Myasylum Posted January 12, 2021 Posted January 12, 2021 So, is this ghosting thing just common place these days? No need to explain anything, just disappear? Seems rather heartless and cruel. I was set up by a mutual friend... and things were going pretty well, kissed and told personal stories we were getting pretty close. It was pretty common for her to disappear for a few days which was odd, but always came back. Then one day just cold... it's been about a week and a half. I sent her a couple messages, but nothing in return. It gets under my skin, maybe that's the point? I talked to the mutual friend and I was told to give it time. I'm like time? I feel like I'm wasting time, how much time, they said themselves they don't know. So?? I've heard other stories somewhat similar to this where the girl just doesn't feel the need to respond. Personally I find it pretty rude, a simple explanation doesn't seem difficult to me... so. I guess I'm letting it go. I can't keep chasing ghost. Because of the mutual friend I'm sure I'll see her again, so I suppose I'm just supposed to play it cool like nothing ever happened, but that's not going to be easy. Thoughts? 1
FudgeSwirl Posted January 12, 2021 Posted January 12, 2021 Until a relationship is declared exclusive or both parties agree that what they are doing is dating, there is no reason to stress about her disappearing acts. While I do not agree with ignoring anybody's texts especially if a question was asked, some people really are horrible at responding to texts. However you don't have to wait for her and given you haven't solidified any relationship you are free to see other people. On the other hand if you do want to stick around just for her, when she resurfaces discuss your feelings with her. Maybe she only likes playing around or is unaware that you are that interested in her so being able to communicate with her will help see where her mind is and will determine if you are on the same page. 1
spiderowl Posted January 12, 2021 Posted January 12, 2021 (edited) If someone stops responding to you, then best to write it off as one of those things. It's not nice and people should have an explanation but the explanation (where there is none) is that there is a loss of interest on her part. It is possible to like someone, to share with them, but ultimately feel they are not the right person. Instead of agonising about it, look at it as a filter which tells you that she is wrong for you. The right person would be in touch and would be looking forward to meeting you. Whatever her reasons, don't waste any more time on her. Ever onwards! Edited January 12, 2021 by spiderowl 1
ZA Dater Posted January 12, 2021 Posted January 12, 2021 5 hours ago, spiderowl said: If someone stops responding to you, then best to write it off as one of those things. It's not nice and people should have an explanation but the explanation (where there is none) is that there is a loss of interest on her part. It is possible to like someone, to share with them, but ultimately feel they are not the right person. Instead of agonising about it, look at it as a filter which tells you that she is wrong for you. The right person would be in touch and would be looking forward to meeting you. Whatever her reasons, don't waste any more time on her. Ever onwards! I agree with you, one of the worst things you can do is try understand why because you wont ever understand why people do what they do.
elaine567 Posted January 12, 2021 Posted January 12, 2021 39 minutes ago, ZA Dater said: you wont ever understand why people do what they do. That is not true, sometimes it is blatantly obvious why people do what they do. Here she was just not really interested. It was a mutual friend set up, not an active choice on her part, and whilst that can work, here it didn't.. No-one who is interested falls off the radar periodically for 3 days at a time, they are too scared of the other losing interest. People who do that are game players, don't care, have issues, or are just not interested. 1
ZA Dater Posted January 12, 2021 Posted January 12, 2021 (edited) 58 minutes ago, elaine567 said: That is not true, sometimes it is blatantly obvious why people do what they do. Here she was just not really interested. It was a mutual friend set up, not an active choice on her part, and whilst that can work, here it didn't.. No-one who is interested falls off the radar periodically for 3 days at a time, they are too scared of the other losing interest. People who do that are game players, don't care, have issues, or are just not interested. My point is, its pointless trying to understand why, sure she was not interested but why was she not interested.... Edited January 12, 2021 by ZA Dater 1
Blind-Sided Posted January 12, 2021 Posted January 12, 2021 I think ghosting is a childish thing to do. Unfortunately... it is a common thing with OLD. It takes only a moment to say.... "I don't think it's going to work out." You don't have to give details, because that may be saving someone's feelings... but a simple no thanks kind of response is proper. BUT... With that said... I'm wondering how many times, after reading a thread like this is... that "No Thanks" message was sent... and the person complaining about the ghosting just wasn't satisfied with the final message?? The reason I'm starting to think about this is... Since COVID... I've been doing some local side work repairing electronics. There have been a few times where I send a message saying it's not worth my time. One of these was a classic game system, and after doing an evaluation, I said it would be about $65 to fix it... the problem is... a working used system was only worth $50. For a while, they were trying to get me to fix it cheaper, but the actual parts were the bulk of the cost. (I have no control of that, and wasn't doing it for free) Eventually, I stopped responding. (They got their system back) So... in their eyes... I was "Ghosting" them. But in reality... they just didn't accept my answer.
Author Myasylum Posted January 12, 2021 Author Posted January 12, 2021 (edited) Well... she's been really hot and cold the entire time, I don't think she knows what she wants and why our mutual friend said to give it time. I just find it rude for her not to tell me herself that she is no longer interested. Like said above, it's not that hard and don't take much time to say, "sorry not interested." But yes, I agree it's time to move on. I'll be seeing her around again though, and that shall be interesting, and difficult. I just hope not to fall into the same trap again if I'm not with someone at that time. Also this Covid thing doesn't help matters. Can't even see what people look like any more. Moving on to what, you know?? Edited January 12, 2021 by Myasylum
Gaeta Posted January 12, 2021 Posted January 12, 2021 2 hours ago, Myasylum said: Well... she's been really hot and cold the entire time, I don't think she knows what she wants and why our mutual friend said to give it time. I just find it rude for her not to tell me herself that she is no longer interested. Like said above, it's not that hard and don't take much time to say, "sorry not interested." But yes, I agree it's time to move on. I'll be seeing her around again though, and that shall be interesting, and difficult. I just hope not to fall into the same trap again if I'm not with someone at that time. Also this Covid thing doesn't help matters. Can't even see what people look like any more. Moving on to what, you know?? Don't waste time on people giving you the 'hot and cold'. There is a long list of why they're not ready for a relationship with you: not interested enough, still have feelings for an ex, another guy, etc, etc, etc. Your friend is telling you to be patient because she can't have an objective opinion on this, she's friend with both of you. Move on in your head, delete her and look forward to meet someone new with a little more substance. Yes it's the covid and it sucks, but it is what it is, you can't change it so you've got to deal with it. 1
smackie9 Posted January 12, 2021 Posted January 12, 2021 (edited) Like I always say date those who treat you the way you expect to be treated. She never did so her ghosting is a godsend...you are no longer wasting your time. Block/delete and move on. If it were me and I didn't get a response or hear from them in about 3 days....they get a boot to the curb. Edited January 12, 2021 by smackie9
dramafreezone Posted January 13, 2021 Posted January 13, 2021 (edited) 21 hours ago, Myasylum said: So, is this ghosting thing just common place these days? No need to explain anything, just disappear? Seems rather heartless and cruel. I was set up by a mutual friend... and things were going pretty well, kissed and told personal stories we were getting pretty close. It was pretty common for her to disappear for a few days which was odd, but always came back. Then one day just cold... it's been about a week and a half. I sent her a couple messages, but nothing in return. It gets under my skin, maybe that's the point? I talked to the mutual friend and I was told to give it time. I'm like time? I feel like I'm wasting time, how much time, they said themselves they don't know. So?? I've heard other stories somewhat similar to this where the girl just doesn't feel the need to respond. Personally I find it pretty rude, a simple explanation doesn't seem difficult to me... so. I guess I'm letting it go. I can't keep chasing ghost. Because of the mutual friend I'm sure I'll see her again, so I suppose I'm just supposed to play it cool like nothing ever happened, but that's not going to be easy. Thoughts? Yes, this sounds like textbook ghosting. Doesn't sound like she was ever that into you. I've made out with women that ghosted me the next day. Doesn't mean a whole lot. I will be 42 this year and a woman has never outright told me that she's not interested in me after one date. It's just not going to happen. They don't want to hurt your feelings. There's no telling why she lost interest. Maybe an ex came back into the picture, maybe there's a guy that she has a bit more interest in. Or maybe something you did/said turned her off. You did make some mistakes in double texting her and asking about her through a mutual friend, who no doubt told her that you asked about her. You're overpurusing, which is just going to turn her more off. That said, it could be those other things, an ex or another guy that she's more interested in. Just move on and if you see her again just be cordial. Don't act butthurt, which is the main reason why I disagree with those telling you to block her number. She may come back around and if she does you can decide on whether or not to engage. Your pursuit should be completely over though. Don't call her again. If she wants to ever go out, she will have to call you. But I wouldn't block her number. You're admitting that she got under your skin and that you don't have self control about calling her. Edited January 13, 2021 by dramafreezone
Author Myasylum Posted January 13, 2021 Author Posted January 13, 2021 I was actually ask to go out tonight with the mutual friend and her tonight. I said no. She can go out drinking all night but can't message me back? Idk? Maybe I'm being stubborn here, but me going out with them just seems like it sets a bad example. I don't want to be a door mat either. Maybe next time... Maybe.
dramafreezone Posted January 13, 2021 Posted January 13, 2021 You're making way too much out of this. You went out a couple of times and it didn't work out. Look at it this way, she ghosted you and you can't be in a relationship with someone that would do that right? So she doesn't meet *your* standard. If she doesn't meet your standard then there's really no reason for you to be upset. You can do better.
mark clemson Posted January 13, 2021 Posted January 13, 2021 2 hours ago, Myasylum said: I was actually ask to go out tonight with the mutual friend and her tonight. I said no. She can go out drinking all night but can't message me back? Right - it's ridiculous. For better or worse, you really don't mean much, if anything at all, to her. Maybe not what you hoped for, but that's reality. You'd probably just get to watch her get drunk and go home with some other guy if you went. Time to move on. (Has been for a while actually IMO.)
Marc878 Posted January 13, 2021 Posted January 13, 2021 She’s shown you who she is. Accept it and move on. Why would anyone want this?
trident_2020 Posted January 13, 2021 Posted January 13, 2021 Seems like your own issues and overblown sensitivities cost you a night out that could have been fun. Learn not to take the actions of others so seriously and so personally.
Author Myasylum Posted January 13, 2021 Author Posted January 13, 2021 (edited) Sometimes you know these things it just helps hearing it from someone else And "fun" is overrated. Anyone can have "fun". Something real and meaningful is what's difficult to find. Edited January 13, 2021 by Myasylum
Wiseman2 Posted January 13, 2021 Posted January 13, 2021 She's just not right for you. She's too flaky. Even though dating during covid sucks it's doable. Keep talking to and meeting women. Sooner or later you'll find someone more sincere.
Azincourt Posted January 13, 2021 Posted January 13, 2021 On 1/12/2021 at 2:21 AM, Myasylum said: So, is this ghosting thing just common place these days? No need to explain anything, just disappear? Seems rather heartless and cruel. I was set up by a mutual friend... and things were going pretty well, kissed and told personal stories we were getting pretty close. It was pretty common for her to disappear for a few days which was odd, but always came back. Then one day just cold... it's been about a week and a half. I sent her a couple messages, but nothing in return. It gets under my skin, maybe that's the point? I talked to the mutual friend and I was told to give it time. I'm like time? I feel like I'm wasting time, how much time, they said themselves they don't know. So?? I've heard other stories somewhat similar to this where the girl just doesn't feel the need to respond. Personally I find it pretty rude, a simple explanation doesn't seem difficult to me... so. I guess I'm letting it go. I can't keep chasing ghost. Because of the mutual friend I'm sure I'll see her again, so I suppose I'm just supposed to play it cool like nothing ever happened, but that's not going to be easy. Thoughts? I'll ghost a woman(or a man) if I'm ''only'' interested in having sex and I get a feel it won't happen soon. Maybe it's the same thing with her? Maybe she felt like you weren't making a move and she felt unattractive or that you don't feel attracted to her? In case you two have had sex already and she ghosted you, it could be a case of her thinking the sex was bad, or it was good, but she wasn't interested in a relationship with you.
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