I love dating and giving girls the best time of their lives, but I'm not looking for relationship. Always ends with pain.

[Azincourt]

18 hours ago, klxvs said:

Hey, This might be the craziest thing ever, but... 

I love dating and giving girls the best time of their lives. I do fall for them and I do express my attraction(which might be causing the problem) 

If you re interested in someone, it does make sense for you to express the attraction you feel for them, as to not end up with women wondering if you are interested in them or not, which would be a waste of their time and effort, to be dating a guy who is just bored.

18 hours ago, klxvs said:

If girls are interested in knowing what's my purpose for dating - I am always honest and upfront. I say that I am not looking for a relationship or getting married just yet, but later down the line - I'd like to have family and kids, but I'm just too busy with all what's going on in my life. I have a businesses, multiple hobbies and passions as well as male friends. 

 

Yes, at 24, you're very young and you have plenty of time ahead of you for a serious relationship if that's what you are looking for. There's nothing wrong with a lack of interest in anything other than what you're seeking for in the dating world, so don't feel like there's something wrong with you for not rushing into a long-term relationship/co-habitation/marriage etc if you that is not a part of your current plans for yourself.

There are people who aren't interested in a ''serious'' relationship when they're 20, 40, 60, or 80, and again, there's nothing wrong with that.

Pursue your education, work on yourself, make money, buy a house, if you haven't already, and work on paying off the mortgage as quickly as possible. Those are the three more important things in life.

1 - Having a good job/college education that will develop into a career that will provide you with a comfortable retirement.

2-  Having your own house instead of relying on landlords/living with family/friends/random roomates, so that one day you can have the mortgage paid off and all the wages you'll be making won't have half or more of it's $ taken away by rent or by a mortgage.

3 - Have a strong network of friends that will be there for you when you really need them.

18 hours ago, klxvs said:

I only date one girl at a time. I'm super honest, and not trying to hide anything or just get sex out of them. My dick is soft if we don't have a deep connection. And I treat all girls with massive respect and I do all the best I can to give them amazing experience every single time. And they fall for me so fast...

 

Then there's nothing wrong with what you are doing. You're honest and you're upfront about what you desire out of this interaction. You're not lying to them and you're not leading anyone on.

18 hours ago, klxvs said:

Once we have the connection - girls get really attached, and always wants to progress further, but I don't, as that's not my priority in life at this time. However I can't stop dating, because my life feels empty if I don't have a connection with women. 

The worst thing is, that they always get hurt.. They don't want to just date. They want more - always... But I'm giving all I can, but relationship is something I just can't commit at the moment, and I'm not promising that I will later down the line either. 

I'm tired of looking for a new, smart, spiritual, self-developed, intelligent girl every 1-3 months (yes, that's how fast it ends because they fall for me to fast and ask for more.)

I'm not even the one saying that I don't want this anymore. I enjoy my time with them and they do too, but because of the situation above - they don't want to continue if I'm not ready to commit. 

I'm only 24 and I usually date older women 25-30. Maybe that's the issue too. 

I am super confused, that I always give my best, I invest in these girls so much energy and time, not money... But they always get hurt and suffer. Every single time it ends with tears and grief from their side.

I am tired of causing the pain. 

Should I just stop dating and invest in my priorities and feel unfullfilled? 

Should I just stop paying attention that I break every girls heart?

I am super confused. How can this be that I have all the best intentions in the world, give all I can, but they are heartbroken.

And I don't want just casual relationships where we're just having sex. I like the attraction and the "love" we share.

I think the issues are that I get attached too and I show it. They are too old for me, but I don't like girls younger than me. I don't like casual sex, I want more, but not too much. I want them to have their own life too, but they just want to be in my life too much.

If I am acting like an idiot - let me know. I know I am soooo contradictory, but that's what I want and I just can't find the happy medium on how not to cause grief and tiers.

I told you this is crazy, but how do I go about dating now?

HELP ME.

There are millions upon millions of women in the world. Many of those women will be seeking something steady, and many of those women will not. Keep on dating and keep on meeting women and eventually you'll come across women who are looking for the same things that you are.

[littleblackheart]

How are you going to go about reconciling this:

2 hours ago, klxvs said:

I can see that it is my fault, that I am being misleading with my actions. 

with this?

2 hours ago, klxvs said:

I am not going to stop dating that's for sure,

 

[HiCrunchy]

If you get emotionally involved with someone you are going to hurt them, no matter how up front you are. 

The one good thing about being upfront is at least they aren't hurting because of lies and can see you as a good person that was honest. They will still grieve the relationship if they don't want it to end or it isn't progressing. 

Staying honest keeps your hands clean. 

[HiCrunchy]

16 hours ago, Ruby Slippers said:

You want all the benefits with none of the responsibility. Life doesn't work that way.

I believe that the energy you put out there comes back to you tenfold. So the more you keep using and hurting these women, the more bad will you're building up for yourself. 

Yep yep yep!!!

[Azincourt]

Quote

You want all the benefits with none of the responsibility. Life doesn't work that way.

Nah, that's not how it works.

Dating doesn't necessarily has to lead to a serious relationship/co-habitation/marriage. Dating is what you make of it. You're looking for a friends with benefits situation? Nothing to be judged about. There's plenty of people who are only interested in that.

You like sex but you don't want to be tied down to a relationship? You don't want to deal with her problems and dramas? You don't want to meet her parents and her brothers and her sisters, and you certainly don't want to be party to all the nonsense that goes on within a family?

That is your right. This isn't the early 20th century, where you had to get married because her brother saw you talking to her sister, and in the same, in a much thinned vein, you are not forced to have very serious, very proper, very marriage-oriented/relationship-oriented intentions when it comes to a woman to be able to date.

You just have to meet women. 

Thankfully, we are not like our generation of grandparents. We don't have to date the women who live in our streets. With billions of women for a guy to meet, you will meet many, many, many women throughout your life, and amongst those  inimaginable number of women for a man like my great-grandfather who saw like 15 women and most of them old enough to be his grandmother, during his lifetime, you're far more likely to meet women who want the same things that you want, that you are than anyone can possible dream of.

I've been rejected by tens of thousands of women, working as a bouncer, a bartender, a DJ as a fashion model, and a road musician, and I didn't let that bring me down, because I've still managed to get what I want, and that's all that matters in life, dude.  It's not how much work and effort you have to put into it. It's how you act in the face of adversity. Not every guy can be a billionaire and live life on easy mode when it comes to getting casual sex with hot women, and there's nothing to be ashamed for wanting casual sex or friends with benefits.

Don't let people who are old enough to be your mother or your father shame you for your perfectly natural desires.

[klxvs]

50 minutes ago, littleblackheart said:

How are you going to go about reconciling this:

with this?

 

Should I be sarcastic, or just ignore this?  

 

Oh well.. if you wanna do this to me and take things out of context - you can. I don't mind.. 

 

But I'll change my approach to building strong affection and connection, and at all costs will avoid setting any kind of expectation that it might go further than just fun times to avoid any grief. thank you for your input though.. 

[littleblackheart]

2 minutes ago, klxvs said:

thank you for your input though.. 

You're welcome. 

Good job on swerving the sarcasm route.

3 minutes ago, klxvs said:

But I'll change my approach to building strong affection and connection, and at all costs will avoid setting any kind of expectation that it might go further than just fun times to avoid any grief

A fine answer to a fair and sensible question.

[klxvs]

1 hour ago, EternalClarity said:

Bad energy? For giving you the an honest opinion about your words and actions not matching? Kinda sounds that you came here to get validated that you're not doing anything wrong, instead of fixing your hurtful behaviour, if an opinion that doesn't sugar coat it for you sounds like bad energy. Honesty can be hard to handle. 

I admit my mistakes, and in the original post I said that I am the problem and I'm looking for ways to fix it. Can you please explain where I'm looking for validation? Actually, I don't really care to be honest, because I know my intentions and you're seeing this through your own perspective, and that's okay. I am not here to defend or validate myself. Read the original post again, and you'll see how many times I said that I am the issue, and I am causing the pain and I am looking for ways to stop it.

 

Even though I warn them - I still take the blame for it. That's why I am here. Not trying to shake off my responsibility.. And I'm happy that you all helped me understand that I shouldn't be building deep emotional connections with women if my purpose isn't becoming something more than just a fun partner.  Thats why I came here.

 

Aren't you happy that someone is looking for ways how to satisfy himself without causing pain to others? 

 

Anyway, I mentioned bad energy because your way of expressing yourself feels aggressive to me when I'm reading it, but again - maybe that's the way you are and you mean well and I'm the one perceiving it that way. And if so - I have no problem admitting it either. 

 

And it just seems that me trying to explain the full picture is useless, because you read and answer to parts you want, not to the whole thing.. I said multiple things various times and if you phrase your sentences in an aggressive, kind of attacking way instead of just simply sharing your opinion, giving me advice and wishing me well - then I'm not going to continue this sillyness with you. 

 

Have a lovely day my friend, I appreciate your input and time responding to me. And I really hope you might have benefited in some way or another from this too. 

 

Love you ❤

[Azincourt]

You're putting way too much energy into this.

1 - you're doing nothing wrong.

You don't lie to these women. You don't lead them on. You don't promise things you can't give them(a serious relationship).

2- you're 24, dude. You're not 44. No one is expecting  a 24 to have his entire life worked out already, and no one is going to hold it against a 24 for wanting to date casually, to want sex. Heck, I lived in Spain for a year and I would see all of these 18 year olds walk into brothels like old ladies walk into the Church to confess to the priest how much they hate Clarisse or Jasmine, and no one would bat an eye to this kind of behavior which is frankly much more drastic than a 24 year old man dating for sex.

Give it 10 years before you begin thinking about living with a woman, or getting married to a woman, or having kids, or even getting yourself into a ''let's meet my dad and my mom! yay!'' relationship, and time passes so fast that before you know it you'll be 34, so enjoy your youth while it's there,  as there's a time for fun and a time for joy, and that time occurs mostly between the age of 18 and 25.

3 - who cares what people think of you? Most of the folks I meet, especially middle-aged people hate my guts and I enjoy my life. 

[klxvs]

49 minutes ago, HiCrunchy said:

If you get emotionally involved with someone you are going to hurt them, no matter how up front you are. 

The one good thing about being upfront is at least they aren't hurting because of lies and can see you as a good person that was honest. They will still grieve the relationship if they don't want it to end or it isn't progressing. 

Staying honest keeps your hands clean. 

I think that was my subconscious problem. I am trying to keep my hands clean instead of really being careful with my words and not trying to hurt them. 

 

But I don't care what the girls think of me in my conscious mind, I only care that I leave love and positive emotioms behind. And that's why I'm here, because having clean hands wasn't enough.. 

 

And the best way to do it, after discussing this w you guys, is to stay away from getting emotionally involved if I'm not sure that I'll commit.  

 

Grateful

 

 

[klxvs]

17 hours ago, caputo77 said:

I agree, something deeper is happening here. Everything you describe that you want with these women (monogamy, emotional intimacy, attraction, "love", not having to find someone new every few months, etc.) sounds like a relationship. There are plenty of people in relationships who continue to pursue their hobbies, friendships, careers, etc. and also who have no plans of getting married in the near future. Being in a relationship with someone is not a promise you'll be with them forever, and you can be in a relationship and still take it day by day and live in the moment. 

What is it about committing or labelling what you want with these women that scares you so much? Are you afraid of the responsibilities that may come with a relationship? Are you afraid of committing to one person and think you will get bored and want to keep seeing other people? Are you afraid of getting hurt? Are you afraid of committing, then changing your mind later on and hurting someone else? I think maybe it might partially be that last one because you sound like you really, really don't want to hurt anyone and try to be careful not to do so, but unfortunately it's sometimes just part of life.

If you're more specific about exactly why you don't want a relationship, that might help you clarify for yourself and others what's going on in your head and how to solve it.

I think you nailed it. Most likely it is the last. Because I know I do fall for them as well, but then something happens and I change my mind later and I'm just trying to protect them. Not myself.. 

 

Most sensible answer in this topic ❤

[Ruby Slippers]

I didn't "send you bad energy." I said it's my belief that you're creating bad energy for yourself by taking advantage of these women's natural bonding instincts to get your own comfort and good feelings out of a situation you know full well you're going to discard later. You know that if you make it clear to these women it's temporary and you're never going to get serious with them, they won't be interested and you won't get your goodies. You wouldn't be the only guy to pull this act - but I think it's wrong and you will see consequences for your behavior eventually.

[Andy_K]

21 hours ago, klxvs said:

If girls are interested in knowing what's my purpose for dating - I am always honest and upfront. I say that I am not looking for a relationship or getting married just yet, but later down the line - I'd like to have family and kids, but I'm just too busy with all what's going on in my life. I have a businesses, multiple hobbies and passions as well as male friends. 

There's a difference between being honest and just telling yourself you're being honest. You're doing the latter. The real truth is more like

"I am not looking for a relationship or getting married, although one day I might decide to. However, it will not be soon, nor be with you. I can date you and treat you well, but I cannot and will not offer you any sort of commitment or future."

There are plenty out there who will be okay with that, you just need to be clearer about exactly what you can and can't offer.

Edited January 13, 2021 by Andy_K

[stillafool]

15 hours ago, poppyfields said:

I went on sort of a rant earlier on another thread about how so many women are in such a rush.  So they push, then push some more.

Why is this?

15 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said:

But to tell you the truth, you might as well come out and say you're looking for a play partner or something like that. Dude, lots of women are fine with just wanting to have sex.

Depending on how you look it really doesn't matter if you say you are not looking for anything but a play partner, FWB.   Most will be disappointed but will still go out with you anyway so be as blunt as possible about what you want.

[Allupinnit]

You want the girlfriend experience without the price that comes at.  Most women are not wired for casual sex so it's not surprising that they end up wanting more after a few months with a fun guy. It's biology.

If your worldview like some of the other posters here is that marriage and commitment is riddled with problems, lack of freedom, boredom, etc then maybe it's not for you but there are lots of people who are not afraid of those things at your age.  ESPECIALLY women who are 25-30 and want families.

 

[Kai_Kai]

As long as you're up front and honest, its all fair game. It is not your fault if the other party catches feelings or want more when you explicitly stated differently. Enjoy your life. 

[Calmandfocused]

Dude, there’s something jumping out to me here. 
 

You say that you’re attached to these women too,  you’re telling us that you are too, but your behaviour doesn’t reflect that. 
 

The fact that you can easily bounce from one woman to the next every 1 to 3 months tells me that you are not attached to any of them. You may think you are but you are not. The reality is that you are able to dispose, move on, and replace women, in the same way that I dispose of biro pens when they stop working.
 

I could be wrong but I don’t think you truly care about any of these women. They’re simply serving you a purpose.  It’s thrilling, exciting and validating your ego. 
 

Before you do anything else , you need to honest with yourself. It’s sounds like you have become so equipped in being disingenuous with yourself, that being disingenuous with women comes naturally to you. 
 

If you want to stop this patten you have to start being honest. Not only with what you do but what you say. 
 

However I sense this has become a thrilling habit for you and that you’ll find it difficult to stop. 

[cleverusername]

So the way I see it, you're attracted to the process not the women. You say you invest time and energy into them, and aren't attracted until you have a deep connection with them at which point they want more. Understandable they want more. Also understandable that you are looking for casual sex. What is conflicting this is that you have this sexual attraction built up after establishing a deep connection. That makes things messy. I think you need to either get out of the head space of "I have to have this connection in order for the attraction to be present", or accept that a consequence of your actions is a deeper relationship.

It sounds like deep down you want the sex and the relationship experience without the long term commitment.  You're going to have to settle for one or the other, but not both. 

Edited January 13, 2021 by cleverusername

[HiCrunchy]

1 hour ago, cleverusername said:

So the way I see it, you're attracted to the process not the women. You say you invest time and energy into them, and aren't attracted until you have a deep connection with them at which point they want more. Understandable they want more. Also understandable that you are looking for casual sex. What is conflicting this is that you have this sexual attraction built up after establishing a deep connection. That makes things messy. I think you need to either get out of the head space of "I have to have this connection in order for the attraction to be present", or accept that a consequence of your actions is a deeper relationship.

It sounds like deep down you want the sex and the relationship experience without the long term commitment.  You're going to have to settle for one or the other, but not both. 

 

1 hour ago, Calmandfocused said:

Dude, there’s something jumping out to me here. 
 

You say that you’re attached to these women too,  you’re telling us that you are too, but your behaviour doesn’t reflect that. 
 

The fact that you can easily bounce from one woman to the next every 1 to 3 months tells me that you are not attached to any of them. You may think you are but you are not. The reality is that you are able to dispose, move on, and replace women, in the same way that I dispose of biro pens when they stop working.
 

I could be wrong but I don’t think you truly care about any of these women. They’re simply serving you a purpose.  It’s thrilling, exciting and validating your ego. 
 

Before you do anything else , you need to honest with yourself. It’s sounds like you have become so equipped in being disingenuous with yourself, that being disingenuous with women comes naturally to you. 
 

If you want to stop this patten you have to start being honest. Not only with what you do but what you say. 
 

However I sense this has become a thrilling habit for you and that you’ll find it difficult to stop. 

Its almost like he likes the "idea" of a relationship

Edited January 13, 2021 by HiCrunchy

[Miss Spider]

I’m gonna go ahead and assume that you overthink a lot of things. And I’m also guessing that recently someone got hurt. Don’t be so hard on yourself. People are sometimes going to get hurt in dating, even if you do everything right.  You can have   a good time and be a single guy. A lot of people have that period in their life. Dating can be casual. You’re not doing wrong by anyone if you are telling people that you were looking for casual off the bat. If they stick around and continue to date you until things become less casual, that’s on them. They knew your number. They knew exactly what you were about because you told them. It’s debatable whether or not you even need to tell him that but you were going out of your way to let them know and that’s a thoughtful thing to to do. You’re not doing anything wrong in my opinion 

[amygirl908]

1 hour ago, HiCrunchy said:

Its almost like he likes the "idea" of a relationship

I completely agree with you.

Based on what the OP said it's not really about the sex. I get the impression that he doesn't have a hard time finding casual sex but he doesn't want casual sex. He wants the mental and emotional connection of a relationship, but when he gets that he either fakes himself out or gets cold feet or whatever his hang up is and then insists that he wants to focus on other aspects in his life as a cop out. When his "idea" of a relationship becomes a reality to him he doesn't want it anymore.

You say you don't want a relationship but that's not what your behavior is telling these women and that's honestly not fair to them. When they catch feelings I would consider that to be a completely reasonable response to the behavior that you are showing them. I think you have to do some self reflection and digging. Find out what you really want from these interactions. I also just want to note that there is absolutely nothing wrong with casual sex and casual dating and women often get the wrong impression, but it seems like these women are getting the impression that you are giving them.

Edited January 13, 2021 by amygirl908