He takes ages to respond to a text message!

January 21, 2021

39 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

I wasn’t saying long-time friends, what I am saying is two people develop a friendship before they jump into bed or want to be exclusive.

The friendship doesn’t have to take ages to develop, it can develop quickly when two people are open to it and not only focused on the physical part.

All these restrictions due to Covid is making a lot of people not being able to meet normally and having to develop a friendship first and connect at other levels.

That's just not how guys work. Guys fall in love through our eyes first, we focus on the physical first. Honestly if we're physically attracted to you enough and you're up to have sex we wouldn't care if you clubbed baby seals in your spare time. That might matter later but not at first.

Yes of course due to the pandemic restrictions it's not as easy to establish a physical relationship first but this isnt going to change how men are wired.

Edited January 21, 2021 by dramafreezone

January 21, 2021

On 1/16/2021 at 12:47 PM, girlnextdoor2020 said:

Met this guy on OLD, we texted for a few days and then met in person for a coffee date. I went well, he said right there he wanted to see me again. So after a few days we met again but between that first and second date he didn't communicate much and takes ages to respond to a text message. Now after the second date is the same.

I'm not saying that he has to text a lot, or that texting quickly is required, but he doesn't call either and I feel I would like to communicate more in between dates, especially when we don't have that much time or opportunities to meet.

During the day I think is ok because he has a busy job, but even when he leaves work and in the evening he still takes ages to respond to a text. I'm starting to think he is married or attached, because if not, he is probably not much into me. He says he's a single guy living on his own. What do you think? Thanks.

Why do you even care whether he takes hours to respond or never responds... its just 2 dates.. one of which was just a coffee date.

Has he asked you out for a third date? If not and its been like a week... then time to move him to low priority.

January 21, 2021

2 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

I don’t have any guys on the friendzone.

Which zone are the other 4 guys you're texting with in?

January 21, 2021

4 hours ago, dramafreezone said:

Well if this keeps happening to you, then you're obviously attracted to a type.

I have another possibility. The fact this keeps happening (see her other threads) might suggest it's something she's doing (or not doing) that's causing these men to either not want a second or third date with her or push/pulling back.

She is the common denominator.

I am not saying this to be mean GND, but it is worthy of consideration imo.

I know if this kept happening to me, I would be.

Edited January 21, 2021 by poppyfields

January 21, 2021

You seem to be taking the dating process really seriously. Seriously in your standards and expectations.

you may be coming off too strong, especially guys with lots of options. They don’t need to jump into anything unless they are 100% invested in it. Try focusing less on the final goal and more on enjoying the process with him.

January 21, 2021

8 hours ago, dramafreezone said:

I don't think that ever really exists to be honest. If a single, heterosexual guy is your friend, he would have sex with you if he could. I used those qualifiers for a reason. If he's not single then that's a barrier. If he's not heterosexual then that's a barrier. Otherwise, I don't think it's possible for a single man and a single woman with mutual attraction to be just friends. There's always exceptions to the rule but what you're describing is extremely rare. But we're getting off subject.

Off topic, these kind of friendship do exist, since I have at least one. We've known each other for 10 years, I'm surely not interested in him sexually, he's not interested in as well, he told me that I am not "his type" and we have both been single in the same time and none of us ever attempted to make a move.

Aside from the lack of attraction, we do share common interests, feel very at ease together, enjoy talking from time to time and do have a lot of fun when we meet up - not very often. Like more of a brother-sister kind of thing.

Your point is correct, friendship without the possibility of sex not possible with mutual attraction, but there are rare exceptions when the lack of sexual attraction is replaced by other things and the relationship is still satisfactory for both parties.

January 21, 2021

8 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

I don’t have any guys on a friendzone, but you actually touched a point very important to me: friendship.

I want a partner who is a true friend. That is why I don’t mind to start off as friends and let things develop further.

That is why I like the mental connection, the texting and the asking how the other is when knowing they fell and went to the hospital to get stitches. Friendship.

I have been waiting for ages to find a male friend I feel attracted to. Most guys do not want that.

I understand where you're saying and share your requirements. You are looking for a deeper connection and you try to focus on that before getting physical.

This sounds very reasonable, but, as far as I've experienced, I don't think men function that way. I've never met a man that wanted a second date without feeling sexually attracted at the first date, no matter how good was everything else.

I do believe that, at early stage, the sexual desire is the most powerful motivation for a man to pursue a woman. And the sexual connection is not attained by texting, but by meeting up, so I guess maybe that's why most guys aren't big on the whole texting thing.

Not saying that guys are jerks who just want to get laid, I'm saying that without that sexual motivation, he has no reason to invest in developing that relationship any further. He will just focus on another woman that he finds appealing and investigate that option before getting more deeper into something. Of course, as things unfold, he will search for other qualities as well, but the sexual thing is crucial at first.

Men find love by looking for sex. Acknowledging that can make your life easier in terms of dating.

I guess sucessful dating is a compromise between what men want at first and what women want at first, because, most men and woman want the same in the end, a good connection, both sexually and emotionally. The only trouble is how to get there.

I stand to be corrected.

January 21, 2021

6 hours ago, Perdu said:

I understand where you're saying and share your requirements. You are looking for a deeper connection and you try to focus on that before getting physical.

This sounds very reasonable, but, as far as I've experienced, I don't think men function that way. I've never met a man that wanted a second date without feeling sexually attracted at the first date, no matter how good was everything else.

I do believe that, at early stage, the sexual desire is the most powerful motivation for a man to pursue a woman. And the sexual connection is not attained by texting, but by meeting up, so I guess maybe that's why most guys aren't big on the whole texting thing.

Not saying that guys are jerks who just want to get laid, I'm saying that without that sexual motivation, he has no reason to invest in developing that relationship any further. He will just focus on another woman that he finds appealing and investigate that option before getting more deeper into something. Of course, as things unfold, he will search for other qualities as well, but the sexual thing is crucial at first.

Men find love by looking for sex. Acknowledging that can make your life easier in terms of dating.

I guess sucessful dating is a compromise between what men want at first and what women want at first, because, most men and woman want the same in the end, a good connection, both sexually and emotionally. The only trouble is how to get there.

I stand to be corrected.

This is accurate and why men come off as jerks to a lot of women.

Therefore the most successful women on OLD will be the most attractive ones.

Edited January 21, 2021 by peach302

January 21, 2021

12 hours ago, Perdu said:

I understand where you're saying and share your requirements. You are looking for a deeper connection and you try to focus on that before getting physical.

This sounds very reasonable, but, as far as I've experienced, I don't think men function that way. I've never met a man that wanted a second date without feeling sexually attracted at the first date, no matter how good was everything else.

I do believe that, at early stage, the sexual desire is the most powerful motivation for a man to pursue a woman. And the sexual connection is not attained by texting, but by meeting up, so I guess maybe that's why most guys aren't big on the whole texting thing.

Not saying that guys are jerks who just want to get laid, I'm saying that without that sexual motivation, he has no reason to invest in developing that relationship any further. He will just focus on another woman that he finds appealing and investigate that option before getting more deeper into something. Of course, as things unfold, he will search for other qualities as well, but the sexual thing is crucial at first.

Men find love by looking for sex. Acknowledging that can make your life easier in terms of dating.

I guess sucessful dating is a compromise between what men want at first and what women want at first, because, most men and woman want the same in the end, a good connection, both sexually and emotionally. The only trouble is how to get there.

I stand to be corrected.

Ok so if a woman does not want to have sex quickly what makes the man stick to dating her if he is sexually attracted?

January 21, 2021

16 hours ago, cleverusername said:

You seem to be taking the dating process really seriously. Seriously in your standards and expectations.

you may be coming off too strong, especially guys with lots of options. They don’t need to jump into anything unless they are 100% invested in it. Try focusing less on the final goal and more on enjoying the process with him.

Clever words. That is true, I need to light up a little and enjoy the process. I have my guard up so much that I might come off as too serious, when in reality I am very chilled and funny. I just need to calm down and not be so scared of getting hurt.

January 21, 2021

19 hours ago, stillafool said:

Which zone are the other 4 guys you're texting with in?

I haven’t even met them in person.

January 21, 2021

20 hours ago, winny said:

Why do you even care whether he takes hours to respond or never responds... its just 2 dates.. one of which was just a coffee date.

Has he asked you out for a third date? If not and its been like a week... then time to move him to low priority.

He did, but we are now on lockdown and despite the fact we live 5 minutes away from each other, is not possible to meet now.

January 21, 2021

25 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

Ok so if a woman does not want to have sex quickly what makes the man stick to dating her if he is sexually attracted?

The anticipation of having sex with her! It's his initial driving force.

Come on GND, you should know this already, don't you?

Edited January 21, 2021 by poppyfields

January 21, 2021

31 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

Clever words. That is true, I need to light up a little and enjoy the process. I have my guard up so much that I might come off as too serious, when in reality I am very chilled and funny. I just need to calm down and not be so scared of getting hurt.

Absolutely. If you can do this, simply enjoy the process, the journey, versus focusing so much on the end goal, I truly believe your dating experiences will prove much more enjoyable possibly taking you to where you want them to go, naturally and organically.

Don't make men pay the price of those previous men who screwed you around. Have some faith, trust until they give you reason not to.

Pulling back a bit on texting, or changing styles after meeting in person is not uncommon and men should not be negatively judged for that imo.

Edited January 21, 2021 by poppyfields

January 21, 2021

4 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

The anticipation of having sex with her! It's his initial driving force.

Come on GND, you should know this already, don't you?

Man here. Can confirm. Men are like lions.

They don't want to be fed a precut steak in a zoo cage. The lion wants to hunt his prey on the plains, form a plan, and make the kill to get his meat. It's the process that makes it fun, so long as the prey doesn't disappear from sight.

(This is just an analogy, I'm not a serial killer I swear!)

January 21, 2021

35 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

I haven’t even met them in person.

Still you said you're texting with them. He's probably doing the same thing with others.

January 21, 2021

13 hours ago, Perdu said:

Off topic, these kind of friendship do exist, since I have at least one. We've known each other for 10 years, I'm surely not interested in him sexually, he's not interested in as well, he told me that I am not "his type" and we have both been single in the same time and none of us ever attempted to make a move.

Aside from the lack of attraction, we do share common interests, feel very at ease together, enjoy talking from time to time and do have a lot of fun when we meet up - not very often. Like more of a brother-sister kind of thing.

Your point is correct, friendship without the possibility of sex not possible with mutual attraction, but there are rare exceptions when the lack of sexual attraction is replaced by other things and the relationship is still satisfactory for both parties.

Well yes of course, if there's no sexual attraction then that's a barrier to sex. And most friendships between men and women who are not sexually involved have a barrier. That barrier could be sexual attraction not existing with one or both of them, it could be marriage (though not always a barrier). But if both are attracted and both are single, sex is inevitable. A simple friendship is not possible, again just my opinion.

January 21, 2021

49 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

Ok so if a woman does not want to have sex quickly what makes the man stick to dating her if he is sexually attracted?

Depends on his own options and his level of attraction to you. If he donesn't have a lot of options he will pursue more heavily. If he sees you as a 9/10 or a 10, even if he does have options he will pursue more heavily because you are just that great in his eyes. If he has a ton of options, even if he is reasonably attracted to you his drive is not that high because he has a lot of choice. If he sees you as a 5/10, same thing. By that last part I don't mean just looks, I mean the entire package, looks, her sexual presence, her attitude, everything. Great looks can be canceled out with no sexual presence and a snarky attitude.

Edited January 21, 2021 by dramafreezone

January 21, 2021

24 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

The anticipation of having sex with her! It's his initial driving force.

Come on GND, you should know this already, don't you?

I know that, I just thought there are men who also want to connect at other levels as well, not just sexually.

What is GND? lol

January 21, 2021

11 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Still you said you're texting with them. He's probably doing the same thing with others.

Fair enough.

January 21, 2021

18 minutes ago, cleverusername said:

Man here. Can confirm. Men are like lions.

They don't want to be fed a precut steak in a zoo cage. The lion wants to hunt his prey on the plains, form a plan, and make the kill to get his meat. It's the process that makes it fun, so long as the prey doesn't disappear from sight.

(This is just an analogy, I'm not a serial killer I swear!)

So and what makes the man stay after sex? The sex being good and wanting more?

When does a man want more than just sex?

January 21, 2021

4 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

I know that, I just thought there are men who also want to connect at other levels as well, not just sexually.

What is GND? lol

From what I understand about men, the first order of business is connecting sexually, after which the desire to connect emotionally.

For many women, the opposite it true. First connect emotionally, followed by connecting sexually.

There are always exceptions of course.

GND = GirlNextDoor.

Edited January 21, 2021 by poppyfields

January 21, 2021

3 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

So and what makes the man stay after sex? The sex being good and wanting more?

When does a man want more than just sex?

Not necessarily, though its always good. Men who stick around are looking for good consistent sex with a good consistent person, IMO. Its the consistency, I can be myself with you, share a laugh, do fun activities together, and still have good sex without worry. Essentially, as cliché as it sounds, a best friend they can have sex with.

Another analogy, think of it as a house.

Sex is the homes walls and roof. Yes you can live in the house, but that's all it is. A house. The other stuff, the connection, the mental and emotional stimulation is all the furniture, pots, pans, and wall art. That turns it into a home.

Some men are ok living in a house, some men want to live in a home. Are you a house or a home? You're in the market to sell and he's in the market to buy. But are you going to sell to him?

January 21, 2021

13 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

So and what makes the man stay after sex? The sex being good and wanting more?

When does a man want more than just sex?

When the woman is a nice person and he's generally happier around her, when she doesn't give him grief or stress. Don't overthink this.

January 21, 2021

7 minutes ago, cleverusername said:

Not necessarily, though its always good. Men who stick around are looking for good consistent sex with a good consistent person, IMO. Its the consistency, I can be myself with you, share a laugh, do fun activities together, and still have good sex without worry. Essentially, as cliché as it sounds, a best friend they can have sex with.

Another analogy, think of it as a house.

Sex is the homes walls and roof. Yes you can live in the house, but that's all it is. A house. The other stuff, the connection, the mental and emotional stimulation is all the furniture, pots, pans, and wall art. That turns it into a home.

Some men are ok living in a house, some men want to live in a home. Are you a house or a home? You're in the market to sell and he's in the market to buy. But are you going to sell to him?

Good analogy, but in that case what are the foundations?

Edited January 21, 2021 by girlnextdoor2020

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