Deleted all the apps, did I make a mistake?

[Versacehottie]

59 minutes ago, WanderingComet said:

I'm actually on The League! 
And while the selection there is definitely orders of magnitude better than other dating apps, the main issue is volume. The League is extremely new in Korea so I am one of probably 10s of people on it.
I actually also tried a Korean elite dating app for a while (entirely in Korean! That was a good exercise!) and even got what seemed like good matches, but it didn't work out.

Sigh... 

I might give OLD another try while I am here but at this point where I only have 4 more months left here, I don't want to string someone along. 
I am socializing where possible but as you can guess, with Covid restrictions we can't socialize as much. 
And yes, I'm always increasing my network (on and offline!) 

Maybe it's my age but I keep meeting people with partners or most of their friends also having partners. 

I hope I get a bigger selection on The League where I go next. haha it's currently showing me random people from other countries in my daily batch since I've run out of people in Korea!  

Yeah it's definitely not a bulk of people on the League--which actually makes total sense and you should keep utilizing.  I have a personal theory, that guys sometimes avoid the 2-3 weeks just before Valentine's Day and then get back to dating right after.  So there might be an uptick in active users after that.  I get it though if it's new in Korea and you already exhausted the pool there.  But keeping yourself on couldn't hurt because then presumably when some new guy joins, you will be matched   Can you widen the search distance parameters or set it to where you are going in a few months?  It'd be a good way to make friends and plant seeds for where you are going.  You would have a whole line of good discussion where you legit need to scope out good local recs where you are going.  I think guys would like that (presuming they are attracted in general). They can give you advice about where you are moving. 

Regarding Korea dating apps I wouldn't worry about stringing someone along.  If you ask a lot of guys (especially), they don't necessarily sign up for a dating app to "find a girlfriend", they want to meet girls and see from there.  All you can do is be honest about your situation and let the story play out.  Maybe you would be casual dating with expectations regarding the future set pretty low--it's still valuable and can lead you exactly where you want to go.  I have so many friends (all around the world TBH) which leads to this situation often (vs staying in one place).  Just off the top of my head, an Australian friend of mine met an English guy while he was on vacation in AUS and had a very serious gf, they stayed in touch as friends, got together about a year later and are married now.  If I thought about this for a few minutes longer, I literally have a TON of stories like this.  Do not think linear.  It's going to trip you up and have you missing ACTUAL opportunities.  Just be open, be yourself and have fun (charming and flirty when the occasion the sort of person you are into is in your zone--well I think you should be like that all the time but I digress).

While I can hear that you sound like a relatively positive person, I think you want to be careful of being too sensible.  You are giving us a lot of reasons why it is not possible and why it can't/didn't happen.  Ok, and?  So what?  Whenever you hear people talk about how they met their person, it's often in the face of logic, just missing a train, not supposed to go to that party, etc etc.  It's not logical.  It's just openness and from there things take place.  The only really logical thing you need to do is allow the openness and opportunity.  If you shut down opportunity and close yourself off, you are greatly limiting your chances (GREATLY!).

Obviously the pandemic hasn't made it easy for people looking to date and having coupled up friends isn't the most direct way to find a single guy often, but you never know.  I could give you a story for each of the objections you are putting up.  Multiple stories, that had a positive outcome and flew in the face of the logic of each objection.  Especially if you back is against the wall, because of the pandemic, your location, etc, you just make do with what variables are open to you and maximize those.  There's also something magnetic about people who approach life like this so it will help you in your next location to adopt this attitude ASAP. Good luck!

[Miss Spider]

That’s a good point, V. I also start dating after Valentine’s Day. If you start dating during the holidays or before Valentine’s Day you have a lot of burdensome stuff(get togethers, gift giving )  you have to navigate your way through. If you wait until right after Valentine’s Day, you’re pretty much free of that (sans birthdays) until fall comes around again. 

[Versacehottie]

33 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

@Shortskirtslonglashes

If I went to an Ivy I think I might want to date / marry another Ivy grad.  To go looking for an Ivy Alum when I'm not one seems gold-digging / status climbing.  If I met somebody & liked them, where they went to school is of no moment.  But education & intelligence are important to me; I need somebody I can have a conversation with 

Since @WanderingCometis an Ivy grad, more power to her.  She can seek a fellow Ivy grad, no problem.  

 

Agreed. mehhhh, having seen the guys on my friends League, I just think it narrows things way way down to the type of people you are most likely to have things in common with.  Let's say as opposed to being on match or ok cupid which is a huge cross section of every type of person.  There's nothing wrong with wanting that type of guy at all, especially since OP is of that level of education herself, so it's not like she got entrance to gold dig.  Lol, perhaps one of the guys is hoping to gold dig her!  Just kidding!

Actually honestly I kind of know some of the guys you like based on things you've said in the past, short skirts, and I actually think you would like some of the guys I saw on there! (granted it was just a couple of times when my friend and I were hanging out that I looked at profiles with her).

One thing, is why waste the time sifting through a bunch of guys she's never going to pick from ok cupid or match, to narrow it down to exactly these type of guys.  If the app has already done it for her, good on her.  That's just efficient.  It's not big volume so maybe she would have to do it in conjunction with another app (which I would recommend!).  Also perhaps it would keep things from getting discouraging, say as when you do a more mainstream app and are getting a bunch of people that aren't even remotely your type of guy, to every once and a while get the ones the an app like the League gives you that are at least closer/in the ballpark. 

Honestly, the whole entire process of finding the person that is right for you is "elitist" in nature--in that we all want the person who fits best with us and is our type of person so it doesn't do any good to pretend that it doesn't exist or not utilize things that bring efficiency in finding that person.

Edited January 27, 2021 by Versacehottie

[Miss Spider]

Interesting. Thank you for sharing. I would like to say that I did not mean to offend anyone by what I said earlier. I like to joke a little too much. I’m sure there are nice people there, whether they’re everyone’s cup o’ or not.  
 

What is the population like on that app? I’m sure it depends on location, but there must be a lot fewer people. I will that the people that are on there would be much less likely to waste time. 

“Joining The League as a Member costs $199.99 for 1 month” 

 

If I am spending $200/mo on a dating app, I am much less likely to eff around. 

 

Edited January 27, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Versacehottie]

17 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

Agree. Hey Winny
 

If you are going to struggle on one you are probably going to struggle on another. But maybe it does have its place.  People who think the same will find each other by joining certain apps. I will stay far away from dating anyone who seriously calls themselves in ‘elite’ in any way, shape, or form. I was once invited to the exclusive tinder and I passed. I’ll just stay with the peasants...

while i pretty much agree that people who do the elitism thing to others, aren't my favorite--I wouldn't fault the people who join a helpful app because the app itself is marketing itself in that way.  I would still judge the person based on how they are and if they acted like they were better than others in an elitist way.  You find those kind of idiots in every walk of life.  

I'd just see it as putting me in a space with like minded people and still evaluate each person individually.  No different than going to a club, bar, joining a group or participating in a hobby that lumps like-minded people together.  These people are like-minded in terms of where they went to school.  For now I'd blame the app company for the unfortunate name (not my favorite name but not sure how else to convey what they are trying to convey). Funny, my friend is not elitist at all.  She's just accomplished and smart.  Kinda boy crazy, million love stories of all sorts.  To be fair, the guys on there gave me hope that she wasn't going to keep spinning her wheels with guys that weren't her type at all (meaning no common interests that she fell into a relationship with because they paid attention and she gets swept up that's all; not meaning education or money).

Also, Hi Winny

[WanderingComet]

Really good point about the Valentine's Day thing. 
Going out with someone this close to Vday will definitely put (even unsaid) pressure on both parties! 
So I shall try again after 2 weeks. The Vday weekend also happens to be a national Holiday here! Korean New year! just a fun tid-bit! 

13 hours ago, Versacehottie said:

While I can hear that you sound like a relatively positive person, I think you want to be careful of being too sensible.

I've heard that I can sometimes be too cautious. haha I have a bit of Spock in me, a bit too rational at times. I guess at this stage of life, I don't want just a fling or on the flip side waste someone else's time if I am not going to be invested in them long term (romantically, if a friendship were to develop, sure why not!)

 

As for The League. I can totally see how it is perceived as 'elitist'. 
I actually have been a 'guest member' (for technicality) for a couple years now. 
I got the app when I was doing my PhD, but due to the high work load of the degree, I didn't get a chance to use it that much. In hindsight, I should have. I did come across some really great profiles, matched with a few and talked to them, but the distance between us was always too much to start anything more than a friendship sadly)
As for getting on the app, since I am not a paid member, after I applied I had to wait ~1 week on the waitlist to finally get in. 
I've heard depending on your profile, you could wait anywhere between days to months! 

The set up of the app is actually really nice! There is a 'Concierge' who is an actual person who can respond to your queries and concerns. Of course these days with the number of people on the app, they answer the paying members first, but I do get answered personally eventually!
So I can totally see why people would want to be paying members. 
For instance I have been on basically all the dating apps and the percentage of 'weirdos' on the apps is the least on the League. In fact I've barely seen any.

Edit: I forgot to mention, one of the reasons they have fewer weirdos is that they verify you through multiple platforms including LinkedIn, so that makes it easier to sift through potential catfish situations like on other apps.

Sorry, I feel like I've been writing a promotion for the app. But just wanted to say what my experience has been with it so far for reference. 

Bottom line, The League is a good app, if you have a higher level education and/or job profile and would like to meet others at a similar professional standing. 
But I didn't want to limit my search (partially due to volume too), so I have consistently used a variety of other apps simultaneously.

Edited January 28, 2021 by WanderingComet
Added a sentence I forgot to add earlier

[WanderingComet]

14 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

The app isn't much different than the "clubs" in many cities.  If you didn't go to an Ivy, you can't just go to that school's club without an invitation.  That level of elitism has been around for centuries.  The app is simply a modern version of "keeping out the riff raff" {don't get upset; I'm counting myself as riff raff   } 

Side note: I immediately jump to Aladdin when I see the words :riff raff

Street rat!
Soundrel!
Take that!

Just a little snack, guys

 

But yeah, I joined that app and all the others, because I wanted to cast my net in all the seas possible with the hopes of catching at least one fish.
Only found some odd clown fish so far and none of them could hold a candle to Nemo's dad (Marvin?) 

But it's winter, and the line has frozen. Hope it thaws after Vday haha

[Wiseman2]

Perhaps you are overdoing it. It comes off as flaky when someone is all over the place.

[Versacehottie]

^^^^ I typically agree with you wiseman, but I don't get that impression at all that the OP is flaky.  I suppose we don't know if she has been canceling dates, leading guys on and going hot/cold which would represent flaky to me.  I think the amount of matches you get from the League is really small (like 3-5 a day or a week--correct me if I'm wrong--- and could be smaller depending on volume of people on it where OP is) so if you were actually interested in finding someone, it would be the opposite of flaky IMO to be also on another app that would give her a bit more volume.

lol, and no this is not a impeded ad for the league haha.  you guys that have seen me post for a while hopefully have seen that I'm actually much more a fan of people meeting in real life situations vs any app.  That said, they are necessary when the options to do that are limited.  I just thought that one or one like it would match up to what the OP said about herself and funny, she's already on it

OP, if you want to say, where are you moving to next? I do think if you can't put too much effort into dating where you are, you should start putting effort into where you are going!  

[Miss Spider]

 

It could be just slowing down this time of year... in most places it’s cold and unlock lockdown due to coronavirus. So I think if even more popping apps are slowly down, ‘The league’ would be dead.. 

 

I say keep casting your net wide. Anywhere that you want. You can meet guys who went to good schools in real life and on other apps too.  I don’t confine  yourself to one venue. 

 

Edited January 28, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[lurker74]

On 1/5/2021 at 1:10 AM, WanderingComet said:

I had to filter out a loooot of guys who after 2 days of talking went to suggest the hookup route (even though after a while I specified on my profile that I was not looking for that) 

I think this is your main issue. You can only date for a year or so but seem to be wanting the LTR. That doesn't jive. No, you don't have to hook up only, but I think you may want to lower your requirements and consider a short-term steady. Someone that you can have companionship with but that you can let go of (and can let go of you) when the time comes. That means a much more casual relationship than you seem to want.

I'd consider indicating in a profile that I was looking for a short-term relationship due to an impending move but not just an eff buddy. There's nothing at all wrong with short term companionship as long as both sides understand it and are getting out of it what they need.