He takes ages to respond to a text message!

[Alpacalia]

4 hours ago, littleblackheart said:

This. This is what I've learned from past mistakes. Get to know each other in person whenever possible to avoid too much build up, text to finalise details. 

Agreed.

Texting and calling frequently can demonstrate general interest but can also be a symptom of "love bombing" causing the person on the receiving end to place deeper meaning into it.

[Brooke02]

He’s probably too busy playing Xbox or playstation when he gets home. Gotta weed out the gamers. ( no offense gamers but your attention span is of a gnat when you play). 😂

[cleverusername]

People don't live on their phones. When I text sometimes she reply's within the hour, sometimes a few hours. She doesn't "owe" me a response because we are not in a relationship and certainly not within some arbitrary timeframe, especially of its general banter and not something time sensitive. The fact he is responding at all should be an indication of some interest, he could just easily ghost you.

I dated a girl once who would take days to respond. At first I thought she was just playing games, turns out she was a modern orthodox jew and didn't use her phone on shabbat. I didn't know that until I knew her better. Point being, if it bothers you this early you should say something or walk. 

[Watercolors]

1 hour ago, Alpaca said:

Agreed.

Texting and calling frequently can demonstrate general interest but can also be a symptom of "love bombing" causing the person on the receiving end to place deeper meaning into it.

exactly right!

[Fox Sake]

I get that you want that connection ... that feeling where you both get excited every time you get a message from each other and the conversation just flows and takes up your day. Sneaking in a message when either of you has time. If your basic needs aren’t being met this early on then is it worth your potential heartache? 
 

When you’re both equally into each other and the special magic is there , there isn’t any such thing as love bombing. It’s just an equal explosion. is that what you’re looking for? 
Of course tho, there’s always exceptions to all of this. Nothing is ever black and white. It’s all 2 unique chemical chains.  

In my experience, anyone who doesn’t text back that much - communicate -  either isn’t as interested/invested as you or had other options. I think about the times I’ve done it to people, and the times I’ve had it done to me. Don’t continue making yourself vulnerable and hurting yourself this early on when it’s not reciprocated. You deserve to feel good!

[littleblackheart]

4 hours ago, Alpaca said:

Agreed.

Texting and calling frequently can demonstrate general interest but can also be a symptom of "love bombing" causing the person on the receiving end to place deeper meaning into it.

Right. I don't know that texting is the best medium to build up momentum with someone but 'love bombing' is definitely a risk. 

To truly build a genuine connection, and get to know someone on a deeper level, especially when you can't meet for whatever reason (lockdown, for instance), emails or long posts are best.

When you want to keep a connection going without risking your heart breaking (possible when you care too much), you can do so by sublte means, always keeping engaged in whatever creative way you can until things get more tangible. You need both parties to be on the same page, which may take time to establish for various reasons. A mismatch in communication doesn't automatically translate into a mismatch in interest. It's only been two dates here. Tempering yourself can also help build a stronger connection long-term.

I don't know what the guy in the OP is thinking, but I'd give it time. I wouldn't next someone I've known a short time for failing to reply to a text within an arbitrary timeframe, especially when a date is set.

 

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

The thing is, he was texting a LOT before we had out first date.

Ok. Decide if you want another date or you've already found a deal breaker.

Maybe he's not a texter, and of course you're both still talking to and meeting others.

[Lorenza]

I don't think that the OP feels like he owes her a response or that she imagines they are in a relationship after two dates already, like some dramatic posts on here claim. She likes the guy and wishes to keep in touch more frequently in between of the dates. That is sooooo normal and doesn't make the OP a loser with no life. The problem is that the guy isn't very into her yet and certainly has a lot of options to consider and doesn't want to waste time on texting someone he isn't sure about. 

That being said I would still recommend going on a third date because it's better to get there slowly than have an instant fire from the very first date, non-stop convo and endless attention. If he suggests a third date, of course. Sometimes you need to meet several times irl to spark someone's interest. Having an insta-connection is not healthy anyway. 

Edited January 17, 2021 by EternalClarity

[girlnextdoor2020]

1 hour ago, EternalClarity said:

I don't think that the OP feels like he owes her a response or that she imagines they are in a relationship after two dates already, like some dramatic posts on here claim. She likes the guy and wishes to keep in touch more frequently in between of the dates. That is sooooo normal and doesn't make the OP a loser with no life. The problem is that the guy isn't very into her yet and certainly has a lot of options to consider and doesn't want to waste time on texting someone he isn't sure about. 

That being said I would still recommend going on a third date because it's better to get there slowly than have an instant fire from the very first date, non-stop convo and endless attention. If he suggests a third date, of course. Sometimes you need to meet several times irl to spark someone's interest. Having an insta-connection is not healthy anyway. 

Of course he doesn't owe me anything and I absolutely do not think I am in a relationship with him after two dates! lol

I just want something called COMMUNICATION!

For example yesterday he texted me last message at 6pm, then I saw he was online on WhatsApp at 11pm, he read my last message and said nothing back to me. We were supposed to meet today in the afternoon. 

So what happens if I act like him? If he sends me a message today and I only respond tomorrow, so no date and nothing happens? See my point? You shouldn't act like this when you are interested. Things should be simple and easy, with communication, a text or a call. I check people's behaviour as a potential partner from how they act the very moment we start chatting, not after a certain number of dates. 

I have respect and communicate with people regardless if it's date one or 10. And I want someone who is like that too. The kind of people that are respectful to everyone.

Yes I can see he is not interested and is doing the slow fade. I'm done and moving on.

Edited January 17, 2021 by girlnextdoor2020

[spiderowl]

He is not meeting your needs for basic human communication, OP.  Whether what he is doing is what other posters would do, is not really relevant.  You are unhappy with it and need someone who is in regular, positive contact.

I dated a guy for a while who was hopelessly slow at responding to texts.  It changed my attitude towards him.  As there were other issues as well, such as him not liking to go out for meals, I realised he was not right for me.  We had a few dates and got to know each other quite well but the lack of responses and general kindness eventually got to me and I now see him as a friend who cannot really be more.  I have mentioned these issues to him in the past, so from my point of view he is aware that they bug me.  If he then chooses to continue in the same way, there is nothing I can do about that but opt out.

If the guy was texting you lots before the date and is now being slow, you need to write him off.  I would not give him more time to learn better.  He knows he is blowing his chances by his behaviour but doesn't care.

 

Edited January 17, 2021 by spiderowl

[Lorenza]

1 hour ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

Of course he doesn't owe me anything and I absolutely do not think I am in a relationship with him after two dates! lol

I just want something called COMMUNICATION!

For example yesterday he texted me last message at 6pm, then I saw he was online on WhatsApp at 11pm, he read my last message and said nothing back to me. We were supposed to meet today in the afternoon. 

So what happens if I act like him? If he sends me a message today and I only respond tomorrow, so no date and nothing happens? See my point? You shouldn't act like this when you are interested. Things should be simple and easy, with communication, a text or a call. I check people's behaviour as a potential partner from how they act the very moment we start chatting, not after a certain number of dates. 

I have respect and communicate with people regardless if it's date one or 10. And I want someone who is like that too. The kind of people that are respectful to everyone.

Yes I can see he is not interested and is doing the slow fade. I'm done and moving on.

I completely agree with you, it should be simple. When I am interested in someone and have time to respond - I respond right away, because I see no reason not to. I wasn't trying to convince you that what he's doing is good, just the reality behind his actions and how people are on OLD. But I have had some experiences with communication picking up after say, date nr three or four, assumingly because they would get to know me better. But if you're not feeling it - then no point in continuing of course

[fred123]

he is not into you. simple. im sorry but iv been busy sometimes and even had a death in the family but if i like a girl i will stay in touch even after the first date. especially he has gone from texting to you a lot before then not as much anymore

[Trail Blazer]

A dude who is really into you will communicate more frequently.  I don't necessarily mean instantly, but definitely enough for you to have little-to-no doubt about show he feels.  

Put simply; he's cooled on you.  Sorry!

I guess from here you can let it play out, or you can next him.  If I were you I'd start talking to other guys who interest you.  At this point, the ball is in his court and it's up to him whether he wants things to progress.

Trust me, if you sit and wait, a guy will make his intentions known soon enough.  A guy who likes a girl will not waste too much time as he won't want another guy snapping her up.  Even if he's really busy, he'll make the time!

[Fletch Lives]

It's better to talk on the date. Besides, you two barely know each other, why so needy? lf you are lonely, text friends and family.

[Blind-Sided]

9 hours ago, Brooke02 said:

He’s probably too busy playing Xbox or playstation when he gets home. Gotta weed out the gamers. ( no offense gamers but your attention span is of a gnat when you play). 😂

There is nothing wrong with gamers.  The kind of gamer you are talking about probably wouldn't have taken time to go on a date anyway.  

OP... some people just aren't texters.  Plan a date, and go out.  Also... since you have only gone out twice... he is probably actively dating other people, and his focus isn't only on you. 

Edited January 17, 2021 by Blind-Sided

[Stret]

4 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

I check people's behaviour as a potential partner from how they act the very moment we start chatting, not after a certain number of dates. 

I have respect and communicate with people regardless if it's date one or 10. And I want someone who is like that too. The kind of people that are respectful to everyone.

Yes I can see he is not interested and is doing the slow fade. I'm done and moving on.

Bravo. This is actually the right way to look at the people. Even date 1 says something about a person. It is obviously not an issue to find 15 seconds to text especially if you're living alone and arranging a date with a potential new person in your life. There is no such thing as too busy for a text or two in the evenings when at home. It could be a case that he is not too excited about you - you backing off and stopping communication might provoke a reaction along the lines: hey, you're been awfully quiet, are you ok? But just ignore it. He's not the one for you. You're already anxious and unhappy with the treatment. 

[littleblackheart]

4 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

then I saw he was online on WhatsApp at 11pm, he read my last message and said nothing back to me. We were supposed to meet today in the afternoon. 

OP, this is what I understand from your situation: you finalised the arrangement for a date at 6pm for the next afternoon, and you were still expecting communication from him at 11pm. Did you happen to be on your phone randomly at that time? Communication is great, but keeping a bit of mystery and excitement before a date also can help build up. Certainly when the date is planned for the next day.

Did you go on the 3rd date?

[girlnextdoor2020]

35 minutes ago, littleblackheart said:

OP, this is what I understand from your situation: you finalised the arrangement for a date at 6pm for the next afternoon, and you were still expecting communication from him at 11pm. Did you happen to be on your phone randomly at that time? Communication is great, but keeping a bit of mystery and excitement before a date also can help build up. Certainly when the date is planned for the next day.

Did you go on the 3rd date?

He sent me a message this morning asking to cancel the date as he will be working late today... As soon I saw the message I instantly felt ‘BS’. 

He is just not into me period. And I am moving on.

Edited January 17, 2021 by girlnextdoor2020

[Ruby Slippers]

See, you knew what was up. Work is no excuse, either. Even people with the most demanding jobs can find a few minutes to text here and there when they really want to. 

[dramafreezone]

8 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

Of course he doesn't owe me anything and I absolutely do not think I am in a relationship with him after two dates! lol

I just want something called COMMUNICATION!

For example yesterday he texted me last message at 6pm, then I saw he was online on WhatsApp at 11pm, he read my last message and said nothing back to me. We were supposed to meet today in the afternoon. 

So what happens if I act like him? If he sends me a message today and I only respond tomorrow, so no date and nothing happens? See my point? You shouldn't act like this when you are interested. Things should be simple and easy, with communication, a text or a call. I check people's behaviour as a potential partner from how they act the very moment we start chatting, not after a certain number of dates. 

I have respect and communicate with people regardless if it's date one or 10. And I want someone who is like that too. The kind of people that are respectful to everyone.

Yes I can see he is not interested and is doing the slow fade. I'm done and moving on.

So I see he canceled the date.  You have your answer.

Edited January 17, 2021 by dramafreezone

[poppyfields]

2 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

So I see he canceled the date.  You have your answer.

She had her answer back on page one.

Actually, imo she had her answer before she created this thread. 

I'm sorry it didn't work out GND.  

Edited January 17, 2021 by poppyfields

[smackie9]

An interested guy doesn't go cold or give excuses...they go out of their way to communicate set up the next date because they don't want someone else to snatch you up even if you are total strangers, or don't know each other very well. My husband was on it, and there was no such thing as texting then, but if there was he sure would have used it to stay in regular contact....he used a telephone and that takes effort!

Edited January 17, 2021 by smackie9

[poppyfields]

Yeh, people need to stop with the "busy" or "not into texting" bs, when someone texts you TONS before the meet, then very little (if at all) after the meet, the writing is on the wall. 

The image they had of you didn't match the real you.  Or the on-line/texting energy didn't match the IRL energy.  

No need to even question it imo, just be done.  Next. 

Edited January 17, 2021 by poppyfields

[lovebooks]

This guy seems wrapped up in himself.  My brother takes forever to answer my text messages but expects an immediate answer from me.  Then he wonders why he’s alone.  Tell this person what you expect in terms of communication.   A lot of men (too many) are emotionally underdeveloped.   You decide how much you will put up with before moving on.  Blind dates often work out for lots of people.  Couple them with one of the top match sites and see what happens.  Don’t get sexual too soon.  That can make things seem more serious than they are.  

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

Yeh, people need to stop with the "busy" or "not into texting" bs, when someone texts you TONS before the meet, then very little (if at all) after the meet, the writing is on the wall. 

I agree, but OP didn't mention this bit until a few posts in. 

I based my initial response on the assumption that he wasn't a big texter from the get-go. She didn't indicate otherwise until a bit later in the thread. When she then added that they had in fact been messaging a lot before the first date, well, yes, the writing is on the way. I agree that the drastic change after the first date was a reflection of his lack of interest. 

 

Edited January 17, 2021 by ExpatInItaly