Love_Yours Posted January 10, 2021 Posted January 10, 2021 Hello, first time poster here. I met my girlfriend almost two years ago. We spent a few months getting to know each other and hesitated to commit because we knew that, being in the military, we would have to spend some time apart. I visited her at the end of June, and everything was fine. From then until 3 ago, we were surviving through a 14-hour time difference. We were both excited to be reunited (exploring our surroundings, getting freaky, pretending we were the only ppl in the world) but things have just deteriorated. There is no passion. I rarely feel the things you are supposed to with the one you love. She doesn't kiss me. We've made love twice, and that was only because she was drunk. Keep in mind this through Christmas and New Years. Like, the holidays are supposed to be happy and intimate, right? She is going through some things: she is very far from home for the first time; her family is going through some tough times back home; she doesn't like her job out here very much A crazy ex had flown out to where I was on her own a few months ago. Mutual friends told my girl that she was out there, and this was almost the end. I had told my girl that I had completely cut the other girl out of my life..I had not because I was legitimately afraid that she would make my life a living hell...which she has. I have since cut her off for real and done everything I can to be consistent and considerate Those are the two disclaimers. It has gotten to the point that I'm not sure I even like the person that she is. We argue a lot more than we ever had before, and I have been drinking a lot to cope. The tipping point was today. I went to her place to watch some football. I was there for over four hours. I could sense she was ready for personal time, so I left. She texts me and tells me she is about to use her vibrator!! She knows how much I like our intimate time and that it is missing, but she just rubs that in my face. I could elaborate more on anything, but I'm really just worn out from her entire approach to trying to fix whatever is broken with her and with us.
Wiseman2 Posted January 10, 2021 Posted January 10, 2021 Sorry this is happening. It may be time to have a talk about going separate ways because it's just not working out.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 10, 2021 Posted January 10, 2021 What is keeping you in this relationship? It's clear you're not happy.
Author Love_Yours Posted January 10, 2021 Author Posted January 10, 2021 We have only been in this new space for 3 weeks. I am trying to navigate that. Idk if it's a new adjustment period or what. She assures me in other ways. Among other things, she says she "chooses" me and she wants it, but I feel like she unknowingly sabotages it right when I start to believe her.
d0nnivain Posted January 10, 2021 Posted January 10, 2021 It doesn't sound fixable to me. She's not invested & you make bad choices (drinking) to cope. It's time for a tactical retreat, IMO.
ShyViolet Posted January 10, 2021 Posted January 10, 2021 If it's not working then just end it. I don't hear any reason to stay.
smackie9 Posted January 10, 2021 Posted January 10, 2021 (edited) Before throwing in the towel, why not have some discussions with her (Communicate!). Sometimes in times of stress, people act out when they are not being listened to, are scared or are not approached with an offer of support or empathy. Instead it becomes a tug-o-war of resentment/confusion and frustration. Find out what she really wants or what is bothering her. If it's something that can be worked out, fine, if not you have your answer and you both can move on. Edited January 10, 2021 by smackie9
Author Love_Yours Posted January 11, 2021 Author Posted January 11, 2021 We spoke last night about it. We've had several similar conversation in the last couple weeks. She says she just needs time to get back to where we were. For me, it seems silly that she wouldn't be in the same place. I guess all I can do is give her that time until I feel like it is being wasted.
Recommended Posts