Saracena Posted January 9, 2021 Posted January 9, 2021 18 minutes ago, elaine567 said: This is of course deliberate in many cases, treat her mean keep her keen... but in doing so it is often all ruined from her point of view. What had promise is now spoiled, the trust is gone. I would have thought this actually accounts for very, very few cases.
elaine567 Posted January 9, 2021 Posted January 9, 2021 1 minute ago, Saracena said: I would have thought this actually accounts for very, very few cases. I am not so sure about that...
ExpatInItaly Posted January 9, 2021 Posted January 9, 2021 18 hours ago, Purple1234 said: He told he's scared because he's afraid "it's too good to be true." He also said he's having trouble "transitioning" to being in a relationship because he was single for a long time. He says he doesn't want to break up. I really do not know what to do. I just know I do not want to lose him. Any thoughts? You can see what happens after the weekend, but I am not sure I'd hold my breath here. He's trying to tell you he likes plenty of space and doesn't actually enjoy a lot of "togetherness", is my read. Are you that type of person also? Because if not, this probably won't work out in end. 3
Author Purple1234 Posted January 9, 2021 Author Posted January 9, 2021 Thanks, all, for the advice. I am not sure what ultimately will happen. However, I am not ready to give up yet. I just looked at my calendar and it looks like we have seen each other 2-3 times per week and 3 out of the last 5 weekends. So, perhaps it is okay. We have plans next weekend, which required reservations (a boating thing) and I am going to suggest meeting up for dinner next week at some point. It's still pretty early in the relationship and we did move pretty fast pretty quickly, so slowing down might not be a terrible idea. He's assured me that he's not going anywhere. I think I'll just keep to myself this weekend and if we wants to talk he can call or text. 3 1
poppyfields Posted January 9, 2021 Posted January 9, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, Purple1234 said: Thanks, all, for the advice. I am not sure what ultimately will happen. However, I am not ready to give up yet. I just looked at my calendar and it looks like we have seen each other 2-3 times per week and 3 out of the last 5 weekends. So, perhaps it is okay. We have plans next weekend, which required reservations (a boating thing) and I am going to suggest meeting up for dinner next week at some point. It's still pretty early in the relationship and we did move pretty fast pretty quickly, so slowing down might not be a terrible idea. He's assured me that he's not going anywhere. I think I'll just keep to myself this weekend and if we wants to talk he can call or text. Excellent Purple, great attitude. I mentioned Esther Perel earlier, seriously, check out her videos. She is a well renowned psychotherapist who speaks about the tension between the need for security (love, belonging and closeness) and the need for freedom (erotic desire, adventure and distance) in human relationships. Which accounts for many of the problems and conflicts between couples IME. Start with her video "The Secret to Desire in a Long Term Relationship," I'd link it but I'm out and on my phone. If you Google, you will find. I think it and all her videos has the potential to change your entire mindset. Anyway, all the best and keep us posted! Edited January 9, 2021 by poppyfields 2
Saracena Posted January 9, 2021 Posted January 9, 2021 3 hours ago, Purple1234 said: Thanks, all, for the advice. I am not sure what ultimately will happen. However, I am not ready to give up yet. I just looked at my calendar and it looks like we have seen each other 2-3 times per week and 3 out of the last 5 weekends. So, perhaps it is okay. We have plans next weekend, which required reservations (a boating thing) and I am going to suggest meeting up for dinner next week at some point. It's still pretty early in the relationship and we did move pretty fast pretty quickly, so slowing down might not be a terrible idea. He's assured me that he's not going anywhere. I think I'll just keep to myself this weekend and if we wants to talk he can call or text. In the circumstances, I'd be tempted to do nothing and instead observe what he does. I wouldn't put him under any pressure (which is what he may feel) in view of what he's just said. (You'll feel a lot better as well if he suggests something, though I'm not saying he will.) Just wait and see. Let him do the running here. 4
LivingWaterPlease Posted January 10, 2021 Posted January 10, 2021 10 hours ago, Saracena said: In the circumstances, I'd be tempted to do nothing and instead observe what he does. I wouldn't put him under any pressure (which is what he may feel) in view of what he's just said. (You'll feel a lot better as well if he suggests something, though I'm not saying he will.) Just wait and see. Let him do the running here. Great advice! 1
Watercolors Posted January 10, 2021 Posted January 10, 2021 (edited) 14 hours ago, Purple1234 said: Thanks, all, for the advice. I am not sure what ultimately will happen. However, I am not ready to give up yet. I just looked at my calendar and it looks like we have seen each other 2-3 times per week and 3 out of the last 5 weekends. So, perhaps it is okay. We have plans next weekend, which required reservations (a boating thing) and I am going to suggest meeting up for dinner next week at some point. It's still pretty early in the relationship and we did move pretty fast pretty quickly, so slowing down might not be a terrible idea. He's assured me that he's not going anywhere. I think I'll just keep to myself this weekend and if we wants to talk he can call or text. I agree with SaraCena. Do nothing. Let his actions show you how he really feels towards you. My motto is: words are but wind. Words mean absolutely nothing when it comes to relationships. People make promises all the time. Men, especially, love to fake future talk with their girlfriends, i.e. “I’m not going anywhere,” and can say this right before they breakup with their girlfriends. Now, I’m not forecasting that’s where your relationship is headed, so don’t misconstrue what I wrote as a prediction of what’s going to happen to you. Edited January 10, 2021 by Watercolors 2
FMW Posted January 10, 2021 Posted January 10, 2021 I very much agree with the "do nothing" advice. Wait and see what he does. In the meantime enjoy time with friends and hobbies, try to keep your mind off of him. To me, 2 months is very early on and even though you spent a weekend together that doesn't represent a commitment that you're now going to be seeing each other more often. The only commitment I would want at 2 months (or at any point when I started having sex with them) is that they wouldn't be having sex with anyone else while we figure out if we have a future together. I've been seeing a guy for over a year and last week we spent 4 days/nights together in a row. I adore the guy, but even as a woman I was ready for time alone for a few days to focus on other things. We just spent another two nights in a row together and now probably won't see each other for another 3 or 4 days. That works really well for us - but that's the trick, our togetherness/time apart needs are similar. There is nothing wrong with you wanting more right now - it just seems you're not going to get it from this guy. Since you want to keep seeing him, just keep your expectations in line. If you're not willing to accept what he's offering (and not offering), move on to meet someone who better matches what you want. 1
Author Purple1234 Posted January 11, 2021 Author Posted January 11, 2021 Well, I didn't contact him all weekend and I heard from him an hour ago saying he was excited about our plans next weekend. So, I guess we shall see... 3
dramafreezone Posted January 11, 2021 Posted January 11, 2021 On 1/8/2021 at 7:36 AM, Purple1234 said: I've been dating this guy for about two months. Things have been truly amazing! So much so, that it scared me for awhile. We have a great time together. We recently went away for the weekend and had a fantastic time. But now, he seems to be afraid. He told he's scared because he's afraid "it's too good to be true." He also said he's having trouble "transitioning" to being in a relationship because he was single for a long time. He says he doesn't want to break up. I really do not know what to do. I just know I do not want to lose him. Any thoughts? I think you're making something out of nothing. It may have just been a fleeting thought. It's only been two months, just keep enjoying each other's company. What is the urgency to make it anything other than what it is right now?
Versacehottie Posted January 12, 2021 Posted January 12, 2021 On 1/9/2021 at 7:46 AM, Purple1234 said: Thanks, all, for the advice. I am not sure what ultimately will happen. However, I am not ready to give up yet. I just looked at my calendar and it looks like we have seen each other 2-3 times per week and 3 out of the last 5 weekends. So, perhaps it is okay. We have plans next weekend, which required reservations (a boating thing) and I am going to suggest meeting up for dinner next week at some point. It's still pretty early in the relationship and we did move pretty fast pretty quickly, so slowing down might not be a terrible idea. He's assured me that he's not going anywhere. I think I'll just keep to myself this weekend and if we wants to talk he can call or text. I would suggest that in addition to that, you do something active (not passive) with your time away from him. I know it's hard with the pandemic. If there wasn't the pandemic, I'd say go out socializing yourself. If you are in a lockdown type place, make active plans for your at home life (specific netflix, beauty or cleaning or reading or some active stuff, hike if you can; if you have family in your bubble, see them). I think it's important that the guy "feel" that you have other stuff going on that's about you--so he doesn't feel the pressure and potential burden of you,. That you have your own stuff going on! It makes you more interesting too. It can't just be "let's talk about us/what's going on with him". So I'm not sure I would just be available if he want's to call or text. It's subtle but if you are in the middle of something, even the ol "doing a face masque" then return his call later or text him back a little later. IMO, it's important that you show people that your time is valuable too so things don't become too one-sided. And that you show them you have other things going on and they have to EARN priority in your life. Also it helps if you don't want a unbalanced pattern to set in. The easiest way to do this is if it's real, ie you are genuinely busy with other stuff; or if you prioritize yourself, ie even at home doing your nails takes priority over making yourself fully available to everyone including him; the second easiest is to give the impression when in reality right now you are excited about him. Rebalance things--especially right after you balked at him having some time alone. Goodluck 1
Recommended Posts