BAFFLED. ghosted very unexpectedly

[Versacehottie]

Sorry, ladybug, that this happened to you.  I am going to correlate that it had to do with the meeting.  I think you both built it up so much with tons of talking, texting, communication beforehand, that meeting had to be a letdown for one or both of you.  I know the pandemic makes this a reality for some/some areas BUT if you can meet and are willing to do it on a walk or whatever, then the old advice still applies: don't talk this much before a first date!

It's like you are building each other up and there is a presumption that a relationship is imminent; also the person is filling in the blanks with their fantasy or ideal person not with the real details they learn by spending time in person with you and letting those details unfold.  If you each are getting a burst of excitement with each text ping, then the date can be ho-hum in comparison.  Also tons of pressure for one or the both of you.  Because you've each built it up that it's almost like "this is going to happen" and be a relationship...so right after the first date, the guy (or you depending on who feels this way), feels like if they keep dating or talking to you, it's an obligation...NOT a choice.  It's absolutely the wrong vibe.  IMO, more often the girl needs to put the brakes on a guy in these initial stages for the preservation of the relationship potential.  It's too much investment, too soon.

22 hours ago, ladybug67 said:

Forgot to say as well he mentioned in passing on the date that we were at the point where there wouldn’t be any bulls*** and he’d always be straight up.

^^^^ You should have taken that with a grain of salt.  It's nice if it comes true but more importantly are the actions so there is a long way from a blanket statement to him proving that he is "no bullsh8t.  Plus as it's already turned out, he actually is bullish*t so statements like this mean nothing.  Also imbedded in the statement is both the presumption and your hope in interpreting this statement that you guys are a couple or headed that way.  Too much pressure, expectation and no real chemistry generated from your end or whoever cares a little less because the "relationship" is a given rather than something that is earned.  If a guy says some stuff like this, you have to bring him down to earth or kind of ignore.  Lol, or be straight-up right back to him, and say "time will tell" with a laugh.  That's a challenging statement in a good way & it's a way to create some spark IMO.

yeah, i can't with the "my dog is sick"--what a loser. 

Also the social media--don't let someone into your life so easily and they will want to "get in".  

Onto the next.  Good luck

[dramafreezone]

On 1/2/2021 at 9:42 AM, ladybug67 said:

Hi everyone!

I was speaking to a guy from hinge for about a month. Not usually ideal for me to become close to someone over text but in the current climate, and me having to isolate, we texted every single day very frequently and became very close. We would send pictures throughout the day, found out we had so much in common and we just clicked instantly. We started to FaceTime and he told me how surprised he was about how comfortable it felt. He said from the off that he was looking for something serious and I was too. 
 

Finally, on Sunday, we got to meet for a walk!! He said how overdue it was and how excited he was about it. And it was SO lovely. The chat absolutely flowed, he was holding my hand, giving me cuddles and we had the best time. We ended up walking way later than we initially planned and we ended up passionately kissing for the last bit. He instantly said that he wanted to see me again on Wednesday for another date. 
 

The next day, things seem normal. He’s texting me as usual, telling me it was unreal how well we got on and he couldn’t wait to see me Wednesday. The usual funny, banter texts and pictures throughout the day. On Tuesday, he was a bit quieter but still seemed fairly keen - then went radio silent on Tuesday evening when we had a FaceTime planned. I assumed maybe he had fallen asleep or something had happened. 
 

Fast forward to Wednesday morning, when I was getting ready for the date, and he waits until I was ready to leave to text me. He texts me along the lines of “sorry, we’re gonna have to postpone because my dog isn’t well and I have to keep a close eye. I’m so sorry to bail so late”. 
 

Since then I’ve heard absolutely NOTHING. I initially replied saying I hope everything was okay, and then on Thursday I texted happy new year. Nothing. Not a word. I can’t tell if he’s read them either as he has always had receipts turned off. I’m really really really really confused especially because he seemed keen even 2 days after the first date. I could understand it more if he ghosted straight after, or I felt he wasn’t feeling it during the date. 
Should I cut my losses? Is this a classic ghosting?

Sounds like a textbook ghosting to me.  I had a woman use the dog excuse on me last year, haha.  It's just part of dating, I'd move on for now, if he comes back around later, then decide whether or not you want to engage.

[Versacehottie]

yeah I agree that it's textbook ghosting or I'd even take it one step further that it's textbook "first date that doesn't work out".  

The caveat is that they both did stuff beforehand with so much communication that it gave a false sense that they are in each other's lives already and it's a progressing relationship.  Yet the bottom line is that after a 1st date people are going to do "after 1st date stuff" which for some no further contact means "I'm not interested" no explanation necessary.  They don't know how to say it to your face or that seems unusually cruel to them so disappearing is seen as better.  I don't think people need to say it your face either.  The majority of first dates don't work out.  It's the false impression from so much communication beforehand that raised the OP's expectations that it would and that more of an explanation was required.

Not saying it to make you feel bad, OP, just that it would probably help to be realistic about this stuff.  Lots of people are going to put their best foot forward in the initial conversations because THAT is the name of the game.  It's not exactly a sign so you shouldn't bank of it as being one. 

He can be an a**hole and all that but even "nice" people will do this because the norm is to "put your best foot forward in the early stages" until you are no longer interested in the opportunity. Which is exactly what he did.  Not justifying it but if you can't change the world, it helps to understand it

[poppyfields]

10 hours ago, smiley1 said:

Damn, what a drastic change. I don't think it matters that you spent time chatting online, especially during a pandemic. Why waste time getting ready and going and meeting tonnes of people face to face only to find major incompatibilities. I need to know a bit about the person before I decide if I even want to go and meet them. 

I'm the same smiley.  If I had met every tom, d*ck and harry I had chatted with, that's a lot of wasted time spent when I could have easily vetted over messaging a bit which I did.

As for his ghosting, not sure it's a true ghosting since he did give you a reason however lame it was, and it was lame!   More like "one date and didn't want to move forward."  Which is more common than not.  

Just another theory but there are people (men and women) who think they want a relationship but when the reality of that possibility appears and they begin feeling vulnerable, that feeling can be so overwhelmingly uncomfortable and anxiety provoking, they suddenly and without warning bolt with some ridiculously lame excuse like needing to tend to his dog.  And it can happen after only one date.  

Have you ever heard of pursuit/panic?  Reading your initial post ladybug, this guy really liked you!  He pursued hard and FAST, went a bit overboard.  

Then, right before the second date, panicked, literally.  Anxiety, fear kicked in and he needed OUT.  So he bolted.   

I have no idea but the suddeness of it after how strongly he came on, followed by blocking/removing suggests it's possible, that behaviour is pretty extreme.  Blocking and deleting is an emotional reaction. 

Just another possibility, it IS a real thing, this does happen. Not that it matters except to be cautious of men who come on that hard and fast.  They often bolt just as fast.

In any event, try to put it out of your head.   I have come to the conclusion that some people are just f*cked, and best to remove from your consciousness and life.

Edited January 3, 2021 by poppyfields

[Versacehottie]

I would add that you are both looking for MAGIC as most people do.  And you effectively are wasting the chance for magic through a subpar media (with messaging).  If you want to "link" the MAGIC that comes from dating you, don't "spend" it all up front over text.  There are some studies of similar type stuff and I would apply what comes out of those to this situation.  You want the HIGHEST positive association with in person contact so the person transfers the good feeling to being with you.  So don't waste much of it in advance--you don't need to do much anyway to get yourself on the date, because if they are serious about being on a date that will happen.  

I totally get it with the pandemic...but OP spent the time anyway, so she effectively wasted her time by focusing on one guy that she thought was going somewhere (assuming from what she said that she was not talking to others or did not put much effort into it if she was; meanwhile her date probably was still talking to others, or getting decent enough matches that he felt his prospects were better elsewhere).  Now OP has to dig herself out of a hole of disappointment and negativity rather than feel like she was juggling good options and may the best man win.  If she was going to be comfortable meeting up with him during the pandemic, she could have done it sooner vs later.  how she "screened" him didn't provide any more guarantees than if she did it over a short period of time.  And there was no reason to "trust" him more (let's say for pandemic reasons) since he rather subsequently proven that his word means sh*t.  So yeah, IMO, spinning her wheels to screen like this during the pandemic. During non-pandemic times, one would assume that she has much more going on socially, perhaps not WFH and maybe even dating a lot more.  So she should at least date in quick sequence and/or have a few more balls up in the air.   Idk, guys can feel it when you act (because it's really happening) like a bunch of other people have interest in you VS when it feels like you are trying to lock them down.  

I know it's hard not to get caught up when the guy seems like he's totally caught up.  But this is a good time for the girl to manage expectations.  Lol, what if you met him OP and didn't want to go out with HIM again?

Edited January 3, 2021 by Versacehottie

[poppyfields]

None of us are robots, programmed to feel or not feel when appropriate or not appropriate according to what society or others deem "right."

Fact is, people have fallen in love on line.  It happens, it's real.  

Disappointments are normal, there is no need to fear being disappointed or even hurt imo. 

Human beings are resilient, and from reading the OP's last post, while initially confused and disappointed, she seems just fine now. 

Maybe she's learned something and it's not or shouldn't be to stop trying to connect with someone via messaging prior to meeting in person.

If it doesn't work out after you meet, so be, life goes on..

Edited January 3, 2021 by poppyfields

[Lotsgoingon]

Texting back and forth at the start is exhilarating, intoxicating--absolutely giddy. 

And these feelings have absolutely nothing to do with building a real relationship. And that giddy feeling has nothing to do with how you're going to react once you see someone in person in front of you. 

Texting is more like an intellectual exchange. It does not build trust. Trust happens not even through talk necessarily but with time, time to really observe and feel into how this person acts. 

I would bet that old-fashioned letters are superior for predicting chemistry than texting. Because letters are not so inherently exciting and thrilling. There's not all the performance and attempt to be witty and interesting. And you don't write letters back and fort 20x a day--totally confusing the nervous system about how close you are. I think the real person comes through much more through letters written over time than through texting. 

The ironies of "progress." 

 

[cleverusername]

1 hour ago, Lotsgoingon said:

Texting back and forth at the start is exhilarating, intoxicating--absolutely giddy. 

And these feelings have absolutely nothing to do with building a real relationship. And that giddy feeling has nothing to do with how you're going to react once you see someone in person in front of you. 

Texting is more like an intellectual exchange. It does not build trust. Trust happens not even through talk necessarily but with time, time to really observe and feel into how this person acts. 

I would bet that old-fashioned letters are superior for predicting chemistry than texting. Because letters are not so inherently exciting and thrilling. There's not all the performance and attempt to be witty and interesting. And you don't write letters back and fort 20x a day--totally confusing the nervous system about how close you are. I think the real person comes through much more through letters written over time than through texting. 

The ironies of "progress." 

 

I think letters would be way more conducive to relationships than texting. Letters;

A) Set a standard pace for interaction. The pace the relationship develops is standardized by the pace of the postal system. No constantly checking the phone and “OMG I was left on read 2hrs ago” anxiety people get. It gets there when it gets there.

B) Its less superficial. Less access to the person and information about them creates more mystery and engaging dialogue.  
 

C) It’s more concise. Your letter needs to cover weeks because that’s how long it takes to send and receive an exchange. No wishy-washy or ambiguous language, you had to be direct because if you don’t ask that’s months your wasting. 

[Versacehottie]

eh, op says she's baffled as the title indicates.  So this means she was caught off guard or blindsided.  Nothing wrong with meeting the right person online but she should factor in that an in-person meeting can change things a lot, despite what was said in advance of the meeting and supposed chemistry virtually.  To not factor that in would be silly.  What she is experiencing is common so it's a likely possibility of the outcome in her case.  

She should factor it in in both the way she conducts this type of dating and what her expectations of it are.  Not saying she shouldn't do it or be hopeful to an extent--as it is also an essential tool for meeting people to date.

[poppyfields]

46 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

eh, op says she's baffled as the title indicates.  So this means she was caught off guard or blindsided.  Nothing wrong with meeting the right person online but she should factor in that an in-person meeting can change things a lot, despite what was said in advance of the meeting and supposed chemistry virtually.  To not factor that in would be silly.  What she is experiencing is common so it's a likely possibility of the outcome in her case.  

She should factor it in in both the way she conducts this type of dating and what her expectations of it are.  Not saying she shouldn't do it or be hopeful to an extent--as it is also an essential tool for meeting people to date.

I do not disagree with this^.  I also had said if she learns anything, it should be to avoid men who come on strong and fast, like he did.  As men who come on fast tend to bolt just as fast, for totally lame reasons.  Just like he did.

My point was to your point V, or what I perceived to be your point, and others' points that we can somehow manage feelings/emotions by limiting our interaction and attempts to connect with someone on-line prior to meet, to avoid disappointment and possibly hurt if the first meet doesn't work out. 

My point is that for many people, not feeling at least some connection prior can actually be a detriment when you meet. 

It is for me and others I know.  I would never meet a man with whom there was not at least some connection prior to meet and it takes a fair amount of messaging to determine that.  

If when you meet in person, the "click" isn't there, which happens a lot, so be, you move on.  

And yes there will be disappointment, maybe even hurt, but so what?  

Why is everyone so afraid of this?  Being disappointed and hurt?    It was an on-line connection and ONE in person meet, it didn't work out. 

We move on from it, just as ladybug did after what TWO days? Or even a week?  Oh the horror.  Lol 

That's all I meant.  Go for it.  Chat as much and as often as you like.  Connect.  Keeping in mind when you meet, it could all change. 

You may not click as well in person, or you might but your date might flake, have "issues," decide they like someone better, change their mind or any other hundred things.  

Lower expections and detach from outcome, and the whole process will become much more fun, much less daunting, I promise!  

It takes a shift in mindset, faith in the process and your ability to be resilient but it can be done, imo and experience.

Edited January 4, 2021 by poppyfields

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said:

Texting is more like an intellectual exchange. It does not build trust. Trust happens not even through talk necessarily but with time, time to really observe and feel into how this person acts. 

Agree. The maximum length of text message that you can send is 918 characters. However, if you send more than 160 characters then your message will be broken down in to chunks.

Can't really have a relationship based on 160 character snippets.

[Saracena]

I realise all we can do is speculate, but I'm wondering if he recently split up with someone and they reconciled. The rather callous, abrupt way he cut you off (as opposed to just ignoring which would leave the door open) would make me suspicious this was the case. 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Saracena said:

I realise all we can do is speculate, but I'm wondering if he recently split up with someone and they reconciled. The rather callous, abrupt way he cut you off (as opposed to just ignoring which would leave the door open) would make me suspicious this was the case. 

Very good point. There's unfortunately a lot of people jumping on dating apps  a nanosecond after an argument/breakup.

They're hoping to "move on" or "have some fun" or worse, teach someone a lesson.

Often people's flakiness has nothing to do with you.

[Miss Spider]

His dog isn’t well... bro...

he’s wrong for that one xD 

Edited January 4, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[chillii]

12 hours ago, Versacehottie said:

eh, op says she's baffled as the title indicates.  So this means she was caught off guard or blindsided.  Nothing wrong with meeting the right person online but she should factor in that an in-person meeting can change things a lot, despite what was said in advance of the meeting and supposed chemistry virtually.  To not factor that in would be silly.  What she is experiencing is common so it's a likely possibility of the outcome in her case.  

She should factor it in in both the way she conducts this type of dating and what her expectations of it are.  Not saying she shouldn't do it or be hopeful to an extent--as it is also an essential tool for meeting people to date.

 

Sounds as "simple"  as she's just talking about the way he acted things he said but then just disappears and just wondering wtf , to me. Can't see how any of it was her fault she was nice just went along to meet the guy , seems like it went well and he tells her all this shyt but just effg disappears.

l mean the guy was fake, he didn't have to say any of that stuff and give hope, he could've just been polite but then later just said it's just not there though or whatever there was no need for any of his bs if he didn't feel it. Sounds like a lot of people out there do that shyt , it's just bloody stupid.

 

 

 

 

[Versacehottie]

oh i'm not saying it's her fault exactly but she needs to factor in that people ARE like this in her search process, then she will be less baffled. 

Other people on the thread can talk about the morality of what the guy did.   I'm more about what IS, so she can have constructive things to deal with it in the future.  Or at least realize it's a total possibility that ANY guy could not be interested after the first meeting.  Or vice versa she could not have interest to pursue further.  That's just life.  People pursue---and future fake/or you build up what they are saying into imagining that things will turn out great---until they don't want to anymore.  When you haven't had the first date, (or even the first handful) it's fragile at best.  That's just reality.  Wonder would if she would be scrutinized the same way he was if SHE was not interested?

 I think on LS we are biased toward whoever is telling the story a bit--even when it doesn't help them and often as treating men like the bad guys (this guy wasn't great for sure but it's not criminal by any means).  Many of my girlfriends do not follow up after the first date, dodge or block the guy for no real reason other than they are not interested.  Is it fair? no. Are they sh*tty people---no.  I think assigning a greater responsibility and expectation that is not reality-based is kind of silly.  Someone has to be on earth.   And it took 2 people to feed into the notion that this thing was going to be "more" than it was.  We are only getting her side of the story too.  But yeah some people will manage disappointment this way.  Is it the "right" way to handle it?  Probably there are better, more mature ways but it doesn't change the fact that believing it wouldn't turn out like this was A possibility--a likely possibility.

I agree that it does sound simple wondering WTF happened and my interpretation is probably a lot more common explanation than the guy is satan or some extreme lying champion.  It's just a common response after a first date, especially one that was overly built up by BOTH sides.  Him feeling the pressure of her expectations and not wanting to face it head on and her feeling baffled.  Me explaining that it's common should help her so she doesn't fall into this again not making her feel like it's her fault.  It's to prevent her from putting her head in the sand again because she encountered some anomaly (because he isn't).

Edited January 4, 2021 by Versacehottie

[poppyfields]

50 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

oh i'm not saying it's her fault exactly but she needs to factor in that people ARE like this in her search process, then she will be less baffled. 

Other people on the thread can talk about the morality of what the guy did.   I'm more about what IS, so she can have constructive things to deal with it in the future.  Or at least realize it's a total possibility that ANY guy could not be interested after the first meeting.  Or vice versa she could not have interest to pursue further.  That's just life.  People pursue---and future fake/or you build up what they are saying into imagining that things will turn out great---until they don't want to anymore.  When you haven't had the first date, (or even the first handful) it's fragile at best.  That's just reality.  Wonder would if she would be scrutinized the same way he was if SHE was not interested?

 I think on LS we are biased toward whoever is telling the story a bit--even when it doesn't help them and often as treating men like the bad guys (this guy wasn't great for sure but it's not criminal by any means).  Many of my girlfriends do not follow up after the first date, dodge or block the guy for no real reason other than they are not interested.  Is it fair? no. Are they sh*tty people---no.  I think assigning a greater responsibility and expectation that is not reality-based is kind of silly.  Someone has to be on earth.   And it took 2 people to feed into the notion that this thing was going to be "more" than it was.  We are only getting her side of the story too.  But yeah some people will manage disappointment this way.  Is it the "right" way to handle it?  Probably there are better, more mature ways but it doesn't change the fact that believing it wouldn't turn out like this was A possibility--a likely possibility.

I agree that it does sound simple wondering WTF happened and my interpretation is probably a lot more common explanation than the guy is satan or some extreme lying champion.  It's just a common response after a first date, especially one that was overly built up by BOTH sides.  Him feeling the pressure of her expectations and not wanting to face it head on and her feeling baffled.  Me explaining that it's common should help her so she doesn't fall into this again not making her feel like it's her fault.  It's to prevent her from putting her head in the sand again because she encountered some anomaly (because he isn't).

Again I don't disagree V, I just don't see how this applies to ladybug.  I read nothing about her having "expectations" of a relationship or her building things up to unhealthy proportions.

I mean she may have and didn't voice that here or maybe I missed, I didn't read that.

Did she have "hopes" they would click in person after how they connected on line?  I'm sure she did, but that's different from having unhealthy expectations.

I think it's absolutely fine to not be interested after the first meet, it happens all the time.  

The reason why ladybug was confused was because he was or appeared to be quite interested after the first meet.

She wrote in her initial post after the first meet:

"The next day, things seem normal. He’s texting me as usual, telling me it was unreal how well we got on and he couldn’t wait to see me Wednesday. The usual funny, banter texts and pictures throughout the day."

Then suddenly right before their second date, he backs out with a flimsy excuse and blocks her!  

Does that sound like normal behaviour to you?  It doesn't to me and I'm a relatively secure girl with feet on the ground  (long time coming lol). 

No wonder she was confused!  And created this thread to get our input.

That doesn't mean she had unhealthy expectations going in or had built things up too much.  She was confused and rightfully so imo..

Again nothing wrong with not being interested after first meet, but this guy behaved poorly.

If he wasn't interested after first meet, then the better, kinder, less confusing thing to do was send a quick text telling her they weren't the right fit or whatever people say.

Not what he did, that's just plain wrong.  Imo guy must have some serious "issues" to do such a dramatic 180 and then the emotional block but that's neither here nor there.  

When shyt like this happens, it's okay to be confused and disappointed, that's a perfectly normal response.  Create a thread if you need to! That's what LS is for.

Then let it go, move forward which is precisely what Ladybug did; heck she hasn't even returned to this thread, which speaks volumes to her ability to be resilient and let things go.

 

Edited January 4, 2021 by poppyfields

[Miss Spider]

1 hour ago, Versacehottie said:

oh i'm not saying it's her fault exactly but she needs to factor in that people ARE like this in her search process, then she will be less baffled. 

Other people on the thread can talk about the morality of what the guy did.   I'm more about what IS, so she can have constructive things to deal with it in the future.  Or at least realize it's a total possibility that ANY guy could not be interested after the first meeting.  Or vice versa she could not have interest to pursue further.  That's just life.  People pursue---and future fake/or you build up what they are saying into imagining that things will turn out great---until they don't want to anymore.  When you haven't had the first date, (or even the first handful) it's fragile at best.  That's just reality.  Wonder would if she would be scrutinized the same way he was if SHE was not interested?

 I think on LS we are biased toward whoever is telling the story a bit--even when it doesn't help them and often as treating men like the bad guys (this guy wasn't great for sure but it's not criminal by any means).  Many of my girlfriends do not follow up after the first date, dodge or block the guy for no real reason other than they are not interested.  Is it fair? no. Are they sh*tty people---no.  I think assigning a greater responsibility and expectation that is not reality-based is kind of silly.  Someone has to be on earth.   And it took 2 people to feed into the notion that this thing was going to be "more" than it was.  We are only getting her side of the story too.  But yeah some people will manage disappointment this way.  Is it the "right" way to handle it?  Probably there are better, more mature ways but it doesn't change the fact that believing it wouldn't turn out like this was A possibility--a likely possibility.

I agree that it does sound simple wondering WTF happened and my interpretation is probably a lot more common explanation than the guy is satan or some extreme lying champion.  It's just a common response after a first date, especially one that was overly built up by BOTH sides.  Him feeling the pressure of her expectations and not wanting to face it head on and her feeling baffled.  Me explaining that it's common should help her so she doesn't fall into this again not making her feel like it's her fault.  It's to prevent her from putting her head in the sand again because she encountered some anomaly (because he isn't).

Completely agree. People here malign people for not being interested and not handling it “their way” so hard. Not everyone is perfect... I don’t believe anyone has any moral obligation to send a cringey break up message after 1 date. 

[cleverusername]

15 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

Completely agree. People here malign people for not being interested and not handling it “their way” so hard. Not everyone is perfect... I don’t believe anyone has any moral obligation to send a cringey break up message after 1 date. 

I agree but what’s so hard about sending a copy pasted, “you’re super nice but I don’t think this will work out. Take care” Message THEN block and delete them?

It takes no longer than 5 seconds, is 13 word, removes any ambiguity, and gives the other person some sense of closure too. Only allowing yourself to have that closure is kinda selfish IMO even if it isn’t “owed” per se. 

[Miss Spider]

7 minutes ago, cleverusername said:

I agree but what’s so hard about sending a copy pasted, “you’re super nice but I don’t think this will work out. Take care” Message THEN block and delete them?

It takes no longer than 5 seconds, is 13 word, removes any ambiguity, and gives the other person some sense of closure too. Only allowing yourself to have that closure is kinda selfish IMO even if it isn’t “owed” per se. 

Yes that’s probably the ‘nicer’ thing to do in a lot of people’s opinion (not mine), but I don’t think it means he’s wrong. At the beginning, feelings are fickle and person may fall off for any reason. Personally, I feel like it’s a bit awkward in general to send a text like that because the relationship is presumably so insubstantial.  If people don’t get too invested or pin anything on anyone after one date and this whole thing would be a nonissue.
 Maybe he was thinking along those lines. I think he did the appropriate thing by canceling.  

[poppyfields]

11 minutes ago, cleverusername said:

I agree but what’s so hard about sending a copy pasted, “you’re super nice but I don’t think this will work out. Take care” Message THEN block and delete them?

Polite but I don't think that is necessary at all.  In fact when when not interested, and it appears to be mutual which it typically is, just no click, it's fine to "ghost" although to me it's not a ghost, more like they didn't click so done.  

Again what was confusing to ladybug was this:

The next day, things seem normal. He’s texting me as usual, telling me it was unreal how well we got on and he couldn’t wait to see me Wednesday. The usual funny, banter texts and pictures throughout the day."

Why tell her it was "unreal" how well they got on and couldn't wait to see her, if he was not interested?

He, they, planned a second date, again why if not interested?  

And then right before, he flaked and blocked. 

I'm sorry that's just f*cked. 

[Miss Spider]

Maybe he lost interest in between that time. Maybe he was hyping it a little more than he was sure. It’s only been one date and some texts. He could have met another girl he is texting that he likes more. He could have had second thoughts. Nothing wrong with it

Edited January 4, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[poppyfields]

>>Fast forward to Wednesday morning, when I was getting ready for the date, and he waits until I was ready to leave to text me. He texts me along the lines of “sorry, we’re gonna have to postpone because my dog isn’t well and I have to keep a close eye. I’m so sorry to bail so late <<

Right, he met someone else.  Okie doke! 

Not to mention, it wasn't a "postpone" that was BS, he blocked her. 

Anyway, this thread is about OP being confused which under the circumstances is perfectly understandable, imo.

Edited January 4, 2021 by poppyfields

[poppyfields]

One thing I do agree with, he had second thoughts, no question about that..

Surely there was a better more honest way to handle, but whatever, life goes on, next. 

Edited January 4, 2021 by poppyfields

[introverted1]

To be fair, this wasn't really out of the blue.  Per the OP, they met on Sunday and had a nice date.  Things were normal the next day, but he ghosted her for a planned Facetime date on Tuesday.  At that point, she knew something was up.  So not sure why the surprise and umbrage that he canceled on Wednesday. For whatever reason, as he marinated on the Sunday date, things stopped looking so good...  or he met someone else...  or his dog really was sick (not likely, but possible - I have a dog with a medical condition that flares up at times and I don't go out when he's actively sick)...  or... 

Point is, he did NOT ghost her.  In addition to giving her a clear warning sign (missing the Facetime date), he also contacted her to cancel.  I don't know that you can expect more than this after only having met someone once.  And really, would she have felt any better if he'd texted that he just wasn't feeling it rather than that his dog was sick?  I think the real issue here is that hopes were built up out of proportion to her knowledge of this guy, not whether he canceled by claiming a sick dog vs saying he was no longer interested.