Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted January 19, 2021 Author Posted January 19, 2021 24 minutes ago, Alpaca said: That's fine. You come to learn which behaviors you like/dislike. I hope you feel better! I do thank you!
poppyfields Posted January 19, 2021 Posted January 19, 2021 (edited) 3 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: No I do not lower expectations or standards. If it was him I would ask the next day how is he feeling. Not because he is my boyfriend already but because he is a human being and I liked him enough to want to date him. I would do this even if multi-dating (which I am because at the moment I am talking to 4 different guys). I check people’s behaviours from the very start we start chatting. And asking that simple question how I feel the next day to me is the difference between boyfriend material and nothing. So no I do not lower my expectations to meet a guy’s behaviour. Thank you. Well, he's not you and if you expect men to think like you and behave like you, I wish you the best of luck. Edited January 19, 2021 by poppyfields
peach302 Posted January 19, 2021 Posted January 19, 2021 2 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: No I do not lower expectations or standards. If it was him I would ask the next day how is he feeling. Not because he is my boyfriend already but because he is a human being and I liked him enough to want to date him. I would do this even if multi-dating (which I am because at the moment I am talking to 4 different guys). I check people’s behaviours from the very start we start chatting. And asking that simple question how I feel the next day to me is the difference between boyfriend material and nothing. So no I do not lower my expectations to meet a guy’s behaviour. Thank you. How old is this guy? Sometimes when young..they can also be clueless with respect to the topics you mentioned. And also the nurturing/caring thing is not something I've seen in a lot of men on OLD.
peach302 Posted January 19, 2021 Posted January 19, 2021 (edited) 15 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: No I do not lower expectations or standards. If it was him I would ask the next day how is he feeling. Not because he is my boyfriend already but because he is a human being and I liked him enough to want to date him. I would do this even if multi-dating (which I am because at the moment I am talking to 4 different guys). I check people’s behaviours from the very start we start chatting. And asking that simple question how I feel the next day to me is the difference between boyfriend material and nothing. So no I do not lower my expectations to meet a guy’s behaviour. Thank you. I get where you're coming from completely because i myself do have extremely high standards and expectations. But I've learnt that going to that extreme can also mean single life for good. Sometimes compromise is key and lowering your guard a bit. Because on OLD you have major competition...there are so many other women who may be swiping on the one you're interested in..so sometimes it pays to compromise. All im saying.. Edited January 19, 2021 by peach302
poppyfields Posted January 19, 2021 Posted January 19, 2021 (edited) 13 minutes ago, peach302 said: How old is this guy? Sometimes when young..they can also be clueless with respect to the topics you mentioned. And also the nurturing/caring thing is not something I've seen in a lot of men on OLD. It's not even that though. She fell and got stitches. She's fine. We are adults here, not children. I'm a very nurturing person but if a good friend fell and got stitches, after letting them know I'm glad they're okay, there's no more to say, nor would they expect any more to be said. Or I might ask in a few days how their injury was healing. If they were sick, I would continue to ask daily and offer my assistance. But a fall with stitches? It's so minor, I wouldn't have even mentioned to a man I had one date with. And I'm still curious why you did. Again, all the best GND and fwiw, I'm glad you're ok. Edited January 19, 2021 by poppyfields
FMW Posted January 19, 2021 Posted January 19, 2021 (edited) It certainly sounds like you are making the right decision to just move on. Not, in my opinion, because he's done anything wrong or been deficient in what he SHOULD have done at this early stage - but because YOU are not happy with him. No reason to continue analyzing and make him wrong. He just doesn't match what you want, that's all you need to know. Not everyone approaches dating the same way. Instantly being smitten and pursuing someone hard doesn't guarantee things will go past a few dates. Taking your time to get to know someone - including not having to be in contact every day or always having a date scheduled - doesn't always mean there's no interest. I'm a woman and I have always been uncomfortable with men who pursue too strongly and want to schedule too much time together early on. In my experience those are very often the ones who will disappear on you down the line to strongly pursue someone else. I personally don't see that I would have any issues with the things you've written about him. But since YOU do, just move on and don't give him a second thought. Focus on men who have the approach that you like. Edited January 19, 2021 by FMW 3
peach302 Posted January 19, 2021 Posted January 19, 2021 (edited) 5 minutes ago, poppyfields said: It's not even that though. She fell and got stitches. She's fine. We are adults here, not children. I'm a very nurturing person but if a good friend fell and got stitches, after letting them know I'm glad they're okay, there's no more to say, nor would they expect any more to be said. If they were sick, I would continue to ask and offer my assistance. But a fall with stitches? It's so minor, I wouldn't have even mentioned to a man I had one date with. Again, all the best GND and fwiw, I'm glad you're ok. Yeah i see your point lol. I think sometimes when a woman likes a man ..what they expect can become a little extreme and needy. But the man of course has no clue about this. I agree though if it was me i wouldn't expect the world from someone i barely even know. Edited January 19, 2021 by peach302 1
jspice Posted January 19, 2021 Posted January 19, 2021 27 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Well, he's not you and if you expect men to think like you and behave like you, I wish you the best of luck. You’re expecting the OP to act like you ... 1
dramafreezone Posted January 19, 2021 Posted January 19, 2021 40 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: No I do not lower expectations or standards. If it was him I would ask the next day how is he feeling. Not because he is my boyfriend already but because he is a human being and I liked him enough to want to date him. I would do this even if multi-dating (which I am because at the moment I am talking to 4 different guys). I check people’s behaviours from the very start we start chatting. And asking that simple question how I feel the next day to me is the difference between boyfriend material and nothing. So no I do not lower my expectations to meet a guy’s behaviour. Thank you. You're dating 4 other guys, but you like this one guy way more than those others or you would've moved on by now.
Watercolors Posted January 19, 2021 Posted January 19, 2021 51 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: No I do not lower expectations or standards. If it was him I would ask the next day how is he feeling. Not because he is my boyfriend already but because he is a human being and I liked him enough to want to date him. I would do this even if multi-dating (which I am because at the moment I am talking to 4 different guys). I check people’s behaviours from the very start we start chatting. And asking that simple question how I feel the next day to me is the difference between boyfriend material and nothing. So no I do not lower my expectations to meet a guy’s behaviour. Thank you. So you're multi-dating other guys, yet you are hung up on this one guy because you like him better than you like the others. Again, 2 dates does not a relationship make. You're anxiety over his text-response time makes me believe you think you're in a relationship with him already, but you're not. I think you have high hopes for this guy - despite you multi-dating these other 4 different guys - and he's disappointed your high expectations because he's not responding to your texts exactly how you want him to. That's where you need to manage your expectations better, girlnextdoor. You can't expect everyone to think and act exactly like you do. That's just unrealistic because these guys are complete strangers to you. You can't get mad at him, b/c he doesn't like the way you want him to. And it seems like that's what's happening. You're mad because he won't text you every second of every day. People just aren't like that. Maybe you are, and that's fine. But this guy? He's not like you. So, you have to either except him for who he is, or delete him and hope one of these 4 guys you're also dating, is like you, and will text you all the time, every day. So, you can't "check" people's behavior from the start, b/c you're dealing with complete strangers. All you can realistically do, is set limits with people and communicate your requests to them. But you can't control anyone. 1
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted January 19, 2021 Author Posted January 19, 2021 (edited) 2 hours ago, peach302 said: I get where you're coming from completely because i myself do have extremely high standards and expectations. But I've learnt that going to that extreme can also mean single life for good. Sometimes compromise is key and lowering your guard a bit. Because on OLD you have major competition...there are so many other women who may be swiping on the one you're interested in..so sometimes it pays to compromise. All im saying.. There is no competition for the person who is right for you and you are meant to be with. Edited January 19, 2021 by girlnextdoor2020
poppyfields Posted January 19, 2021 Posted January 19, 2021 (edited) 4 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: There is no competition for the person who is right for you and you are meant to be with. Agree, but this takes time. Not after one or two dates. There is no wrong or right. You have certain standards and certain expectations (per your previous post) that you expect men to abide by otherwise you're done. That is certainly your prerogative, no judgment from me. So have you blocked and deleted him yet? Edited January 19, 2021 by poppyfields
dramafreezone Posted January 19, 2021 Posted January 19, 2021 (edited) 4 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: There is no competition for the person who is right for you and you are meant to be with. Sure, but that's nothing that everyone knows after two dates. Right now you still have competition. Edited January 19, 2021 by dramafreezone 2
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted January 19, 2021 Author Posted January 19, 2021 2 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: Sure, but that's nothing that everyone knows after two dates. Right now you still have competition. You do not have competition because with the right person there is nothing you can do or say that will ruin things. Both will be attracted enough to go on dates and feel good. Simple.
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted January 19, 2021 Author Posted January 19, 2021 (edited) 5 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Agree, but this takes time. Not after one or two dates. There is no wrong or right. You have certain standards and certain expectations (per your previous post) that you expect men to abide by otherwise you're done. That is certainly your prerogative, no judgment from me. So have you blocked and deleted him yet? He texted me today before I deleted him and apologized for not getting back to me with rescheduling the date (feels like he was guessing I was going to delete him). Edited January 19, 2021 by girlnextdoor2020
poppyfields Posted January 19, 2021 Posted January 19, 2021 Just now, girlnextdoor2020 said: He texted me today before I deleted him and apologized for not getting back to me iwth rescheduling the date (feels like he was guessing I was going to delete him). Did you (and he) schedule another date?
dramafreezone Posted January 19, 2021 Posted January 19, 2021 (edited) 13 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: He texted me today before I deleted him and apologized for not getting back to me with rescheduling the date (feels like he was guessing I was going to delete him). Or maybe he just felt bad for not rescheduling. Maybe check the pride at the door and just reschedule the date. I think it's obvious that you really like him. Edited January 19, 2021 by dramafreezone 1 1
Watercolors Posted January 19, 2021 Posted January 19, 2021 30 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: There is no competition for the person who is right for you and you are meant to be with. Who told you that? It's absolutely true. There is definitely competition for men/women who are available. I get the sense that no one has the answers for you, b/c you simply choose not to take anyone's opinions seriously in this thread enough to consider it as another possible perspective. 4
sushiandtacos Posted January 19, 2021 Posted January 19, 2021 7 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: Yes I did like him on the date. But his behaviour afterwards made me realise we are not compatible and not liking him: - The texting a lot less and just basic stuff - Cancelling the date and not rescheduling it - And also knowing I fell on the weekend and went to the hospital to get stitches and next day he messaged basic stuff about him and didn't even ask me how I feel. I'm done. One guy I dated in college didn't ask me how I was the next day when I had to get stitches for something too and we were dating for like 5 months when that happened I actually preferred that since I didn't want to make it a big deal and we ended up dating for 2 years! I don't think you should delete him for that reason since guys are clueless and don't know whats important to you and can't read your mind. Your main reason should be that he didn't reschedule for the next date. But I just read that he tried to text you so maybe he was trying to reschedule now? I wouldn't write him off so easily since it's only been one date.
peach302 Posted January 19, 2021 Posted January 19, 2021 48 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: He texted me today before I deleted him and apologized for not getting back to me with rescheduling the date (feels like he was guessing I was going to delete him). Are you going to go on another date? Initially there will always be other women though ..its a fact. Because no one knows so early on whether the other person is the right one. However...if after a significant time period they're still entertaining others..then maybe they just arent sure about you.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 19, 2021 Posted January 19, 2021 Sometimes those of us who bark about having high standards are actually looking for ways to get a one-up on people they feel have rejected them. It can be a thinly-disguised attempt to regain control in a situation where the other party has already demonstrated that they're not altogether bothered about where it goes. A "well, he (or she) is not good enough for me anyway, so there!"-type mental maneuver. 2 1
stillafool Posted January 19, 2021 Posted January 19, 2021 (edited) 3 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: He texted me today before I deleted him and apologized for not getting back to me with rescheduling the date (feels like he was guessing I was going to delete him). Good for you for deleting him! Edited January 19, 2021 by stillafool
poppyfields Posted January 19, 2021 Posted January 19, 2021 (edited) 6 minutes ago, stillafool said: Good for you for deleting him! Oh wow, I just read this. I must have misread your earlier post. So he texted you apologizing for not scheduling another date sooner, and instead of responding, you just deleted him? Is this correct? If so, I guess that's that. On to the next. Edited January 19, 2021 by poppyfields 2
Perdu Posted January 19, 2021 Posted January 19, 2021 I've met a lot of guys that hate texting, they preferr conversations face to face and only bother to text in order to secure a date. If he texted a lot before first date and not so much after, but is still eager to go on dates with you, that may be the case. If you feel like you also have to push for a date, then he is not that interested in you right now, probably exploring other options. That is how it usually goes with multiple dating nowadays.
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted January 19, 2021 Author Posted January 19, 2021 30 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Oh wow, I just read this. I must have misread your earlier post. So he texted you apologizing for not scheduling another date sooner, and instead of responding, you just deleted him? Is this correct? If so, I guess that's that. On to the next. No, I was going to delete him and he texted me apologizing (must have a crystal ball lol), and we ended up talking. Yes we want to reschedule but guess what, we are on lockdown now...
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