has an effect on your feelings.

2. Write a list at the end of the day of five things you are grateful for that happened that day. Could be very small things such as you got through a green light before it turned red when you were in a hurry. Or you saw a little wild flower next to the sidewalk as you walked.

3. Discipline yourself not to talk about negative things with anyone. Don't whine or complain.

4. Focus on the beautiful, not the ugly. Such as when you look in the mirror in the morning find something you like about your hair, the color of your dress or whatever and allow yourself to enjoy it and feel good about it.

5. How about finding a beautiful username that describes a lovely woman? Associate who you are as a person to all that is lovely.

6. There is a saying that could change your life, "Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies." 

7. Don't allow yourself to criticize anyone by word or in  your thoughts. Look for the best in all things.

These things may seem inconsequential but write them out. Post them somewhere that you can see them often so that you'll be reminded to practice them. And watch your life and peoples' reactions to you change.

Edited February 2, 2021 by LivingWaterPlease

[World Peace Guy]

I've also had extremely bad luck in dating. Somewhere around 3 dates total, before I met my wife online when I was about 30 and ready to give up. Been happily married for 20 years, and she decided to divorce me. 

First, I'd like to say, don't expect a guy to be "yes or no" about going out with you. The whole dating scene can be an extreme drag for some people, and he may be hesitant about it for that reason. On the other hand, if he really doesn't make you a priority, after he's had some change to get to know you, then he probably isn't interested. But in the first few dates, he may just be sick of the dating scene.

Wanting it really bad, may be the problem. Giving up, may be a good idea, sort of. If you can find a way to modify your life in a way that you will have opportunities to meet people, without actually looking for them and going on dates. I was ready to give up when I got married. Also, I thought about not marrying her, but what made up my mind was thinking about whether my life would be better with her or without her. So I picked with her, and I was right.

I personally believe the friend zone is BS. That is the ideal place to be. I think the best you can do, is marry a friend, and I believe the smart men and women know this.

Don't judge yourself by how popular you are. Like I said, I've had extremely few dates. Yet, I've been happily married for 20 years, to a woman who wouldn't allow touching, kissing, sex, or even talking, or going for walks or anything, and was sometimes mean to me. Even so, I'm extremely easy to get along with, and extremely understanding, and patient, and fair, etc. The closest we had to an actual fight, was raising our voices a little, and never lasted more than a few minutes. Even our divorce is friendly. Painful for me, but friendly. She seems happy about it. I'm an extremely logical person. I love her, and want her to be happy, and I treat her accordingly.

Anyway, my point is, many dream of meeting a guy like me. Although, I do have what many would consider a major flaw. That is, I'm extremely devoted to ending poverty and bringing World Peace. I believe our survival depends on World Peace, so I work very hard on it, which leaves little time for anything else. That can be hard on a marriage, and hard on the kids, but... Even with that, I'm still an extremely good catch. 'Course, soon I'm going to be moving to Africa and traveling a lot, which many wouldn't like...

The up side of having a really hard time finding a mate, is that it makes you really appreciate it and want to hold on to it. Those who have it easy, are more likely to get divorced, because they expect more from married life. For those who have it very difficult, married life is usually much better than being single.

 

[crappedmypantsthrice]

Just wanted to give a little bit of an update. 

Since this post, I have lost 12 pounds...I know it's not a ton but it's a start. I have a personal trainer now, and the goal was 15 lbs in 3 months time, so I think I should hit that milestone. My diet is better and drink more water. It's still a struggle. I have a knee injury, so I haven't been able to get to the gym as much as I would like. I'm hoping that once I am able to up my physical activity, I'll see even more results. 

I haven't really stepped away from the dating scene, but I have weened off it. Every so often, I will go on a Bumble/Tinder tear, but nothing has materialized. I did have one date, which turned into a hookup. But, that's about it. The guy wasn't a good match for me, but even so, it bugs me that he seems to have lost interest in me. 

Thanks for everyone's thoughts and support. 

 

[trident_2020]

Watch your dating site inbox start filling up with messages as you update your pictures with the new, thinner you.

The reality is, that's what sells.

[Versacehottie]

Congratulations on losing some weight! That's awesome.  I say that not only for the exterior of you (which should help your results like trident says) but also your confidence will likely increase, self-esteem and all that which I think ultimately will be a huge help.  Taking care of yourself on the outside, usually has positive implications because you have to prioritize yourself in order to do that & you also give yourself INTERNAL validation (for the accomplishment) instead of seeking external validation from others.  Also with more choices from guys and how people treat you based on the external, you will probably become more selective and self-assured and just interact in a way that shows people you have choices.  Getting in tune with your body is a great feedback loop of the power of being you.

My question would be, why did you hook up with that guy recently from bumble/tinder?  I'm guessing it bugs you because it's easy to hookup and you are hoping for a different result in terms of a guy being into you for dating/for a longer term than just a one night hookup (which requires little of them and is not reassuring your desire to be wanted as girlfriend material).  While there's no real judgement from me for having done that the fact that you are having a residual feeling that isn't good, kind of says to me, that it is not what you need from these date experiences.  I actually think you'd be better off with the PRACTICE of just going on a date without hooking up immediately and seeing if you can work on the other skills that draw a person toward you, work on flirting, emotional attraction.  I think even when you don't want to continue seeing the guy (because he's not a match for you), you would feel better if this is the outcome with your here and there dating.  I think that's also what you NEED the most practice on and will help you the most when you are back to really trying more full on to date.  Give yourself that chance by taking hooking up out of the mix.  There's a reason why it doesn't feel good when you do that off one date.  You owe it to yourself to explore why & give yourself the chance to switch up the order of things or not do that because YOU as a whole matter more than an easy hookup. Good luck

[crappedmypantsthrice]

33 minutes ago, trident_2020 said:

Watch your dating site inbox start filling up with messages as you update your pictures with the new, thinner you.

The reality is, that's what sells.

Thanks, but not much of a physical difference yet. At least looks-wise. 

 

I suffer from the blessing/curse, that I can gain or lose 20 pounds and not really make much of a difference. I wear the same size, either way. Which is great if I gain weight, because then, I at least don't look it. If I lose weight though, it means it takes a lot of weight loss to be noticeable. 

[Gaeta]

I always had a problem with women thinking they can only get a man if they're thin. Not all men like the same type of women. I was on the dating market at size 4, size 8 and 14, and I got a lot of attention at all those sizes. It's all about confidence, believing in yourself, attitude toward life and having a full life. 

I remember my cousin bringing his new girlfriend to a family weekend in a resort. She was probably 5'10'' and 300-lbs. Gorgeous!! She had hair like a lioness, a smile and personality that pulled you in ! She was artistic and full of talent. That woman never ran out of boyfriends. 

Losing 20-lbs is great for your health and will bring you a little bit of pride but as long as you don't believe within yourself that you are sexy and desirable it will not bring you happiness.