BAFFLED. ghosted very unexpectedly

[poppyfields]

4 minutes ago, introverted1 said:

To be fair, this wasn't really out of the blue.  Per the OP, they met on Sunday and had a nice date.  Things were normal the next day, but he ghosted her for a planned Facetime date on Tuesday.  At that point, she knew something was up.  So not sure why the surprise and umbrage that he canceled on Wednesday. For whatever reason, as he marinated on the Sunday date, things stopped looking so good...  or he met someone else...  or his dog really was sick (not likely, but possible - I have a dog with a medical condition that flares up at times and I don't go out when he's actively sick)...  or... 

Point is, he did NOT ghost her.  In addition to giving her a clear warning sign (missing the Facetime date), he also contacted her to cancel.  I don't know that you can expect more than this after only having met someone once.  And really, would she have felt any better if he'd texted that he just wasn't feeling it rather than that his dog was sick?  I think the real issue here is that hopes were built up out of proportion to her knowledge of this guy, not whether he canceled by claiming a sick dog vs saying he was no longer interested.

This makes sense, I agree. 

Nevertheless I can still understand ladybug's confusion given everything else that went down. 

She seems to have moved on. .

Edited January 4, 2021 by poppyfields

[Miss Spider]

Yes, most likely he didn’t but it’s very possible that he was talking to more than one person and he was on the fence and got pushed off. Point is don’t see what’s wrong for losing interest after that point for any reason and agree he did not ghost

Edited January 4, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Weezy1973]

Yeah, this is not really a big deal when it comes to OLD. It took me awhile to figure  out, but once I understood how it worked I made sure to keep multiple options open in the early stages. Anything can, and often did happen. Not getting too invested in any one option early on is advisable. It’s not really until you have the exclusivity discussion, which is generally after a month or two of in person dating, that you really go all in. 

[poppyfields]

15 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

Yes, most likely he didn’t but it’s very possible that he was talking to more than one person and he was on the fence and got pushed off. Point is don’t see what’s wrong for losing interest after that point for any reason and agree he did not ghost

I agree with you too shortskirts.  Nothing wrong with losing interest, and it can happen at any time, for no particular reason even.

I don't think anyone is faulting him for that.  I'm certainly not, assuming that's what happened.

Maybe what he did wasn't f*cked per se, I just think he could have been a bit more honest instead of calling it a "postponement" then blocking.  

JMO.

Edited January 4, 2021 by poppyfields

[Versacehottie]

understandable that she is a little confused.  But maybe heed all the reasons people are giving so she won't be confused or surprised next time.  Saying the reasons, doesn't mean we are justifying all of the reasons, just explaining what they are.  And it's a good  strategy ONCE a person knows this not to get overly invested and then you won't be surprised.

I think often when a guy disappears after being gung ho up until the first date it is a lot that the looks, mannerisms or chemistry didn't match up to what his expectations are.  But now he's overpromised up until this point by almost pretending they were in a relationship with too much contact so the easiest way to back out is pretend like things are fine for a second, maybe flake a little on one thing (like he did), and then he's not feeling compelled to message again. 

the OP doesn't sound nuts or anything like that but we still are only getting her interpretation.  It's totally possible she did something on the date or subsequent contact that he feels is a dealbreaker or sees going nowhere.  It'd be interesting to have his side of it.  Also totally agree that while it's not the DEFINITIVE reason he disappeared but she met him via app or online and by default that means he is being contacted/making contact with other women.  So the result isn't too surprising if you take the real facts, not only the hopeful ones, into consideration. And someone else said that it's possible an ex came back--while I think that's more of an outlier event in general--it's possible, especially given the time of year. And depending on age range she is dating in and location, people can be more flakey than average.

Edited January 4, 2021 by Versacehottie

[Miss Spider]

On 1/4/2021 at 4:09 PM, Versacehottie said:

understandable that she is a little confused.  But maybe heed all the reasons people are giving so she won't be confused or surprised next time.  Saying the reasons, doesn't mean we are justifying all of the reasons, just explaining what they are.  And it's a good  strategy ONCE a person knows this not to get overly invested and then you won't be surprised.

I think often when a guy disappears after being gung ho up until the first date it is a lot that the looks, mannerisms or chemistry didn't match up to what his expectations are.  But now he's overpromised up until this point by almost pretending they were in a relationship with too much contact so the easiest way to back out is pretend like things are fine for a second, maybe flake a little on one thing (like he did), and then he's not feeling compelled to message again. 

the OP doesn't sound nuts or anything like that but we still are only getting her interpretation.  It's totally possible she did something on the date or subsequent contact that he feels is a dealbreaker or sees going nowhere.  It'd be interesting to have his side of it.  Also totally agree that while it's not the DEFINITIVE reason he disappeared but she met him via app or online and by default that means he is being contacted/making contact with other women.  So the result isn't too surprising if you take the real facts, not only the hopeful ones, into consideration. And someone else said that it's possible an ex came back--while I think that's more of an outlier event in general--it's possible, especially given the time of year. And depending on age range she is dating in and location, people can be more flakey than average.

Agree 100% and obviously he could have met someone else in that time,  he could have gone back to an ex, he could have felt he promised too much, he could have just decided he didn’t really like her laugh.. The point of this all is that he could decide anything after one date and it’s perfectly within his right. And I don’t think it’s anyone’s right or even a reasonable expectation to get the exact response from someone that they want when they’re not interested. That’s not how life works and it’s not fair to demonize people that don’t give you that. He did not stand her up. He did not ghost. He just canceled in the lightest/most gentle way he knew how and hoped she’d get it.

Edited January 6, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[poppyfields]

On 1/4/2021 at 1:09 PM, Versacehottie said:

I think often when a guy disappears after being gung ho up until the first date it is a lot that the looks, mannerisms or chemistry didn't match up to what his expectations are.  But now he's overpromised up until this point by almost pretending they were in a relationship with too much contact so the easiest way to back out is pretend like things are fine for a second, maybe flake a little on one thing (like he did), and then he's not feeling compelled to message again. 

the OP doesn't sound nuts or anything like that but we still are only getting her interpretation.  It's totally possible she did something on the date or subsequent contact that he feels is a dealbreaker or sees going nowhere.  It'd be interesting to have his side of it.  

Hi V.  Bolded - 100% true!  And that's fine, I have no problem with that whatsoever.   I have said as much, that even though you connect on line, that could all change once you meet in person.

I am having a little problem wrapping my brain around the rest though.  

During the date, she said he passionately kissed her, they cuddled and he asked for a second date on Wednesday.  Following day he texted telling her it was "unreal" how well they connected and that he couldn't wait to see her on Wednesday.

I dunno, if your theory is true V that he wasn't interested, how do you explain all that?  Do you have any thoughts about it?  Serious question, I am really confused by it.

I think the more likely scenario was that he was interested after the date and did mean it when he said it was unreal how well they connected, blah blah but then for whatever reason CHANGED HIS MIND.   There are so many reasons why someone might change their mind, too many to list here.

And being that he seemed so into her, even after the date, he didn't know how to tell her so gave an excuse to break the date and then blocked.  I suppose it was because it was easier for him than simply being honest.  It was not a ghosting because he did break the date, he didn't just stand her up.

This is fairly typical and after chatting on line for 30 days and one meet, it really shouldn't be that huge a deal.  I give him credit for not ghosting and giving her a reason.  

Yes, it most certainly would be interesting hearing HIS side!

Anyhoo, really great discussion, ghosting is such a hot topic and it was interesting hearing all the different opinions about it.

G'nite.

 

Edited January 6, 2021 by poppyfields

[Acacia98]

On 1/3/2021 at 6:11 AM, Watercolors said:

Everyone hides behind screens now, creating false one-dimensional presentations of themselves to come across appealing to the opposite sex, yet with no intention of ever holding up to that fantasy they created by meeting the interested person offline in real life. I can’t believe people think online dating is worth doing. It’s such a scam. 

You've convinced me.

[Acacia98]

3 hours ago, S2B said:

So he waited a month to meet you (red flag) then only went for a walk? 

Lol. When you put it that way, it sounds really sad.

Personally, the lessons I'm taking home from this thread and similar ones are that there are plenty of flaky people around and that people who "make a connection" fast are likely to break that connection just as fast.

[introverted1]

On 1/2/2021 at 12:42 PM, ladybug67 said:

Finally, on Sunday, we got to meet for a walk!!

The next day, things seem normal. He’s texting me as usual, telling me it was unreal how well we got on and he couldn’t wait to see me Wednesday.

then went radio silent on Tuesday evening when we had a FaceTime planned.

Fast forward to Wednesday morning, when I was getting ready for the date, and he waits until I was ready to leave to text me. He texts me along the lines of “sorry, we’re gonna have to postpone because my dog isn’t well and I have to keep a close eye. I’m so sorry to bail so late”. 
 

Since then I’ve heard absolutely NOTHING.

 

11 hours ago, poppyfields said:

During the date, she said he passionately kissed her, they cuddled and he asked for a second date on Wednesday.  Following day he texted telling her it was "unreal" how well they connected and that he couldn't wait to see her on Wednesday.

I dunno, if your theory is true V that he wasn't interested, how do you explain all that?  Do you have any thoughts about it?  Serious question, I am really confused by it.

 

Can't speak for V, but my take is that

1) the "passionate" kissing might be her interpretation but not his.

2) Actions speak way louder than words.  He may have been keeping things warm while he considered what he wanted to do. It seems pretty clear that by the following day (Tuesday), he realised he was done.

I still maintain that the overarching issue is people being far too invested too quickly. It was ONE date and it has spawned hurt feelings and 3 pages of analysis.  While I get that it can be disappointing to think a person has potential only to find out that they don't, I do think that if you are going to online date you need a MUCH thicker skin and the ability to go with the flow until things are more settled.  A month's worth of texting only creates a false intimacy that will be hard to live up when the meeting finally occurs.

[poppyfields]

46 minutes ago, introverted1 said:

I still maintain that the overarching issue is people being far too invested too quickly. It was ONE date and it has spawned hurt feelings and 3 pages of analysis.  While I get that it can be disappointing to think a person has potential only to find out that they don't, I do think that if you are going to online date you need a MUCH thicker skin and the ability to go with the flow until things are more settled.  A month's worth of texting only creates a false intimacy that will be hard to live up when the meeting finally occurs.

Once again, totally agree with ^^.

Re his behaviour during and immediately after the meet, I s'pose we could all speculate until hell freezes over, the only person who knows his truth is him.

In any event, the OP has been long gone from this thread, no doubt she's moved on from the experience.

[Watercolors]

2 hours ago, introverted1 said:

 

Can't speak for V, but my take is that

1) the "passionate" kissing might be her interpretation but not his.

2) Actions speak way louder than words.  He may have been keeping things warm while he considered what he wanted to do. It seems pretty clear that by the following day (Tuesday), he realised he was done.

I still maintain that the overarching issue is people being far too invested too quickly. It was ONE date and it has spawned hurt feelings and 3 pages of analysis.  While I get that it can be disappointing to think a person has potential only to find out that they don't, I do think that if you are going to online date you need a MUCH thicker skin and the ability to go with the flow until things are more settled.  A month's worth of texting only creates a false intimacy that will be hard to live up when the meeting finally occurs.

+1 on both your points. 

It’s easy to over-analyze and rely on one’s own cognitive bias and bend interpretation of reality to fit one’s own needs. So, the whole passionate kissing may just be the OP’s interpretation. And not his, based on how he backed away after their one date. 

I agree that he was multidating and the OP needs to remember that every guy she encounters through online dating, isn’t just dating one woman but multiple women, so that he can find the best woman for himself. I don’t think OP’s one-date-guy was committed to seeing the OP after the one date. And the OP needs to change her tactics if she wants to get a better quality guy. And that means, stop adding these guys to your social media and stop spending weeks texting back and forth with them before you even go out on one date together. 

In the days of yore, BCT (before cellphone technology), I never spent weeks talking to guys on the phone before going out on a date with them. Why would I? Instead, I went out on dates with guys and got to know them in person. It was far easier to develop real emotional connections with guys that way, then the way people date online now; by wasting countless hours texting and stalking their date’s social media and over analyzing their every move before they’ve even met the person in real life. 

If you are going to online date, you need to meet the person within at least 1-2 weeks after initial contact is made through the online dating platform. Waiting any longer than that, and you’re wasting your time investing in a fantasy based on false intimacy that will crush reality once you meet in person. 

Edited January 6, 2021 by Watercolors

[guest569]

It's possible to chat for a while online but keep your expectations in check until things progress in person (and even then, don't get ahead of yourself). I don't think the online communication is the issue, it's something to keep in mind during early dating. You're getting to know the person, relax and enjoy it, don't get attached too soon. 

[Watercolors]

12 minutes ago, smiley1 said:

It's possible to chat for a while online but keep your expectations in check until things progress in person (and even then, don't get ahead of yourself). I don't think the online communication is the issue, it's something to keep in mind during early dating. You're getting to know the person, relax and enjoy it, don't get attached too soon. 

She spent 4 weeks texting with this guy before going on one date with him. So, online communication is definitely a major issue here as far as I see it. It’s not normal to spend a month investing your time and energy into texting with a compete stranger before meeting that person. That’s not normal behavior at all. 

You advise her to keep her expectations in check until things progress, but then you advise that online communication that’s ongoing is ok. She can’t keep her expectations in check if she’s investing in a fantasy and false emotional intimacy created by weeks and weeks of online communication without ever meeting. 

OP, the only way for you to keep your expectations in check, until things progress in person, is to stop texting these guys for weeks on end before you meet them. You can’t create real emotional intimacy through texting and instant messaging. Real emotional intimacy requires face to face contact and conversation. Emotional intimacy has a lot of moving parts to it - none of which involve online communication. 

Edited January 6, 2021 by Watercolors

[Versacehottie]

20 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Hi V.  Bolded - 100% true!  And that's fine, I have no problem with that whatsoever.   I have said as much, that even though you connect on line, that could all change once you meet in person.

I am having a little problem wrapping my brain around the rest though.  

During the date, she said he passionately kissed her, they cuddled and he asked for a second date on Wednesday.  Following day he texted telling her it was "unreal" how well they connected and that he couldn't wait to see her on Wednesday.

I dunno, if your theory is true V that he wasn't interested, how do you explain all that?  Do you have any thoughts about it?  Serious question, I am really confused by it.

I think the more likely scenario was that he was interested after the date and did mean it when he said it was unreal how well they connected, blah blah but then for whatever reason CHANGED HIS MIND.   There are so many reasons why someone might change their mind, too many to list here.

And being that he seemed so into her, even after the date, he didn't know how to tell her so gave an excuse to break the date and then blocked.  I suppose it was because it was easier for him than simply being honest.  It was not a ghosting because he did break the date, he didn't just stand her up.

This is fairly typical and after chatting on line for 30 days and one meet, it really shouldn't be that huge a deal.  I give him credit for not ghosting and giving her a reason.  

Yes, it most certainly would be interesting hearing HIS side!

Anyhoo, really great discussion, ghosting is such a hot topic and it was interesting hearing all the different opinions about it.

G'nite.

 

Because I'm not taking his word as gospel.  Presuming he did say those things to her, it's more future faking which is common enough at the beginning and when you don't know someone well enough.  They are putting their best foot forward to SECURE their own opportunities--the opportunity of having the power of choice, not that one should take what they say as literal.  It's human nature to do these things.  Just like people don't tell their employers, generally, that they are out looking for a new job; they are trying to maximize their own power of choice so they can use it at their will and control things.  They will do that until they are no longer interested in the choice.  It's a human nature thing.  

Also I still go by the fact that we can't just use her interpretation of the date as the accurate interpretation of what happened (as I think introverted also said) and I absolutely don't.  There are 3 sides to the interpretation of that date: what she thinks happened, what he thinks happened and what happened.  But people are going to base their decision making--or their confusion--on their interpretation.  Also I don't take any one point in time as a "fixed" entity.  Other factors are always at play and things are fluid.  Therefore a great date (assuming it was one) still doesn't guarantee progression of the relationship because we don't know the other factors going on in his life, what she really was like on the communication afterward, other people coming into his life or even if he feels good but not great about her.  I'd go with the most common scenario from the facts that she laid out--both of them future faked so much with a month's worth of texting that he feels obligated to a relationship with her and they spent all the sparks BEFORE the actual date and he felt not that much chemistry on the date.  He is definitely not the first or last person to kiss passionately or give "good date" with no intentions of following through afterward.  I know many people who have done that and often enough that it's not a one off.

I also think we are approaching answering the OP differently.  I'm less about speculating the factual and actual reason he disappeared (or the morality of him doing so).  There are many possible reasons and he might not even know--he just might not have felt particularly compelled to keep it going.  I'm more about addressing the "baffled" part of it all for the OP so she can play it better for herself the next time.  Safe to say if she does the same things which has a decent chance of getting the same outcome, she will again be baffled if she doesn't consider the totality of the situation and that people will disappear despite anything they might have said beforehand.    I think this is the most helpful thing she can learn from this for the future of her dating.

His actions alone say he's definitely not interested now so I think the most helpful thing is not to speculate on what exact moment his interest changed (as it did, agree with that) but that she understand only that it did since that is all that really matters.  If she had factored that possibility into her thoughts when things were going well, she wouldn't be so surprised by this outcome.  I don't know enough about this OP but I think that helps the majority of people not get jaded & keep going or not let it chip away at her self-esteem or get it all twisted and swing wildly with how they conduct their dating with arbitrary rules or making the same mistakes over and over.  One experience of exactly what he did should be enough to have her understand that it's a possibility and keep her expectations and the way handles her dating a little differently (like I think she dragged it out way too long).  If you know that this could  potentially happen, would you waste a month talking and texting with a guy? Probably not, you would speed up the actual meeting to see if it was worth your effort, knowing in person chemistry is far different.  Also double for guys since they are built differently.  She could invest her time and effort differently and better if she learns from this occurrence and will probably not be baffled again.

 

[Miss Spider]

3 hours ago, Watercolors said:

She spent 4 weeks texting with this guy before going on one date with him. So, online communication is definitely a major issue here as far as I see it. It’s not normal to spend a month investing your time and energy into texting with a compete stranger before meeting that person. That’s not normal behavior at all. 

You advise her to keep her expectations in check until things progress, but then you advise that online communication that’s ongoing is ok. She can’t keep her expectations in check if she’s investing in a fantasy and false emotional intimacy created by weeks and weeks of online communication without ever meeting. 

OP, the only way for you to keep your expectations in check, until things progress in person, is to stop texting these guys for weeks on end before you meet them. You can’t create real emotional intimacy through texting and instant messaging. Real emotional intimacy requires face to face contact and conversation. Emotional intimacy has a lot of moving parts to it - none of which involve online communication. 

Agree . People (particularly men) that text ad nauseum before setting a date are usually dragging things out/stringing along for one reason or another 

[Watercolors]

3 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

Agree . People (particularly men) that text ad nauseum before setting a date are usually dragging things out/stringing along for one reason or another 

Exactly! And the OP needs to manage her expectations by acknowledging this as a fact. It’s what happens in online dating. Expecting men to have good manners and be truthful and authentic is also very naive. This is online dating we’re talking about, where EVERYONE misrepresents themselves, in order to make themselves stand out as the best person to pick over hundreds of others. 

So, if she doesn’t want to be baffled again, she needs to stop over-investing herself via text messaging and instant messaging and adding these guys to all of her social media platforms, before she’s even met them yet. Because like you pointed out, guys who want to just text for weeks on end, are dragging it out for a myriad of reasons the most important of which, is that the have no intention of even meeting in person. 

The OP also needs to acknowledge that she can’t protect herself from being baffled. She cannot control how these guys will respond. What she can do, is control her choices with online dating. She can decide to communicate her choices to the guys she’s in contact with, and hope they respect her choices. 

For example, she can ask to meet them within a week of first contact. If they say no, the OP can choose to move on to the next guy. 

[poppyfields]

28 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

Agree . People (particularly men) that text ad nauseum before setting a date are usually dragging things out/stringing along for one reason or another 

shortskirts, I agree with you.  If you're within 30-60 miles of each other, there is no reason on god's green earth to be messaging for 30 days.  I do believe some messaging is beneficial to weed out the incompatibles, but no longer that 1-2 weeks TOPS.  Preferably one week, although my fiancé and I messaged for two for various reasons.

But I never had expectations we would click in person, hopes yes of course.  And I made sure to not become too invested in him or any outcome.

That's the key.   No expectations and no investment.  Not until you meet, click (IF you click) and dating for awhile.

Enjoy the messaging, make it fun.  Take it for what it is, nothing more, nothing less.  

Edited January 7, 2021 by poppyfields

[Versacehottie]

Oops I forgot to say that even with people we know well or who genuinely love us, it's rare to fully know what is going on in their minds, certainly not in entirety.  And most people won't tell you or cannot tell you exactly what is going on in their heads.  So it would be a fallacy to expect a virtual stranger to do so or to take their word.  And it's a waste of time IMO to try to figure it out too much after the fact that he has gone.  Let's say there are  3-4 main reasons why someone would disappear and then lots of subcategories under that.  If you are aware of the 4 main reasons and their subcategories and how relatively common things are (or are not), you aren't that surprised by that much.  It's like normal RISK MANAGEMENT.

lol, a funny example i can think of is the stock market and risk management.  Let's say you invest into a stock that gives you a return on investment of 20% in one month.  That would be a great stock, right?  Yes but not quite.   That much ROI in a short period of time is usually from risky/more volatile stocks and it could go down just as far by much more.  Whereas the more stable ones with a proven track record have maybe more modest ROI but are more reliable.  I'm not saying look for a guy who bores you but do look for a proven track record--you can only know that over time so you should "invest" or be prepared to pull out or recalibrate accordingly if you are highly invested in something riskier.  My advice would be to invest in the risky ones (because most romantic relationships are risky at the beginning) but not your whole wad aka heart with an unproven track record.  

[dangerous]

On 1/6/2021 at 6:25 AM, S2B said:

So he waited a month to meet you (red flag) then only went for a walk? Red flag again! 

that is zero effort! 
 

don’t reward men for making no effort!

In the Covid restricted world we live in, this is not unreasonable: waiting for lockdowns to end can easily turn into weeks and months, and outdoor dates only.

[dangerous]

21 hours ago, poppyfields said:

shortskirts, I agree with you.  If you're within 30-60 miles of each other, there is no reason on god's green earth to be messaging for 30 days.  I do believe some messaging is beneficial to weed out the incompatibles, but no longer that 1-2 weeks TOPS.  Preferably one week, although my fiancé and I messaged for two for various reasons.

But I never had expectations we would click in person, hopes yes of course.  And I made sure to not become too invested in him or any outcome.

That's the key.   No expectations and no investment.  Not until you meet, click (IF you click) and dating for awhile.

Enjoy the messaging, make it fun.  Take it for what it is, nothing more, nothing less.  

This. Again, I agree in a normal world, but in the Covid world, most of us cannot move this quickly. Personally, I have given up on dating until more normal times, but that is for another discussion. 

[Watercolors]

18 minutes ago, dangerous said:

In the Covid restricted world we live in, this is not unreasonable: waiting for lockdowns to end can easily turn into weeks and months, and outdoor dates only.

There's video dating (ah, Love Connection Chuck Woolery) that people can do with each other, via their Google Duo, Google Meet, Zoom, or FaceTime platforms (I don't know all of the video platforms). That's one way of vetting someone from online dating. Is it the best way? Of course not. But, I think it's better than texting with a complete stranger because with video you can see and hear the person in real time. 

 

[Versacehottie]

17 hours ago, dangerous said:

In the Covid restricted world we live in, this is not unreasonable: waiting for lockdowns to end can easily turn into weeks and months, and outdoor dates only.

Well I totally agree that right now is not normal.  But for the OP who weighed her risks of dating at this time and being online, she's effectively already decided to go for it.  Dragging it out a month doesn't really give her more of a guarantee than spending a week, maybe two at most talking to him before deciding to do it.  He's not in her bubble/a bubble; she doesn't know what he's doing other than actively being online therefore it's as risky on day one that they start talking as day 30.  It gives a false sense that it's going to be something more, go somewhere romantically and all it's guaranteed to do is let 30 days pass--all while she invested in this one guy.  Which IMO is not the smart way to date, during, before or after the pandemic.

Maybe she was waiting for a lockdown to end but at same time that's an outside factor that's no more of a guarantee in her investment in this guy.  At the back of her head if a lockdown was going on, her question to herself and her caution, should have been: is this guy just stuck in the house and entertaining himself by talking to me because that's the situation we are in via lockdown; also with this type of time on his hands due to lockdown AND him being online dating, is he potentially doing the same with other girls being that he's on a dating app.

I agree that dating in the covid world could be more difficult than normal but the basic premises that would apply, still apply.

[Menara]

It is so so so disappointing when guys do this. This has happened to me a million times to be honest. Just recently someone did this to me: 1 week of intense texting, then we met, another week of intense texting, then suddenly things slowed down slowly, to a drop a day. At this point I took the hint and sent him a text "good luck finding what you're looking for". I find often times guys are cowards and instead of telling you what's going on, they'll just slowly disappear on you. 

I got some insight last year from a guy who ghosted me, then I ran into him 6 months later. We ended up becoming really good friends actually. I had to ask and he admitted to me that at the time he was really attracted to me (we had sex and he slept over on our first date), but was just coming out of a relationship, and ran into his ex girlfriend a few days later, and they decided to give it another shot. He could have just texted that instead of keeping me in agony for days/weeks. It's a really s***ty thing to do, and I wish someone would give guys a crash course on dating etiquette "it's ok if you've changed your mind, just say so before vanishing!".

 

Truth of the matter is, if a guy is interested, whether his dog is sick, or his kid had an accident etc, he would be texting you from the vet/hospital to give you a quick update. People are on their phones 24/7, and it literally takes 30 seconds to write a short text. There is no excuse. 

I do believe that he genuinely enjoyed texting with you, and was genuine on your date, and truly liked you. It seems he has some issues/insecurities to deal with that have nothing to do with you or how your date went. 

I know how hard dating is, and how disappointing it is when you invested a lot of time and mental energy into a person. I truly sucks. I've been there a million times. But rest assured that the right person will come along, and that if this didn't work out it's because there's someone greater around the bend waiting to meet you.

[guest569]

On 1/8/2021 at 9:33 AM, Watercolors said:

There's video dating (ah, Love Connection Chuck Woolery) that people can do with each other, via their Google Duo, Google Meet, Zoom, or FaceTime platforms (I don't know all of the video platforms). That's one way of vetting someone from online dating. Is it the best way? Of course not. But, I think it's better than texting with a complete stranger because with video you can see and hear the person in real time. 

 

They did Facetime. 

We can lecture ad nauseum about how noone should ever under any circumstance wait for more than 3.75 weeks to meet in person. If they met and did not click, and had a terrible date, maybe you would have a point. But it seemed to go very very well. Wouldn't be surprised if the sick dog was his ex.