GuySimple Posted October 14, 2005 Posted October 14, 2005 Ok, so I’m dating myself a bit. I’m recently separated and now out on my own. I’m only (I say only, ha) 40 but think I look OK for my age. I’m not really that interested in jumping into a heavy relationship but wouldn’t mind the company of a nice woman for coffee or drinks sometime. So, it would appear that things have changed a fair bit in 18 years since I last dated. I asked someone at work where to meet nice people and they hooked me up on some dating chat line which is sooooo not me. Whatever happened to the personal contact thing? The first thing someone asked me for was a picture. Hey I’m not bad looking, but replied asking could they tell me more about themselves before. Nope, guess not, cus the next thing I knew was I got the please F*off and they “blocked me”. What’s that all about? So I write this nice truthful bio on myself, which I am guessing is not always the case, but didn’t put a picture on and that seems to be the most important thing. Now, don’t get me wrong I like a beautiful woman as much as the next guy but, she’s got to also have a brain and be able to carry on a conversation and have things in common. I expect the same holds true for women as well. But I could have written any crap and got some hunky pic and that would have been wonderful. I’m now starting to figure out what there are so many middle aged single men at gyms. I’m guessing the order of importance is appearance #1, #2 and #3, interests #8 and intellect #30, or something like that. So where’s the best place to start?
SmoochieFace Posted October 14, 2005 Posted October 14, 2005 Unfortunately, you've stumbled upon a bitter truth in today's society - yes, looks matter the most. A result of the shallow and superficial cultural environment we all share now with Hollywood as its King. First off, anyone who tells you to *beep* off like that isn't even worth getting to know so please do not waste your time being distracted over that. You will probably encounter plenty of that online. It appears to me that you are a man of integrity - by being truthful instead of going down the cheap path by misrepresenting yourself - so you eventually should be able to find someone with similar standards. It is posible but also extremely difficult given today's climate. I agree that the dating sites are a crock of *beep* so with that said the best thing to do would be to get involved in activities that you enjoy with the understanding that you are not participating in them for the primary purpose of finding someone. Do things that you enjoy, live your life to the fullest, and you may meet someone. It may happen when you least expect it - worked that way for me.
kitkat826 Posted October 14, 2005 Posted October 14, 2005 I agree that the dating sites are a crock of *beep* I have had ok success with online sites. I've dated two guys from match.com and they obviously didn't work out, but they were definitely about as sane or MORE than other guys I have met out in the "real world". I think its a crap shoot either way. As for the photo part, I believe (and it has been discussed at length here as well) that photos are an integral part of the online dating scene, and not having a photo often gives the impression of having something to hide. Of course, many people are shallow online, but I think the majority just want a pair of eyes and a smile to be able to connect to the interesting profile they just read. In the real world you wouldn't get all ready to go out and then put a paper bag on your head and expect to meet people, claiming that if they questioned it then they are "shady". So why would you do it online?
Author GuySimple Posted October 15, 2005 Author Posted October 15, 2005 Ok, so I’m doing the chat thing on line. I get talking to this, what I thought from her picture, was a fairly attractive woman. She’s telling me about her past relationships and it was down-right depressing. Failed marriage to a real basta*d, a couple of relationships she found online, which essentially amounted to a pinch and tickle that lasted a few months. So I’m chatting and thinking wow I can’t imagine being this person and started felling sorry for her. So she asks for a picture. Well all I had quickly was a picture taken 10 days into a camping trip where the temp was a gazillion degrees out and I hadn’t showered in about 3 days. She said that I had scary eyes and started to withdraw from the conversation. Telling me how her slime bag online connections were better looking than me and basically a better catch. Now, I am about the least scary guy out there. So I try to do the recovery thing. I get her convinced to meet me for coffee. So, keep in mind this woman represents every hard-luck country and music song out there. Me, the scary looser guy on line, is a…banker, yup although scary to some, respected by many. Now I’m tall, broad shouldered, square jawed, and have nice suits, not bad looking for a 40 year old. So I walk into the coffee shop sit down in front of her and introduced myself as Mr. Scary Eyes. The look was priceless. Incidentally her picture looked nothing like her. In real life she wore the pain of all the failed relationships and looked 15 years older than she was. I felt so sorry for her. She eventually disclosed that the pictures online were actually 7 years old. Hum, and I didn’t post a picture.
elijahBailey Posted October 15, 2005 Posted October 15, 2005 wow interesting. What happened after? Don't tell us you found her too haggard for your liking. Do tell.
Author GuySimple Posted October 15, 2005 Author Posted October 15, 2005 I still talk to her online. She turned out to be very nice and simply got caught up with the wrong people early on in life who suck away all her self esteem.
Outcast Posted October 15, 2005 Posted October 15, 2005 Don't despair just yet. I have tried a few sites and always refused to post a photo and still got some hits. The thing is that nobody really looks like their photo anyway; it's a 2D representation of a 3D human and it just can't convey one's real appearance. The problem is that you're looking for intelligence. If you consider the bell curve for intelligence, you'll recall that there will be a fairly large percentage of people eliminated just because they're on the wrong part of the bell curve. So it's going to take time and patience. You did the right thing in meeting that lady early on; it's very useful in terms of determining whether the online persona reflects the real-life human. Scary eyes, huh? You should post an avatar with the eyes if not your head shot - they sound interesting
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