reader Posted October 14, 2005 Posted October 14, 2005 Last week I posted that I became friends with a coworker I don't normally have professional contact with. We spent some time talking, etc. he invited me over to his house, I was given his cell number, his email address etc. He was/is interested, but in the throes of ending a serious relationship. I am in a relationship that needs some work, but I'm taking my time and am busy with work/college. I got an email from him that he and his ex finance are trying to work on things. I saw him the next day, because he made a point of being in my area when I leave work, and wants to get together for drinks. He told me that he is with his ex, but he is losing patience with the relationship, and that he wants to stay in touch with me. Really, I was ok with the thought that he was committed to her, as I don't want and can't really get involved right now. He says he will call/email, etc. get together, so that doesn't really sound like a commitment to me. I was ready to let it go, but it is harder than I thought. I like this guy, but I don't know what to think of him telling me that his ex, who, although they were engaged, are not living together anymore, and he only sees a couple of times a week, would freak out if she knew about me. Why? I've never even been alone with the guy, and what is this all about? I think he knows it's not going to work with her, is going through the process until he is ready to break it off completely and is trying to get me to wait around in the process. What do you think? reader
Art_Critic Posted October 14, 2005 Posted October 14, 2005 He told me that he is with his ex, but he is losing patience with the relationship, and that he wants to stay in touch with me. NEVER be anybody's BACKUP or 2nd CHOICE.. That was/is so disrespectful of him to you and his GF.. Show some self respect for yourself and leave this guy alone.. Like I said in your other post, He is going to hurt someone
Author reader Posted October 14, 2005 Author Posted October 14, 2005 Yes, I think the part where he sais she would freak if she knew we were in contact kind of told me that. I wouldn't want someone to do it to me. He is just waiting until it's easier to end it with her... and in the meantime, I am getting through college/work, and doing things for me. I may never hear from him again, but the good news is, (or maybe THAT is the good news), my friends know about him, and they think he is acting like a jerk. That's why I have great friends, they watch out when you can't think straight. Are my instincts correct? Is he trying to put me in his back pocket?
Art_Critic Posted October 14, 2005 Posted October 14, 2005 Are my instincts correct? Is he trying to put me in his back pocket? Yes your instincts are correct.. And he isn't trying.. He did.. You just need to call his next move and trump him.
Author reader Posted October 14, 2005 Author Posted October 14, 2005 Well, he thinks he did. How do I trump him?
Art_Critic Posted October 14, 2005 Posted October 14, 2005 Well, he thinks he did. How do I trump him? By not being his backup and moving on .. If he trys to get with you after his other relationship breaks up then just blow him off.. Simple.. You have ALL of the power in this situation
Author reader Posted October 14, 2005 Author Posted October 14, 2005 I think I'm headed in the right direction. I spoke to my admin today about rearranging my work/ college schedule so I'm not so stressed out, which means I'll have time to work out or be with people who care about me. I also am meeting friends tonight, and have plans for the rest of the weekend. What this shows is where the weak areas are in my life. It has just been confusing because I am an honest person, and I don't know what to do when I don't get the same in return. I have always felt the truth comes out in the end. Just for the record, why would someone do this?
In Sync Posted October 14, 2005 Posted October 14, 2005 I have been reprimanded by some of my fellow LS'ers for reading self help books, but there was one I raed awhile back and still keep it, its about pathological liars..psychopaths. Wait! Alot of people have these tendencies, (not crazy or all would -be killers, but there are those who have these grandiose illusions about themsleves and they think nothing about disregard in terms of what they want selfishly and see no problem in expecting you to accept their way. What to normal thinking people would be absurd insult. Like this dude thought nothing of it to imply you could be in his back pocket till he sees how his other relationship will work out. EXCUSE ME??? why would you wait around for him. He thinks he is that great that you would.
Author reader Posted October 14, 2005 Author Posted October 14, 2005 good point. Since I don't think that way myself, I have no idea what his problem is. I knew if I waited long enough, I might see a crack in the veneer.
slubberdegullion Posted October 14, 2005 Posted October 14, 2005 ...there was one I raed awhile back and still keep it, its about pathological liars..psychopaths... Is that the work by Robert Hare of Victoria, BC?
In Sync Posted October 15, 2005 Posted October 15, 2005 slubberdegullion Yes! OMG you know it?! ..Should become required reading for all members of this thread/forum! It's called "Without Conscience." And technically you can't reprimand me for this book, slubberdeguillion, it's not a self-help book!
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