Author jess060191 Posted January 12, 2021 Author Posted January 12, 2021 11 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Would you share with us why your girlfriends think he's a fck boy? The whole him not wanting to go on actual dinner date after not seeing each other for awhile and considering the last time we saw each other was the first time we were intimate...
Author jess060191 Posted January 12, 2021 Author Posted January 12, 2021 10 minutes ago, stillafool said: Why did he want to have sex after coffee? Yes... so idk how to feel
dramafreezone Posted January 12, 2021 Posted January 12, 2021 Wait, I was under the impression that you two were in an exclusive relationship. Are you just dating without any agreement that you would be exclusive?
Author jess060191 Posted January 12, 2021 Author Posted January 12, 2021 1 minute ago, dramafreezone said: Wait, I was under the impression that you two were in an exclusive relationship. Are you just dating without any agreement that you would be exclusive? Exclusive as in we are not seeing anyone else. As in me calling him my boyfriend ? No.
Versacehottie Posted January 12, 2021 Posted January 12, 2021 1 hour ago, princessaurora said: I wonder if he's seeing other people besides OP. A coffee date is more like a meet up . It doesn't seem like the sort of thing you would set up with someone you've been dating for 2 months and just got intimate with for the first time. Just something to consider. Bingo! I am taking the OP's claim of bf/gf with a grain of salt. It's new at best if the first time the slept together was the last time they saw each other and they've only been dating 2 months. I heard that in her first post. She's hopeful they are going to be bf/gf I bet. I'm imagining they are dating and they are most definitely not on same page and the relationship isn't defined yet. He sounds like he's trying to pace it for where they are now & she is looking for reassurance in terms of how much/often she is contacted. I don't think the majority of guys that believe they are in a relationship actually think seeing their gf once a week is normal either. I don't think he thinks he's in a relationship yet. 1
Versacehottie Posted January 12, 2021 Posted January 12, 2021 Just now, jess060191 said: Exclusive as in we are not seeing anyone else. As in me calling him my boyfriend ? No. Oh, see, right at the same time. Thanks for clarifying that you are not bf/gf.
dramafreezone Posted January 12, 2021 Posted January 12, 2021 (edited) 9 minutes ago, jess060191 said: Exclusive as in we are not seeing anyone else. As in me calling him my boyfriend ? No. So you're not exclusive. I just don't think it's reasonable for you to expect him to squeeze you in his schedule on short notice if you don't plan a specific date say a week in advance. He's probably dating other women if he has the reputation as a "fck boy." If he's dating other women, he's certainly communicating with them, which is why he probably can't meet your demands to check in as often as you want. If you've not agreed to be exclusive, then he's perfectly within his rights to do that. I don't think he's done anything wrong at this point. If you were exclusive then that'd be another story, or if you've asked him about dating other women and he's lied, then that's not cool. It's pretty simple, either ask if he wants to be exclusive or just enjoy spending time together. Edited January 12, 2021 by dramafreezone
smackie9 Posted January 12, 2021 Posted January 12, 2021 2 hours ago, Weezy1973 said: And if they show too much interest, then they’re “love bombing” and it’s a flag. I think him being careful because he’s not feeling well during a pandemic is a pretty good excuse... it's an excuse that is taken advantage of....a lot.
Versacehottie Posted January 12, 2021 Posted January 12, 2021 I have to say friends tend to be right about this sort of stuff. How well do they know him or do they only "know" him from your stories about him? Sometimes that will color what friends think about people when you've only discussed the problems or negative aspects that are making you feel unsure, insecure or that you need help with. But if they know him, know him like you guys are all from same friend group, I would take their assessment to heart. If he's a dad, it's a little odd to ALSO be considered a f*ck boy. Not that it doesn't happen but it's hard to have respect for a guy who doesn't conduct his life *better* once they become a dad. 1
poppyfields Posted January 12, 2021 Posted January 12, 2021 (edited) 12 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: If you were exclusive then that'd be another story, or if you've asked him about dating other women and he's lied, then that's not cool. It's pretty simple, either ask if he wants to be exclusive or just enjoy spending time together. Bingo. jess, my fiancé and I did not become "officially" exclusive for 2.5 months and we're getting married next year. When I finally asked in a lighthearted way after 2.5 months, his response was "I thought we already were"! Just ask him, don't make it this big heavy "talk." He doesn't sound like a f-boy (whatever that means anyway) to me, but I'm not dating him I don't know him. You need to determine for yourself. Since you're feeling off balance, just ask him, communicate. That's how my now-fiancé and I resolved our issues, of which there were many, some quite serious that almost resulted in my breaking things off, including just a few months ago. Good luck! Edited January 12, 2021 by poppyfields
Alpacalia Posted January 12, 2021 Posted January 12, 2021 7 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Just ask him, don't make it this big heavy "talk." He doesn't sound like a f-boy (whatever that means anyway) to me, but I'm not dating him I don't know him. You need to determine for yourself. I believe it's a term used by younger generations to imply he's only interested in sex. Which reminds me, the OP never mentioned how many times they've seen each other in the time that they've been dating.
Author jess060191 Posted January 12, 2021 Author Posted January 12, 2021 1 minute ago, Alpaca said: I believe it's a term used by younger generations to imply he's only interested in sex. Which reminds me, the OP never mentioned how many times they've seen each other in the time that they've been dating. I just counted 9 times
Author jess060191 Posted January 12, 2021 Author Posted January 12, 2021 Okay.. I appreciate everyone’s feedback. But what should be my next steps? I feel kind of peace atm with me and him...
poppyfields Posted January 12, 2021 Posted January 12, 2021 5 minutes ago, jess060191 said: Okay.. I appreciate everyone’s feedback. But what should be my next steps? I feel kind of peace atm with me and him... My advice is stay that course. Continue observing his actions and how you're feeling. Pay attention, but remember things are not always what they appear to be. And also, try not talking about it with friends so much, if you have questions, ask your boyfriend. Communicate. 1
Alpacalia Posted January 12, 2021 Posted January 12, 2021 5 minutes ago, jess060191 said: I just counted 9 times If you've been dating for two months, isn't that the definition of seeing each other once a week: On 1/11/2021 at 10:59 AM, jess060191 said: I really would just like to hear from him once a day (him initiating convo) and see him once a week... i mean i don't think i am asking for much? Idk what I should do at this point. I really like him and want it to work out. That may not make a huge difference in the grand scheme of things, but it may be something to consider if he has a child, full-time job, etc.
poppyfields Posted January 12, 2021 Posted January 12, 2021 (edited) 18 minutes ago, Alpaca said: I believe it's a term used by younger generations to imply he's only interested in sex. That I knew, I just didn't know what it meant in this context - jess' relationship. Sort of like the word "player," it's one of those ambiguous words that people like to toss but can have different meanings depending on context. Edited January 12, 2021 by poppyfields 1
Author jess060191 Posted January 12, 2021 Author Posted January 12, 2021 3 minutes ago, Alpaca said: If you've been dating for two months, isn't that the definition of seeing each other once a week: That may not make a huge difference in the grand scheme of things, but it may be something to consider if he has a child, full-time job, etc. Ok honestly I don’t keep track on how many times I’ve seen him lol my bad.... 1
Gaeta Posted January 12, 2021 Posted January 12, 2021 18 minutes ago, jess060191 said: I feel kind of peace atm with me and him... Do nothing if you feel at peace. My gut feeling is that 'peace feeling' won't last. Personally I would not date a man more than 2 months without addressing exclusivity. You met online? Your profiles are still up?
Author jess060191 Posted January 12, 2021 Author Posted January 12, 2021 9 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Do nothing if you feel at peace. My gut feeling is that 'peace feeling' won't last. Personally I would not date a man more than 2 months without addressing exclusivity. You met online? Your profiles are still up? We met online and both our profiles are down
Gaeta Posted January 12, 2021 Posted January 12, 2021 What's his explanation for not seeing you more than once a week?
Author jess060191 Posted January 12, 2021 Author Posted January 12, 2021 6 minutes ago, Gaeta said: What's his explanation for not seeing you more than once a week? Last week he was sick and wanted to be on the safe side
poppyfields Posted January 12, 2021 Posted January 12, 2021 (edited) jess, I don't mean to keep bringing my fiancé up, but we saw each other once a week for nearly a year! A few times it was twice a week, but mostly it was once a week (Saturdays into Sunday morn) and some weekends not at all! We stayed connected throughout the week via email mostly. Not every day at first, maybe 2-3 times a week. Then it was every day but that took awhile, a few months. Sometimes we'd have long chats, other times short chats. I never stressed that much about it because our connection was strong and I had faith and trust in that, and in myself. I sound like a broken record, but people move closer at their own pace. What works for one partner may not work for the other at first, it's about finding that right balance that works for both of you. For that to happen, you need to communicate! Don't ever assume anything, if you are confused, just ask him. Not your friends, not your family, not anonymous posters on a message forum who know zero about your dynamic, ask HIM. Edited January 12, 2021 by poppyfields
Gaeta Posted January 12, 2021 Posted January 12, 2021 (edited) 2 minutes ago, jess060191 said: Last week he was sick and wanted to be on the safe side I mean overall, not just last week. How was your 2 first months together? You only saw each other once a week during those 2 months? why? How long he's been single? Edited January 12, 2021 by Gaeta
Gaeta Posted January 12, 2021 Posted January 12, 2021 8 minutes ago, poppyfields said: For that to happen, you need to communicate! Don't ever assume anything, if you are confused, just ask him. Not your friends, not your family, not anonymous posters on a message forum who know zero about your dynamic, ask HIM. I don't mean to be a pest but, She did exactly that, she told him 'multiple times' she was bothered by his lack of communication. He replied 'he can't give her what she wants'. Now notice he didn't say he can't give it to her because he works 2 jobs, or he can't give it to her because he raises his son full time, he can't give it to her because he hates texting...nope, he just said 'he can't' as in he's not willing to invest more then what he's putting in at this time. 1
poppyfields Posted January 13, 2021 Posted January 13, 2021 (edited) 5 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I don't mean to be a pest but, She did exactly that, she told him 'multiple times' she was bothered by his lack of communication. He replied 'he can't give her what she wants'. Now notice he didn't say he can't give it to her because he works 2 jobs, or he can't give it to her because he raises his son full time, he can't give it to her because he hates texting...nope, he just said 'he can't' as in he's not willing to invest more then what he's putting in at this time. Fair enough but I am a firm believer in the delivery. It's not what you say, but how you say it. I learned that gem from my late mom. You come at your partner with an accusatory tone, a disapproving tone, or even just an unhappy tone, you will be met with a negative response. You come at them with a desire to "understand," the response might be entirely different. What jess said and how she said it, that she was "bothered" by his lack of communication is accusatory, not a desire to understand. There's a difference. Edited January 13, 2021 by poppyfields
Recommended Posts