He takes ages to respond to a text message!

[poppyfields]

1 hour ago, sushiandtacos said:

Just to add to this conversation, I recently just started trying OLD and there's this one guy I'm talking to that seems to be love-bombing with the messaging, as far as saying goodnight and good morning everyday prior to meeting which I find kinda sketchy. I learned on here to definitely be cautious and question those who tend to lovebomb in the beginning especially without meeting.

Nevermind it being sketchy or love bombing, don't you find that type of attention before a first meet suffocating?  

Not to mention contrived, predictable and boring?  An occasional good morning and g'nite is sweet, but not in the same day and certainly not every day! 

I automatically nexted men like this for these reasons.  

As far as being sketchy or love bombing, some guys are all into the fantasy of you before meeting, so they come on super strong. 

I suppose many women eat that up, I never did.  I found it suffocating and a turn off.

These were the guys who became irate after telling them I was no longer interested in chatting.  

I ruined their fantasy! 🤣

Edited January 18, 2021 by poppyfields

[poppyfields]

 

Quote

Not when it's a guy you're really attracted to.

With a guy you're really attracted to, he wouldn't have to double or triple text, you would have responded to his first text. 

I dunno, both genders can become a bit obsessive at times imo. 🤣

Edited January 18, 2021 by poppyfields

[cleverusername]

5 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Not when it's a guy you're really attracted to.

I don’t understand the point of it period? If you are texting, the format shouldn’t be there to replicate that of a real life conversation. 
 

The whole point of it is that you respond at your convenience. You can have a text conversation last for weeks or days spaced out. It doesn’t need to end at night and pickup every morning.

people have been conditioned to expect instant feedback. You want a immediate response, call, Skype, or in person.

3 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Nevermind it being sketchy or love bombing, don't you find that type of attention before a first meet suffocating?  

Not to mention contrived, predictable and boring?  An occasional good morning and g'nite is sweet, but not in the same day and certainly not every day! 

I automatically texted men like this for these reasons.  

As far as being sketchy or love bombing, some guys are all into the fantasy of you before meeting, so they come on super strong. 

I suppose many women eat that up, I never did.  I found it suffocating and a turn off.

These were the guys who became irate after telling them I was no longer interested in chatting.  

I ruined their fantasy! 🤣

I think texting can totally work as I mentioned above, so long as you don’t expect instant feedback. Once you start double or triple texting, then it becomes too much.

It’s hard to read people over text on a screen. Did you let them know you were coming on too strong? 

[girlnextdoor2020]

11 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Nevermind it being sketchy or love bombing, don't you find that type of attention before a first meet suffocating?  

Not to mention contrived, predictable and boring?  An occasional good morning and g'nite is sweet, but not in the same day and certainly not every day! 

I automatically texted men like this for these reasons.  

As far as being sketchy or love bombing, some guys are all into the fantasy of you before meeting, so they come on super strong. 

I suppose many women eat that up, I never did.  I found it suffocating and a turn off.

These were the guys who became irate after telling them I was no longer interested in chatting.  

I ruined their fantasy! 🤣

This guy was never love bombing me and I don’t like that.

We were just having nice normal conversations. It just went back to nearly nothing after the date.

[dramafreezone]

32 minutes ago, stillafool said:

This has always been the case and after the meet up he didn't rush to make another date and is barely texting why is this thread still running.  He should be in your rear view by now.

 

Not when it's a guy you're really attracted to.

She really likes the guy, that's why this thread is still going on. 

I hope people don't take this the wrong way, but I try not to listen to what a woman says she wants.  I watch what she goes for.  How often do we hear that women want a guy that sensitive, warm, blah blah but they go for someone that's distant, kind of a jerk?  It's because certain qualities frequently come as a package deal.  That warm sensitive guy, also often comes with being needy, not having a bunch of options, being overly agreeable and not standing up for what he wants.  The jerk guy she goes for typically comes with qualities of being decisive, confident, and very masculine.  

The guy that's decisive, confident, masculine, sensitive, considerate, warm, that's a unicorn.  Every woman wants that.  If by chance you found that guy, why would he be double and triple texting?  He doesn't have time because every other woman in the world is blowing up his phone.

If she wanted a guy that double and triple texted her she could throw a rock outside and hit one.  And apparently she gets a lot of offers on OLD so scarcity is not an issue.  The one she's thinking about is the one that's not texting her much at all.

Edited January 18, 2021 by dramafreezone

[poppyfields]

14 minutes ago, cleverusername said:

It’s hard to read people over text on a screen. Did you let them know you were coming on too strong? 

No I got turned off so didn't bother.  I either deleted or straight out told them I was no longer interested.

clever, I'm talking about men who would text morning, noon and night!  Before ever even meeting me!

It's too much.  Suffocating.

I used to think I could read people pretty well through messaging, I no longer feel that way.  

The "action" of texting ad nauseam before a meet was a turn off for me, that's all..

 

Edited January 18, 2021 by poppyfields

[Alpacalia]

2 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

She really likes the guy, that's why this thread is still going on. 

I hope people don't take this the wrong way, but I try not to listen to what a woman says she wants.  I watch what she goes for.

If she wanted a guy that double and triple texted her she could throw a rock outside and find one.

Agreed. 

Which is a perfect example of why placing deeper meaning into texting habits (or lack thereof) is futile.

He pulled back on the texting and this thread blew up.

[sushiandtacos]

23 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Nevermind it being sketchy or love bombing, don't you find that type of attention before a first meet suffocating?  

Not to mention contrived, predictable and boring?  An occasional good morning and g'nite is sweet, but not in the same day and certainly not every day! 

I automatically nexted men like this for these reasons.  

As far as being sketchy or love bombing, some guys are all into the fantasy of you before meeting, so they come on super strong. 

I suppose many women eat that up, I never did.  I found it suffocating and a turn off.

These were the guys who became irate after telling them I was no longer interested in chatting.  

I ruined their fantasy! 🤣

lool yes I found it honestly off-putting! I find that these guys with the fantasy don't actually have an interest in you as a person, but just an ideal version of you so in other words disingenuous

[poppyfields]

12 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

She really likes the guy, that's why this thread is still going on. 

I hope people don't take this the wrong way, but I try not to listen to what a woman says she wants.  I watch what she goes for.  How often do we hear that women want a guy that sensitive, warm, blah blah but they go for someone that's distant, kind of a jerk?  It's because certain qualities frequently come as a package deal.  That warm sensitive guy, also comes with being needy, not having a bunch of options, being overly agreeable and what not.  The jerk guy she goes for typically comes with qualities of being decisive, confident, and very masculine.

If she wanted a guy that double and triple texted her she could throw a rock outside and hit one.  And apparently she gets a lot of offers on OLD so scarcity is not an issue.  The one she's thinking about is the one that's not texting her much at all.

You're right!  Do you recall in my recent thread I admitted to "wanting" a man who was calm and patient like my dad but being "attracted" to men who were distant and challenging like my mom? 

It can be a real problem, I own it. 

Edited January 18, 2021 by poppyfields

[dramafreezone]

4 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

You're right!  Do you recall in my recent thread I admitted to "wanting" a man who was calm and patient like my dad but being "attracted" to men who were distant and challenging like my mom? 

It can be a real problem, I own it. 

Of course.  Logically we know what's good for us but that has nothing to do with what attracts us.  Ideally the two converge but frequently they don't.  I wish the 20 year old me knew this, something I had to learn the hard way.

Edited January 18, 2021 by dramafreezone

[poppyfields]

13 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

He pulled back on the texting and this thread blew up.

Not exactly.  He pulled back on his interest, that's why this thread blew up.

It wasn't just the lack of texting, it was the reason behind his lack of texting.  

He lost interest after meeting in person.  That's what some folks seem to be missing.  Not the texting. 

 

Edited January 18, 2021 by poppyfields

[Alpacalia]

2 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Not exactly.  He pulled back on his interest, that's why this thread blew up.

It wasn't just the lack of texting, it was the reason behind his lack of texting.  

He lost interest after meeting in person.  That's what some folks seem to be missing.  Not the texting. 

 

It was originally focused on his patterns of texting. It is, however, pointless at this juncture to discuss semantics. He cancelled the date, no reschedule. Bippity Boppity boo.

[poppyfields]

20 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

It was originally focused on his patterns of texting. It is, however, pointless at this juncture to discuss semantics. He cancelled the date, no reschedule. Bippity Boppity boo.

I disagree.  I don't think GND created this thread because he pulled back on texting.  

It was "why" did he pull back on texting? The meaning behind it. 

Did he lose interest after meeting me?  Is that why he pulled back on texting?  

Answer:  A resounding yes..

Ya gotta read between the lines because the actual words can be ambiguous.

>>"however, pointless at this juncture to discuss semantics. He cancelled the date, no reschedule. Bippity Boppity boo.<<

Agree! 😂

Edited January 18, 2021 by poppyfields

[stillafool]

41 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

He pulled back on the texting and this thread blew up.

Yeah because nothing creates obsession like rejection.

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

Ya gotta read between the lines because the actual words can be ambiguous.

>>"however, pointless at this juncture to discuss semantics. He cancelled the date, no reschedule. Bippity Boppity boo.<<

Agree! 😂

Well gee, it certainly wasn't from lack of trying with this thread. Hopefully some of the feedback OP received can be put to good use. 🤞 

[girlnextdoor2020]

9 hours ago, dramafreezone said:

Of course.  Logically we know what's good for us but that has nothing to do with what attracts us.  Ideally the two converge but frequently they don't.  I wish the 20 year old me knew this, something I had to learn the hard way.

Have you read the book ‘Attached’? That was an eye opener to me in regards to the men I feel attracted. Now I am aware of my attraction points and how the guys I talk to are.

[girlnextdoor2020]

14 hours ago, Alpaca said:

Agreed. 

Which is a perfect example of why placing deeper meaning into texting habits (or lack thereof) is futile.

He pulled back on the texting and this thread blew up.

Yes I did like him on the date. But his behaviour afterwards made me realise we are not compatible and not liking him:

- The texting a lot less and just basic stuff

- Cancelling the date and not rescheduling it

- And also knowing I fell on the weekend and went to the hospital to get stitches and next day he messaged basic stuff about him and didn't even ask me how I feel.

I'm done.

[Wiseman2]

Communication during and between in person dates is important.

But dating is not relationshipping.

2 dates  means you are both talking to and meeting others therefore both rather busy with that, no?

[Be Cool]

A guy who really knows what he's doing simply doesn't text much. To him, the phone is only to set up real dates, not for chatting back-and-forth. 

[poppyfields]

4 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

And also knowing I fell on the weekend and went to the hospital to get stitches and next day he messaged basic stuff about him and didn't even ask me how I feel.

I'm done.

GND, you're sounding very needy here^.  Over-reacting. 

You fell and got stitches, you're fine. Not sure why you even told him, he's not your boyfriend.   But you did, and he responded "I'm glad you're okay."  But now you're PO'd because the next day he didn't ask how you were feeling? 

Let's put things in perspective here, you fell, you're fine.  He said he's happy you're okay.

You had one date, he's not your boyfriend.  You should not be expecting him to act like a boyfriend.

And you fell, it's not like you have the flu or worse or were diagnosed with a serious illness.

You fell, and you're fine!  A few stitches. 

If this had been me, I would not have even told him.  Why?  For what purpose?   

Again he's not my boyfriend or even a close friend.  It was one date after which he's pulled back. 

Imo, it was a shyt test, to see how much he cared.  He failed. As most men in his same position probably would have. 

Please think about that.  Your expectations for how men "should" behave in these very early stages are unreasonable imo.

He is still texting you, he has not ghosted.  It's obvious you still like him otherwise you would not be this wound up; there is no sense denying that to us, or yourself.

Given that you do still like him, why not try a different approach? Change your mindset, let go of expectations and how he was before meet.

When he texts, text back.  Ask him some questions, engage, pull him in a bit.

You could probably have this guy if you lowered expectations, and didn't have such a chip on your shoulder about it. Sorry. 

Okay so he pulled back. Who knows why, but he IS still texting, so there's still interest.

Adapt, adjust.  Keep options open, talk to other guys. 

Keep it all in proper perspective and you will have men begging for a second date!    Well slight exaggeration but hopefully you know what I mean.

 

  

 

Edited January 19, 2021 by poppyfields

[Alpacalia]

4 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

Yes I did like him on the date. But his behaviour afterwards made me realise we are not compatible and not liking him:

- The texting a lot less and just basic stuff

- Cancelling the date and not rescheduling it

- And also knowing I fell on the weekend and went to the hospital to get stitches and next day he messaged basic stuff about him and didn't even ask me how I feel.

I'm done.

That's fine. You come to learn which behaviors you like/dislike. I hope you feel better! 🌼

[peach302]

4 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

Yes I did like him on the date. But his behaviour afterwards made me realise we are not compatible and not liking him:

- The texting a lot less and just basic stuff

- Cancelling the date and not rescheduling it

- And also knowing I fell on the weekend and went to the hospital to get stitches and next day he messaged basic stuff about him and didn't even ask me how I feel.

I'm done.

Yes all those. And especially after one date 🤔. This is the very beginning and he's already lacking in effort and other areas...which shows clear disinterest in my view.

But if you read my posts previously..try the calling approach instead of texting. Some are much less engaging through texting than through phone calls. I guess people can't be bothered always with the whole texting thing 

Edited January 19, 2021 by peach302

[peach302]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Communication during and between in person dates is important.

But dating is not relationshipping.

2 dates  means you are both talking to and meeting others therefore both rather busy with that, no?

Not everyone wants to or is multidating though.

Personally I've always preferred concentrating on one and if that didnt work ..move on to the next.

However in this dating era i realised most are juggling other options and had no choice but to adapt. 🤔

[peach302]

41 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

GND, you're sounding very needy here^.  Over-reacting. 

You fell and got stitches, you're fine. Not sure why you even told him, he's not your boyfriend.   But you did, and he responded "I'm glad you're okay."  But now you're PO'd because the next day he didn't ask how you were feeling? 

Let's put things in perspective here, you fell, you're fine.  He said he's happy you're okay.

You had one date, he's not your boyfriend.  You should not be expecting him to act like a boyfriend.

And you fell, it's not like you have the flu or worse or were diagnosed with a serious illness.

You fell, and you're fine!  A few stitches. 

If this had been me, I would not have even told him.  Why?  For what purpose?   

Again he's not my boyfriend or even a close friend.  It was one date after which he's pulled back. 

Imo, it was a shyt test, to see how much he cared.  He failed. As most men in his same position probably would have. 

Please think about that.  Your expectations for how men "should" behave in these very early stages are unreasonable imo.

He is still texting you, he has not ghosted.  It's obvious you still like him otherwise you would not be this wound up; there is no sense denying that to us, or yourself.

Given that you do still like him, why not try a different approach? Change your mindset, let go of expectations and how he was before meet.

When he texts, text back.  Ask him some questions, engage, pull him in a bit.

You could probably have this guy if you lowered expectations, and didn't have such a chip on your shoulder about it. Sorry. 

Okay so he pulled back. Who knows why, but he IS still texting, so there's still interest.

Adapt, adjust.  Keep options open, talk to other guys. 

Keep it all in proper perspective and you will have men begging for a second date!    Well slight exaggeration but hopefully you know what I mean.

 

  

 

All of this ...a 100%.

 

[girlnextdoor2020]

39 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

GND, you're sounding very needy here^.  Over-reacting. 

You fell and got stitches, you're fine. Not sure why you even told him, he's not your boyfriend.   But you did, and he responded "I'm glad you're okay."  But now you're PO'd because the next day he didn't ask how you were feeling? 

Let's put things in perspective here, you fell, you're fine.  He said he's happy you're okay.

You had one date, he's not your boyfriend.  You should not be expecting him to act like a boyfriend.

And you fell, it's not like you have the flu or worse or were diagnosed with a serious illness.

You fell, and you're fine!  A few stitches. 

If this had been me, I would not have even told him.  Why?  For what purpose?   

Again he's not my boyfriend or even a close friend.  It was one date after which he's pulled back. 

Imo, it was a shyt test, to see how much he cared.  He failed. As most men in his same position probably would have. 

Please think about that.  Your expectations for how men "should" behave in these very early stages are unreasonable imo.

He is still texting you, he has not ghosted.  It's obvious you still like him otherwise you would not be this wound up; there is no sense denying that to us, or yourself.

Given that you do still like him, why not try a different approach? Change your mindset, let go of expectations and how he was before meet.

When he texts, text back.  Ask him some questions, engage, pull him in a bit.

You could probably have this guy if you lowered expectations, and didn't have such a chip on your shoulder about it. Sorry. 

Okay so he pulled back. Who knows why, but he IS still texting, so there's still interest.

Adapt, adjust.  Keep options open, talk to other guys. 

Keep it all in proper perspective and you will have men begging for a second date!    Well slight exaggeration but hopefully you know what I mean.

 

  

 

No I do not lower expectations or standards.

If it was him I would ask the next day how is he feeling. Not because he is my boyfriend already but because he is a human being and I liked him enough to want to date him.

I would do this even if multi-dating (which I am because at the moment I am talking to 4 different guys).

I check people’s behaviours from the very start we start chatting. And asking that simple question how I feel the next day to me is the difference between boyfriend material and nothing.

So no I do not lower my expectations to meet a guy’s behaviour. Thank you.