Alpacalia Posted January 3, 2021 Posted January 3, 2021 As the title suggests, would you date someone that has never been in a long-term relationship or only a series of short-lived relationships for most of their adult life?
Gaeta Posted January 3, 2021 Posted January 3, 2021 Depends how old you are. Under 40 yes. Above 40 no.
Watercolors Posted January 3, 2021 Posted January 3, 2021 I need more information from you Alpaca. How old are you? Have you ever dated?
Author Alpacalia Posted January 3, 2021 Author Posted January 3, 2021 1 minute ago, Watercolors said: Have you ever dated? Yes I have, several long-term relationships. Not that I am great at them .. I'm thinking about my male cousin and just wondering if it's a good idea to set him up with one of my female friends. He's over 35.
LivingWaterPlease Posted January 3, 2021 Posted January 3, 2021 It would depend on what you know about your male cousin. Is he someone who wants to be in a long term relationship or is he more of a player, etc?
Watercolors Posted January 3, 2021 Posted January 3, 2021 22 minutes ago, Alpaca said: Yes I have, several long-term relationships. Not that I am great at them .. I'm thinking about my male cousin and just wondering if it's a good idea to set him up with one of my female friends. He's over 35. Um, does your cousin know you want to set him up with one of your friends and does this friend know? Has he ever dated or been in a relationship or been married? Or is he the more awkward silent introverted personality who has never dated before?
Author Alpacalia Posted January 3, 2021 Author Posted January 3, 2021 17 minutes ago, LivingWaterPlease said: It would depend on what you know about your male cousin. Is he someone who wants to be in a long term relationship or is he more of a player, etc? Not sure. He's mainly had short lived relationships but he did recently mention a desire to find a girlfriend. Before Covid, he traveled all the time for work and vacation so maybe that's part of the reason. 2 minutes ago, Watercolors said: Um, does your cousin know you want to set him up with one of your friends and does this friend know? Has he ever dated or been in a relationship or been married? Or is he the more awkward silent introverted personality who has never dated before? He has asked me a few times in the past to set him up with a female friend but I never did. Then he recently mentioned to me that he wants to find a girlfriend. He's pretty stoic, so it's hard to tell. I'll just take a wait and see approach to see if he asks me directly again to set him up with friends.
LivingWaterPlease Posted January 3, 2021 Posted January 3, 2021 8 minutes ago, Alpaca said: Not sure. He's mainly had short lived relationships but he did recently mention a desire to find a girlfriend. Before Covid, he traveled all the time for work and vacation so maybe that's part of the reason. He has asked me a few times in the past to set him up with a female friend but I never did. Then he recently mentioned to me that he wants to find a girlfriend. He's pretty stoic, so it's hard to tell. I'll just take a wait and see approach to see if he asks me directly again to set him up with friends. I'd probably talk with him a little about his relationships to get a feel for his MO in them before setting him up with someone. 1
ShyViolet Posted January 3, 2021 Posted January 3, 2021 This all depends on what age bracket you are in. I am in my late 30's, and so my answer to this question is absolutely not. Someone in my age range never having been in a relationship is very weird and a huge red flag. For someone much younger, like their early 20's, it's not that weird and it wouldn't necessarily be fair to count someone out because of this. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted January 3, 2021 Posted January 3, 2021 I'm 39, and if I were single, I would not date a man around my age with no serious relationships at this point. I don't have any desire to be someone's teacher. 2
snowboy91 Posted January 3, 2021 Posted January 3, 2021 It would depend on the reason. There are plenty of legitimate reasons why someone may not want a relationship, or are not able to have one, for a large part of their adult life. But if it's because they aren't able to hold down a relationship because of an awful personality, etc, then that's a different problem. But I suppose that you would only find out why they haven't been in a relationship after a few dates. So, by that logic, the answer is yes either way since the whole point is to get to know the person. 2
Lotsgoingon Posted January 3, 2021 Posted January 3, 2021 Totally depends on the person and how much I like them and whether I feel comfortable. Wouldn't cancel a date based on this information.
Author Alpacalia Posted January 3, 2021 Author Posted January 3, 2021 6 hours ago, ShyViolet said: This all depends on what age bracket you are in. I am in my late 30's, and so my answer to this question is absolutely not. Someone in my age range never having been in a relationship is very weird and a huge red flag. He's over 35. He's been single most of his adult life, he is highly successful, well-traveled, handsome, his intellect is at an absurdly high level, so no shortage of women that would love to date him, that's for sure.
Wiseman2 Posted January 3, 2021 Posted January 3, 2021 8 hours ago, Alpaca said: wondering if it's a good idea to set him up with one of my female friends. He's over 35. Well, set ups are tricky and can be awkward. Best thing to do is ask him if he's interested in blind dates or meeting your friends. Otherwise, suggest to your friend to try dating apps and it may be best to stay out of his love life. 1
WanderingComet Posted January 3, 2021 Posted January 3, 2021 As someone mentioned above, it's very circumstantial. If there is a legit reason: work, studies, (now a pandemic), travel and related reasons that simply put a person's priorities elsewhere but said person is now willing to prioritize relationships, that is perfectly alright. However, there could be other red flags as others have mentioned above. 2
Saracena Posted January 3, 2021 Posted January 3, 2021 I'm with those who say it all depends on the reasons. Some people are more relationship 'driven' than others. For instance, I've known quite a few individuals who simply cannot handle being single-as soon as one relationship ends they're frantically looking around for the next partner. Others, on the other hand are quite content being single for months, if not years at a time. I've got a (very attractive) aunt in her late-forties who has never wanted children, marriage etc and is perfectly happy on her own. She's fiercely independent, a skilled professional in her field, a very successful career, lots of friends etc
Author Alpacalia Posted January 3, 2021 Author Posted January 3, 2021 2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Well, set ups are tricky and can be awkward. Best thing to do is ask him if he's interested in blind dates or meeting your friends. Otherwise, suggest to your friend to try dating apps and it may be best to stay out of his love life. True. It's my cousin that asked me. But I agree, it's best to just politely decline if/when he asks again.
d0nnivain Posted January 3, 2021 Posted January 3, 2021 You know your cousin. If he's a fundamentally good guy, play matchmaker to your heart's content because he asked. The women you introduce him to should not be told about his dating history by you. I would be OK with dating a man with no long term history because presumably I would not know about that history before I got involved with him. By the time something like that came up, 3-5 dates in or longer I should have enough other info about him to make that one factor in the overall decision. If everything else about him -- like his intelligence, sense of humor, EQ, morals etc. -- checked out his past would have little weight.
primer Posted January 3, 2021 Posted January 3, 2021 I would. Perhaps he never wanted a serious relationship before and now he is ready. Let's give it a try. 3
BaileyB Posted January 3, 2021 Posted January 3, 2021 4 hours ago, Alpaca said: He's over 35. He's been single most of his adult life, he is highly successful, well-traveled, handsome, his intellect is at an absurdly high level, so no shortage of women that would love to date him, that's for sure. Yes, I would date him - especially if he is asking and he is genuinely looking for a woman to date. I would NOT date him if he still lived at home... No serious relationships and still lives with his mother at that age would be a deal breaker for me. 1
dramafreezone Posted January 3, 2021 Posted January 3, 2021 (edited) Sure. Why not? Just by the law of averages there are bound to be perfectly normal people that have just not had the fortune of dating someone that they click with enough to begin a relationship. I think the mistake is dating a person looking for a relationship. Just date to have a good time, if a relationship happens organically then so be it. That said, I think that the fact that he's asking to be set up is a red flag and it will be to this female friend of yours. He's already got one strike against him, whether she'd admit it or not. In her mind she will think "if he's so great, why does he need to be set up?" If at all possible I would "set up" your cousin without the woman being aware of it (like a group date or something where they could meet in somewhat of a more natural way). Edited January 3, 2021 by dramafreezone
Ami1uwant Posted January 3, 2021 Posted January 3, 2021 3 hours ago, Saracena said: I'm with those who say it all depends on the reasons. Some people are more relationship 'driven' than others. For instance, I've known quite a few individuals who simply cannot handle being single-as soon as one relationship ends they're frantically looking around for the next partner. Others, on the other hand are quite content being single for months, if not years at a time. I've got a (very attractive) aunt in her late-forties who has never wanted children, marriage etc and is perfectly happy on her own. She's fiercely independent, a skilled professional in her field, a very successful career, lots of friends etc I think as you said, some women wait till they have someone lined up before ending. The trade in method. some haven’t had serious relationships because they are career focused like lawyers and doctors and tenured professors don’t have time to devote to a relationship until their 30s. others have transient career paths where they constantly are moving every 2-3 years and they know this. This could be members in the military or government who do rotations, corporate people who come somewhere to get the business started up in a local area or they get assignments in different divisions a corporation is doing as a senior leadership training program. or senior project managers around a multi year construction project like building high roses or a sports stadium, or big miz ed use site. 1
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