StrongHands Posted February 3, 2021 Posted February 3, 2021 8 minutes ago, trident_2020 said: She isn't. That's the whole point of this thread. That is a very broad brush to stroke IMO. I would venture to say that to the RIGHT person she is very attractive. It really isn’t appropriate to call anyone unattractive 1
poppyfields Posted February 3, 2021 Posted February 3, 2021 (edited) For someone like lil missy, meeting IRL organically is the better/best way. Meet ups, take a class, social events, heck just out and about! Course I live in an socially active city, lots of people out and about, so it's easy to strike up a convo with someone. Be open, be friendly. Be approachable. A bit difficult now but after COVID and things get back to normal. Where I am, vaccines are being administered, I will most likely get mine in a few months, or sooner. So there is a light at the end of this dark tunnel! The right man, or any guy, is not gonna just drop out of the sky. You need to make an effort. OLD, for you, won't work. Let a man see you, sense your energy, your essence. In person. Like peach and others have been saying, there IS someone for everyone, but I don't think you're going to meet him on line, and it's only bringing your down. In the meantime, work on you, losing weight if that's what you want, and feeling comfortable in your own skin. Edited February 3, 2021 by poppyfields 1
poppyfields Posted February 3, 2021 Posted February 3, 2021 (edited) 15 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: xxx Shoot, missed it before the edit! All your posts are valid and relevant shortskirts! Edited February 3, 2021 by poppyfields
josedelamuerte Posted February 3, 2021 Posted February 3, 2021 16 minutes ago, StrongHands said: That is a very broad brush to stroke IMO. I would venture to say that to the RIGHT person she is very attractive. It really isn’t appropriate to call anyone unattractive Yup, this thread is gonna be pruned big time.
littleblackheart Posted February 3, 2021 Posted February 3, 2021 OP, you need to do something about your confidence levels, something that'll make you want to get back on top form; mental, emotional, physical. All of it. You'll find that when you're in a better, more positive mindset, it'll be easier to make positive changes in your life too. Deal with the breakup of your relationship first (you shouldn't even be trying to date right now until that's fixed), get back in touch with friends, be more social, do things you enjoy doing, surround yourself with good people who will support you and your lifestyle will readjust naturally as your morale is boosted. Trying to lose weight (if that's what you want to do) will only work as part of a long-term, holistic plan of getting your whole life back on track, as opposed to only getting more swipes on Tinder. 2
Versacehottie Posted February 3, 2021 Posted February 3, 2021 OP, to be honest and fair, is going to have to work on several things if she wants attention-getting results that more closely mirror the results she used to get when she was in her 20's. *In her 20s, well she was in her 20s, so try to be as fresh-faced & youthful-spirited as possible. Healthy in body, mind and spirit. Open to the world *In her 20s, well she was 44 pounds less, so yeah that is not going to net her the same results as her previous weight would. It doesn't mean it's impossible, of course, but if she is looking for attention like she got when she was thinner, it makes complete sense to get back to a normal weight. It's just a fact the being thinner will likely get a woman more attention. It may not keep it but getting in the door, yes, that's a fact. She will get a significantly larger piece of the pie at a more widely appealing weight (lower). *In her 20s, she hadn't been through all the emotional stuff she's just been through. So the best way to maximize her outlook and chances for attracting people is to get into a healthy & happy mindset. All the areas help each other. It doesn't really serve her purpose to tell her things will be attention getting if she remains overweight but only changes her attitude. Will an attitude change help? Yes. Will she even meet the right guy for her at her present weight with just an attitude change? Yes, it's possible. Will she get the same type of and level of attention at her current weight with just an attitude change? No, not likely. That's just reality and reality will help her deal with her dilemma 1
Emilyinroses Posted February 3, 2021 Posted February 3, 2021 On 1/8/2021 at 12:09 PM, lil_missy said: This is more of a vent and to see if other people felt the same So in my teens and 20s, up to 25, I felt like I was getting quite a bit of male attention whether its in school or work place. In school, I had guys that didn't know me ask my friends for my number. And when I joined the work force, there always seemed to be a guy interested in me. But now fast track to present, I'm mid 30s. Gained 20kgs although I still think I look similar. I feel like I get zero attention anymore. On OLD, I post my pix and hardly get any guys that msg me. Its making me really depressed Anyone experience this? Is this due to my age or my weight? I feel like maybe I look so bad now no one is interested anymore? :(( To be honest I think it has more to do with your energy and how you feel about yourself than the weight itself. I think you need to start loving your body regardless of what weight you have. If you don’t like the weight, do something about it but from loving yourself. Connect with your sexuality and do sensual stuff with yourself, like a nice bubble bath and some nice lingerie. Men love soft feminine energy and it seems you lost a bit track of that in yourself. I think you need to give some attention to yourself rather than looking for it outside. You’ll see how you attract men when you are feeling feminine, happy and with a good vibe!
Backinthesaddleagain Posted February 3, 2021 Posted February 3, 2021 @lil_missy, I just want to add, that most American's view of their body does not align with reality. When I was on OLD, almost all the women think they are "average" or "a few extra pounds". But average for an American is obese. Being 5'3" and 170lbs isn't "a few extra pounds". It is considered obese by BMI scales. I would consider the same girl at 140 "curvy", as that is at the top of the range for a normal weight at that height. I don't know what you weigh but this is just an example. All the talk of "loving the body you have", etc. is non-sense. This is what people say so they can minimize their shame about being lazy and eating too much. If you are happy about being unhealthy and having higher chances for heart disease, fatty liver, diabetes, etc. go for it. But, If you truly want to be healthier and have higher chances for finding an attractive & healthy man, lose the weight. Disclaimer: I was a fatty for the last 7 years and got tired of hauling around the extra weight. I buckled down, lost a ton of weight, and I feel a million times better than last year. It isn't magic, consume less calories than you use and stay active. The pounds will fly off. Stay strong, stay focused, and DON"T LIE TO YOURSELF. Good luck!!! 3 1
introverted1 Posted February 3, 2021 Posted February 3, 2021 I don't think the problem is OP's age or weight, per se. As noted by several posters, lots of guys will date an overweight woman, so that's not the issue. The issue is that OP is 15 years older and 45 pounds heavier than when she was attracting the level of attention she wants now. That's probably not realistic. She either needs to scale her expectation to what is reasonable for her current age and appearance OR do something about the aspects of her appearance she can control: weight, attitude, overall presentation. Even with the latter she may not attract the same attention she did as a 20-something, but odds are she will be happier with herself and may indeed meet the kind of men she is interested in. 1
TooManyDates Posted February 3, 2021 Posted February 3, 2021 4 hours ago, peach302 said: I have friends who are married ..who are on the curvier side. The men they married aren't unattractive and are in good shape. Which is why i said there's someone out there for everyone. I think she's probably swiping left on the wrong people. Curvy is a bubble butt, small waist and nice boobs, period. Other overweight and straight up obese women use that term when it does not apply to them, I love when they say they're curvy but still only post head shots lol 2
peach302 Posted February 3, 2021 Posted February 3, 2021 19 minutes ago, TooManyDates said: Curvy is a bubble butt, small waist and nice boobs, period. Other overweight and straight up obese women use that term when it does not apply to them, I love when they say they're curvy but still only post head shots lol I am trying to be diplomatic here. I swear the OP said she's a size 10-12 which is not obese by any means. 1
Versacehottie Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 2 hours ago, Emilyinroses said: To be honest I think it has more to do with your energy and how you feel about yourself than the weight itself. I think you need to start loving your body regardless of what weight you have. One could argue that one becomes overweight and loses connection with themselves (physically) because it's a reflection of their energy and how they feel about themselves (what's going on inside). Which seems like it is legitimately part of the OP's problem. It's all tied together really, which is one reason why there is a biological preference unconsciously for healthy physical reflections on the exterior (body shape, weight, skin, hair quality) I do agree that starting with loving herself where she is currently is the right thing to do to start.
TooManyDates Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 1 hour ago, peach302 said: I am trying to be diplomatic here. I swear the OP said she's a size 10-12 which is not obese by any means. I wasn't referring to the OP, I am just going off on my own tangents lol 1
Versacehottie Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 3 hours ago, Backinthesaddleagain said: @lil_missy, I just want to add, that most American's view of their body does not align with reality. When I was on OLD, almost all the women think they are "average" or "a few extra pounds". But average for an American is obese. Being 5'3" and 170lbs isn't "a few extra pounds". It is considered obese by BMI scales. I would consider the same girl at 140 "curvy", as that is at the top of the range for a normal weight at that height. I don't know what you weigh but this is just an example. All the talk of "loving the body you have", etc. is non-sense. This is what people say so they can minimize their shame about being lazy and eating too much. If you are happy about being unhealthy and having higher chances for heart disease, fatty liver, diabetes, etc. go for it. But, If you truly want to be healthier and have higher chances for finding an attractive & healthy man, lose the weight. Disclaimer: I was a fatty for the last 7 years and got tired of hauling around the extra weight. I buckled down, lost a ton of weight, and I feel a million times better than last year. It isn't magic, consume less calories than you use and stay active. The pounds will fly off. Stay strong, stay focused, and DON"T LIE TO YOURSELF. Good luck!!! the tone was harsh lol but I have to agree. "loving the body you have" should be used so people don't nitpick themselves to death when they are in a healthy weight range, not to utilize as a free pass when people are in an unhealthy weight range and not treating their body right. While it's not impossible to find someone to date at any weight, it's false to indicate that it will be easy or an equal experience if the OP is overweight. The guys on the thread are chiming in to say as much with regard to their preferences. I agree that not lying to yourself is important. That won't help things along either in your dating journey or in the way that you feel about yourself, OP. 1
verhrzn Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 14 minutes ago, Versacehottie said: the tone was harsh lol but I have to agree. "loving the body you have" should be used so people don't nitpick themselves to death when they are in a healthy weight range, not to utilize as a free pass when people are in an unhealthy weight range and not treating their body right. While it's not impossible to find someone to date at any weight, it's false to indicate that it will be easy or an equal experience if the OP is overweight. The guys on the thread are chiming in to say as much with regard to their preferences. I agree that not lying to yourself is important. That won't help things along either in your dating journey or in the way that you feel about yourself, OP. There can be lots and lots of reasons someone is carrying around extra weight, and not all of them are a result of "not treating their body right." There are also many life circumstances that can result in weight gain for women... hormone fluctuation, pregnancy, birth control, menopause. The OP is in her 30's, when hormones can *really* do a number on women. It has nothing to do with "lying" to yourself, and everything to do with recognizing weight, like many things in life, can fluctuate. It's fine for men to have a preference on weight*, but frankly, she probably wouldn't be compatible with anyone who has those kind of specific preferences. That's going to lower the amount of men in her dating pool, perhaps, but it raises the chance for compatibility. OP, think of it this way; your weight, whatever it may be, IS a limiting factor in how much attention you get, but it also means you can focus on quality over quantity. *Though I do find it ironic that posters here are so focused on the exact height/weight, when people can carry weight very differently. Two women with the same height and weight can sometimes look completely different. 1
Author lil_missy Posted February 4, 2021 Author Posted February 4, 2021 Hey guys, I had no idea this thread was still going! I think there's been lots of good points made. It's definitely a mixture of things, but like someone said its really about expectations. I think I just expected too much, it's been 10 years and my situations different and even OLD's prob changed a bit. It's not my weight and maybe a little to do with my attitude since I was abit half arsed. I changed my picture to another recent selfie and actually got some positive reaction from guys. So I was relieved it was maybe one bad picture or just that particular guy who was not into me. I couldn't be bothered really chatting to anyone after the initial flirtation. I'm not over the break down of my marriage and still mourning it and I just find chatting to random guys not doing much for me. The only guy I connected with (the one that rejected me) we were both lamenting about our past LTR and probably the main reason we connect. So I stopped OLD for now and will just focus on myself and my son. I feel that when I'm ready to date again, there should still be some options out there. 5
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