George9 Posted January 13, 2021 Posted January 13, 2021 (edited) Recently I've started dating a woman who seemed to be shy at first few dates...and kept on being so to day today. I am introvert myself, so it made me a bit uncomfortable at first when neither of us said anything for prolonged time. Silent moments continued happening later into dating, somehow I got used to it. She has stated that likes me and wants to know me more. So I asked her why doesn't she ask anything about me. Her response was that she is not used to ask questions. It is not that she never asks anything about me. It does happen, but it is so rare....and I am usually the one that needs to lead all the conversation, otherwise we end up eye gazing for long period of times. From what I've observed, she is not that way with other people/ friends. So I am really confused why her shyness (social anxiety?) only affects our communication? Edited January 13, 2021 by George9
Wiseman2 Posted January 13, 2021 Posted January 13, 2021 She may be the type who sort of freezes when she'd around someone she's attracted to. Just talk, relax, break the ice talk about whatever, your day, your work, etc. 1 1
basil67 Posted January 13, 2021 Posted January 13, 2021 I'm concerned about the bit where she said she's not used to asking questions. What's up with that? And how can she maintain her other friendships if she shows no interest in others? It's contradictory. 2
amygirl908 Posted January 13, 2021 Posted January 13, 2021 20 minutes ago, basil67 said: I'm concerned about the bit where she said she's not used to asking questions. What's up with that? And how can she maintain her other friendships if she shows no interest in others? It's contradictory. It could be concerning it could not be. I know when I feel like I'm being put on the spot I can't come up with a question to ask to save my life. It doesn't necessarily mean that she has no interest in others. It has only been a few dates and if she is someone that take a while to build rapport and really open up to someone she could need more time. I'm assuming she has fulfilling friendships because they're people she's know for a while and that's why that communication is easier. I always used to joke about myself - enjoy the quiet time and the "shyness" cause once you get me to open up and start talking I'll never shut up. I was sometimes really awkward until I got comfortable around someone. 56 minutes ago, George9 said: Recently I've started dating a woman who seemed to be shy at first few dates...and kept on being so to day today. I am introvert myself, so it made me a bit uncomfortable at first when neither of us said anything for prolonged time. Silent moments continued happening later into dating, somehow I got used to it. She has stated that likes me and wants to know me more. So I asked her why doesn't she ask anything about me. Her response was that she is not used to ask questions. It is not that she never asks anything about me. It does happen, but it is so rare....and I am usually the one that needs to lead all the conversation, otherwise we end up eye gazing for long period of times. From what I've observed, she is not that way with other people/ friends. So I am really confused why her shyness (social anxiety?) only affects our communication? If you really like her and this isn't a deal breaker then go for it! If it continues after a few more dates I might have a talk with her about it again, but it's way too early to say whether it's disinterest or if she's just still warming up. You guys are still getting to know each other and your communication style will develop over time as trust is built. Silence doesn't always have to be awkward. I'm a talker and that's something I've really had to work on... learning how to be quiet and accept that silence is ok and it doesn't mean that there is anything wrong. Actually I think that if you can be comfortable in silence that says a lot about the two of you as a couple. 1
smackie9 Posted January 13, 2021 Posted January 13, 2021 She sounds conscientious. I guess she really likes you but worries about saying the wrong thing and messing things up or looking stupid.
dramafreezone Posted January 13, 2021 Posted January 13, 2021 Why aren't you asking her questions? Anytime I've been on a date with a woman that's really into me, she'll talk for 15-20 minutes straight. Not hard man, favorite TV shows, favorite vacation spots, what's her passion in life? If she's got social anxiety, then that's another thing all together. Can't help you there.
Lorenza Posted January 14, 2021 Posted January 14, 2021 She might loosen up later on, but don't put her on a spot like that. Suggest playing a game instead: google "questions to get to know someone" then read one question at the time so you both can answer it. I've done this on some awkward dates and despite feeling a bit like an interview in the beginning, the conversation starts to flow more freely after a while and follow up questions start.
chillii Posted January 14, 2021 Posted January 14, 2021 Yeah pretty well agreeing with some others here. l don't think it's disinterest just sounds painfully shy with you right now that means your important to her Does she show feelings and affection . But eh, if your that way too maybe you;ll both end up with a nice comfy quiet haha. At any rate if you really like her give it time she could be gorgeous once she opens up .
cleverusername Posted January 14, 2021 Posted January 14, 2021 Because conversations aren’t 20 questions. Just because she doesn’t ask doesn’t mean she wants to know. For example; You- “What’s your favorite vacation?” Her- “I went to X” You- “wow that’s super cool! Mine was when I went to X” also you should have 2-3 pocket stories that are super interesting you can lead conversation with and get people interested. 3
Fletch Lives Posted January 15, 2021 Posted January 15, 2021 On 1/13/2021 at 4:45 PM, Wiseman2 said: She may be the type who sort of freezes when she'd around someone she's attracted to. Just talk, relax, break the ice talk about whatever, your day, your work, etc. This does happen sometimes......sometimes a woman with a crush will be so self-conscious, she'll clam up so she does not risk saying something to turn you off! So if you two are not talking, maybe do something else...... hold hands, cuddle, kiss? A quiet woman may not be a bad thing - ask some divorced guys!
spiderowl Posted January 17, 2021 Posted January 17, 2021 (edited) Has she been on any dates before, OP? It could be that she hasn't and she is not sure how to behave with a guy she really likes. I would gauge her interest in you in a jokey way, just so you know where you stand and whether it is worth making an effort to get her to relax more. You could say something like, "I'm having a hard time telling whether you would like to spend time with me or not." Give her chance to say what she thinks. I suspect if she is still seeing you, that she is shy. She may be really scared to say the wrong thing and lose you. Perhaps you could reassure her by telling her you like her and you are not easily offended. Maybe she'll loosen up a bit then. You could even try a game - each person taking a turn to ask the other an awkward question ;). That could break the ice a bit as long as you both agree not to take it too seriously. Edited January 17, 2021 by spiderowl
d0nnivain Posted January 17, 2021 Posted January 17, 2021 She has poor social skills. It's a problem that can be overcome if she tries. Do you want to put in the time to teach her by example?
MeadowFlower Posted January 17, 2021 Posted January 17, 2021 On 1/14/2021 at 10:17 AM, George9 said: Recently I've started dating a woman who seemed to be shy at first few dates...and kept on being so to day today. I am introvert myself, so it made me a bit uncomfortable at first when neither of us said anything for prolonged time. Silent moments continued happening later into dating, somehow I got used to it. She has stated that likes me and wants to know me more. So I asked her why doesn't she ask anything about me. Her response was that she is not used to ask questions. It is not that she never asks anything about me. It does happen, but it is so rare....and I am usually the one that needs to lead all the conversation, otherwise we end up eye gazing for long period of times. From what I've observed, she is not that way with other people/ friends. So I am really confused why her shyness (social anxiety?) only affects our communication? Give the poor girl a chance. Some people take a loooong time to be comfortable in a guys presence. Try doing activities on dates rather than just sitting and talking. And do not make her feel bad for being who she is.
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