Looks like I should start mentioning I live in a studio apartment before I invite someone over

[BaileyB]

1 hour ago, smackie9 said:

I live in the Vancouver area, owning anything here is a feat in itself. 

OP you sound like a practical guy, living within you means to travel and such without carrying a huge dept. To me that's a ++, and that you got your $%^& together. As long as the place is nicely decorated, tidy, clean bathroom....what's not to like? 

Owning something in most any major market is a fear it itself. I totally agree with this. 

[cleverusername]

IMO this just sounds like you getting in your own head. 

[guest569]

1 hour ago, cleverusername said:

IMO this just sounds like you getting in your own head. 

Agreed. I still can't see how what she said and asked was in any way making a judgement about the size of his property. But let's carry on fuming about how all women are materialistic users. 

[guest569]

3 hours ago, smackie9 said:

 If they are being a sour puss about it, kick them to the curb...their loss I say.

Just want to highlight that this "judgemental" "sour puss" merely said the following :

 

"how long have you lived here? That's a long time. It really dont feel like 4 years since time goes so fast years, Time goes so fast"

[smackie9]

Hey it's only a response to the OP's perspective. I can't change it but only advise if he doesn't like what is said, or makes him wary, then he can send them on their way.

[IntBrowser]

6 hours ago, Gaeta said:

I don't care if a man I date lives in a 300 square feet apartment or 3000 because when I'm in a relationship we spend most of our time at my place. I don't know a lot of women that pack their stuff every weekend to go spend it at their boyfriend's. Stay away from these women, they often have nothing so they fish for a man that will offer them everything they don't have. 

My place is 295 sqaure feet

[IntBrowser]

13 hours ago, elaine567 said:

How old are you?

40

[basil67]

There are many would would admire you for having a small footprint on our earth.  She may well share this view.

[guest569]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

There are many would would admire you for having a small footprint on our earth.  She may well share this view.

This woman could be one of them, for all we know. 

[guest569]

Yeah, people ask these sorts of questions all the time "how long have you lived here?" it might just be making conversation. 

If she pulled a disgusted face, looked around and said "is that it? Why is it so small? 4 years, why would you stay in a studio for 4 years? That's not good enough for me" then we could all jump in and say how judgemental she was being. But she said nothing of the sort. 

[crappedmypantsthrice]

I unfortunately have a Resting B Face. Even when I think I am putting on a pleasant face, then I see myself in the mirror, and I look so sour.

When I first visited the home of where the guy I have been dating lives....it is a beautiful home, and I was enthralled by all the details. But, I was also a bit nervous and anxious, and found myself looking around at the house just to be doing something. I have no doubt that my natural countenance combined with my looking around at the house, COULD have been interpreted as being unimpressed or something like that. 

Now, here is another scenario. Maybe she really, really like/likes you. And, she is jumping waaaaaaay ahead and is imagining a life where you and she move in together. And maybe she is thinking, "Hmmmm....will it be weird to have friends over with the bed in the room with us?" or "I really like this place, but we may have to move into my place for space purposes." She very well may have been thinking those kinds of things and it's actually a positive sign. 

I think there are any number of explanations for her reaction/face/comments. I really wouldn't have read anything into it. But even if you are right, and this woman did judge your living situation...I really don't think it's something you need to mention before inviting someone over. I mean...maybe if you want to slip it into conversation...like, she asks you where you live, and you could casually say, "I have this nice studio near the mall" or wherever/whatever. But, certainly don't make it a focal point of conversation...like, "Listen, Mary, before you come over, there's something I need to tell you..." 

[Wiseman2]

Agree. Having your own place is more important. This woman still lives with a bunch of her family. So....her words/attitude are silly at best.

 

[elaine567]

On 1/9/2021 at 6:28 AM, IntBrowser said:

  This was the apt that was in my price range 5 years ago when I had to take a survival job.   Now that I am making more money I can save more toward a bigger place and still travel.   Its nice to have so much money left over after paying rent so Im not in a big rush to have higher expenses.

Its basically a bachelor pad and at 40 I guess a lot of women seeking a relationship with you would expect you to live in a more family/couple friendly living space.
Is that judgemental? Maybe. or just a practical consideration.
If you have your life mapped out in this bachelor type way, then she is going to ask herself where will she fit in?

Edited January 10, 2021 by elaine567

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

 would expect you to in a live in a more family/couple friendly living space.

This date lives with a bunch of her family.

It's a foolish investment to build some sort of nest for date or waste huge amounts of money on an oversized home.

He's not a bowerbird he's a practical guy living in today's economy.

If/when the time comes, couples can both invest in a shared residence. That they both choose and both finance.

 

Edited January 10, 2021 by Wiseman2

[Vicky13]

My current partner was in his forties and living in a studio apartment that consisted of 2 rooms when I met him: kitchen/bedroom/living room and a bathroom with a shower and no bath.  I didn't even give it a second's thought.  It was clean and his books, music, films and wall art showed we had similar interests.

My advice is keep the studio apartment and use it weed out the materialistic women you date until you find a woman better suited to you.  I've been with my partner for nearly ten years now and together we live in a four bedroom detached house, filled with our shared interests.

[princessaurora]

On 1/9/2021 at 7:53 AM, d0nnivain said:

To see the bed as the dominant piece of furniture probably makes them wonder if you are only looking for easy sex. 

This was my thought too, especially if they're not at that point in the relationship yet.  I used to date a guy  that lived in a split house. His portion was a kitchen and one room that was a den/bedroom. The sofa was so close to the bed you could almost reach out and touch it. He was very gentlemanly and never tried to move things from the sofa for while, but I can imagine it might have made some women uneasy. I agree with d0nnivain, maybe get a partition so it's not the first thing she sees. 

[Watercolors]

On 1/8/2021 at 5:55 PM, IntBrowser said:

The lady who came over seemed kind of surprised and asked how long I lived here.    So not only do some women want you to be independent but now it has to be a certain type of place

And this folks is why I always hated dating.   Its all about what you got and how you look so why even bother?   Its lot bigger than the studios I see in NYC

I haven't read through everyone else's responses. Your thread title caught my attention because i also live in a small studio apartment. Look, at the end of the day, the right woman won't be bothered by the fact that you live where you live. Do you know how many people live in tiny apartments? There are YT channels that feature tours of people's tiny apartments. These people are all content creators or who pursue other artistic or non-artistic endeavors. And their tiny apartments are super sleek! 

I just wrote this idiom to another poster, and I'll write it here to remind you "don't judge a book by its cover." Don't assume that all single women you bring back to your studio apartment are going to be super materialistic and judge you as some dirt poor Joe Dirt type of guy. Anyone who lives in NYC without roommates, lives in a tiny apartment. Same with San Francisco or Portland. The large metropolis cities have super expensive costs of living for single people. 

If some guy is going to assume negative things about me because of the size of my apartment, well he can go jump in a lake. A married couple lives in the studio next to me, b/c they are saving up to buy a house. Do you think their friends assume they are losers? Nope. I'm just saying, don't stop dating because you had a bad experience or two with materialistic women who want to date a man who owns a home. Then, they aren't the right gals for you. Date a woman who accepts you for who you are, AND where you live. The rest will work itself out. Don't date defensively with a chip on your shoulder or you won't attract the right gal. 

Look on the positives here. You can save money to go and travel and pay for fun hobbies to pursue because you're not tied down to yearly taxes and a monthly house mortgage or townhome dues. Owning a condo, townhome or home is financial disaster in my humble opinion. Renting is financially wiser. Especially, when you rent below your debt to income ratio and can set money aside for savings. 

[Watercolors]

On 1/9/2021 at 5:18 PM, IntBrowser said:

My place is 295 sqaure feet

That's larger than my studio apartment. Mine is 250 square feet. I have two windows, a large walk in closet, a large bathroom and a large kitchen that is divided from the main room. And I pay nearly $900 a month for it. But I love the neighborhood. So, really, I'm paying for the location. I could have easily chosen a large 1 bedroom apt under $900 a month, in some other urban neighborhood or suburban neighborhood. But i found *the* neighborhood where I feel 100% at home. I won't move out of my studio apt. until I have reason to. 

[IntBrowser]

5 hours ago, Watercolors said:

That's larger than my studio apartment. Mine is 250 square feet. I have two windows, a large walk in closet, a large bathroom and a large kitchen that is divided from the main room. And I pay nearly $900 a month for it. But I love the neighborhood. So, really, I'm paying for the location. I could have easily chosen a large 1 bedroom apt under $900 a month, in some other urban neighborhood or suburban neighborhood. But i found *the* neighborhood where I feel 100% at home. I won't move out of my studio apt. until I have reason to. 

I never saw the point of the walk in closet.    Could have made the bathroom bigger and had two regular closets.