My gf freaked out at me because I may have given her a cold sore & I don't know what to make of it

[Element21]

So my gf and I have been together for over 2 years now, and the whole time we’ve been dating shes made it very clear that she’s a germophobe and has a ton of anxiety about her health. The past few months have been really rough for us, as she hasn’t been treating me that well, but we just patched things up, and today we saw each other for the first time in two or three weeks. 
 

ive had what looked like a zit since Monday on my nose, and it’s gotten worse every day. My gf insisted on me calling my dr, and he answered while we were together, and suggested it might be a cold sore or another infection in my nose.
 

My gf freaked out on me, saying she doesn’t want to see me for a long time as I was stupid to come and see her still, she didn’t want to hear from me, I’m  etc. I just apologized, Because I knew about her issue and anxiety, but explained I genuinely just thought it was a pimple (I still do, but am waiting to see if antibiotics help get rid of the swelling. I honestly didn’t think there was even a chance it could be something contagious, as I used to have crazy big pimples that are similar to this when I was going through puberty. I explained that to her, and I told her if I was at all sick I wouldn’t come over because I know how she is, but I genuinely just thought it was a pimple/something not contagious. She’s been reaching out to me since, checking in on how I’m doing, but also keeps telling me it’s contagious & that she might get whatever I have. I just wanted some takes on this whole thing, because I do feel bad and responsible, but I also don’t think anyone else would have acted differently, as there was no reason in my mind to assume this might be contagious. I already apologized to her, but any advice/takes on this would be appreciated. 

[Element21]

Just now, Element21 said:

So my gf and I have been together for over 2 years now, and the whole time we’ve been dating shes made it very clear that she’s a germophobe and has a ton of anxiety about her health. The past few months have been really rough for us, as she hasn’t been treating me that well, but we just patched things up, and today we saw each other for the first time in two or three weeks. 
 

ive had what looked like a zit since Monday on my nose, and it’s gotten worse every day. My gf insisted on me calling my dr, and he answered while we were together, and suggested it might be a cold sore or another infection in my nose.
 

My gf freaked out on me, saying she doesn’t want to see me for a long time as I was stupid to come and see her still, she didn’t want to hear from me, I’m  etc. I just apologized, Because I knew about her issue and anxiety, but explained I genuinely just thought it was a pimple (I still do, but am waiting to see if antibiotics help get rid of the swelling. I honestly didn’t think there was even a chance it could be something contagious, as I used to have crazy big pimples that are similar to this when I was going through puberty. I explained that to her, and I told her if I was at all sick I wouldn’t come over because I know how she is, but I genuinely just thought it was a pimple/something not contagious. She’s been reaching out to me since, checking in on how I’m doing, but also keeps telling me it’s contagious & that she might get whatever I have. I just wanted some takes on this whole thing, because I do feel bad and responsible, but I also don’t think anyone else would have acted differently, as there was no reason in my mind to assume this might be contagious. I already apologized to her, but any advice/takes on this would be appreciated. 

Also we’re both 21 if that matters

[grays]

You shouldn’t be putting up with her.  She’s making you feel guilty for absolutely nothing.  

[basil67]

Assuming you're right and it's not contagious, you're going to have to have a big conversation with her about how she's treated you.  While I understand that she's got anxiety, her behaviour to you is not OK.

In any case, I'd sit tight and wait for the pathology before doing anything.   

[smackie9]

What's gonna happen when you get married and have kids that will have snotty little noses, spitting up, crappin in their diapers, flush with fevers, puking, etc? Tell her she needs to see a psychologist.

Edited January 15, 2021 by smackie9

[Element21]

4 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

What's gonna happen when you get married and have kids that will have snotty little noses, spitting up, crappin in their diapers, flush with fevers, puking, etc? Tell her she needs to see a psychologist.

Definitely am going to have to have a conversation with her, but it’s specifically stuff on her face, like cold sores that drive her nuts 

[smackie9]

Ya dude how she treats you is way over the top. You need to stop apologizing to her, you are not doing anything wrong, except enabling her behavior. She needs to get help or she's going to find herself growing old alone.

[basil67]

47 minutes ago, Element21 said:

Definitely am going to have to have a conversation with her, but it’s specifically stuff on her face, like cold sores that drive her nuts 

I had the same thought as @smackie9   Kids get horrible contagious things, and it can be on their faces.  Impetigo and conjunctivitis being two common ones.

When you have a conversation with her, don't let her excuse it as anxiety or whatever.  She needs to demonstrate that she understands how her actions have hurt you and have some kind of plan for it to never happen again. 

Edited January 15, 2021 by basil67

[Element21]

8 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I had the same thought as @smackie9   Kids get horrible contagious things, and it can be on their faces.  Impetigo and conjunctivitis being two common ones.

When you have a conversation with her, don't let her excuse it as anxiety or whatever.  She needs to demonstrate that she understands how her actions have hurt you and have some kind of plan for it to never happen again. 

She did just text me an apology, which I appreciated for sure, but I did tell her I didn’t deserve to be blown up on like that & that I don’t want to be spoken to like that again. We’ll see what she does from now on 

[ShyViolet]

So the last few months have been rough because she "hasn't been treating you well", according to you.  And now this.  She is acting completely crazy.  This is HER problem, not yours, and it's kind of baffling why you are putting up with this nonsense.  It sounds like she's incredibly immature.  

[Ami1uwant]

Pop the zit in front of her....

[Lorenza]

Tell your girlfriend that she needs to seek help (aka cognitive therapy) to learn to cope with her phobia. If she doesn't put any effort - breakup with her, cause your life will be miserable if she doesn't learn to get this under control. There are surely a lot of useful coping techniques a therapist can teach her how to use. 

Besides, is she self-declared germophobe, or is it a real diagnosis? Diagnosing herself a germophobe doesn't comfirm that she really is that, only a careful evalution by a professional can. Might be she is just easily grossed and overreacting and yelling is just her bad temper. 

Edited January 16, 2021 by EternalClarity

[Wiseman2]

Ok avoid contact. It could be anything from herpes to impetigo to any number of skin infections.

Were you prescribed treatment? Can you see a doctor in person?

Just stay away from her until you have it appropriately treated and it clears up.

There's no point launching into what a hypochondriac she is when you're the one who should address this and avoid skin contact until it's cleared up.

[lana-banana]

So what if it's a cold sore? The majority of the population has the virus for cold sores; she very well may have it already and not know it. She is being completely ridiculous and irrational here about something so minor it's hard to even imagine it as an issue. Be respectful but honest. You have nothing to apologize for.

[poppyfields]

>>Cold sores (herpes labialis) are small blisters that usually form on the lips or skin around the mouth, nose and on the chin. They are caused by infection with the herpes simplex virus (HSV). People are usually infected in childhood or young adulthood, and the infection persists for life.<>

Never heard of a cold sore on the nose, but possible I suppose.

Regardless of gf's reaction, keep a watch, it's most likely a large zit, but if it doesn't heal within a month, see doctor immediately.

I had a pre-cancerous lesion on my cheek a couple of years ago, freaked me out!  

Got it removed, doctor was also a board certified plastic surgeon, no sign of it today, no scar, looks great.

Don't mean to sound like you mom or anything, but don't mess around with odd looking lesions like that.

Re your girlfriend, agree with others, her reaction was extreme and not necessary.  I'm glad you called her out on it.

Best of luck re your nose!  Fingers crossed it's nothing serious.

 

[spiderowl]

I've never heard of a cold sore on the nose but I suppose it is possible.

Your girlfriend is extra anxious about anything that may be contagious.  She needs to get help for her anxiety.  That does not mean that you should not try to find out the cause of the spot and get it treated, if it is not going away by itself.  You did the right thing by talking to your doctor.

Your girlfriend probably panicked at the thought of herpes as that is an infection that never goes.  Some people have it and some don't.  Those who don't probably want to avoid it although it is harmless for the most part.  She did apologise for treating you badly.  As a parent, if my child had something like that, I would watch and wait and if it didn't go, take them to the doctor.  Because I am a parent, I would avoid trying to scare them.  Your girlfriend is young and anxious and acted accordingly.  She will mature and get over this.

I am sure you will do the responsible thing and get it treated, if it doesn't go away.  I think your girlfriend realised she must have hurt you.  She is concerned for you.  Those are good signs.  She is learning and you are learning but it is something to bear in mind if you plan to be with her for the long term.

 

[smackie9]

Ya  uh no, what is going to happen when they live together and he gets a cold sore? She'll make him sleep on a park bench...dude don't put up with this type of treatment. If it's this bad, she needs help...it's not normal behavior.

[Mrin]

Run. Run far, far away. Seriously dude.