cerisse Posted January 3, 2021 Posted January 3, 2021 I am in a same-sex relationship for over a year now. My girlfriend and I have only seen each other less than 10 times in 2020 due to living in different cities and of course the pandemic. Things were pretty much smooth, except for the occasional (at least once a month, on average) misunderstandings and fights. This often happens when she's in a bad mood because of one certain things and then everything is spiraling down, and I am also being dragged. Although it's normal that I feel bad whenever she does, but it's just that everything I say, like when I try to console her, she just gets angrier. She tends not to talk to me when she's in a bad mood because when we do, we end up in a misunderstanding. I don't like it when it happens that's why I want to talk about things with her, but she hates talking or discussing with me during those times. She always tells me to break up with her, to leave her, because she's not good enough for me. Of course, I would reassure her that that isn't the case. But sometimes, I just get so tired, that I want her to be the one to end things between us, that if she asks me, I would let her go. I don't think I'm making her happy. Maybe because I am older than her, and that I can't give her the things she wants. She says she's materialistic, and of course, I understand that it is her love language so as much as possible, I want to give her everything she wants. Today, she told me she's selling the set of pens I bought for her birthday. She's been wanting to have those pens since forever. She asked me if I would agree on her selling the pens. It hurt, a little bit, of course. I don't think she's actually considering how I feel. I saved my money for that gift. And now she's selling them. I'm not after the money, but the sentimental nature of the gift, as if it was nothing to her. I don't want to tell her how I feel because a lot of times I told her how I felt and she got mad at me for feeling those things. Like getting jealous. What am I supposed to feel, then?
Wiseman2 Posted January 3, 2021 Posted January 3, 2021 Sorry this is happening. Covid is a huge strain on relationships and life in general. Unfortunately she seems to be undermining the relationship and looking for an out through antagonist and passive-aggressive means Step back from this. Reflect. In general, not everyone wants to talk everything over all the time. Some people do better processing quietly before they're ready to discuss something.
snowboy91 Posted January 3, 2021 Posted January 3, 2021 14 minutes ago, cerisse said: Things were pretty much smooth, except for the occasional (at least once a month, on average) misunderstandings and fights. This often happens when she's in a bad mood because of one certain things and then everything is spiraling down, and I am also being dragged. Although it's normal that I feel bad whenever she does, but it's just that everything I say, like when I try to console her, she just gets angrier. She tends not to talk to me when she's in a bad mood because when we do, we end up in a misunderstanding. I don't like it when it happens that's why I want to talk about things with her, but she hates talking or discussing with me during those times. ... Today, she told me she's selling the set of pens I bought for her birthday. She's been wanting to have those pens since forever. She asked me if I would agree on her selling the pens. It hurt, a little bit, of course. I don't think she's actually considering how I feel. I saved my money for that gift. And now she's selling them. It's hard to tell exactly what's going on, but one possibility is similar to what I tend to do sometimes (it's illogical, stupid and is detrimental to everyone involved, including the self). It could be a form of aggressive self sabotage - picking fights with anyone who tries to make them feel better and eliminating sentimental objects as much as they can. The important bit is that there isn't always logic or perception of harm done to others until it's too late. Or, it could also be that she's passively (but deliberately) trying to sabotage the relationship. Either way, if you've reached that point where you would be happy for the relationship to end, and this has been what she's been like lately, it might end up being better for you both. It doesn't have to be bitter - it's just that she isn't in a place to be in a happy relationship and there isn't really anything you can do about it. 1
d0nnivain Posted January 3, 2021 Posted January 3, 2021 You are supposed to realize that she is a poor prospect for a long term relationship. I understand why you haven't been able to see each other but due to that the amount of fighting, misunderstanding & inability to communicate is all the more problematic. It shouldn't be this hard this early. Her statements about not being good enough telegraph that she has depression & self esteem problems. You as her GF can't fix her nor should you. You are not her therapist. However the distance makes it all the more difficult for you to be supportive while she pushes you away. It's a test btw. She wants you to prove you care. That is a red flag. As for her selling the pens, does she had a real financial need as in she will starve or be homeless without the money? If not she's mean & callous for throwing away your thoughtful gift. Does a woman like that really deserve the sacrifice you make or your love? What are you getting back from her besides grief?
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