lil_missy Posted January 8, 2021 Posted January 8, 2021 This is more of a vent and to see if other people felt the same So in my teens and 20s, up to 25, I felt like I was getting quite a bit of male attention whether its in school or work place. In school, I had guys that didn't know me ask my friends for my number. And when I joined the work force, there always seemed to be a guy interested in me. But now fast track to present, I'm mid 30s. Gained 20kgs although I still think I look similar. I feel like I get zero attention anymore. On OLD, I post my pix and hardly get any guys that msg me. Its making me really depressed Anyone experience this? Is this due to my age or my weight? I feel like maybe I look so bad now no one is interested anymore? :((
Happy Lemming Posted January 8, 2021 Posted January 8, 2021 5 minutes ago, lil_missy said: Gained 20kgs... I'm doing the math here and 20 kilograms is 44 pounds, correct?? So if the average woman weighs 70 kilograms and you gained 20 kilograms, that is almost a 30% weight gain?? What is your BMI?? 2 1
Wiseman2 Posted January 8, 2021 Posted January 8, 2021 Try to step up your confidence level. Are you happy otherwise with your life? Are your profile and pics upbeat and flattering? What kind of apps are you using?
Author lil_missy Posted January 8, 2021 Author Posted January 8, 2021 (edited) I used to be 50kg and now I'm 70. I know it sounds really bad but I don't look 70kg coz I have big bones. BTW I'm only size 10/12. My bmi is over weight Maybe I'm fooling myself I gained my weight during my marriage n my husband always told me I was not fat n that he still found me sexy But my family was like you are too fat now Edited January 8, 2021 by lil_missy
Author lil_missy Posted January 8, 2021 Author Posted January 8, 2021 (edited) 7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Try to step up your confidence level. Are you happy otherwise with your life? Are your profile and pics upbeat and flattering? What kind of apps are you using? My confidence levels quite low because of my marriage break down. I went on OLD to feel better about myself bcuz the last time I went on in my 20s I got heaps of attention. I wasn't even really trying to meet anyone. But now its occurred to me not many ppl are interested in me anymore I been told my selfies don't look happy, they look kind of angry Edited January 8, 2021 by lil_missy
Happy Lemming Posted January 8, 2021 Posted January 8, 2021 3 minutes ago, lil_missy said: I used to be 50kg and now I'm 70. I'm doing the math so I can understand your situation. Basically, you have a 40% weight gain. 4
Maldives Posted January 8, 2021 Posted January 8, 2021 (edited) I think you would be the best judge of your appearance. Having said that men have different tastes and what we find attractive. Try and get an honest answer maybe from a close friend or friends get them to be brutally honest with you even if it hurts so you can have an awareness of what it is it weight gain or something else maybe even aee if there's a pattern emerge from feedback it's hard to be our own critic and here the truth but can be a catalyst to get you out of your funk and start the wheels of change in motion Btw OLD sux haha and I experience the same thing I donno how much different it is for men but I'm lucky to get one message in weeks. I still think the best way to meet someone is in person. Not sure if OLD is a good boost Edited January 8, 2021 by Goodguy05 1
Wiseman2 Posted January 8, 2021 Posted January 8, 2021 3 minutes ago, lil_missy said: I been told my selfies don't look happy, they look kind of angry Ok, start with better pics and a more upbeat profile. Don't live in the past. Start were you are now. Many people who have come out of LDRs /marriages have a rip van winkle situation. They sort of wake up to dating as they last remembered it. 3
Blind-Sided Posted January 8, 2021 Posted January 8, 2021 (edited) Before I start... I'm the kind of guy who likes a little meat on a woman... but..... 44 Lbs (20Kg) on a 6' tall (2M) guy isn't bad. AND... to most girls... they like a guy who is big. I've put on that much weight since college, and girls don't care. BUT... 20Kg on a woman who is 5'6" (1.6M) is a lot of weight. AND... to most guys... a size 12, and 154Lbs is starting to be fat. But, this does depend on height also. 70Kg on a 5' frame (1.52m) is different than 70kg on a 6' frame. (2m) I'm not trying to be a downer... just giving a reality check. Edited January 8, 2021 by Blind-Sided 1
ExpatInItaly Posted January 8, 2021 Posted January 8, 2021 33 minutes ago, lil_missy said: I been told my selfies don't look happy, they look kind of angry This probably has a lot to do with it. A lot of people will pass over scowling faces. Try some different, smiling shots. 2
introverted1 Posted January 8, 2021 Posted January 8, 2021 1 hour ago, lil_missy said: But now fast track to present, I'm mid 30s. Gained 20kgs although I still think I look similar. I feel like I get zero attention anymore. That's a 45-pound weight gain. It's unlikely you look similar. 4 1
Ellener Posted January 8, 2021 Posted January 8, 2021 It's not about how you look @lil_missy it's about how you feel, and what kind of confidence and sense of happiness/wellbeing that projects.
d0nnivain Posted January 8, 2021 Posted January 8, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, lil_missy said: My confidence levels quite low because of my marriage break down. I went on OLD to feel better about myself bcuz the last time I went on in my 20s I got heaps of attention. I wasn't even really trying to meet anyone. But now its occurred to me not many ppl are interested in me anymore I been told my selfies don't look happy, they look kind of angry OLD is demoralizing under the best of circumstances. Your weight is a secondary problem. You lost confidence & outwardly look sad. That is why you are not commanding attention. You give off a broken vibe. You have to fix that before the men will flock around you again. In lockdown mostly you will have to address the weight. Cook more. Eat better. Exercise to streamed work outs. You don't have to drop all the weight but slimming down & toning up will help. Exercise boosts endorphins which improves mood. Find something you enjoy doing that you can do at home. You need a sense of accomplishment. That will do more to help you feel better about yourself then attention from some random guy. Edited January 8, 2021 by d0nnivain 2 1
Interstellar Posted January 8, 2021 Posted January 8, 2021 (edited) I’m guessing you’re from Europe or the rest of the world since you use kilos. Anyway, 44 pounds is a lot for a woman, and especially in pictures or in front of the camera you probably look more like 60+ pounds. Since you’re overweight you should get a professionally done photo. Your weight and age does play a role in it, as when women age they tend to keep and retain fat because you don’t have much testosterone like men, which is why you need to workout more and start very slowly cutting back on food, and also your environment. If you live in the big city and you dress like you’re on the cover of Vogue or Cosmo you’d still get male attention, whistles from construction workers as you pass by, etc... Edited January 8, 2021 by Interstellar 2
ShyViolet Posted January 8, 2021 Posted January 8, 2021 This should not be about getting hit on and getting attention from random guys. Are you actually unhappy with the weight gain and do you want to get healthier and lose the weight? If so, then focus on your health and make changes to your lifestyle. You're not going to attract someone if you are projecting the vibe that you are an unhappy or unhealthy person. 2
primer Posted January 8, 2021 Posted January 8, 2021 OLD is bad for a person's self-esteem. Your ego takes a beating. I have a friend going through a divorce and that is the first thing I told her. Four months later she agreed with me. You are not alone. Look around you. There are women bigger than you that are in relationships. There is somebody for everybody. 3
Ruby Slippers Posted January 8, 2021 Posted January 8, 2021 I'm all about feeling good and I agree that when you feel good, you look good. But it sounds like the weight gain probably has something to do with it. No offense to anybody, but there are a lot of overweight people these days and it's a turn-off for many reasons. If someone doesn't care enough to take care of themselves, you have to figure they probably don't care enough to take care of a lot of other things. I think being in pretty good shape has given me quite an edge on dating sites. My last boyfriend gave me a quick look at "the competition" on OLD, and I was shocked to see that many of them were overweight if not obese. And pictures are everything on dating sites. Once I finally figured out how to take good pictures and posted those, my interest on dating sites went through the roof. I had this naive idea upfront that I'd post my "OK" pictures and then men could be pleasantly surprised on dates. That doesn't work. Most men are looking for the best-looking woman they can find. So post your best photos. Not filtered and fake photos. The photo that worked best for me as a main image was a direct shot of my smiling face with minimal makeup in broad daylight. Then at least one full-body shot in fitted but not revealing clothes, like a cute dress. Weight loss isn't easy but it's very doable once you make up your mind to make a long-term commitment. I lost 15 pounds last year and am keeping it off. I did it by losing half a pound to a pound a week - nothing extreme, slow and steady, gradual improvement of diet and exercise habits. 7
dangerous Posted January 8, 2021 Posted January 8, 2021 Yes, your OLD success will be much different to when you were in your 20's and 40% lighter: big difference. Plus, if you are unhappy in yourself this will come across in your facial photos, your profile wording and your messages. 3
trident_2020 Posted January 8, 2021 Posted January 8, 2021 It's your weight, no doubt about it. The good news is that's probably something you can fix. 3 1
Author lil_missy Posted January 8, 2021 Author Posted January 8, 2021 (edited) 42 minutes ago, trident_2020 said: It's your weight, no doubt about it. The good news is that's probably something you can fix. Those of you that think its due to my weight, I only posted a selfie from the shoulders up though. So they can't see my body, do you think its still due to the weight gain? I know my body looks different now and I actually would not be confident to meet anyone online in real life until I'm lost some weight. Edited January 8, 2021 by lil_missy
Ruby Slippers Posted January 8, 2021 Posted January 8, 2021 5 minutes ago, lil_missy said: Those of you that think its due to my weight, I only posted a selfie from the shoulders up though. So they can't see my body, do you think its still due to the weight gain? I know my body looks different now and I actually would not be confident to meet anyone online in real life until I'm lost some weight. If you only post photos from the shoulders up, men generally assume you're overweight. Your lack of confidence is coming through more than you realize. If you want to lose weight and need tips or encouragement, feel free to PM me anytime. 6 1
Author lil_missy Posted January 8, 2021 Author Posted January 8, 2021 (edited) So I actually was chatting to this one guy online that I really liked. We only chatted for a couple of days and he seemed like everything I wanted and he was very keen on me and he asked me to meet in real life. But...I was really afraid to meet him in person...the photo I used in my profile was an old one of myself at the beach with sunnies on. I looked happy too. I'm aware that I prob don't look the same anymore. So I suggested we exchange some more photos first. So I sent him a selfie of myself that I took a few days ago at home, as I was getting ready to go out. He didn't comment on my pic at all and instead kept commenting on his own pic saying he is not photogenic and looks goofy. I reassured him that he looked nice. Then I asked him why didn't he comment on my pic, is it bcuz he doesn't like it? And he said " no not at all, your pic was fine. I'm not shallow, I don't care what a person looks like :)" but since then he has kind of dropped off So basically that hit me real hard, what he said basically means " your not cute at all, I cannot even drum up a compliment and instead have to say looks don't matter to me? " I don't know if I should still try talking to him? He seemed really genuine, we both came out of long term relationships and we talked about how hard it has been and he said he was brand new to OLD, and he was refreshingly sincere. Maybe he really doesn't care about looks that much? Edited January 8, 2021 by lil_missy
smackie9 Posted January 8, 2021 Posted January 8, 2021 13 minutes ago, lil_missy said: Those of you that think its due to my weight, I only posted a selfie from the shoulders up though. So they can't see my body, do you think its still due to the weight gain? I know my body looks different now and I actually would not be confident to meet anyone online in real life until I'm lost some weight. When was the last time you updated your hair style, your wardrobe, ...how about those fine lines? Are you keeping your skin fresh with the proper anti-age products? Poor diet can also make you look tired, skin dull, hair lack luster. If you don't take care of yourself, it will show.
trident_2020 Posted January 8, 2021 Posted January 8, 2021 Don't expect honest bluntness when you reveal your true appearance. Most guys will simply bow out rather than deal with the awkwardness of trying to explain why you're much more than they bargained for. 1
trident_2020 Posted January 8, 2021 Posted January 8, 2021 7 minutes ago, lil_missy said: I'm aware that I prob don't look the same anymore. Probably?? If you can't be honest with yourself then how can you expect the same of others? 4
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