Looks like I should start mentioning I live in a studio apartment before I invite someone over

[IntBrowser]

The lady who came over seemed kind of surprised and asked how long I lived here.    So not only do some women want you to be independent but now it has to be a certain type of place

 

And this folks is why I always hated dating.   Its all about what you got and how you look so why even bother?   Its lot bigger than the studios I see in NYC

[Foxhall]

hmmn I wouldnt have thought it was a serious negative,

perhaps she is aware of the neighbours being too close for comfort or else she likes gardening.

[BaileyB]

I’m honestly not sure what the problem is here... it wouldn’t matter to me in the least. As long as it was clean...

[Miss Spider]

Sure… It could be. Some women want you to make six figures+  and own a home and alll that jazz. But I don’t think that is your problem with dating, int. In the past, I’ve seen you  do/handle things or gloss over red flags in a way that would cause dating difficult for you. But then you blame the difficulties on something else entirely. Like what kind of apartment you live at... 

Edited January 9, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[ShyViolet]

You have been unlucky enough to find some judgmental women.  Not all women are like that.  I would be totally fine with dating a guy with a studio apartment, as long as it was CLEAN and not gross.

[guest569]

Seeming surprised and asking how long you've lived there isn't judgemental. Or am I missing something? 

And why wouldn't a woman want someone who is independent? 

[IntBrowser]

6 hours ago, BaileyB said:

I’m honestly not sure what the problem is here... it wouldn’t matter to me in the least. As long as it was clean...

yes it was clean, Kitchen is separate, two closets, one walk in and the other with a door and the bathroom and the big room.  But I guess its the assumption that its a one bedroom.

[basil67]

I'm not seeing judgement in her comments.    Perhaps she was impressed at small space living.

Are you perhaps a bit sensitive about your living situation and projecting?

Edited January 9, 2021 by basil67

[IntBrowser]

3 hours ago, smiley1 said:

Seeming surprised and asking how long you've lived there isn't judgemental. Or am I missing something? 

And why wouldn't a woman want someone who is independent? 

because times are tough and no one should be judgmental during this time with people losing jobs and their business.   When I told her 4 years she said....."That's a long time.    It really dont feel like 4 years since time goes so fast.,    This was the apt that was in my price range 5 years ago when I had to take a survival job.   Now that I am making more money I can save more toward a bigger place and still travel.   Its nice to have so much money left over after paying rent so Im not in a big rush to have higher expenses.    In regards to independence I was saying I am independent so me living in a studio shouldnt be an issue especially since some people cant even pay rent right now.

[IntBrowser]

3 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I'm not seeing judgement in her comments.    Perhaps she was impressed at small space living.

Are you perhaps a bit sensitive about your living situation and projecting?

 

No I am not sensitive about because if I was i wouldnt invite anyone over.    Now there was an apartment I used to live in that I felt was awful and didnt want anymore company until I moved lol    I feel like this is one of my best apts so definitely not sensitive about the living situation.     But in the future I will make sure I mention im in a studio

[Wiseman2]

I would disregard this comment. In fact, view it as a red flag. 

As long as your place looks like a home who cares about square feet?

What? She lives in the palace of Versailles?

[IntBrowser]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

I would disregard this comment. In fact, view it as a red flag. 

As long as your place looks like a home who cares about square feet?

What? She lives in the palace of Versailles?

with her mom, uncle and cousin

[Wiseman2]

Just now, IntBrowser said:

with her mom, uncle and cousin

Bigger red flag . Run

[basil67]

10 minutes ago, IntBrowser said:

No I am not sensitive about because if I was i wouldnt invite anyone over.    Now there was an apartment I used to live in that I felt was awful and didnt want anymore company until I moved lol    I feel like this is one of my best apts so definitely not sensitive about the living situation.     But in the future I will make sure I mention im in a studio

OK, so you're not projecting.  But how do you know with certainty that she was judging your living space?

[Ellener]

6 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

The lady who came over seemed kind of surprised and asked how long I lived here.    So not only do some women want you to be independent but now it has to be a certain type of place

 

And this folks is why I always hated dating.   Its all about what you got and how you look so why even bother?   Its lot bigger than the studios I see in NYC

I'd love a studio apartment, there are never any available for long here.

In 2020 I became more visibly disabled, I'd only just started dating again when the pandemic broke out, so I never actually met one man who seemed very nice and we have corresponded on and off for months. But, it was something I realised at one point, I guess I let slip some of my health issues and he started to ask questions and I got a bit defensive since I wasn't used to the situation myself yet. And some of the feedback has been pretty negative at times.

I did decide that if I ever do OLD again I will let people know I'm sometimes in a wheelchair or with a cane, though I'm not exactly sure of the whole 'what is appropriate to disclose' thing as yet.

If you enjoy your home that's all that matters, but I am aware sometimes people will project expectations which cause discomfort, probably unintentionally, like this guy unknowingly asking me if I like foot massages! 

 

 

[Acacia98]

7 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

The lady who came over seemed kind of surprised and asked how long I lived here. 

Your description of her reaction makes it difficult to tell whether her sentiments were in fact negative.

So, for argument's sake, let's assume she was disappointed/unimpressed by your studio apartment. That may indicate different ways of viewing/dealing with money on your parts. So take her off your dating list. Problem solved. You don't have to give up on dating as a whole.

Disclosing about your studio earlier sounds like a decent idea.

Edited January 9, 2021 by Acacia98

[Wiseman2]

I wouldn't use preemptive strikes or apologize for anything.

If it's time to have an in-house date, just plan a nice time. Only date people who have thier own place.

As far as a studio goes, make sure there's a place to hang out like a sofa other than the bed.

[IntBrowser]

6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

I wouldn't use preemptive strikes or apologize for anything.

If it's time to have an in-house date, just plan a nice time. Only date people who have thier own place.

As far as a studio goes, make sure there's a place to hang out like a sofa other than the bed.

the sofa is one side and the bed is on the other side

[elaine567]

How old are you?

[d0nnivain]

6 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

the sofa is one side and the bed is on the other side

Can you invest in a tri fold, folding screen or something to "hide" the bed?  It's NYC.  Studios are not unusual but in Covid with restaurants shut women are probably coming over earlier than they would have if there were other options.  To see the bed as the dominant piece of furniture probably makes them wonder if you are only looking for easy sex. 

[LuckyM]

Yeah women are often very judgmental or critical in my own life. They make it clear they want a guy with money many times 

One positive is that there are only a few places for her to sit so you can sit together on the sofa or loveseat. Put stuff on the chairs and tell her you are looking for a 1 bedroom condo. Not apt or flat

[Gaeta]

I don't care if a man I date lives in a 300 square feet apartment or 3000 because when I'm in a relationship we spend most of our time at my place. I don't know a lot of women that pack their stuff every weekend to go spend it at their boyfriend's. Stay away from these women, they often have nothing so they fish for a man that will offer them everything they don't have. 

[BaileyB]

10 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

yes it was clean, Kitchen is separate, two closets, one walk in and the other with a door and the bathroom and the big room.  But I guess its the assumption that its a one bedroom.

I lived in a one bedroom condo for more than 10 years... it was a perfect little place for me, and I loved it. And, I’m a woman. 

[smackie9]

I live in the Vancouver area, owning anything here is a feat in itself. I know these days it's not easy to own something of your own. I myself wouldn't be surprised if someone lived in a studio apartment.

OP you sound like a practical guy, living within you means to travel and such without carrying a huge dept. To me that's a ++, and that you got your $%^& together. As long as the place is nicely decorated, tidy, clean bathroom....what's not to like? If they are being a sour puss about it, kick them to the curb...their loss I say.

[FMW]

I'm a woman, I sold my 2800 sq. ft. three story house and moved into a 900 Sq. ft. studio/loft.  I love it, but I do feel a little awkward when new people see it, because I have a four poster King Size bed that's impossible to ignore.  I do intend to buy a house again soon, but honestly if someone judged me on my living space that tells me something unattractive about them.  

That being said, the woman may not have had any negative thoughts about your place, she may have just never seen a studio type layout before.