lovebooks Posted January 6, 2021 Posted January 6, 2021 (edited) I have a "so called" boyfriend ten years older than me. We met while doing volunteer work. Our relationship is so lame. We rarely go out so I am out and about alone most of the time. I've been in this on again, off again relationship for seven years. It's become a habit. I wish I hadn't spent all this time with someone who only wants to stay home and watch every sport on tv. He has told me he is committed to the relationship. I'm a good girl friend. He doesn't need much. He blames me for our nonexistent sex life. He is opposed to counseling . I don't like online dating and I think I'm stuck in this because I'm over 60. I don't look my age and I still have energy for the city. He's very quick to think I'm going places with someone else . He knows he's not contributing enough. I feel like I'm stuck in quicksand. Edited January 6, 2021 by lovebooks adding more thoughts
Miss Spider Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 You’re not stuck in it. You choose to stay 9 1
d0nnivain Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 You are only stuck because you think you are stuck. When you have had enough you will take action to get yourself out of this. He won't change. So if you want something different you have to go get it. 5
Versacehottie Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 To be fair, in most of the world in 2020/2021, there isn't much going out and socializing. But I do believe you that it's been going on longer than that. And the on/off thing seems like a total waste of time. Even if it's taken you 7 years to get "here" where you recognize it and have deemed it to be going nowhere. You are not powerless at all. It's your life. If you've not been able to be effective in separating from him by letting lines of contact remain open, then block those lines of communication. You have to go cold turkey if you haven't been able to manage it otherwise. I also think he can be a good boyfriend who is into you---you just don't imagine your relationship playing out in the same way, which is an equally valid reason to break it off (probably harder than him doing something bad or wrong to you, which might be why there is more back and forth). It's January 2021, this is a good time to reshape how you see your year going and put yourself on the path you want. If you ARE alone most of the time doing the stuff you like to do, wouldn't it be better to actually BE alone? Probably feels LESS lonely and at least opens the possibility that you can/would meet someone else--which you should take active steps to do. Goodluck 2 1
smackie9 Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 Over 60 means less bs on dating sites. I know someone whom lost their wife to Covid back in February. He was married for 38 years. He went on line and met someone right away and are still dating happily. I say you will probably find a relationship on line that's way better than what you have now. 1 1 2
kendahke Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 (edited) 19 hours ago, lovebooks said: I think I'm stuck in this because I'm over 60 Why? You're only as limited as you make yourself be limited. You found him, didn't you? Maybe being single and not with someone who is not fulfilling your life would be far better. If this was the last 6 months of your life, is this how you want to live it? If not, make a plan and enact some change. Edited January 7, 2021 by kendahke 1
BaileyB Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 (edited) Do you have friends OP? Children and grandchildren? It is very possible to build a rich life as a single person - you socialize, and travel the world! It takes work to build those relationships and a bit of an adventurous spirit, but I think I would rather be a happy single person than a sad and lonely “married” person. Best wishes! Edited January 7, 2021 by BaileyB 1
SumGuy Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 Over 60 but look younger? There is a whole world for you with online dating (when it makes sense again). You don't need to settle for a 70 year old guy or some 30 year old who thinks you are desperate. I'm mid 50's, people think I'm 10 years younger just because in shape, have all my hair and guess good skin still (and plenty of energy ). Met many older women on-line who also look 10-20 years younger still with plenty of energy, as I prefer someone near my age. I may not be common, but not unique, and my preference for someone near the same age (older is fine) is because prefer something real. A woman your age with it together, energy, etc. is a real catch in my book. 2 1
Ruby Slippers Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 2 hours ago, BaileyB said: I think I would rather be a happy single person than a sad and lonely “married” person. Amen. Get back to volunteering, join a walking/hiking/biking/whatever group for people in your age range, and I'm sure you can find something more fulfilling than this. 1
guest569 Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 That's so sad.. There must be some other reasons keeping you there? Has he been like this the whole time?Why has it been off again on again? Did you break it off for this reason already? Did you try dating someone else during those breaks?
Gaeta Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 As a babyboomer you are part of the biggest generation out there. The internet is full of dating sites aimed at mature adults. Your only limits are those you imagine. I am 55 and I'm not scared, I know I will meet someone else. My grand mother remarried at 75 with a man she called 'the man of her life'. Love has no age. 6
elaine567 Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 50 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Love has no age. I agree but I believe those that find love at greater ages need to be prepared to put themselves "out there". They need to have spirit, a steely determination and a lust for life. Sitting at home waiting for this marvellous man to appear is not going to work. The OP has been stuck in a rut for years, putting up with a lack-lustre life, so does she actually have it in her, to go out and grab what she wants? She needs to ask herself some tough questions. Fine to sit there day dreaming about how things could be, but with no real action, nothing actually happens. Fine to ditch the "boring" bf, but then what?
Gaeta Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 12 minutes ago, elaine567 said: Fine to ditch the "boring" bf, but then what? Well, if you put me in charge she'll know exactly what to do You ditch the bad boyfriend You get a new haircut & renew makeup You renew your wardrobe You tell your family, friends & coworkers that you're looking You get back to things you enjoy in her case volunteer work Rebuild your social network, start visiting friends and family again, join a group. Get online Read self-help books, rethink your life. 9
dangerous Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 OP, sounds like you are incompatible and you should move on.
elaine567 Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: Well, if you put me in charge she'll know exactly what to do I have never had any worries about you finding someone new, Gaeta. BUT as for the OP, she is going to have to do a lot more than the coasting along she has been doing for the past 7 years.
ShyViolet Posted January 8, 2021 Posted January 8, 2021 If you're not enjoying it then stop doing it. It sounds like this man adds nothing to your life. He doesn't want to go places with you, so you are "out & about alone" most of the time. And a non-existent sex life. What's the point? I'm assuming you don't live together. Nothing is forcing you to keep this going. Just stop wasting your time with him. That is time that you could be putting into other things.
Pumaza Posted January 8, 2021 Posted January 8, 2021 Fact is you are not 18! So you dont have time to lose. On of??That sound like a waste of time at that age also. Free yourself and sign up for group activities of people your age. Who knows you meet someone that way. And even if you dont meet someone seen,you are free from what it holding you back.And more happy.
Wiseman2 Posted January 8, 2021 Posted January 8, 2021 Unfortunately it seems like he's just coasting along out of convenience. You'll be ok ending this. Get on some quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting men. If you want you can try apps specific to your age group.
Happy Lemming Posted January 8, 2021 Posted January 8, 2021 I'm 55 and have been with a woman that is older than me (although she looks younger than me). We've been dating for 9 years. Our sex life is good and we were traveling/adventuring up until the pandemic hit. I think the OP needs a guy a few years younger. It appears her present boyfriend has given up on life and is content to spend the balance of it in his recliner watching sports. She is not going to change him, so don't try. Once the pandemic subsides, the OP is going to have to put herself out there. Going to social events and trying to meet men in real life situations.
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