He takes ages to respond to a text message!

January 22, 2021

On 1/18/2021 at 6:13 AM, EternalClarity said:

It's interesting how some people who've written thousands of responses in this forum and are pretty quick to answer new threads condemn texting like it's the worst thing in the world. Texting is not ideal, but it can be mentally stimulating as well, just like conversing with strangers on a forum can be - this here isn't "real life" either, but we spend time on it anyway.

Was about to say this! Perhaps some older people don’t like texting. But for people like me.. who grew up texting.. we don’t see it as something to be looked down upon as a mode of communication. In fact its a great way to have some flirting and camaraderie between dates. Sharing videos, memes, music... links to different stuff.. i love texting..!

January 22, 2021

11 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

Ok so if a woman does not want to have sex quickly what makes the man stick to dating her if he is sexually attracted?

I don't know exactly, maybe a guy should answer this one.

From what I've noticed, he will still be interested as long as you seem open to the posibility of getting physical at some point, rather sooner than later. I don't know about 3rd date is sex date rule or any other rule like that, I never considered them seriously and I think us human beings are more complex than that, but I do know that if a guy likes you phsically and you don't seem a b**** or nutcase, it doesn't take long for him to start fantasize about you in bed. And usually that happens on the first date. Not to be condescending over here, but i think it's something as simple as guy sees/guy likes/guy wants sex.

For us is not that easy, especially if we've felt like we've been used just for sex before, we don't want s*** like this anymore, so we set the bar up and keep our guard up. But if the guy thinks he's just constantly being tested in order to move forward, chances are that he'll lose interest.

I am not saying that you should go beyond your comfort zone and jump in bed before you feel ready, no way, but if you do like him physically, then you should give him hints and let him know you are considering that, but he needs to wait some more. An idea I can think of : if you like texting and he doesn't, you can get his attention from time to time with some sexy/flirty texting or some saucy pic, not just talks about his past/future/career goals or his daily routine. All within your comfort zone, no don't need to put out more, just let him have a peek at your fun/naughty side, coz we all have one :).

January 22, 2021

10 hours ago, winny said:

Was about to say this! Perhaps some older people don’t like texting. But for people like me.. who grew up texting.. we don’t see it as something to be looked down upon as a mode of communication. In fact its a great way to have some flirting and camaraderie between dates. Sharing videos, memes, music... links to different stuff.. i love texting..!

Its definitely a generational thing.

But there are some young people who don't like messaging much so it depends

January 22, 2021

7 hours ago, Perdu said:

I don't know exactly, maybe a guy should answer this one.

From what I've noticed, he will still be interested as long as you seem open to the posibility of getting physical at some point, rather sooner than later. I don't know about 3rd date is sex date rule or any other rule like that, I never considered them seriously and I think us human beings are more complex than that, but I do know that if a guy likes you phsically and you don't seem a b**** or nutcase, it doesn't take long for him to start fantasize about you in bed. And usually that happens on the first date. Not to be condescending over here, but i think it's something as simple as guy sees/guy likes/guy wants sex.

For us is not that easy, especially if we've felt like we've been used just for sex before, we don't want s*** like this anymore, so we set the bar up and keep our guard up. But if the guy thinks he's just constantly being tested in order to move forward, chances are that he'll lose interest.

I am not saying that you should go beyond your comfort zone and jump in bed before you feel ready, no way, but if you do like him physically, then you should give him hints and let him know you are considering that, but he needs to wait some more. An idea I can think of : if you like texting and he doesn't, you can get his attention from time to time with some sexy/flirty texting or some saucy pic, not just talks about his past/future/career goals or his daily routine. All within your comfort zone, no don't need to put out more, just let him have a peek at your fun/naughty side, coz we all have one :).

I think OP wants to see whether he's truly interested in her before getting to all that other stuff.

January 22, 2021

2 hours ago, peach302 said:

I think OP wants to see whether he's truly interested in her before getting to all that other stuff.

Yes that is true. I don't feel comfortable showing my naughty side at this moment as I don't know what he truly wants and that can give him the wrong idea.

We decided to go for a walk this weekend, we both have dogs so that's a good excuse to meet outside and go for a walk without anyone questioning anything or getting any fines. Let's just hope the dogs get along!

Edited January 22, 2021 by girlnextdoor2020

January 22, 2021

19 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

Yes that is true. I don't feel comfortable showing my naughty side at this moment as I don't know what he truly wants and that can give him the wrong idea.

We decided to go for a walk this weekend, we both have dogs so that's a good excuse to meet outside and go for a walk without anyone questioning anything or getting any fines. Let's just hope the dogs get along!

That's cute a dog date

January 22, 2021

5 hours ago, peach302 said:

That's cute a dog date

Well there will be no date and I’m done with this guy. He’s back to the basic texting and I’m fed up.

I said to him I hope our dogs get along, he read and didn’t even respond. Then I asked him what type of dog he has and he responded like a two word sentence. Didn’t even ask me about my dog, said nothing else and now is online probably texting other people.

I’m sorry but I can’t feel motivated and any reason to meet with someone like this.

You guys here can say all you want about texting and etc, but to me it’s important and he shows zero effort. I’m done.

Edited January 22, 2021 by girlnextdoor2020

January 22, 2021

17 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

Well there will be no date and I’m done with this guy. He’s back to the basic texting and I’m fed up.

I said to him I hope our dogs get along, he read and didn’t even respond. Then I asked him what type of dog he has and he responded like a two word sentence. Didn’t even ask me about my dog, said nothing else and now is online probably texting other people.

I’m sorry but I can’t feel motivated and any reason to meet with someone like this.

You guys here can say all you want about texting and etc, but to me it’s important and he shows zero effort. I’m done.

it's over before its even started.

Why not just go on the date ...put your best foot forward..and then proceed from there? See what happens after basically.

I've come across lots of men who hate texting (maybe find it tedious) and much prefer in person interaction..not necessarily anything to do with whether they like you or not. I know it can come across rude if a person doesn't text back..im sure we've all experienced it at some point. But maybe try not to take it too personally. Change your perspective. Because you cant live like that for the rest of your life .

January 23, 2021

1 hour ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

Well there will be no date and I’m done with this guy. He’s back to the basic texting and I’m fed up.

You guys here can say all you want about texting and etc, but to me it’s important and he shows zero effort. I’m done.

You have some expectations when it comes to staying in touch between dates, and he doesn't fulfill them, so I think that's a wise decision. You get to decide moving forward if those "requirements" have any elbow room...

January 23, 2021

1 hour ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

Well there will be no date and I’m done with this guy. He’s back to the basic texting and I’m fed up.

I said to him I hope our dogs get along, he read and didn’t even respond. Then I asked him what type of dog he has and he responded like a two word sentence. Didn’t even ask me about my dog, said nothing else and now is online probably texting other people.

No offense, but are you listening to yourself? "He didn't ask me about my dog." So you're going to stop seeing him?

So texting is more important than the actual date to you? What you said at the end is telling, you're jealous that other people may have his time that you think you're entitled to.

Do you know that it's possible that he knew people before he met you, and that he has a stronger attachment to those people? I think your expectations are just unrealistically high.

Edited January 23, 2021 by dramafreezone

January 23, 2021

What I think is happening GND is you are allowing your emotions/anxiety to drive your ship.

If I read your post correctly, you asked him if your dogs would get along, he didn't respond so you texted again asking him what type of dog he has and he has not responded as of yet.

Meanwhile, he's busy doing other things until your date (which is perfectly fine), and you're there full of anxiety waiting for his response. I've been there, I get it!

But in order to succeed in dating, you really need to somehow control your anxiety and lower expectations. You simply cannot expect a man you've had a couple of dates with to jump every time you send a text. If that is truly what you expect, you are going to be disappointed every time.

I have a solution. Let him do the texting for awhile. When he texts, wait a reasonable amount of time to respond and then do other things, put it out of your mind. Do not worry about the timing of his response, you will drive yourself bonkers with that.

Anyway, good luck whatever you decide to do.

Edited January 23, 2021 by poppyfields

January 23, 2021

2 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

I’m sorry but I can’t feel motivated and any reason to meet with someone like this.

You guys here can say all you want about texting and etc, but to me it’s important and he shows zero effort. I’m done.

I'm a text hater but if it's your preferred method of communication you need to date somebody who shares that view. It's a simple as that

January 23, 2021

3 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

Well there will be no date and I’m done with this guy. He’s back to the basic texting and I’m fed up.

I said to him I hope our dogs get along, he read and didn’t even respond. Then I asked him what type of dog he has and he responded like a two word sentence. Didn’t even ask me about my dog, said nothing else and now is online probably texting other people.

I’m sorry but I can’t feel motivated and any reason to meet with someone like this.

You guys here can say all you want about texting and etc, but to me it’s important and he shows zero effort. I’m done.

Why are you double texting when he hasnt even responded to the initial text! Also you are being stalker-ish. Thats not healthy behavior.. also like I said before your expectations are too high for 2 dates and at this point u shouldn’t give a damn how many texts he sends u and when he is online or not. And it doesn’t look like at this point his interest is too high. I am sure u will go on that doggie date because u r wayyy too much into him.

January 23, 2021

6 hours ago, poppyfields said:

What I think is happening GND is you are allowing your emotions/anxiety to drive your ship.

If I read your post correctly, you asked him if your dogs would get along, he didn't respond so you texted again asking him what type of dog he has and he has not responded as of yet.

Meanwhile, he's busy doing other things until your date (which is perfectly fine), and you're there full of anxiety waiting for his response. I've been there, I get it!

But in order to succeed in dating, you really need to somehow control your anxiety and lower expectations. You simply cannot expect a man you've had a couple of dates with to jump every time you send a text. If that is truly what you expect, you are going to be disappointed every time.

I have a solution. Let him do the texting for awhile. When he texts, wait a reasonable amount of time to respond and then do other things, put it out of your mind. Do not worry about the timing of his response, you will drive yourself bonkers with that.

Anyway, good luck whatever you decide to do.

That’s exactly what I have been doing.

Yes he did respond yesterday telling me his type of dog but didn’t care asking about mine.

This is not anxiety, to me this shows lack of effort and interest in his part and/or different communication styles. I’m just fed up.

January 23, 2021

5 hours ago, winny said:

Why are you double texting when he hasnt even responded to the initial text! Also you are being stalker-ish. Thats not healthy behavior.. also like I said before your expectations are too high for 2 dates and at this point u shouldn’t give a damn how many texts he sends u and when he is online or not. And it doesn’t look like at this point his interest is too high. I am sure u will go on that doggie date because u r wayyy too much into him.

That’s exactly what it looks like to me.

I am not going.

January 23, 2021

7 hours ago, dramafreezone said:

No offense, but are you listening to yourself? "He didn't ask me about my dog." So you're going to stop seeing him?

So texting is more important than the actual date to you? What you said at the end is telling, you're jealous that other people may have his time that you think you're entitled to.

Do you know that it's possible that he knew people before he met you, and that he has a stronger attachment to those people? I think your expectations are just unrealistically high.

To me what is important is me being interested in the person and feeling some sort of mutual interest/connection to get me interested to meet in person again.

This shows lack of effort/interest in his part not even asking what type my dog is. This is just basic stuff.

I really don’t care if he is talking to other people, that’s none of my business. I care how I feel and that’s what matters to me.

Asking my dog type is not unrealistic expectations, is basic common sense stuff.

Yes I prefer not to see him again as it seems we are not a match.

Edited January 23, 2021 by girlnextdoor2020

January 23, 2021

Mostly people dont meet this quick.

Atleast get to know the person few months online. Including his FB.

Before meeting.

You should ask him for the real answer.

But with lockdown and corona,some may just seek some social time.

Either way he is not so interested if he cant even text you.You seem more like a buddy.Stop wasting your time.Block him,move on.

January 23, 2021

3 hours ago, Pumaza said:

Mostly people dont meet this quick.

Atleast get to know the person few months online. Including his FB.

Before meeting.

You should ask him for the real answer.

But with lockdown and corona,some may just seek some social time.

Either way he is not so interested if he cant even text you.You seem more like a buddy.Stop wasting your time.Block him,move on.

Get to know the person for months online before meeting? Months? Are you serious?

I agree, it feels more like a buddy and not a romantic interest on his part. I’m moving on.

January 23, 2021

3 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

Get to know the person for months online before meeting? Months? Are you serious?

I agree, it feels more like a buddy and not a romantic interest on his part. I’m moving on.

Then keep doing what you are doing and get ghosted.Meet them same day,much better.goodluck✌

January 23, 2021

48 minutes ago, Pumaza said:

Then keep doing what you are doing and get ghosted.Meet them same day,much better.goodluck✌

I didn’t say meet them the same day. I like to talk/text several days before deciding to meet, but months? That’s insane because you can only know someone properly in person.

Actually one advice many people give in this forum is exactly that: meet asap because it is in person that you know someone.

Chatting for months can only make you create a fantasy about the other person that might not be real.

And ghosting can happen regardless how long you take to meet.

If that works for you great, but I don’t wait more than a couple of weeks to meet. I like to look in the eyes of someone.

Edited January 23, 2021 by girlnextdoor2020

January 23, 2021

5 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

Asking my dog type is not unrealistic expectations, is basic common sense stuff.

Yes I prefer not to see him again as it seems we are not a match.

It kind of is unrealistic. However, if the only thing the guy did wrong in your opinion was not ask this specific Q you wouldn't be this upset. For you a lot of things in here aren't adding up. So it is best you move on.

Overall though I have concerns about your expectations. Yes with OLD you need many filters & firm boundaries. It's one of the reasons this method of meeting people didn't work for me. I can read people fairly well & usually very accurately in person. I suck at it virtually. It causes me to give too many inappropriate folks the benefit of the doubt when I would not have been so generous in my assessment if I met them 1st. The few dates I got off OLD were terrible because they were with men I would not have accepted invitations from (& probably would have headed off the ask) had I met them IRL.

My point is that some level of compromise is needed to make a relationship work. An easy example for me is that I love the beach & can spend hours by the shore reading & staring at water. My DH hates the beach; I'm lucky if I get an hour out of him, up from 15 minutes. Over the years we have found ways to work around those opposite preferences but given all of his other amazing qualities I would have been foolish to next him over something so trivial.

Here had you at least gone on the dog walk, who knows what would have happened? It's not like such a walk would have been a complete waste of your time. Even if he wasn't a match you & your dog would have gotten exercise. You have to walk your dog anyway, right?

January 23, 2021

Just move on. Stop communicating with him, don't keep going back and forth. It's clear he's not going to meet your expectations and it's also clear after 11 pages of posts that your expectations aren't going to change. Stop knocking your head against a brick wall.

January 23, 2021

7 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

That’s exactly what it looks like to me.

I am not going.

Two texts is hardly stalkerish dont listen to people. They can be quick to judge...and you left it after that.

Just go on the date. See what happens.

January 23, 2021

OP just listen to your gut it is almost always right. Don't let anyone tell you that you're being "too much" when you want the guy you're dating to be enthusiastic about you. There is nothing wrong with that.

January 23, 2021

8 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

To me what is important is me being interested in the person and feeling some sort of mutual interest/connection to get me interested to meet in person again.

He is interested in you and he said he wanted to see you again. You're just way more interested than he is at this point, but that's your issue because many people don't get this attached after two dates.

What's wrong with just waiting until the date to talk about your dogs? Isn't that what dates are for? It just seems to me that you want the control with him and youi're not in control.

Edited January 23, 2021 by dramafreezone

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