Joey_joe_joe Posted October 14, 2005 Posted October 14, 2005 I am in a LDR with my girlfriend, who is over seas for the next two years. We both love each other dearly are we are handling the long distance realtionship maturely and well as of now. I'm just scared that when she finally returns she will decided to work or go back to school somewhere that keeps us in long distance relationship. We talked about this before she left and all she would say to me is that she can't know what she will want to do in two years. I'll (hopefully) be in grad school when she gets back so I'm basically asking her to move where I go to school. I plan on looking for a school with her i mind so we can find a place to be together. She has vaguely hinted at things that say she would want to live with me, but I don't know if she really meant them or was just saying them to try to make me feel happy. I want her to be able to say "in two years I'll come back and we can lively happily together", but I'm afraid she'll just say "I can't give you an answer." I guess I just want more committment from her than she has shown. I want to talk to her about this again, but its really hard because we only get to talk on the phone 2 or 3 times a month and she doesn't have reliable internet access. We do write letters often. And I think it will be really hard if we get into a fight over this because we won't able to talk to the other person for a while. I'm afraid that asking for this committment could lead to us breaking up and that if I don't ask for it there is a good chance we will wined up happy and living together when she gets back anyway, but it makes it harder on me not knowing what she wants. I just want her to say it and mean it herself. I can't stay in a LDR forever, if she is planning to leave again when she gets back, then why am I waiting for her? Thanks for any adive you may have
tarheel04 Posted October 18, 2005 Posted October 18, 2005 I don't really have any advice for you, but I know exactly how you feel. My boyfriend of 2yrs and I have recently moved apart and are attempting the LDR thing. We only see each other about once a month and we have recently started to talk about where this is going. It's like you said, you can't stay in a LDR forever. But when I ask him if he wants us to be together in the future he says that he "doesn't know". He doesn't want to make promises that hes afraid he wont be able to keep if he gets a job opportunity far from where I am. I respect that he doesn't want to hurt me, but I also wish he would just say whether or not (right now, I know things change) he sees us together in the future. For myself, just to stay sane, I've kind of decided to just wait awhile and give him some time to decide. I know it's hard, but I also don't want to lose him as I'm sure you don't want to lose your girlfriend. I think it just comes down to whether or not you're willing to stick it out even if she decides to end things. Right now I think I can, but that's up to you to decide.
sean001 Posted October 18, 2005 Posted October 18, 2005 I am so grateful for this place. Especially since I'm going through the same thing. I really feel for all of you. Why does it seem that there is always one party that is more interested in sustaining the relationship than the other in an LDR??? How come that party has to be ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please continue to write and share your stories. I'm getting ready to have "the talk" with my current LDR partner. I'm not rushing into this conversation with her, but it seems that my situation mirrors yours so closely. I truly love her and I want the best for both of us, so I shall proceed cautiously. I just can't stand this... it makes me sad
Joey_joe_joe. Posted October 18, 2005 Posted October 18, 2005 Thanks for posting. I guess i knew I wouldn't really get any advice, but it is good for me to know that there are others in the same situation I'm in. Well, maybe that's not good, but i makes me feel better. I decide to write to my girlfriend explaining how I felt and asking how she feels, but that we don't need to make any decisions yet. Hopefully she will give me more than "i don't know." I am willing to wait a long time for her to decide, but eventually I will need a decision. Probably when I start to look for schools, which is still a while away. I don't think I could wait until she gets back to make this decision though. It's just all the waiting that kills me. I hope everything works out for all of you. And if any one else has anything to share I would appreciate it.
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