HonorGlory Posted January 3, 2021 Share Posted January 3, 2021 Hi all, I need some help. Joined the forum just because of this issue. I am an extreme extrovert. I met someone I’m truly interested in having a long-term relationship with, but she is an introvert and I’m not used to dating people of her type. First two dates were nice, but it has been a bit hard to communicate until her defenses are lowered and it often takes over an hour for her to open up. When she does, we have had great conversation and we have so much in common, but the first hour is really hard to get through and it seems painful for her (small talk is not an introvert’s strong suit, so I’ve read). I keep planning dates an hour and a half long - that’s longest I usually ever do first five dates - and it seems like we aren’t getting anywhere now by the third date. I’ve only dated extroverts in the past but this introvert is one of the most genuine, compassionate people I’ve met and I really want to better plan things to make her more comfortable. She said she’s interested in continuing to get to know me but she won’t give me any suggestions for activities. We have agreed to meet over video chat due to COVID until next month or so, and we live a few hours apart now so that just adds more difficulty to the situation. Any advice on virtual activities, discussions, etc to make her more comfortable would be appreciated. Please help. Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted January 3, 2021 Share Posted January 3, 2021 What were the first few dates? And for the first hour, what happens? Are you asking her questions? Are there pauses? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 3, 2021 Share Posted January 3, 2021 Try not to rush things. Just relax and date. There's no need to pry anyone open. If she's the shy quiet type, relax in more intimate, less frenetic settings and allow for eloquent quietness along with relaxed talking. Try not to be too anxious about talking a lot. If after a few more dates you feel she's a drag or incompatible, just wrap it up and move forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilie Jolie Posted January 3, 2021 Share Posted January 3, 2021 7 hours ago, HonorGlory said: I am an extreme extrovert. 7 hours ago, HonorGlory said: she is an introvert 7 hours ago, HonorGlory said: long-term relationship Is this ^^ not a bigger problem than setting up impersonal video chat dates for the foreseable? How are you two going to reconcile such a big difference in lifestyles long-term? Have you discussed this already? Also, how have you 2 met? Sounds like a perfect time filler for the moment though, if that's what you're going for. Take it slow, get to know her, ask probing yet fun questions, etc. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 3, 2021 Share Posted January 3, 2021 First are you using introvert & extrovert correctly? An introvert is someone who needs alone time to charge their batteries. An extrovert is someone who draws energy from being around people. The girl you describe sounds shy not introverted. They are different. If she warms up after a while, be patient. Plan dates with some action / motion in them: go for a walk, cook something together even if just visually. Try that new sling feature of watching TV together but pick something short so you can talk about it. Try playing a game together. If you have asked her for suggestions on what to do & she won't give you any, her failure to participate is more concerning then her reserved nature. 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted January 3, 2021 Share Posted January 3, 2021 10 hours ago, HonorGlory said: I am an extreme extrovert. I met someone I’m truly interested in having a long-term relationship with, If I'm understanding this correctly, you've only gone on two video-chat "virtual dates" with this girl. Have you ever actually met her in person at all? You are getting way ahead of yourself in saying that you are interested in having a long-term relationship with her. You can't know that yet. You really don't know this girl. And also the fact that you live several hours apart... so this would be a long-distance relationship on top of everything. That would make it even harder for you to form a connection. If you truly want to give this a chance then you'll need to give her time and see if she opens up to you and becomes more comfortable. It will take a lot of patience on your part. Link to post Share on other sites
dramafreezone Posted January 3, 2021 Share Posted January 3, 2021 If you haven't even met in person first, try a walk in the park. Seems pretty non-threatening to someone who's shy (and that's what it sounds like). I'm an introvert and I live in the middle of downtown San Diego. I like to go out to public places to meet with friends, I just reach my limit of mental stimulation more quickly than others and have to go home to recharge when I reach that limit. All being an introvert means is that social interactions drain our energy. We like the same types of activities that evreyone else does, we just have a limit. Extroverts get their energy from social interactions. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 3, 2021 Share Posted January 3, 2021 It is what it is. You pretty much have to carry the load. I dated a few introvert guys and after awhile I just lost attraction. They got boring to me because there was no emotional stimulation to make that connection. No friendly banter, stimulating conversations. I couldn’t handle it. She may warm up to you, so give it a few more dates and see how you feel. But if it’s like pulling teeth in time you too will start to lose attraction. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted January 3, 2021 Share Posted January 3, 2021 12 hours ago, HonorGlory said: Any advice on virtual activities, discussions, etc to make her more comfortable would be appreciated. Please help. Thank you! You could try drawing a caricature of each other (maybe after having a few glasses of wine). Send each other recipes in advance and cook at the same time. Do an exercise class together at the same time. Talk about each other's fondest childhood memories, pet peeves, quirks and habits, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted January 4, 2021 Share Posted January 4, 2021 She might not be a “ 100% introvert”. She coukd be thus way just for dating. She could be very different if more familiar environments are she is doing something she really likes. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted January 4, 2021 Share Posted January 4, 2021 (edited) Unpopular opinion here but I am so tired of this introvert/extrovert binary stuff and I feel like it needs to go, now. It is way overused and mischaracterized . “Introverts” are not from another planet. They are just people and often like the same things as any other type of person . Just because a person is an “introvert” does not mean that they only want a book or a puzzle, just like “extroverts” don’t only want a cellphone or subscription to People. The only difference would be that they appear less chatty, outgoing, or comfortable around others. Except when they are. Very few people are 100% any which way socially. Also, there are a lot of variables like maybe she was bullied or she is nervous or shy. Maybe she just isn’t interested in you and so she doesn’t know what to talk about with you. It could a myriad of things. Anyway, for the mini- rant, but I think you should get her the same type of gifts you’d get an “extrovert” based on what you know about her and her needs/wants/ hobbies/interests. If you don’t know that, just a generally nice gift. Edited January 4, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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