Cheryl Grey Posted January 5, 2021 Posted January 5, 2021 I've recently ended a long relationship and am feeling ready to consider making new friends that could lead to something more. I have a work colleague who I have known for a few years, and we have always got along. He has been single for a few years, and me about 6 months. We have worked closely together in recent times and I feel that he is interested in me more than just as a colleague. But I am so rusty with these things, as it has been so long since I met someone romantically, I am not sure of the signs. Below are some of the things he does, what do you think? Compliments my appearance - occasionally, not all the time so it seems more genuine as he notices something he likes - it is a nice simple compliment, not sleazy Texts or emails me links to things he thinks I will like, not work related - online articles, movies, TV shows, etc When we have work social functions or training workshops he is usually always sitting next to me during sessions, at dinner etc. If he does sit next to someone else by the end of the night he will be next to me He has mentioned an event later this year that he is interested to go to and asked if I would like to go Seems to remember a lot of detail about me such as my interests, likes, dislikes If I mention something I am curious about he will research it and send me information about it Once when I spilt coffee on my top he immediately got up and found me a clean cloth, when other male colleagues in the room just kept on chatting He has shown compassion for times at work when I have had a hard time from someone, sometimes he has been outraged at some unfair treatment towards me He has shared details about his former relationship, how it broke up, what he is afraid of, his upbringing, what his kids do, even some minor medical issues I am recently single and going through finalising our divorce, assets etc. He regularly (not too often) asks me how it is going with selling our house, how I am feeling about it all, and how is the progress Sometimes if I have been late into work he has messaged me to ask if I am ok He seems to remember everything I have told him and can bring up things I said a few years ago (in a nice way) showing me he has been paying attention I want to stress that he is ever so respectful, never touched me other than a friendly hug when appropriate. I like him and when the time is right would like to see if we can get to know each other outside work, but I am scared to make assumptions about his actions in case I ruin our work relationship....
Wiseman2 Posted January 5, 2021 Posted January 5, 2021 Have lunch or coffee outside of work,see how it goes. Does he know you're recently out of a relationship? It's a slippery slope getting involved with a colleague, especially when you are on the rebound. If you feel ready to date, try not to latch onto the nearest or most convenient thing. Get on some quality dating apps with a good profile and pics and start talking to and meeting men. 1
Author Cheryl Grey Posted January 5, 2021 Author Posted January 5, 2021 Yes he knows I am recently out of a relationship. I’d say I’m more interested in seeing if a friendship forms at this stage. I suppose I was just interested in what people thought of his behaviour, if it means anything.
Wiseman2 Posted January 5, 2021 Posted January 5, 2021 5 minutes ago, Cheryl Grey said: I’d say I’m more interested in seeing if a friendship forms at this stage. You're already friends. It sounds like you want more than that.
Keridan Posted January 5, 2021 Posted January 5, 2021 4 hours ago, Cheryl Grey said: I've recently ended a long relationship and am feeling ready to consider making new friends that could lead to something more. I have a work colleague who I have known for a few years, and we have always got along. He has been single for a few years, and me about 6 months. We have worked closely together in recent times and I feel that he is interested in me more than just as a colleague. But I am so rusty with these things, as it has been so long since I met someone romantically, I am not sure of the signs. Below are some of the things he does, what do you think? Compliments my appearance - occasionally, not all the time so it seems more genuine as he notices something he likes - it is a nice simple compliment, not sleazy Texts or emails me links to things he thinks I will like, not work related - online articles, movies, TV shows, etc When we have work social functions or training workshops he is usually always sitting next to me during sessions, at dinner etc. If he does sit next to someone else by the end of the night he will be next to me He has mentioned an event later this year that he is interested to go to and asked if I would like to go Seems to remember a lot of detail about me such as my interests, likes, dislikes If I mention something I am curious about he will research it and send me information about it Once when I spilt coffee on my top he immediately got up and found me a clean cloth, when other male colleagues in the room just kept on chatting He has shown compassion for times at work when I have had a hard time from someone, sometimes he has been outraged at some unfair treatment towards me He has shared details about his former relationship, how it broke up, what he is afraid of, his upbringing, what his kids do, even some minor medical issues I am recently single and going through finalising our divorce, assets etc. He regularly (not too often) asks me how it is going with selling our house, how I am feeling about it all, and how is the progress Sometimes if I have been late into work he has messaged me to ask if I am ok He seems to remember everything I have told him and can bring up things I said a few years ago (in a nice way) showing me he has been paying attention I want to stress that he is ever so respectful, never touched me other than a friendly hug when appropriate. I like him and when the time is right would like to see if we can get to know each other outside work, but I am scared to make assumptions about his actions in case I ruin our work relationship.... I can't speak for him, but it sounds like you are into him. He is also giving you signals. What's the harm in seeing where it goes? Ask him to get together at the bar or something. To me it seems the worst case scenario is that he likes you as a friend. Knowing you are I to him won't ruin that unless he is a jerk and he doesn't sound like it. 2 of my best friends in this entire world are women who admitted being in love with me and accepted it when I said I didn't return it. I speak to them all the time after many years. Would that be so bad? Take a shot 1
Johnjohnson2017 Posted January 5, 2021 Posted January 5, 2021 13 hours ago, Cheryl Grey said: I've recently ended a long relationship and am feeling ready to consider making new friends that could lead to something more. I have a work colleague who I have known for a few years, and we have always got along. He has been single for a few years, and me about 6 months. We have worked closely together in recent times and I feel that he is interested in me more than just as a colleague. But I am so rusty with these things, as it has been so long since I met someone romantically, I am not sure of the signs. Below are some of the things he does, what do you think? Compliments my appearance - occasionally, not all the time so it seems more genuine as he notices something he likes - it is a nice simple compliment, not sleazy Texts or emails me links to things he thinks I will like, not work related - online articles, movies, TV shows, etc When we have work social functions or training workshops he is usually always sitting next to me during sessions, at dinner etc. If he does sit next to someone else by the end of the night he will be next to me He has mentioned an event later this year that he is interested to go to and asked if I would like to go Seems to remember a lot of detail about me such as my interests, likes, dislikes If I mention something I am curious about he will research it and send me information about it Once when I spilt coffee on my top he immediately got up and found me a clean cloth, when other male colleagues in the room just kept on chatting He has shown compassion for times at work when I have had a hard time from someone, sometimes he has been outraged at some unfair treatment towards me He has shared details about his former relationship, how it broke up, what he is afraid of, his upbringing, what his kids do, even some minor medical issues I am recently single and going through finalising our divorce, assets etc. He regularly (not too often) asks me how it is going with selling our house, how I am feeling about it all, and how is the progress Sometimes if I have been late into work he has messaged me to ask if I am ok He seems to remember everything I have told him and can bring up things I said a few years ago (in a nice way) showing me he has been paying attention I want to stress that he is ever so respectful, never touched me other than a friendly hug when appropriate. I like him and when the time is right would like to see if we can get to know each other outside work, but I am scared to make assumptions about his actions in case I ruin our work relationship.... That's exactly how I react when I am interested in a woman in a romantic way. I'm always respectful. So in my opinion, he definitely likes you as more than a friend. He just isn't sure whether you feel the same way. Maybe he is looking for your signals as well? What are your ages? 2
mark clemson Posted January 6, 2021 Posted January 6, 2021 Sounds to me like he's skilled at playing the long game.
Author Cheryl Grey Posted January 6, 2021 Author Posted January 6, 2021 (edited) . Edited January 6, 2021 by Cheryl Grey
Author Cheryl Grey Posted January 6, 2021 Author Posted January 6, 2021 8 hours ago, mark clemson said: Sounds to me like he's skilled at playing the long game. What does that mean?
Wiseman2 Posted January 6, 2021 Posted January 6, 2021 17 hours ago, Cheryl Grey said: We’re both in our 50s Ok, try some quality dating apps either general ones or those for specific age groups. It may be flattering after a recent breakup to get attention, but dating co-workers or friends is a slippery slope. Make sure you broaden your social horizons. Reach out to friends, family, former classmates, neighbors, etc. Volunteer, take online classes, join some groups and clubs,etc. It's best not to reach out to the nearest thing to fill voids. Keep boundaries firm as far as co-workers and friends go.
poppyfields Posted January 6, 2021 Posted January 6, 2021 (edited) 12 hours ago, mark clemson said: Sounds to me like he's skilled at playing the long game. I prefer the long game myself and I'm a woman! I'm quite skilled at it too. My advice? Relax and enjoy this little flirtation you've got going. There's no rush. Have fun with it, no pushing. Embrace the uncertainty of wondering what's to come. When the timing is right or the sun and stars are all aligned LOL, it WILL happen if it's meant to. To answer your question, yes I do think there's something there. Edited January 6, 2021 by poppyfields
Andy_K Posted January 6, 2021 Posted January 6, 2021 Sounds like he's interested, but is wary of making his move too soon as you're recently out of a relationship. You normally only get one shot with someone in this situation, and if you take it too soon, before they're mentally and emotionally ready to date again, you crash and burn. 2
Ruby Slippers Posted January 6, 2021 Posted January 6, 2021 14 minutes ago, Andy_K said: Sounds like he's interested, but is wary of making his move too soon as you're recently out of a relationship. That's exactly what I was going to say. I never date anyone who's been divorced less than a year. It takes time to get over the blah of something as significant as a marriage breaking down. Sounds like he wants to communicate his interest, but doesn't want to be a rebound, which is smart. 1
mark clemson Posted January 6, 2021 Posted January 6, 2021 5 hours ago, Cheryl Grey said: What does that mean? It means that rather than trying to date you when you were unavailable (or worse trying to get you to cheat), he established a genuine friendship. Now that you ARE available, he is a natural potential choice who you feel comfortable with. This does NOT IMO indicate his friendship was in any way insincere - it's just a possible outcome of being a sincere friend to a person, that sometimes occurs if they happen to become single. A potentially very positive situation IMO.
Author Cheryl Grey Posted January 6, 2021 Author Posted January 6, 2021 (edited) It’s been my enduring feeling that he is hesitant because of my recent breakup.I get that. I’d not want him to be a rebound as I genuinely like him and care about him and know he deserves better....so maybe I’m playing the long game too? I’m in no rush...and I am happy to meet more people socially, and I already have plans for getting into new social situations. He knows this and is happy for me. I’m not so interested in hookups and such, but genuinely expanding my social life around common interests. Would I tell him I like him but don’t want to rush into anything, or just let things roll out more organically? I think it’s a beautiful thing to experience unfolding... Edited January 6, 2021 by Cheryl Grey
LuckyM Posted January 6, 2021 Posted January 6, 2021 He is definitely into you no question about it I have done some of those things. Take time. What about sex. May be iffy
Miss Spider Posted January 6, 2021 Posted January 6, 2021 (edited) Don’t mean nothing until you have a date on your calendar .. seen men do all this to chicks and they are married with no intention to take it further . My experience is being recently out of a break up was never stopped a guy Edited January 6, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes
Author Cheryl Grey Posted January 7, 2021 Author Posted January 7, 2021 1 hour ago, LuckyM said: He is definitely into you no question about it I have done some of those things. Take time. What about sex. May be iffy What do you mean about sex? With him? Or others? And iffy in what way?
Wiseman2 Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 15 hours ago, Cheryl Grey said: just let things roll out more organically? I think it’s a beautiful thing to experience unfolding... I would keep him as a friend and not try to turn it into more. You'll need a lot of good friends after a breakup. It's understandable you're lonely. If you want to start dating, try some quality dating apps. It may seem safe and convenient, but... consider that you'll lose a good friend if you make this awkward. There's nothing organic or beautiful about awkwardness and losing friends through misunderstandings.
Wiseman2 Posted January 16, 2021 Posted January 16, 2021 In brief Check your company’s policy before considering a romantic relationship with a colleague. Don’t date your supervisor or someone who reports to you. Avoid flings. If it’s serious, disclose your relationship to your boss and be transparent with co-workers. If you decide the relationship is worth the trouble, consider transferring departments or finding a new job. Many people meet their significant others at work. According to a Society for Human Resource Management survey published last February, more than half of American workers surveyed said they have had a crush on a co-worker, while 27% have had a workplace romance 1
Fletch Lives Posted January 16, 2021 Posted January 16, 2021 You've known each other for years. You are in the freindszone
Versacehottie Posted January 16, 2021 Posted January 16, 2021 On 1/6/2021 at 12:07 PM, Cheryl Grey said: It’s been my enduring feeling that he is hesitant because of my recent breakup.I get that. I’d not want him to be a rebound as I genuinely like him and care about him and know he deserves better....so maybe I’m playing the long game too? I’m in no rush...and I am happy to meet more people socially, and I already have plans for getting into new social situations. He knows this and is happy for me. I’m not so interested in hookups and such, but genuinely expanding my social life around common interests. Would I tell him I like him but don’t want to rush into anything, or just let things roll out more organically? I think it’s a beautiful thing to experience unfolding... He seems like he absolutely likes you and would like to date you. About telling him....my suggestion is don't. And don't let him know about the other "socializing" you are doing/planning on doing. Just do it to see where your head is romantically and get that out of your system for a bit and then when you are ready to be more serious open it up to this guy. So in a way let it unfold organically. If you said something to him or ended up talking about you guys prematurely, then it will mess with things. One of you will feel pressured (likely you) because you are not quite there yet and the other one will feel a little rejected/pushed back--and you don't want that dynamic at the beginning. In a way, you are sounding a bit more savvy about what is going on, but you don't have to let on that you know until you are truly ready. Sounds like he is willing to play the long game & does it in a good way so that works! Also it's work so you both need to be relatively sure that it would be a worthwhile and solid relationship before you try anything out. A key component will be whether or not you are ready, so line that part up first. Good luck!
smackie9 Posted January 16, 2021 Posted January 16, 2021 (edited) You two are in your 50's not 20's so I'm sure you two can handle getting together being work colleagues. Just break the ice and suggest going out for a drink after work after "one of those days" and just keep things light and casual. Baby steps. Edited January 16, 2021 by smackie9
Watercolors Posted January 16, 2021 Posted January 16, 2021 On 1/6/2021 at 2:07 PM, Cheryl Grey said: It’s been my enduring feeling that he is hesitant because of my recent breakup.I get that. I’d not want him to be a rebound as I genuinely like him and care about him and know he deserves better....so maybe I’m playing the long game too? I’m in no rush...and I am happy to meet more people socially, and I already have plans for getting into new social situations. He knows this and is happy for me. I’m not so interested in hookups and such, but genuinely expanding my social life around common interests. Would I tell him I like him but don’t want to rush into anything, or just let things roll out more organically? I think it’s a beautiful thing to experience unfolding... Look, you and he are coworkers and in your 50s. This isn't your first time in the dating world. Why blow it up to be such a soap opera? Just ask him to go out to lunch or meet you on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon at a coffee shop for some coffee and conversation. You do not need to launch into a diatribe about your dating needs right now, as you are newly single. You do not owe him any explanation to take care of his feelings. He's a big boy. He doesn't need you to read his mind and tell him what he wants to hear. Tell him what you NEED right now. This: Quote tell him I like him but don’t want to rush into anything, This is literally what you can tell him. Nothing more. Nothing less. Keep it casual. Let things unfold naturally. Do not play games. 1
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