deepthinking Posted January 11, 2021 Posted January 11, 2021 (edited) I know a friend who is out of work, but she alao has addctions of gambling and tobacco. She lost her job over Covid and sees me as better off so able to lend her money Withiut anybody's anger or cotempt - She could try to get work dog-walking but no, she does not bother - i do not want to lose her frendship.. She pays me back, but never gets out of debt. It is not a side of her I like, but no good arguing, as she is good fun, but I have stress as pain in my back over this fundinig-her expectation. But - Am I the a66hole? Or - do i say "it's easy to earn money, just copy whoever is successful" Edited January 11, 2021 by deepthinking
Ellener Posted January 11, 2021 Posted January 11, 2021 32 minutes ago, deepthinking said: i do not want to lose her frendship. If you lend money then she pays you back then I guess it's an inter-dependence pattern the two of you have set up as part of your relationship! Whenever you don't want to do it though don't. And don't criticise her lifestyle either. Resentments undermine friendships, keep some boundaries
Wiseman2 Posted January 11, 2021 Posted January 11, 2021 Don't offer job advice. Stop giving them money. It's that simple. Redirect her to social services for food, housing, healthcare and addiction help. It's sad if you are enabling thier addictions.
Author deepthinking Posted January 11, 2021 Author Posted January 11, 2021 (edited) 32 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Don't offer job advice. Stop giving them money. It's that simple. Redirect her to social services for food, housing, healthcare and addiction help. It's sad if you are enabling thier addictions. She just rung me, she phones a lot for chats, and I said I cannot afford her addictions and she changed the subject, asked about my lunch, so I said I am making tea, we rung off friendly, so at least I have put my point across. Edited January 11, 2021 by deepthinking 1
Unclerae Posted January 11, 2021 Posted January 11, 2021 Continue lending her else you risk loose ur friendship 1
d0nnivain Posted January 11, 2021 Posted January 11, 2021 At least she pays you back. You past it this time so I think as you continue to day no, she may stop asking. I have a friend like her, without the repayment. Instead of cash, we try to have her over for dinner & I give her things sometimes. She has since stopped asking for money
ShyViolet Posted January 11, 2021 Posted January 11, 2021 Lending money is a really bad idea.... you should not be lending her money. It's definitely going to cause problems. If she asks you for money, just say "sorry, I am no longer lending money." keep it simple and be firm. If she gets angry about that then she is not a true friend. She is just using you as her personal ATM. I would never put up with a person like that.
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