Bdiana88 Posted January 9, 2021 Posted January 9, 2021 Me & my fiancé have been together for almost 10 years. We recently moved his elderly father in with us (as he needed extra care due to his health going down hill) which seems to be the straw that broke the camels back. We’ve both recently been unfaithful which is very out of character for me, I admitted to doing so out of anger when I caught him texting another woman saved under a mans name in his phone. I agreed to his father living with us as a temporary solution and it has now been over a year. We haven’t been intimate with each other in months, we don’t go on dates anymore, we can’t even have a discussion without it blowing up into a huge fight. I told him I was looking for a place of my own & have found one & am moving out which I’ve been completely transparent about. He tells me I don’t love him because I’m abandoning him when he needs me. This has been an ongoing cycle for years. My heart is broken over this. I’ve never believed in ‘breaks’ but right now I think space is what i need. Do you think the relationship is damaged beyond repair?
introverted1 Posted January 9, 2021 Posted January 9, 2021 34 minutes ago, Bdiana88 said: Me & my fiancé have been together for almost 10 years. We recently moved his elderly father in with us (as he needed extra care due to his health going down hill) which seems to be the straw that broke the camels back. We’ve both recently been unfaithful which is very out of character for me, I admitted to doing so out of anger when I caught him texting another woman saved under a mans name in his phone. I agreed to his father living with us as a temporary solution and it has now been over a year. We haven’t been intimate with each other in months, we don’t go on dates anymore, we can’t even have a discussion without it blowing up into a huge fight. I told him I was looking for a place of my own & have found one & am moving out which I’ve been completely transparent about. He tells me I don’t love him because I’m abandoning him when he needs me. This has been an ongoing cycle for years. My heart is broken over this. I’ve never believed in ‘breaks’ but right now I think space is what i need. Do you think the relationship is damaged beyond repair? Quote Do you think the relationship is damaged beyond repair? Yes. 1 1
ExpatInItaly Posted January 10, 2021 Posted January 10, 2021 It sounds like this relationship needs to be over for good. You're not happy, he's not happy. Cheating on each other. Intimacy is dead. Yes, very much time to move on. 1
d0nnivain Posted January 10, 2021 Posted January 10, 2021 Not everything lasts forever. This has run it course. Be done. Get out now before you marry & have to end things with expensive lawyers. 1
smackie9 Posted January 10, 2021 Posted January 10, 2021 (edited) You are so blinded by your own perspectives/wants/needs, the communication doesn't go any further. This leads to arguments, manipulation, infidelity, etc. Of course it's been a vicious cycle, you both have never understood one another. You don't know how to communicate, you both simply assume things what the other is feeling which leads to resentment. You have never worked together as a team. Now that being said, instead of throwing 10 years into the trash, how about trying some counseling...online, for yourself or do it together. Learn about each other...just talk it through and see. If it doesn't work, then you two can mutually accept splitting up is the best course of action, and have closure to move on. Edited January 10, 2021 by smackie9 1 1
Wiseman2 Posted January 10, 2021 Posted January 10, 2021 (edited) 23 hours ago, Bdiana88 said: I agreed to his father living with us as a temporary solution and it has now been over a year. He tells me I don’t love him because I’m abandoning him when he needs me. Sorry this is happening. He's needs a home health aide, not a relationship. You're doing the right thing freeing yourself from this. Edited January 10, 2021 by Wiseman2 1
snowboy91 Posted January 10, 2021 Posted January 10, 2021 I agree with the title, but sometimes it's the right thing to do. I can't tell what either you or your partner are getting out of this relationship other than fights, infidelity and staleness, so I can't see a good reason for the relationship to continue (duty is not a good reason). 1 1
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