Ladyfingers Posted January 6, 2021 Share Posted January 6, 2021 My ex is in a transitional place in her life. She almost died in an accident last year and since then she has been trying to find herself. She left me telling me she was unhappy with life and needed to change things in her life and to find herself. She and I were together for 6 years. She is 28 and I am 27. She started her career from college but did not like it at all and had major anxiety with covid and her career field. Since then she has changed her major in her masters to something completely unrelated to the previous, she continued to question what she wanted and felt she did not know, she left me, she planned to do a solo hike on the PCT (3,000 Mile hike), and as I said she almost died in an accident and she was faced with the reality. During the time before the breakup I was discussing marriage and kids and during the breakup she told me "if you want those things right now, then I cannot do that because I am not in that place right now" "if you want to find a woman who will give you all of that and makes you happy then I will be happy for you" Since the breakup she cut contact and said it would be too hard to stay in contact with me. Have you ever had an ex who was truly trying to find themselves and then they came back when they did or atleast got to a better place in life? Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted January 7, 2021 Share Posted January 7, 2021 Let her go. The capability is there to do this again. if she was relationship material she would not have dumped you. That is what this is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted January 7, 2021 Share Posted January 7, 2021 People turn corners in life. It happens. You can't stop her from going, so you need to let her be her. She MAY come back to you one day, but honestly if it was me, I wouldn't hold my breath, nor would I let it prevent me from processing the breakup and (in a reasonable amount of time) moving on. If she wanted you in her life, you'd be in it. She doesn't. Although it may feel unfair, that's the reality of the situation. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 7, 2021 Share Posted January 7, 2021 7 hours ago, Ladyfingers said: Since the breakup she cut contact and said it would be too hard to stay in contact with me. Sorry to hear that. Breakups hurt. You'll have to leave her be Not only at her request, but to heal and reflect in peace without confusing static. "Space", "confused" , "stressed", "work on myself", etc. all mean the same thing. A variation of the "it's me, not you" breakup. The reason people do this is that it's not negotiable. It rules out having a problem that can be solved for reconciliation. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 7, 2021 Share Posted January 7, 2021 More often than not, people who leave to "find themselves" are already emotionally out the door and don't return. It's not because there's anything fundamentally wrong with you, but rather they realize they don't have the right feelings anymore to continue the relationship. A major event (such as you ex's accident) can force them to confront an uncomfortable truth they may have been trying to ignore. So yes, they find themselves in the sense that they move on and eventually find a partner they feel is a better match to their more-developed selves. I'm sorry, OP. I wouldn't count on this coming back together. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 7, 2021 Share Posted January 7, 2021 12 hours ago, Ladyfingers said: Have you ever had an ex who was truly trying to find themselves and then they came back when they did or atleast got to a better place in life? She's having a quarter life crisis. You & your relationship represent everything she's trying to leave behind. She doesn't currently like her life. While it's possible that she will go away & in a few years of trying new things figure out what she had in you was the best it was ever going to be, by that time you will likely have moved on & no longer care what she wants. You have to let her go. You then have to get over her & live your life, not worried about what she might do in the future. You have to move forward assuming she's not part of your future. Sorry. I know you wanted to hear that she'd be back in 6 weeks / months. Link to post Share on other sites
College_girl Posted February 16, 2021 Share Posted February 16, 2021 (edited) Yes! Almost same thing happened with me. After he left We both worked on ourselves and didn’t move on to other people and we just spent a lovely Valentine’s Day together. I finished school and he got a much better job and things in our lives are going better. It’s been a lot of work.. you have to just say how you feel and be vulnerable yet gentle when the time is right. You can’t wait forever but my advice would be to give her space for now and then if she reaches out in a few weeks or months then at that time you ask if she would like to meet up. And go from there. Communication is key. Go on a walk and make it clear you could never just be friends (you don’t want to get friend zoned). If she loves you and couldn’t imagine doing life with anyone else she will figure it out while on her own and come back your way. I was totally silent and gave space for the first month and a half until he came toward me which I wasn’t expecting while I was working on healing. Edited February 16, 2021 by College_girl Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted February 16, 2021 Share Posted February 16, 2021 Well, after a traumatic car accident like that, she could have a brain injury or ptsd. So, not too surprising. What do the doctors and counselor say about it? Link to post Share on other sites
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