mortensorchid Posted January 2, 2021 Posted January 2, 2021 Happy new year to everyone. The other day I was talking to a long time friend and he said with two serious bfs I had had in the past there was a definite difference. The first I will call Bob, Bob is/was the love of my life. We were so in love with each other, but it didn't work because of 2 major factors : he had never been in a LTR before and didn't know that infatuation wears off and that there are ups and downs; and he wouldn't make the commitment once we hit the year and a half / two years marker. The second I will call Larry. Larry was not Bob in the looks, practicality, or disposition. He was almost the complete opposite of Bob. What happened with him? We were in a LDR, he didn't want to make the commitment once we hit the 2 year marker, and he thought he was better than everyone else including me. But we won't get too far into that. My friend said to me that he didn't see that same passion I had for Bob in the relationship with Larry. And I cry at times because I think I will never have that same passion ever again for someone. I loved Bob, still do in many ways. I want to find that same passion I had for Bob with someone but fear I never will.
Dash23 Posted January 2, 2021 Posted January 2, 2021 We often fear the unknown after, especially after a break up (*was that the best person for me and it didn't work out, will I ever meet someone equally as great or better for me*, etc.). That passion is going to happen again with the right person, it's just invisible at the moment obviously so you are worried about it. It's about having faith that it's definitely going to happen regardless of how you feel currently. 1
Weezy1973 Posted January 2, 2021 Posted January 2, 2021 Chasing feelings like passion, tends to not yield great results. As you mentioned there are ups and downs in any long term relationship so having a feeling as a goal doesn’t work. I can say for myself the most intense passion I felt in two previous relationships were both the most dysfunctional relationships by far. Not to say that’s always the case, just that passion does not necessarily equate with a good relationship. 3
Wiseman2 Posted January 2, 2021 Posted January 2, 2021 It's important to realize that whatever passion you had came from within you, and didn't leave with him . Try not to live in the past or make an idealized former lover the benchmark for your future. 4
Blind-Sided Posted January 2, 2021 Posted January 2, 2021 2 hours ago, Weezy1973 said: Chasing feelings like passion, tends to not yield great results. ... 5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: It's important to realize that whatever passion you had came from within you, and didn't leave with him ...... 5 hours ago, mortensorchid said: ......... I cry at times because I think I will never have that same passion ever again for someone. I loved Bob, still do in many ways. I want to find that same passion I had for Bob with someone but fear I never will. Mo... we have had this talk already. Your issue is 2 fold. 1) You worry about needing to find the euphoric love. First of all... that's not really good. It will blind you to "Red Flags" in the relationship... and honestly, I think as you get older.... it's just not the reality of a persons psyche. It's like when you are a kid going to a major amusement park for the first time... or Christmas when you are a kid. There is a "Grandness" to it, and so much unknown. As you get older... you know what to expect. You can absolutely enjoy it... but it doesn't have the excitement. Love is the same way. That first love, and first LTR is totally different when you are 16~20 years old than it is when you are in your 40's. Now... because you worry about it so much (not the first thread I've seen like this from you) you have tossed away a few people who could have been good. 2) the second part is simple.... because you feel like you need the euphoric love.... you spend WAY TOO MUCH TIME with your FWB guys !!!!!!! Stop it ! Anyway... look at the 2 other parts I pulled out. It's not just me thinking love, in the way you are looking for, comes from within. You worry so much, you ignore when it could happen. And in turn... it doesn't. 3
Gaeta Posted January 2, 2021 Posted January 2, 2021 (edited) 8 hours ago, mortensorchid said: And I cry at times because I think I will never have that same passion ever again for someone. Each love experience will be unique. You cannot relive what you lived with Bob because there is just 1 Bob and 1 mortensorchid. That being said, although you cannot find again what you had with Bob, you can certainly find BETTER than what you had with him. You have not experienced that 'better love' yet. You don't know how it feels or how it will unfold, that's why you have to stay open to new love coming your way. Edited January 2, 2021 by Gaeta 1
Alvi Posted January 2, 2021 Posted January 2, 2021 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: Each love experience will be unique. You cannot relive what you lived with Bob because there is just 1 Bob and 1 mortensorchid. That being said, although you cannot find again what you had with Bob, you can certainly find BETTER than what you had with him. You have not experienced that 'better love' yet. You don't know how it feels or how it will unfold, that's why you have to stay open to new love coming your way. What an excellent post! I've talked to my psychologist few days ago and she told me the exact same thing! 1
Fletch Lives Posted January 2, 2021 Posted January 2, 2021 When you fall in love again, your view will change. Love has a way of doing that.
dangerous Posted January 3, 2021 Posted January 3, 2021 My experience is that passion can be found again, but it is rare. For me, I want passion. I have tried to be more "sensible" in my dating and it hasn't held my attention, That is the way I am. i.e. i like "high" highs! I once had a passionate (love-bombed) relationship, it lasted for 6 months. When it ended (unexpectedly) I was devastated. I believed that I would never find that kind of love/ passion again. After only 6 months, of repair, then dating a few different women, I met someone special, that was equally/ even more passionate! BUT after nearly 3 years that ended, and I've been single throughout the pandemic, so haven't been able to date, but I live in hope that when life returns, I will go on dates again, and keep going until I find some passion again Good luck OP, keep the faith.. 2
poppyfields Posted January 3, 2021 Posted January 3, 2021 (edited) 40 minutes ago, dangerous said: My experience is that passion can be found again, but it is rare. For me, I want passion. I have tried to be more "sensible" in my dating and it hasn't held my attention, That is the way I am. i.e. i like "high" highs! I think finding true passion is rare! Once found, it can often lie dormant (for years) but then resurface when the timing is better or one or both are in an emotionally better place or whatever reasons! Wrong or right, I prefer passion to sensible too dangerous. The highs and lows. I find uncertainty stimulating and exciting. Some are not cut out for it, which is fine, I understand it. Problem with sensible is, what happens when you meet passion again with someone else? While IN a relationship with sensible? Which you will!! It can wreak all sorts of havoc on your emotions and your sensible relationship. Edited January 3, 2021 by poppyfields 1
Ami1uwant Posted January 3, 2021 Posted January 3, 2021 On 1/2/2021 at 1:42 AM, mortensorchid said: Happy new year to everyone. The other day I was talking to a long time friend and he said with two serious bfs I had had in the past there was a definite difference. The first I will call Bob, Bob is/was the love of my life. We were so in love with each other, but it didn't work because of 2 major factors : he had never been in a LTR before and didn't know that infatuation wears off and that there are ups and downs; and he wouldn't make the commitment once we hit the year and a half / two years marker. The second I will call Larry. Larry was not Bob in the looks, practicality, or disposition. He was almost the complete opposite of Bob. What happened with him? We were in a LDR, he didn't want to make the commitment once we hit the 2 year marker, and he thought he was better than everyone else including me. But we won't get too far into that. My friend said to me that he didn't see that same passion I had for Bob in the relationship with Larry. And I cry at times because I think I will never have that same passion ever again for someone. I loved Bob, still do in many ways. I want to find that same passion I had for Bob with someone but fear I never will. Any LDR is doing to be different than a regular in person relationship. a coworker of my ex wife...she was married to an active duty military person. He had a unique non normal career path where he was regularly deployed for 9-15 months at atime, Then home for 6 weeks, then gone again. Only after he seemed to stabilize and stay did problems happen and they broke up. usually the debate is one has better looks vs the other who is better interpersonal and interaction but not the attraction butterflies.
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