He takes ages to respond to a text message!

[littleblackheart]

Just now, peach302 said:

Rule number one on OLD. Is basically attractive and you'll have men chasing you. 

I think it strange to automatically assume someone is tricking you or is being particularly unattractive or has something wrong with them just because they want to build an intellectual connection first, but you can't change how how hard-wired people are to some things. I think it's just they are 'in a rush', they don't want to 'waste time'. I don't know that it speaks to a sort of urgency or pressure to not be single, but it seems  a bit counterproductive to me because you end up jumping from one short relationship to the next. Signs of our times I guess. We all do what we can, ultimately, it's not black and white.

[peach302]

8 minutes ago, littleblackheart said:

I think it strange to automatically assume someone is tricking you or is being particularly unattractive or has something wrong with them just because they want to build an intellectual connection first, but you can't change how how hard-wired people are to some things. I think it's just they are 'in a rush', they don't want to 'waste time'. I don't know that it speaks to a sort of urgency or pressure to not be single, but it seems  a bit counterproductive to me because you end up jumping from one short relationship to the next. Signs of our times I guess. We all do what we can, ultimately, it's not black and white.

That's exactly it they're hardwired into thinking this way. I already lost touch with two people recently  because they  didn't  believe my pics were really me and im not catfishing them 🤨🤨. But what are the chances...im actually not  lol! Their loss i guess. And all that illustrates my original point..most guys act based upon how attracted they are to you by your pictures initially and followed by in person interaction. They rarely care about  the rest. 

I fully agree with you though!.. 

 

Edited January 18, 2021 by peach302

[littleblackheart]

2 minutes ago, peach302 said:

That's exactly it they're hardwired into thinking this way. I already lost touch with two people recently  because they  didn't  believe my pics were really me and im not catfishing them 🤨🤨. But what are the chances...im actually not  lol! Their loss i guess.

I fully agree with you though!.. 

 

I don't really know that so many people 'catfish' others, in truth.

Off topic for this thread though as they met twice. He just played the 'love bombing' game to get her to meet, then lost interest. Best to move on, as OP smartly surmised herself.

[girlnextdoor2020]

28 minutes ago, peach302 said:

Trust me men are VERY VISUAL. Even more so on OLD when they dont have a clue who you are.

Rule number one for OLD. Is basically be attractive and you'll have men chasing you. 

Mostly they wont even bother with the mental connection thing unless you appeal to them visually. . Also at a swipe theres multiple options for them to choose from..so if they find a woman better looking..they will start chasing her instead 😂. 

I can't say for sure for the op's man but he could also be doing this. Looking  at his other options. 

I do that too myself. I only swipe right guys I find attractive, but as soon as I start talking to them that is not enough anymore. Give me banter, give me intelligence, give me personality and a mental connection. Otherwise I'm bored even to meet them in person.

Most guys are so basic I am bored to tears, even if they look gorgeous. That's how I am.

Edited January 18, 2021 by girlnextdoor2020

[peach302]

24 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

I do that too myself. I only swipe right guys I find attractive, but as soon as I start talking to them that is not enough anymore. Give me banter, give me intelligence, give me personality and a mental connection. Otherwise I'm bored even to meet them in person.

Most guys are so basic I am bored to tears, even if they look gorgeous. That's how I am.

I agree a lot are pretty basic. Good looks or not. Hard to find the whole package these days.

This guy must have appealed to you though in more ways than one for you to set up a meet 😂. 

His working late could be feasible but if he hasnt rescheduled for another meeting...that is indicative of a lack of motivation to meet..Because i think it should be on him to set that up since hes  the one who cancelled.  

 

 

Edited January 18, 2021 by peach302

[girlnextdoor2020]

27 minutes ago, peach302 said:

I agree a lot are pretty basic. Good looks or not. Hard to find the whole package these days.

This guy must have appealed to you though in more ways than one for you to set up a meet 😂. 

His working late could be feasible but if he hasnt rescheduled for another meeting...that is indicative of a lack of motivation to meet..Because i think it should be on him to set that up since hes  the one who cancelled.  

 

 

Yes we had a nice chat prior to meeting and he seemed interesting.

He is now still in touch with me and sending messages, but hasn’t rescheduled the date he cancelled or mentioned anything about it.

So now I am shifting my attention from him as I have a feeling he is dating someone else and putting me on the shelf waiting...

I am the one taking ages to respond now, not on purpose but because I am not much into him anymore. Talking to other guys too.

[cleverusername]

Texting like everything, is about communication. If you don’t want to build the mental connection over text, thats fine.

But please say something. Say you don’t prefer that medium, but don’t half ass the effort. Nobody can read minds, if you’re taking intentionally long to respond because of disinterest, just say it. It turns into stringing along. 

[girlnextdoor2020]

10 minutes ago, cleverusername said:

Texting like everything, is about communication. If you don’t want to build the mental connection over text, thats fine.

But please say something. Say you don’t prefer that medium, but don’t half ass the effort. Nobody can read minds, if you’re taking intentionally long to respond because of disinterest, just say it. It turns into stringing along. 

I agree. Especially when people are meeting on OLD which nature and first form of contact is texting.

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

So now I am shifting my attention from him as I have a feeling he is dating someone else and putting me on the shelf waiting...

I am the one taking ages to respond now, not on purpose but because I am not much into him anymore. Talking to other guys too.

Isn't that par for the course though with online dating sites? Do you think it's reasonable to expect that both you and he are communicating with and perhaps dating multiple people?

[peach302]

1 hour ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

Yes we had a nice chat prior to meeting and he seemed interesting.

He is now still in touch with me and sending messages, but hasn’t rescheduled the date he cancelled or mentioned anything about it.

So now I am shifting my attention from him as I have a feeling he is dating someone else and putting me on the shelf waiting...

I am the one taking ages to respond now, not on purpose but because I am not much into him anymore. Talking to other guys too.

Maybe just tell him straight and the reason why. So theres no second guessing on either side

[peach302]

39 minutes ago, cleverusername said:

Texting like everything, is about communication. If you don’t want to build the mental connection over text, thats fine.

But please say something. Say you don’t prefer that medium, but don’t half ass the effort. Nobody can read minds, if you’re taking intentionally long to respond because of disinterest, just say it. It turns into stringing along. 

I dont think you read correctly.

The op likes texting and that is her preferred method of communication. She is pulling back because he stopped  texting her as much as before they first met. 

So now her interest has declined because his interest declined or at the very least his ability to keep in touch. 

[girlnextdoor2020]

18 minutes ago, peach302 said:

I dont think you read correctly.

The op likes texting and that is her preferred method of communication. She is pulling back because he stopped  texting her as much as before they first met. 

So now her interest has declined because his interest declined or at the very least his ability to keep in touch. 

Actually that is not true. I am pulling back because he cancelled our date, didn’t reschedule it and never mentioned anything about it again.

Edited January 18, 2021 by girlnextdoor2020

[poppyfields]

1 hour ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

Yes we had a nice chat prior to meeting and he seemed interesting.

He is now still in touch with me and sending messages, but hasn’t rescheduled the date he cancelled or mentioned anything about it.

So now I am shifting my attention from him as I have a feeling he is dating someone else and putting me on the shelf waiting...

I am the one taking ages to respond now, not on purpose but because I am not much into him anymore. Talking to other guys too.

What are the context of his texts?  Is he attempting to engage you in any way? Or just one sentence check-ins?

You said you were turned off, if that's true, why respond at all?  

My guess is he's waiting for you to suggest another date, he wants you to chase. I'd put money on it.

What a game 😳

Edited January 18, 2021 by poppyfields

[girlnextdoor2020]

14 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

What are the context of his texts?  Is he attempting to engage you in any way? Or just one sentence check-ins?

You said you were turned off, if that's true, why respond at all?  

My guess is he's waiting for you to suggest another date, he wants you to chase. I'd put money on it.

What a game 😳

His texts are like checking in texts yes, pretty basic and not conductive to any conversation.

Haven’t thought about that, but if that’s the case he better pull a chair to wait for me to chase because he’ll be getting tired waiting. 

His last message I left it on read as he was just being basic and didn’t ask anything back and I don’t have anything to say back.

I don’t chase men, especially the ones who cancelled on me, and especially when there are hundreds of others to talk to. His loss.

Edited January 18, 2021 by girlnextdoor2020

[cleverusername]

7 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

His texts are like checking in texts yes, pretty basic and not conductive to any conversation.

Haven’t thought about that, but if that’s the case he better pull a chair to wait for me to chase because he’ll be getting tired waiting. 

His last message I left it on read as he was just being basic and didn’t ask anything back and I don’t have anything to say back.

I don’t chase men, especially the ones who cancelled on me, and especially when there are hundreds of others to talk to. His loss.

Good for you. Advocate for yourself. Playing games back only perpetuates more game playing. 

I just did a little clap for you

[poppyfields]

15 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

His texts are like checking in texts yes, pretty basic and not conductive to any conversation.

Haven’t thought about that, but if that’s the case he better pull a chair to wait for me to chase because he’ll be getting tired waiting. 

His last message I left it on read as he was just being basic and didn’t ask anything back and I don’t have anything to say back.

I don’t chase men, especially the ones who cancelled on me, and especially when there are hundreds of others to talk to. His loss.

For someone who's turned off, you still sound quite wound up about it.    

Leaving him on "read" and the attitude "he better pull up a chair if he's expecting me to chase."

If his texts wind you up this much, why not just block him?  Be done, next. 

What's your goal (game?) here?  I can't quite figure it.

Edited January 18, 2021 by poppyfields

[notbroken]

i'd guess the guy is either married or has a girlfriend.  You may be the 'backup girl'.   Just ask him.   Ask him why he rarely seems to text back during 'prime time'.   It may resolve your issues with him.  Some guys just aren't that active with their phone. 

[girlnextdoor2020]

9 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

For someone who's turned off, you still sound quite wound up about it.    

Leaving him on "read" and the attitude "he better pull up a chair if he's expecting me to chase."

If his texts wind you up this much, why not just block him?  Be done, next. 

What's your goal (game?) here?  I can't quite figure it.

I just liked him before that’s it. But now am seeing a side of him I don’t like at all. 

Yes am going to block and delete as it’s obvious this is not going anywhere.

[girlnextdoor2020]

8 minutes ago, notbroken said:

i'd guess the guy is either married or has a girlfriend.  You may be the 'backup girl'.   Just ask him.   Ask him why he rarely seems to text back during 'prime time'.   It may resolve your issues with him.  Some guys just aren't that active with their phone. 

He was pretty active before we met. In the past I would ask and never ever I got an honest response, I always heard BS back. Can’t be bothered now really. A man who is interested would have rescheduled the date he cancelled by now. I don’t like it, block and delete. Simple.

[girlnextdoor2020]

Just wanted to share this, I was talking to a male friend about this and he said to me: ‘girl, when a guy is into you he’ll not only text you, he’ll double text you and triple text you and want to have a date lined up with you’.

I rest my case. 😊

[sushiandtacos]

Just to add to this conversation, I recently just started trying OLD and there's this one guy I'm talking to that seems to be love-bombing with the messaging, as far as saying goodnight and good morning everyday prior to meeting which I find kinda sketchy. I learned on here to definitely be cautious and question those who tend to lovebomb in the beginning especially without meeting. I talked to one of my guy friends and he said that is not normal behavior unless the guy had a secret motive. Turns out later he messaged me asking to come over to my place and bring alcohol...🤣 Deleted!!

Edited January 18, 2021 by sushiandtacos

[girlnextdoor2020]

15 minutes ago, sushiandtacos said:

Just to add to this conversation, I recently just started trying OLD and there's this one guy I'm talking to that seems to be love-bombing with the messaging, as far as saying goodnight and good morning everyday prior to meeting which I find kinda sketchy. I learned on here to definitely be cautious and question those who tend to lovebomb in the beginning especially without meeting. I talked to one of my guy friends and he said that is not normal behavior unless the guy had a secret motive. Turns out later he messaged me asking to come over to my place and bring alcohol...🤣 Deleted!!

Yes some guys love bomb in order to create a sense of false intimacy. That is why our BS detector needs to be ON, like yours is. 

Edited January 18, 2021 by girlnextdoor2020

[girlnextdoor2020]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

For someone who's turned off, you still sound quite wound up about it.    

Leaving him on "read" and the attitude "he better pull up a chair if he's expecting me to chase."

If his texts wind you up this much, why not just block him?  Be done, next. 

What's your goal (game?) here?  I can't quite figure it.

Oh and forgot to mention, yesterday morning I went hiking and fell and had to go to hospital to have stitches. Not sure why but yesterday when he messaged me asking how my day was I told him that. He responded saying glad you are ok now, etc.

So today he messaged me checking in, saying he slept really well and can you believe he didn’t even ask how I am? lol

That to me says it all. I’m deleting him.

Edited January 18, 2021 by girlnextdoor2020

[dramafreezone]

5 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

I do that too myself. I only swipe right guys I find attractive, but as soon as I start talking to them that is not enough anymore. Give me banter, give me intelligence, give me personality and a mental connection. Otherwise I'm bored even to meet them in person.

Most guys are so basic I am bored to tears, even if they look gorgeous. That's how I am.

OLD self-selects for the physically attractive, people that never had to develop any other aspect of their personality because they've gotten by on looks.  If you are looking for intellectual connection and stimulation, that's the last place you should be looking.

2 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

Just wanted to share this, I was talking to a male friend about this and he said to me: ‘girl, when a guy is into you he’ll not only text you, he’ll double text you and triple text you and want to have a date lined up with you’.

I rest my case. 😊

And here's the catch-22, you'll think those guys are desperate.  That double and triple texting will get old quickly to you.

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

Just wanted to share this, I was talking to a male friend about this and he said to me: ‘girl, when a guy is into you he’ll not only text you, he’ll double text you and triple text you and want to have a date lined up with you’.

I rest my case. 😊

This has always been the case and after the meet up he didn't rush to make another date and is barely texting why is this thread still running.  He should be in your rear view by now.

 

15 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

OLD self-selects for the physically attractive, people that never had to develop any other aspect of their personality because they've gotten by on looks.  If you are looking for intellectual connection and stimulation, that's the last place you should be looking.

And here's the catch-22, you'll think those guys are desperate.  That double and triple texting will get old quickly to you.

Not when it's a guy you're really attracted to.