meded Posted January 11, 2021 Posted January 11, 2021 (edited) Hello, I really would like some opinions on my current situation. So I was with a guy for a year and a half and we recently broke up a day ago. Prior to the break up we had been in a cycle where he'd constantly become annoyed or super critical of small things I did. The critical part wasnt the worst part it was more so his extreme reactions and disproportionate anger to them. These things somewhat got better but a new problem arose when I began to bring up the concept of marriage. From day 1 of our relationship (literally even while we dated) I made it a point to him that I someday wanted marriage and children. I am 27 years old so i felt like it was best to put it on the table early in order to weed out those who werent interested in that. He assured me that he was each time I'd ask him. He is a medical student in his 4th year of medical school and starting his anesthesia residency next year, likely in a different state. I told him early on as well that i did not want to move with him while only being a girlfriend due to the fact that I also would be giving up a lot to do so. I am a practicing physician assistant with patients so me moving or quitting a job means possibly having to break a contract. He assured me early on that he also was ok with this but wanted to live together first. We had plans to move in together in July, however, he last minute decided that he was going to just live with his roommates again. I said ok, but with the notion of what I wanted still standing. Now recently as the time he will have to possibly relocate (July) approaches he had begun to change his tune w/ regard to marriage. He all of a sudden began going back and forth when I brought it up and asked what his thoughts were on us getting engaged saying he didnt know the point of marriage and then saying he was simply fearful of the long term commitment/marriage because his parents marriage was not good. This is not what he had told me in the beginning when I asked so I was very confused that now that we are closer to the time that I at least expected an engagement or time frame he has a different stance. Yesterday we broke up after we went out to eat and I wasnt in the best of moods (PMSing) so wasnt talking much at the table, somehow it led to an argument and him telling me he didnt know if we were compatible all of a sudden, also said that he thought i was boring sometimes because I am more introverted. He quickly recanted, but he has brought up the compatibility thing before every time i do something he doesnt like. I am always patient with him and willing to work through ups and downs so when he reacts this way its pretty annoying. Deep down i feel that it is because he is subconsciously running from the commitment I want. I say this because the night before we broke up we had another argument about the marriage situation and he again brought up just being scared and not knowing what he wants as far as that is concerned. As of last night and today I have been ignoring him. He has called me twice and texted me a few times. I basically am just stuck in a rock and hard place. One of his texts said that he wanted to still be there and just ake a break because we are also both going through a lot mentally with our circumstances and that he wants to still be there for me. I just dont know if the situation is even worth it at this point. Should I just move on? I love him dearly but im kinda tired of always wondering if his feelings will change with regards to us being on he same page etc. One minute he will say hes had a change heart about it but the next it is something different. Please let me know your opinions. THANK YOU Edited January 11, 2021 by meded
ShyViolet Posted January 11, 2021 Posted January 11, 2021 As the prospect of getting engaged became more real, he realized that it's not something he wants.... at least not with you. His true feelings about it have come out. You know that marriage is something you want, so you two are not compatible. He's not going to be able to give that to you. So don't waste your time.... you should walk away.
Wiseman2 Posted January 11, 2021 Posted January 11, 2021 You did the right thing. If you want marriage and family, he's not your guy. He also seems like a bit of an angry jerk. Now you're free to find decent men with thier emotions in tact who want what you want. You'll look back one day and wonder "what was I thinking?" .
ExpatInItaly Posted January 11, 2021 Posted January 11, 2021 I would chalk this up to a lost cause, yes. You two are not on the same page and he's been expressing doubts about the relationship (ie. the incompatibility) for a while. These are his true feelings - he doesn't see a future together. It's going to be best to stick to the break-up.
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