ladybug67 Posted January 2, 2021 Posted January 2, 2021 Hi everyone! I was speaking to a guy from hinge for about a month. Not usually ideal for me to become close to someone over text but in the current climate, and me having to isolate, we texted every single day very frequently and became very close. We would send pictures throughout the day, found out we had so much in common and we just clicked instantly. We started to FaceTime and he told me how surprised he was about how comfortable it felt. He said from the off that he was looking for something serious and I was too. Finally, on Sunday, we got to meet for a walk!! He said how overdue it was and how excited he was about it. And it was SO lovely. The chat absolutely flowed, he was holding my hand, giving me cuddles and we had the best time. We ended up walking way later than we initially planned and we ended up passionately kissing for the last bit. He instantly said that he wanted to see me again on Wednesday for another date. The next day, things seem normal. He’s texting me as usual, telling me it was unreal how well we got on and he couldn’t wait to see me Wednesday. The usual funny, banter texts and pictures throughout the day. On Tuesday, he was a bit quieter but still seemed fairly keen - then went radio silent on Tuesday evening when we had a FaceTime planned. I assumed maybe he had fallen asleep or something had happened. Fast forward to Wednesday morning, when I was getting ready for the date, and he waits until I was ready to leave to text me. He texts me along the lines of “sorry, we’re gonna have to postpone because my dog isn’t well and I have to keep a close eye. I’m so sorry to bail so late”. Since then I’ve heard absolutely NOTHING. I initially replied saying I hope everything was okay, and then on Thursday I texted happy new year. Nothing. Not a word. I can’t tell if he’s read them either as he has always had receipts turned off. I’m really really really really confused especially because he seemed keen even 2 days after the first date. I could understand it more if he ghosted straight after, or I felt he wasn’t feeling it during the date. Should I cut my losses? Is this a classic ghosting?
Author ladybug67 Posted January 2, 2021 Author Posted January 2, 2021 Forgot to say as well he mentioned in passing on the date that we were at the point where there wouldn’t be any bulls*** and he’d always be straight up. Also he had family issues a few weeks ago and went quiet for literally a day, before saying how he was really sorry for how he went silent and he didn’t want to act distant because he really liked me and I was so lovely. He handled it really well and his communication skills seemed to be top notch. So his personality seemed to have completely changed
elaine567 Posted January 2, 2021 Posted January 2, 2021 My top guess. He is attached/married. He either felt guilty or got cold feet or his SO found out... 3
Alvi Posted January 2, 2021 Posted January 2, 2021 It happens very often with the online dating. Who knows, maybe he is married or partnered. Maybe he went on a date with another woman he liked better. Maybe, well, there could be a thousand maybes. Don't be surprised if he reappears some time later on down the road. In any case delete or better block him now. Don't give him any more thought. 14 minutes ago, ladybug67 said: Forgot to say as well he mentioned in passing on the date that we were at the point where there wouldn’t be any bulls*** and he’d always be straight up. Funny he had to mention that. Wonder why? It's like he was trying to convince you. Most honest and straightforward people don't usually mention that, they just show by their actions that they are honest and straightforward. No need to mention that. That is a yellow or a red flag itself. For me at least. 22 minutes ago, ladybug67 said: Fast forward to Wednesday morning, when I was getting ready for the date, and he waits until I was ready to leave to text me. He texts me along the lines of “sorry, we’re gonna have to postpone because my dog isn’t well and I have to keep a close eye. I’m so sorry to bail so late”. If I haven't heard from a guy all Tuesday evening, I would assume that he lost interest. I would not get ready for a date on Wednesday. At least he let you know beforehand, he didn't stood you up. In any case, he was never sincere or honest with you. He wasn't that interested, regardless of what was said. I know personally how brutal online dating can be. Good luck! 1
stillafool Posted January 2, 2021 Posted January 2, 2021 (edited) "My dog isn't well"? These guys! You should have texted back "neither is my cat so take care". Edited January 2, 2021 by stillafool 7 2
LivingWaterPlease Posted January 2, 2021 Posted January 2, 2021 No telling what happened but he sure seems flaky. With him being this way, better to flake now than later on down the road. However, something could have happened to keep him from following through. He could have gotten sick, etc. I was once getting to know a guy who I thought ghosted me and later his daughter sent me a newspaper clipping of his death! He had taken his plane out and it went down over some trees. I called his office when I got the clipping and his nurse was closing down his practice so I was able to talk with her whereas the daughter did nothing except email me the newspaper clipping. Since then if I don't hear from someone I begin to wonder if they died! I wonder if he got covid or something? Reality probably isn't death or sickness but getting really sick or a big family problem is a possibility. Not likely, though. Honestly, maybe he was texting with several different people. Sorry to mention this as a possibility but it seems that may be the case. 2
trident_2020 Posted January 2, 2021 Posted January 2, 2021 All you can do is guess. I doubt it's because he was disappointed in the "real you" when you met since he stayed in touch. I'll throw my hat into the ring and say "He was juggling one or more women at the same time and you lost". 4
Author ladybug67 Posted January 2, 2021 Author Posted January 2, 2021 Thanks so much everyone! A very good point LivingWaterPlease, and I have considered whether something may have happened because of the sudden drop, but I think that’s probably me being over-optimistic and failing to see how anyone could be so mean Thanks again everyone. Feeling a bit rotten about it this evening but got to remember it’s not me, it’s him!! X 7
LivingWaterPlease Posted January 2, 2021 Posted January 2, 2021 6 minutes ago, ladybug67 said: Thanks so much everyone! A very good point LivingWaterPlease, and I have considered whether something may have happened because of the sudden drop, but I think that’s probably me being over-optimistic and failing to see how anyone could be so mean Thanks again everyone. Feeling a bit rotten about it this evening but got to remember it’s not me, it’s him!! X So sorry this happened, ladybug! I can understand how you'd feel a bit rotten being as things were seeming to be going so well. You sure have a good attitude about it, though. You feel rotten but you're not clutching your phone in despair wondering if you should chase him and you're not text bombing him! 1
ExpatInItaly Posted January 2, 2021 Posted January 2, 2021 1 hour ago, ladybug67 said: Forgot to say as well he mentioned in passing on the date that we were at the point where there wouldn’t be any bulls*** and he’d always be straight up. That's fine and dandy, but you don't know this guy well enough to have any clue how honest he is. People can say anything. Only time spent together in-person, over a sustained period, will tell you if there's any sincerity behind it. It's best not to get too attached to digital communication before you meet someone. Enjoy the banter, sure, but always remember to balance it and not assume you know the other person on any significant level. People tend to get lost in the false intimacy of texintg/FaceTime and set their expectations too high, without even meaning to. I would think that if the dog were the real issue (and he's not been in an accident or some such thing that rendered him unable to communicate) you'd have heard from him by now. 4 1
Lotsgoingon Posted January 2, 2021 Posted January 2, 2021 Sounds like he might be a performer. A performer is someone who can text well, even make a great first impression, but scratch behind the surface and their life is a mess. The dog was sick is totally lame. Family problem sounds lame. You can text and say "hi. I'm a little distracted." I assume he gave you some detail about the "family" problem. If he didn't that often means he's talking nonsense. That he went silent over the "family" issue tells me that one of his patterns is to suddenly withdraw on people. Let me give you another sign that he is b.s.-ing you. “sorry, we’re gonna have to postpone because my dog isn’t well and I have to keep a close eye. I’m so sorry to bail so late”. Ok, if I'm into someone and some emergency comes up, one I can probably anticipate the emergency and the possibility of having to cancel. So I could call you early and say, "I'm a little worried about my dog. I might have to stay in tonight." And then I'd take some time just to talk and connect with you for fun right. And here's what's missing (maybe he added this). I would say, "I am disappointed"--as in for me! I wouldn't apologize since it's an emergency and I'm informing you. But I would say I'm really disappointed, that I am and was really looking forward to seeing you. And I would suggest a new time and place right? In other words, by the time you got off the phone, you would KNOW that you were still appreciated and that I'm still into you. Instead, he's reporting his dog's illness to you as if you're the school principal. B.S. Where does he say HE is profoundly disappointed, which is the way you would feel if you had to cancel a date with someone you're really into. And he could take ten minutes to talk to you--about life. Actually he could take longer. Could be in the same room with the dog and have a great conversation with you while keeping an eye on the dog. Just be careful of all the texting. You got too attached too soon. Slow the texting down next time. And pay attention to those disappearances. So to reframe your post, he did NOT ghost you out of nowhere. He previously went awol two times, right?! That's a pattern early on in a relationship. 8 1
kendahke Posted January 2, 2021 Posted January 2, 2021 (edited) the escalation in demonstrative affection on your walk would have sent up pink flags for me... talking to one another on FaceTime isn't having spent time in each other's actual presence.. the hand holding would have been cool and one kiss at the end of the date would have been cool, but passionately kissing and cuddling? That's rushing IMO and I'd be wondering why he was love bombing me like that. I'm surprised he didn't want to get busier in the car. Quote he mentioned in passing on the date that we were at the point where there wouldn’t be any bulls*** and he’d always be straight up. The guilty always make the most noise... that was the answer to a question you hadn't asked, so why was he doing an end run on this topic? Why would bulls*** be brought up--did you ask him something about ghosting or bs-ing? Clearly, unless he's incapacitated and can't scroll to your phone number or is on an alcoholic/addiction bender, there is something or someone else who whose feelings matter more than yours. I'd return the ghosting favor and up the ante: block his number. Let him stay with what proved him to be a liar. Edited January 2, 2021 by kendahke 6
Author ladybug67 Posted January 2, 2021 Author Posted January 2, 2021 Okay I’ve just seen he has now blocked me on one social media platform (so I’m now going to block him on WhatsApp). But god that actually felt like a punch in the stomach seeing that...from acting normal and excited to see me days ago to feeling the need to block me.. I don’t think I’ll ever understand it! Thanks everyone for the input and I suppose there were signs that I missed... time to keep my head high and move along! 3 1
ShyViolet Posted January 2, 2021 Posted January 2, 2021 Yeah, it sounds like a classic ghosting. This is precisely why it's not a good idea to text with someone for so long before the first date. You got yourself all invested and emotionally attached to a guy who you really didn't know. 1
FudgeSwirl Posted January 2, 2021 Posted January 2, 2021 I'm so sorry how things turned out. Although ghosting has become more and more of a common way of cutting ties with a date or a friend it doesn't make it right. While it's true as some mentioned that you can easily get attached through texting a lot before meeting someone it's still not your fault that this happened to you. Nonetheless you have a positive attitude and while you may not know the true reason why he chose cowardly ghosting option it's good this happened so early on after just one date. 1
LivingWaterPlease Posted January 3, 2021 Posted January 3, 2021 OP, this guy isn't classy enough for you. Hard to believe he blocked you for no good reason! All you did was to say Happy New Year! What a jerk! Sorry but you are a mismatch. You = classy Him = not! Here's the wonderful thing for you! Had you become a couple his lack of class would end up tainting your life in that others would see you as part of that. You've dodged that bullet without even having to figure out how to break up with him, which eventually you'd have wanted to do due to his jerk behavior, IMO. The reason he told you early on he'd be straight up with no bs is because he's been called out for that in the past. Or at least he knows he's operated that way. Next... 4
Weezy1973 Posted January 3, 2021 Posted January 3, 2021 Very typical in OLD. Don’t take it personally. Next!
smackie9 Posted January 3, 2021 Posted January 3, 2021 Me personally wouldn't text for a month. IMO if they are serious enough, they would ask you out on a proper date after a few messages, and get to know you in person. I see all this texting as weighing their options. 1
Saracena Posted January 3, 2021 Posted January 3, 2021 I am sorry things turned out like this for you OP, but the initially coming on strong, closely followed by cancelling on you last minute, then ignoring you -these actions were bad enough in my view. Then he goes and blocks you! This guy is an absolute ass. You're seriously well rid! 3
Watercolors Posted January 3, 2021 Posted January 3, 2021 (edited) 14 minutes ago, smackie9 said: Me personally wouldn't text for a month. IMO if they are serious enough, they would ask you out on a proper date after a few messages, and get to know you in person. I see all this texting as weighing their options. This is the whole problem now with the way online dating communication has digressed. Now, people who online date will waste weeks to months texting with a complete stranger or strangers thinking they are actually dating them, or are in a relationship despite never meeting, never speaking on the phone or even video. They will add this complete stranger to ALL of their social media platforms thinking if they have access to the person 24/7, that means something in the context of dating or knowing that person. Then, the person they’ve invested in online ghosts them — a complete stranger whom they’ve never even met or dated in real life. This is why I hated online dating. And why I’ll never do it again. I miss the 1980s and 1990s when there was no technology to assist dating. When you met each other at house parties, bars, BBQs, community events. Ah, the good ole days. Edited January 3, 2021 by Watercolors 5
Watercolors Posted January 3, 2021 Posted January 3, 2021 7 minutes ago, Saracena said: I am sorry things turned out like this for you OP, but the initially coming on strong, closely followed by cancelling on you last minute, then ignoring you -these actions were bad enough in my view. Then he goes and blocks you! This guy is an absolute ass. You're seriously well rid! I had this happen to me a lot when I did online dating years ago. Before I realized how these guys were just posers, posing as interested in me, but really they had no intention of ever meeting me in real life in person. They just wanted someone to text message with. I did not sign up for online dating to become pen pals with complete strangers. This is the main problem, the major flaw with how online dating works. Everyone hides behind screens now, creating false one-dimensional presentations of themselves to come across appealing to the opposite sex, yet with no intention of ever holding up to that fantasy they created by meeting the interested person offline in real life. I can’t believe people think online dating is worth doing. It’s such a scam. 2
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted January 3, 2021 Posted January 3, 2021 All this "we instantly connected" and "we hit it off right away" are usually signs you're being played in some way. My guess is he had been telling 2 or 3 other women the same things he told you, and at some point he decided he liked one of you above the others. You weren't the one selected. He didn't tell you any of this and deliberately left things murky in case it doesn't work with the other lady, and he needs to come back. 2
Wiseman2 Posted January 3, 2021 Posted January 3, 2021 It sounds like he's seeing others or in a relationship. Don't overinvest this much before meeting and build things up in your mind about someone you don't know and never met.
Gaeta Posted January 3, 2021 Posted January 3, 2021 (edited) Never trust a man that volunteers statemets like: I'm a no BS kind of guy I'm not a cheater I would never do x y z to you A genuine man will show you he's a no bs kind of guy, he won't tell you. This man was in a relationship. He blocked you so your text don't pop up on his phone while he's with his gf/wife Edited January 3, 2021 by Gaeta 3
guest569 Posted January 3, 2021 Posted January 3, 2021 Damn, what a drastic change. I don't think it matters that you spent time chatting online, especially during a pandemic. Why waste time getting ready and going and meeting tonnes of people face to face only to find major incompatibilities. I need to know a bit about the person before I decide if I even want to go and meet them. I've had enough mediocre experiences to not have high hopes. Reminisce about the "good old days" but my social circle is small, my soul mate isn't at a family bbq or my local bar.
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