I have found someone that I really care deeply for.

[acursedloneliness]

I would like everyone's opinion (everyone willing to help anyways).. I am a guy who has known the woman I am 
attracted to for over 3 years. We met during morning commutes, details on the commuting don't really matter, 
but it was nearly an hour EVERY morning and we got relatively close. We got along wonderfully right off the bat. 
But she wasn't single, so no matter how much I liked her I considered her off limits. I am a good person and 
would NEVER place myself in between a woman and her man (Whether I like HIM or not I've been cheated on and it 
friggin hurts).
So time went by, story after story about how horrible her BF actually was. Like ignoring her on her first 
mother's day, but mentioning that he had to “think of a gift for his ex/other sons mother, etc." He did 
everything but beat her. He was just a worthless boyfriend. This resulted eventually in her leaving him as he 
deserved. It has been quite a while since they broke up - and recently we have been talking. I decided to break 
that piece of ice and remove it from between us and I tried to explain to her how much she means to me, and 
inquired if she could ever see me as more than a friend. This was a HUGE step for me, because I have been single 
and COMPLETELY alone for nearly 8 years. I am a decent looking guy, I have also been married, I have dated very 
beautiful women before (I mention this ONLY to get the point across that I am not inexperienced with women, at 
least I didn't think so).. Again this was a huge step because for some reason I get wobbly and shaken around her, 
nervous I suppose you could say. She is very beautiful, but even more importantly she is an amazing person, so 
smart, and funny, and very fun to be around. Also as I said we have always gotten along great. SHE ANSWERED with 
saying that the thought has definitely crossed her mind about her and I together, even early on, before she left 
her EX, but she couldn't entertain the thought because she isn't a cheater(same views as me). Apparently the driver 
for our commute had seen through my wall and knew I had feelings for her. I never realized that, AND SHE never 
noticed that I liked her either lol. But the driver would crack on her about how she should leave her loser and 
be with me, when I wasn't in the vehicle I guess..

Now leading into the important question now that our exact situation is “out there”… I really dig this woman, 
being around her literally warms me and makes my day complete, I get that whole fluttering sensation and I just 
want to scoop her up and hold her. I wish she could see herself through my eyes, because I feel like that would 
be the only way for her to truly comprehend how much I care. She made it clear that YES she could see me as more 
than a friend. But that CURRENTLY SHE ISN'T LOOKING FOR ANYTHING as she works through a couple issues (And yes 
she really is working on this stuff, it was not just an excuse). HOWEVER ever since I brought it up we've been 
talking more and more. I think she may be on the fence about whether or not she wants to give it a shot. But she 
is working through some issues, with herself and her son's father. I don't want to "get in the middle" and end up 
having the opposite effect I am trying to achieve. I dont want to push her away, but rather have a pulling effect.

What would you all say I CAN DO to reinforce my feelings and let her know exactly how much she means to me without 
being clingy, weird, or overbearing??? I can really picture us being happy together ONCE SHE IS READY. I want to 
stay as close to her, as she is comfortable with until then, and IF THAT is what fate has in store only then would 
I press further (further then I can now)..

Any ideas? Gifts, poetry, ANY IDEA NO MATTER HOW “OUT THERE” it may be, I would do darn near anything for her. I 
just don't want to loose the chance. 
 

[Luna66star]

Why are you investing emotionally in this woman?  She clearly is not looking for anything.  Your heart will be shattered into tiny pieces.  Don't even go there.  You obviously like her as more than a friend.  I understand the excitement after 8 yrs of being alone.  It has made you "feel" again which is awesome.  Take the confidence you feel and date single and available women.  There are many! 

[mark clemson]

Well, if you must hang around and be available for when she gets her stuff settled, then do that. Being a true friend sometimes becomes more if the person becomes available. This is different from being "friendzoned" when what started as romantic overtures and/or an Ex that someone is truly over gets "shunted" to friendship. If you start as a friend, it's possible to "advance" to more.

You MIGHT be a rebound who eventually gets droped. You might stay in the friendzone while she seeks others. However, those risks would be there with essentially anyone. I don't think overtures are necessary or would especially work (although she might "think they're cute"). She knows where you stand. I'd say give her her time to sort out her issues, keep "being there for her" and see how it plays out.

There are absolutely no guarantees here, but there's actually a better chance than an unknown quantity. I'd say you've got a better than 50% chance of this turning into something. What exactly that will be is hard to say, as you may be "more into her" than she is into you. But it still could work.

Now, if getting settled takes her like a year or something, well, you'll have to decide when to cut bait on this. Hopefully that won't happen, but it's certainly another possible outcome.

[HadMeOverABarrel]

On 1/15/2021 at 11:45 PM, acursedloneliness said:

Gifts, poetry, ANY IDEA NO MATTER HOW “OUT THERE” it may be

No to this. It's too much too soon, especially because she told you she is not ready for a committed relationship. Doing too much too soon might scare her and push her away. To me, what she's communicated to you is not a no to you, but a no right now. You can lead her down that path though, so read on...

You said you've been "talking more and more" since you told her you're attracted to her. Just let that continue to develop at its own pace. Pay attention to subtle signs and cues she is flirting with you. Read up on how women display these. Examples include touching their hair, touching your arm (or other 'innocent' body part), looking at you and then looking away, etc.

If she displays these behaviors, it's a sign you can SLOWLY escalate physical behaviors over several meetings. Make sure to read the signs first or you could scare her. Examples of escalating the physical start with: touching the back of her shoulder, gently guiding her out a door by placing your hand on her back or lightly taking hold of her forearm.

If she receives these well after a couple meetups, at a subsequent meetup, you can move on to gestures like brushing her hair off her face, gently wiping something off her lips (while continuing the behaviors described in the paragraph above).

Always be a gentleman and show yourself to be considerate of her preferences. She will subtlety pick up on your cues. If she responds favorably to all the above, you know you are on your way to developing something more than friends.

Eventually you might see the right opportunity to kiss her if the above has been going well. 

Basically you are escalating things physically but VERY SLOWLY while paying attention to her responses. 

Edited January 17, 2021 by HadMeOverABarrel

[acursedloneliness]

thank you for all the answers everyone. I appreciate it.

[d0nnivain]

Alas there is nothing you can do. If she like you romantically the timing wouldn't be wrong.  She would take that leap of faith.  The sad reality is she friend zoned you a long time ago & can't flip that switch to see you as sexy / romantic.  You are her buddy, nothing more.