Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted January 24, 2021 Author Share Posted January 24, 2021 1 hour ago, Versacehottie said: Rigid is totally the correct word for what the OP is doing. She needs to put in her profile that she is looking for Mind Readers as well. If he doesn't meet your requirements, just move on. You are here complaining because on some level you KNOW you are being wrong about some of it. And yet you are still somewhat desperate to hang onto him. After telling the thread many times that you were done with him, you still communicated with him yesterday for a date that is supposed to take place today?!??! And then have blindly got your panties twisted all over again because the texting didn't go past the afternoon text yesterday? 🙄 This is completely ridiculous. Among the funnier things I've read on here was that you were pissed that he didn't flow with the proper line of questioning about your dog. Holy high maintenance. I am hoping for his sake that you guys do not go on the date and this is truly the end. You need a complete pushover, shell of a guy, a total mess who "feels" lucky to be in your presence and is falling all over himself to please you from the jump. It totally narrows your pool of people from the getgo for arbitrary reasons but you are too obstinate to listen so I'd say you are going to get exactly what you deserve. Good luck Glad I made you laugh then. I’ll stick to my preferences thank you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted January 24, 2021 Author Share Posted January 24, 2021 2 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Because this was your idea, he's not initiating because he has now acquiesced to you doing the planning. If you stepped up & picked a time & place, you'd have the meet. You went dark on him too & now this won't happen. It's not all his fault. Until you recognize your own role in these missed opportunities you will remain alone & unhappy. Well it was my idea and we agreed I would drive to meet him. So beyond that I still have to initiate now with a time? And he does nothing? Are you joking!? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 24, 2021 Share Posted January 24, 2021 4 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: Well it was my idea and we agreed I would drive to meet him. So beyond that I still have to initiate now with a time? And he does nothing? Are you joking!? No I'm not joking. All of your threads have the same theme: You being entitled to make men you don't know & haven't met read your mind & jump through hopes for you, while you sit there judging them. At least that is how it reads to me. You never seem to give anyone the benefit of the doubt yet, if pressed I assume you will rail mightily about women's equality, equal pay, freedom from harassment etc. I support women's equality but understand it comes with the obligation & responsibility to behave like an equal by taking the laboring oar & communicating clearly. Do not meet this man now. You are too far gone. Your lousy attitude will radiate down the leash & make your dog protective which could cause a dog fight. I would genuinely like to see you meet a nice guy because that is your stated goal. I say all these blunt things to you that you don't want to hear because you have to change & be more open & kinder if you hope to find a good guy. That is not to say you can't have standards but stop expecting men to read your mind AND do all the work initially. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
peach302 Posted January 24, 2021 Share Posted January 24, 2021 (edited) 13 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: No I'm not joking. All of your threads have the same theme: You being entitled to make men you don't know & haven't met read your mind & jump through hopes for you, while you sit there judging them. At least that is how it reads to me. You never seem to give anyone the benefit of the doubt yet, if pressed I assume you will rail mightily about women's equality, equal pay, freedom from harassment etc. I support women's equality but understand it comes with the obligation & responsibility to behave like an equal by taking the laboring oar & communicating clearly. Do not meet this man now. You are too far gone. Your lousy attitude will radiate down the leash & make your dog protective which could cause a dog fight. I would genuinely like to see you meet a nice guy because that is your stated goal. I say all these blunt things to you that you don't want to hear because you have to change & be more open & kinder if you hope to find a good guy. That is not to say you can't have standards but stop expecting men to read your mind AND do all the work initially. I think the op wants it 50/50. And to her it feels like maybe her attempts and efforts end up falling flat..as the other guy doesn't take the initiative to keep things going. He pretty much blanked both her messages and since then didn't mention the date. To her i guess it doesn't look good..or that he has much enthusiasm about her Maybe in her position i would feel the same. Does this guy even want to really meet..no one wants to do the chasing. At the same time though i do believe OP is very guarded and defensive...and maybe could have met the guy anyway to get a better idea. Rather than all the self sabotage before Edited January 24, 2021 by peach302 Link to post Share on other sites
peach302 Posted January 24, 2021 Share Posted January 24, 2021 (edited) 29 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: Well it was my idea and we agreed I would drive to meet him. So beyond that I still have to initiate now with a time? And he does nothing? Are you joking!? I think you should have still maybe met in person anyway. You would get a MUCH better idea of his feelings for you. Obviously following the date if you still are unhappy with how he's behaving with you then you could have left it. But for next time interact in person more to get a more accurate picture You could still meet this dude but i have a feeling you wont lol Edited January 24, 2021 by peach302 Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted January 24, 2021 Author Share Posted January 24, 2021 19 minutes ago, peach302 said: I think the op wants it 50/50. And to her it feels like maybe her attempts and efforts end up falling flat..as the other guy doesn't take the initiative to keep things going. He pretty much blanked both her messages and since then didn't mention the date. To her i guess it doesn't look good..or that he has much enthusiasm about her Maybe in her position i would feel the same. Does this guy even want to really meet..no one wants to do the chasing. At the same time though i do believe OP is very guarded and defensive...and maybe could have met the guy anyway to get a better idea. Rather than all the self sabotage before Yes I want 50/50 absolutely. I am someone who shows interests and communicates. I don’t play games waiting hours to respond to a text message and etc. If I am into someone I say it. This guy is not consistent. Period. Even if I wanted to still go on the date, he didn’t say anything to me all day today. Is he waiting for me say, playing games or not interested? I dunno. I don’t like this. I was the one coming up with the dog walk idea, I was the one going to meet him where he lives. So I already did 50%, was waiting for his other 50 and nothing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dramafreezone Posted January 24, 2021 Share Posted January 24, 2021 (edited) 49 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: Well it was my idea and we agreed I would drive to meet him. So beyond that I still have to initiate now with a time? And he does nothing? Are you joking!? That's what setting a date is. You suggested the date, he agreed. Why would you expect him to set the time? That's just weird. When you set the date, you bear the responsibilities of the details. Welcome to equality. Edited January 24, 2021 by dramafreezone 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted January 24, 2021 Author Share Posted January 24, 2021 9 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: That's what setting a date is. You suggested the date, he agreed. Why would you expect him to set the time? That's just weird. When you set the date, you bear the responsibilities of the details. Welcome to equality. That is not equality. Equality is both bear the responsibilities of setting up the date because both are equally interested. Him saying absolutely nothing says to me no interest. Link to post Share on other sites
dramafreezone Posted January 24, 2021 Share Posted January 24, 2021 1 minute ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: That is not equality. Equality is both bear the responsibilities of setting up the date because both are equally interested. Him saying absolutely nothing says to me no interest. If you agreed to the date what else is there left to discuss? Just show up right? You said that you were going to have a dog date. Did you confirm a time? If not why didn't you confirm a time right then? I don't understand the need for all of this follow up. Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted January 24, 2021 Share Posted January 24, 2021 (edited) I hope you don't dismiss this GND but imo many if not most of your actions/reactions appear to be coming from a place of anxiety and fear. Which I understand as I've been there too, many times. There is a saying I've been thinking about a lot lately: "Hurt people hurt people." >>Their reactions stem from past experiences that led them to certain beliefs that they accepted as truth. They are actually just preconceived ideas projected onto others to protect their ego. You've been hurt, your guard is up. No doubt HE has also been hurt and his guard is up. Your negative energy is bouncing back and forth between you like a game of volleyball! One wherein you both lose. I get the hurt, the pain of past negative experiences. To break this toxic cycle of defensiveness and casting blame, I would suggest looking inward. Stop allowing anxiety and fear to steer your ship. It won't take you anywhere positive or good, I can almost guarantee you that. I agree with d0nnivain, cancel your date with this man, wish him well, next. There is far too much negative energy on both sides for anything positive to happen at this point. I chuckled about the negative energy traveling down the leash, possibly causing a dog fight, but this is actually a very real possibility. Edited January 24, 2021 by poppyfields 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted January 24, 2021 Author Share Posted January 24, 2021 12 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: If you agreed to the date what else is there left to discuss? Just show up right? You said that you were going to have a dog date. Did you confirm a time? If not why didn't you confirm a time right then? I don't understand the need for all of this follow up. He said he was going to have lunch at his brother’s house. So we didn’t agree on a time. I was waiting for him to say something about it so I knew what time to leave my house to meet him. He said nothing all day. Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted January 24, 2021 Share Posted January 24, 2021 1 hour ago, d0nnivain said: Until you recognize your own role in these missed opportunities you will remain alone & unhappy. this 1000% ^^^^^ he may be unworthy for a variety of reasons but you are playing a part in the wreck of the possibility of these relationships Your thinking is messed up. And I also predict you will remain alone & unhappy. And if you by some miracle get into a relationship, you will still be unhappy and virtually alone due to the way you conduct your side of things. This is not 100% on this guy (who may be uninterested due PRECISELY to how you've conducted yourself, which is super uninspiring, not sexy or attractive whatsoever). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted January 24, 2021 Author Share Posted January 24, 2021 6 minutes ago, Versacehottie said: this 1000% ^^^^^ he may be unworthy for a variety of reasons but you are playing a part in the wreck of the possibility of these relationships Your thinking is messed up. And I also predict you will remain alone & unhappy. And if you by some miracle get into a relationship, you will still be unhappy and virtually alone due to the way you conduct your side of things. This is not 100% on this guy (who may be uninterested due PRECISELY to how you've conducted yourself, which is super uninspiring, not sexy or attractive whatsoever). Well that’s who I am. I might not be sexy, inspiring or attractive but I am real. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
peach302 Posted January 24, 2021 Share Posted January 24, 2021 (edited) 33 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: He said he was going to have lunch at his brother’s house. So we didn’t agree on a time. I was waiting for him to say something about it so I knew what time to leave my house to meet him. He said nothing all day. Ok knowing this. It was definitely up to him to tell you he's done at his brother's house and he's ready to meet you. Everytime when I've met a person (friend or whoever) and they have a prior engagement on the day...they will usually tell me when theyre finished and can meet me.. on their own without me having to prompt them. So if he didn't that's on him. Edited January 24, 2021 by peach302 Link to post Share on other sites
peach302 Posted January 24, 2021 Share Posted January 24, 2021 49 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: He said he was going to have lunch at his brother’s house. So we didn’t agree on a time. I was waiting for him to say something about it so I knew what time to leave my house to meet him. He said nothing all day. This guy isn't coming across very forthcoming or proactive... Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted January 24, 2021 Author Share Posted January 24, 2021 (edited) 25 minutes ago, peach302 said: Ok knowing this. It was definitely up to him to tell you he's done at his brother's house and he's ready to meet you. Everytime when I've met a person (friend or whoever) and they have a prior engagement on the day...they will usually tell me when theyre finished and can meet me.. on their own without me having to prompt them. So if he didn't that's on him. I agree. So at this point I don’t know what else was I supposed to say or do or where I am being rigid or expecting him to read my mind like many said in here. He’s acting like he doesn’t care. So I am done. Edited January 24, 2021 by girlnextdoor2020 Link to post Share on other sites
peach302 Posted January 24, 2021 Share Posted January 24, 2021 1 minute ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: I agree. So at this point I don’t know what else was I supposed to say or do or when I am being rigid or expecting him to read my mind like many said in here. Yeah It would sound silly to be continuously messaging are you free now throughout the day😂. So has he still not got back to you? Wth is going on 😂. The meeting should have happened with ease and he was having you drive to his area at his convenience. Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted January 24, 2021 Author Share Posted January 24, 2021 1 minute ago, peach302 said: Yeah It would sound silly to be continuously messaging are you free now throughout the day😂. So has he still not got back to you? Wth is going on 😂. The meeting should have happened with ease and he was having you drive to his area at his convenience. I don’t know. Maybe the lunch at his brother’s was actually a date with someone else that went well? Or maybe he just ghosted me? Regardless of what happened this is very rude to do, letting someone waiting like this. I wish him well. Link to post Share on other sites
peach302 Posted January 24, 2021 Share Posted January 24, 2021 (edited) 30 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: I don’t know. Maybe the lunch at his brother’s was actually a date with someone else that went well? Or maybe he just ghosted me? Regardless of what happened this is very rude to do, letting someone waiting like this. I wish him well. Did u ask him about the date first? Like what time we meeting or something. .and then he said he will be at his brothers house? Or did he message you first. Because if he didnt initiate the message then its a possiblity he's just standing you up. If he was really serious this wouldn't have happened. I thought at the very least go on the date and see what happens. But since he totally flopped that. Not sure now. Send him a message saying that you wish him well. Nothing else. See what he says Edited January 24, 2021 by peach302 Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted January 24, 2021 Author Share Posted January 24, 2021 27 minutes ago, peach302 said: Did u ask him about the date first? Like what time we meeting or something. .and then he said he will be at his brothers house? Or did he message you first. Because if he didnt initiate the message then its a possiblity he's just standing you up. If he was really serious this wouldn't have happened. I thought at the very least go on the date and see what happens. But since he totally flopped that. Not sure now. Send him a message saying that you wish him well. Nothing else. See what he says This is looking like a mexican novel, but he sent me a message saying he had lunch, then came back home and was waiting for me to say something! 🤷♀️ He thought it would be me saying. Ok we agreed to go for the walk tomorrow but I doubt at this point anything good can come from this, apart from my dog getting a walk. Link to post Share on other sites
peach302 Posted January 24, 2021 Share Posted January 24, 2021 6 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: This is looking like a mexican novel, but he sent me a message saying he had lunch, then came back home and was waiting for me to say something! 🤷♀️ He thought it would be me saying. Ok we agreed to go for the walk tomorrow but I doubt at this point anything good can come from this, apart from my dog getting a walk. I did think that could also be a possiblity but he seems quite clueless and passive then lol. How old is he? Just go. See what happens. And report back here! Link to post Share on other sites
dramafreezone Posted January 24, 2021 Share Posted January 24, 2021 I think both of you played a part in killing this relationship before it could grow on its own. There just seems to be a huge lack of communication, not in frequency but in establishing expectations. Maybe he could've told you that he doesn't text that much, and maybe that would've gone a long way in explaining his actions. He likely lost interest but didn't tell you why. I think it's because you want far more communication than he wants to give you right now. Going forward, maybe just try to let go a bit and stop trying to control things. Just as an experiment, with the next guy I would recommend making a concerted effort to resist the need to speak to him more than once a day. Trying mirroring his interest, if he backs off you back off. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted January 24, 2021 Author Share Posted January 24, 2021 5 minutes ago, peach302 said: I did think that could also be a possiblity but he seems quite clueless and passive then lol. How old is he? Just go. See what happens. And report back here! He is 38 but said has been single for a long time 🤷♀️ I will thank you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted January 24, 2021 Share Posted January 24, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: I don’t know. Maybe the lunch at his brother’s was actually a date with someone else that went well? Or maybe he just ghosted me? You dismissed my last post discussing not allowing fear to steer your ship which is too bad because this^ mindset is 100% fear based. And if he were posting, since you haven't reached out either, he might be thinking the same thing - that you ghosted him! Why is it up to HIM to make contact and set the time? You suggested the dog walk, follow up! This is not that complicated. Assuming you are still interested. If not, own that, stop blaming him. I'm not saying he's been a saint, he has not been, however, as I said, your negative energies are bouncing back and forth between you, signals are getting crossed, mixed messages sent. Lord, this should not be happening after a mere two dates. It sounds utterly exhausting. Edited January 24, 2021 by poppyfields 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted January 24, 2021 Author Share Posted January 24, 2021 18 minutes ago, poppyfields said: You dismissed my last post discussing not allowing fear to steer your ship which is too bad because this^ mindset is 100% fear based. And if he were posting, since you haven't reached out either, he might be thinking the same thing - that you ghosted him! Why is it up to HIM to make contact and set the time? You suggested the dog walk, follow up! This is not that complicated. Assuming you are still interested. If not, own that, stop blaming him. I'm not saying he's been a saint, he has not been, however, as I said, your negative energies are bouncing back and forth between you, signals are getting crossed, mixed messages sent. Lord, this should not be happening after a mere two dates. It sounds utterly exhausting. You are right, it is fear based and exhausting. We are going to meet tomorrow (we agreed I say the time tomorrow), so I’ll see in person how I feel. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
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