girlnextdoor2020 Posted January 16, 2021 Share Posted January 16, 2021 Met this guy on OLD, we texted for a few days and then met in person for a coffee date. I went well, he said right there he wanted to see me again. So after a few days we met again but between that first and second date he didn't communicate much and takes ages to respond to a text message. Now after the second date is the same. I'm not saying that he has to text a lot, or that texting quickly is required, but he doesn't call either and I feel I would like to communicate more in between dates, especially when we don't have that much time or opportunities to meet. During the day I think is ok because he has a busy job, but even when he leaves work and in the evening he still takes ages to respond to a text. I'm starting to think he is married or attached, because if not, he is probably not much into me. He says he's a single guy living on his own. What do you think? Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Lorenza Posted January 16, 2021 Share Posted January 16, 2021 He could be married or partnered, but most likely he's just not very interested/invested in you particularly and is juggling a lot of women at the same time. That's how OLD works nowadays. If one of these women he's dating will stick out, he will put more effort into keeping in touch in between of the dates. You can try meeting him once more but if he doesn't start reaching out more after that, he never will. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
dramafreezone Posted January 16, 2021 Share Posted January 16, 2021 What is "ages" to you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted January 16, 2021 Author Share Posted January 16, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, dramafreezone said: What is "ages" to you? For example today he left work at 5pm, sent me a last message at 6pm, I responded, and is now nearly 10pm and no response whatsoever. Weird to say the least. Edited January 16, 2021 by girlnextdoor2020 Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted January 16, 2021 Author Share Posted January 16, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, EternalClarity said: He could be married or partnered, but most likely he's just not very interested/invested in you particularly and is juggling a lot of women at the same time. That's how OLD works nowadays. If one of these women he's dating will stick out, he will put more effort into keeping in touch in between of the dates. You can try meeting him once more but if he doesn't start reaching out more after that, he never will. Hmmm if that's the case I'll leave it. I don't like to feel that after two dates I'm just an option in his pool of options. Edited January 16, 2021 by girlnextdoor2020 Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted January 16, 2021 Share Posted January 16, 2021 5 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: For example today he left work at 5pm, sent me a last message at 6pm, I responded, and is now nearly 10pm and no response whatsoever. Weird to say the least. What was the nature of your conversation? He did reply to you soon after his work ended so it's not entirely lack of interest so I wouldn't jump to conclusion. Have you set up a 3rd date? Link to post Share on other sites
dramafreezone Posted January 16, 2021 Share Posted January 16, 2021 (edited) 10 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: Hmmm if that's the case I'll leave it. I don't like to feel that after two dates I'm just an option in his pool of options. It's only two dates though. It sounds like you're expecting too much too soon, especially if he's dating other women. These days people aren't going to just drop everything for one person after two dates. Edited January 16, 2021 by dramafreezone 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 16, 2021 Share Posted January 16, 2021 13 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: For example today he left work at 5pm, sent me a last message at 6pm, I responded, and is now nearly 10pm and no response whatsoever. Weird to say the least. I think this is actually completely reasonable, considering you've only met him twice. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted January 16, 2021 Author Share Posted January 16, 2021 (edited) 15 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: I think this is actually completely reasonable, considering you've only met him twice. Oh ok, so if he takes like 5 or 6h to reply and I do the same, other 5 or 6h to reply, means we are talking like once per day or so, and what's the point of that? Boring to say the least. Edited January 16, 2021 by girlnextdoor2020 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted January 16, 2021 Author Share Posted January 16, 2021 (edited) 18 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: It's only two dates though. It sounds like you're expecting too much too soon, especially if he's dating other women. These days people aren't going to just drop everything for one person after two dates. OMG did I say drop everything!? I just want to have a conversation that flows and we continue to know each other more, not having "I'm still alive" messages here and there. Boring. Edited January 16, 2021 by girlnextdoor2020 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted January 16, 2021 Author Share Posted January 16, 2021 (edited) 18 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: I think this is actually completely reasonable, considering you've only met him twice. It shows lack of interest or that he is attached/married. Also, he was texting a lot before our first date. Edited January 16, 2021 by girlnextdoor2020 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 16, 2021 Share Posted January 16, 2021 1 minute ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: Oh ok, so if he takes like 5 or 6h to reply and I do the same, other 5 or 6h to reply, means we are talking like once per day or so, and what's the point of that? Boring to say the least. 15 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: I think this is actually completely reasonable, considering you've only met him twice. ^^^This^^^. Most people have busy lives and if you are just a date at this point (along with other people he's dating) this is usually how it works. Did you expect a relationship after just 2 dates? Just now, girlnextdoor2020 said: It shows lack of interest or that he is attached/married. Also, he was texting a lot before our first date. Well now that you know this then it's time to move on and forget him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
dramafreezone Posted January 16, 2021 Share Posted January 16, 2021 3 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: OMG did I say drop everything!? I just want to have a conversation that flows and we continue to know each other more, not having "I'm still alive" messages here and there. Boring. So set another date. That's where you get to know each other, on the dates. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 16, 2021 Share Posted January 16, 2021 Honestly when you complain that you aren't getting enough texts and contact from someone you just went out with it makes it seem like you don't have a life of your own. You don't want to come off as boring. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 16, 2021 Share Posted January 16, 2021 Just now, girlnextdoor2020 said: Oh ok, so if he takes like 5 or 6h to reply and I do the same, other 5 or 6h to reply, means we are talking like once per day or so, and what's the point of that? Boring to say the least. Perhaps for you, yes. Not everyone uses texting to carry out conversations, though, especially with people they hardly know. Some of us - and he may be one of them - prefer to connect in person on dates rather than through messages. I personally don't like to substitute texts for real conversation, never have. I will use them to touch base or arrange appointments but not for random chit-chat. This is especially true when I'm getting to know someone (either just as a friend or with men I've dated) and don't want to build up a false sense of intimacy before I genuinely know the person. If you are the type who prefers to chat more via texting, then realize that those of us who don't probably aren't a good match for you. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted January 16, 2021 Author Share Posted January 16, 2021 1 minute ago, ExpatInItaly said: Perhaps for you, yes. Not everyone uses texting to carry out conversations, though, especially with people they hardly know. Some of us - and he may be one of them - prefer to connect in person on dates rather than through messages. I personally don't like to substitute texts for real conversation, never have. I will use them to touch base or arrange appointments but not for random chit-chat. This is especially true when I'm getting to know someone (either just as a friend or with men I've dated) and don't want to build up a false sense of intimacy before I genuinely know the person. If you are the type who prefers to chat more via texting, then realize that those of us who don't probably aren't a good match for you. The thing is, he was texting a LOT before we had out first date. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 16, 2021 Share Posted January 16, 2021 Just now, girlnextdoor2020 said: The thing is, he was texting a LOT before we had out first date. Then you can assume he's either got more on his plate at the moment, or he's not that into you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted January 16, 2021 Share Posted January 16, 2021 You find his communication style boring, think he's possibly married, or plain not interested in you. So, why even bother? Link to post Share on other sites
dramafreezone Posted January 16, 2021 Share Posted January 16, 2021 (edited) As a guy, I use the phone for setting up dates or for brief communication. Or maybe he's just short on time right now. A lot of guys don't like carrying on extended conversations via text or phone, at least not every day. I prefer to save the "getting to know you" stuff for the actual date. I guess find a guy that loves to text if this is that vexing for you. Edited January 16, 2021 by dramafreezone 4 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 16, 2021 Share Posted January 16, 2021 I wouldn't bother to think anything but kicking him to the curb. You date those who treat you the way you want to be treated. Chalk it up as an unfulfilled expectation and move on to someone who does. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted January 16, 2021 Share Posted January 16, 2021 (edited) 25 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: So set another date. That's where you get to know each other, on the dates. This. This is what I've learned from past mistakes. Get to know each other in person whenever possible to avoid too much build up, text to finalise details. Edited January 16, 2021 by littleblackheart 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted January 16, 2021 Share Posted January 16, 2021 40 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: The thing is, he was texting a LOT before we had out first date. He's making it clear he's not that into you. I guess he'll go along with things if you chase him, but isn't interested enough to make sure you know it. I'd lose interest and move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted January 16, 2021 Share Posted January 16, 2021 1 hour ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: OMG did I say drop everything!? I just want to have a conversation that flows and we continue to know each other more, not having "I'm still alive" messages here and there. Boring. Two dates does not mean you and he are in a relationship. I think you need to manage your expectations because right now they are set to be too unrealistic. He doesn't owe you anything. You and he are still complete strangers and have only seen each other in person twice. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 17, 2021 Share Posted January 17, 2021 (edited) 5 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: During the day I think is ok because he has a busy job, but even when he leaves work and in the evening he still takes ages to respond to a text. I'm starting to think he is married or attached, because if not, he is probably not much into me. He says he's a single guy living on his own. What do you think? Thanks. Not everybody lives with their phone in their hands. Just because we have the ability to be in contact 24/7 doesn't mean we have the obligation to do so. If he's getting back to you within 24 hours it's fine, IMO. That said, since the texting pattern slowed after the 1st date, that is a sign of disinterest. It should have been less than it was before but increased after. Edited January 17, 2021 by d0nnivain 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted January 17, 2021 Share Posted January 17, 2021 (edited) Assuming that he hasn’t explain to you he has some aversion to the telephone and has set another way to communicate soon, it’s either low interest or gameplaying. Periodttt. He doesn’t have time to send a text to the person he is dating. ... right. Well then he either needs to stop Dating, get a Montana brochure, and change his life because he isn’t going to live long without a spare second for a breather. If he has the time go to the bathroom ( assuming he isn’t so busy he just wears a diaper and goes in his pants), he has times to shoot a text while he’s taking a p. Hopefully he has the time to wash his hands. This kind of stuff “they’re busy” stuff trips me up. He’s not responding fast enough because he don’t wanna. Now, whether or not that’s perfectly okay, could work itself out, and you should still bother with people like that is debatable. I don’t think that you should. Best case scenario you are just very, very low priority to this person right now and that’s not a great start. Edited January 17, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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